Page 24

CHAPTER 24

LATHAN

The earlier tension dissipated as the most incredible feeling in the world took over. At this moment, nothing seemed to exist outside of Miller and me—not the party, not the phone call I had with my mother, not the conversation I overheard.

“Yes, right there, Lath.”

I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn’t seem to matter. My brain shut off, allowing passion and instinct to take over. I knew Miller’s body better than my own, and that intrinsic connection between us on the ice seemed to multiply in the bedroom. I could feel him everywhere. Every touch, caress, and thrust connected us on a level so deep that I no longer knew where the top was.

Not that it mattered. He was all I needed.

My thrusts quickened, and I tightened my grip on him as I shuttled in and out of his tight channel. Holy fuck. This was amazing. On some level, I could understand the world’s obsession with sex, but on the other, nothing else could feel as good as him. I didn’t need to have a high body count to know that.

“I’m going to come, Lath.”

I grunted in response, on the brink of orgasm myself. My nerve endings were all firing, overloading my senses, and erasing my ability to speak. Tingles ran down my spine, my muscles clenched, and my orgasm barreled through me. White stars blanketed my eyelids, and the world stopped as the most intense pleasure poured from me. When it returned, I fell forward and collapsed on top of Miller.

He chuckled and shifted so we were lying side by side. I hated my cock leaving him, but I could see his face and touch him now, so it wasn’t all bad.

“Shit. Did you come? I blacked out.”

The most beautiful smile graced his lips. “I did. How are you?”

I grunted. It seemed I’d used up all my words again. Miller pulled me closer and cradled my head on his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair as I rested on his pec. He didn’t rush me, and that gave me the space to pull myself together. I didn’t know how to start talking about what happened earlier, but I could check in with him.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, baby. You didn’t. Did you enjoy it?” He kissed my forehead, and that simple gesture made my heart swell.

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I did. But I don’t want to… I’m not…” Dammit. Why was it so hard to ask for what I wanted?

“You don’t want to give up your bottom privileges?” he hedged.

I licked my lips and nodded. “Yeah. I like it when you take charge. I just… maybe sometimes…”

“Of course, Lath. I’m vers, so I like both, too.”

I sighed in relief. Thank God he wasn’t making this into a big deal, that he could understand my nonsensical grunts and incomplete sentences.

“Do you want to talk about what was upsetting you?” he asked sometime later.

“Not really, but I suppose that’s not very mature of me, is it?” I turned to rest my hands on his chest and meet his eyes. He smiled and waited for me to continue. He was one of the few people who did that. He gave me the space to do it when I was struggling to make sense.

“I think I was jealous.” He lifted an eyebrow, and I huffed. “Fine. I was. I didn’t like you talking to Toby.”

“He’s just a friend.”

“I know. And I know you won’t break our agreement. I wasn’t jealous that you were talking to another guy… not in the typical sense. I was jealous you could openly do it. I hated not being able to touch you. Not being by your side and talking with you about all the shit the other players were doing. I hated that he could do the things I wanted to but couldn’t.”

Miller’s hands cupped my face, and he smoothed his fingers over it in a soft caress. My eyes fluttered close.

“I’m sorry you were hurt, baby. I wished for all the same things. But I would never pressure you to come out before you’re ready. It’s not an easy decision; if anyone understands that, it’s me. People will look at you differently, and it’s not always in a good way.”

“I hate it. Why do people get to have an opinion about me? My whole life, the opinion of others has governed every action, and I’m sick of it. I swear, half of my conversations with my mother are about how my behavior influences voters. I’m tired of pretending. Of wearing this mask. I’m… just so tired.”

Tears splashed down on Miller’s chest. He sat up and scooped me into his arms. “Hey. I’m here.”

His words opened a floodgate, and my tears turned to sobs. He wasn’t telling me to stop or that everything would be okay. He simply told me he was here. It was profound. He made me feel safe.

I’d worked so hard to keep control of everything, to be a perfect Silver. And for what? My life was a controlled waste. It had been void of color until Miller and his chaotic nature crashed into it.

He brought flavor and liveliness into my apartment. He’d taught me it was okay to feel things. That I could laugh. That there was more to life than hockey. There were cuddles on the couch, shopping in Farmer’s markets, and sharing a meal. There were bubble baths, hand-holding, and kisses. It was absurd to think how I’d initially convinced myself I hated him. It was the furthest thing from the truth. In fact…

My tears slowed, and I drew back. Miller handed me a tissue, and I wiped my sodden face. “I’m sor?—”

“Don’t you dare apologize for finally feeling something! You’re allowed to have feelings, Lath.”

I wanted to believe him, but I’d been told something different my whole life. “Objectively, I know that, but it’s hard to rewrite everything I’ve learned in one night.”

“Fair. Just promise me you’ll start letting yourself feel.”

“I’ll try.”

“All right.” He nodded like he was finalizing something inside his mind. “How about a bubble bath, hot chocolate, and then cuddles on the couch? I’m sure Alaska misses me and needs to get in some cuddles, too,” he teased.

“You wish.”

He chuckled, pulled me from the bed, and led me to the bathroom. I was too in awe of him to help. I stared at him as the magnitude of my feelings re-emerged. I wanted to keep my promise, but these emotions felt almost too big to be real. Maybe I just needed to practice in small doses. So, while he filled the tub, I let everything I felt for him surface. It was effervescent, swoony, and overwhelming.

“There. Now, climb in. I want to be the little spoon tonight.”

Smirking, I followed his commands, slid into the tub, and placed my back against the cold porcelain. He slotted himself between my legs and leaned back against me. It was nice, and I wanted more of this. I wasn’t ready for him to leave.

“Are you really moving out?” I blurted.

“That’s always been the plan.” His voice was small, and his movements halted. He wasn’t wrong. His moving in had been temporary. So why did it feel like my heart would break if he left?

“You don’t have to.”

“I can’t mooch off you forever, Lath. I need to have my own space.”

“Just… don’t rush into anything. Promise me you’ll talk to me before you finalize anything.”

“Okay. I promise.”

At his promise, I relaxed into the tub and pulled him closer. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I didn’t know if I ever would, honestly.

We didn’t bring it up the rest of the night, but it sat heavy on my recently vacated shoulders. We watched a movie, but I couldn’t remember what it was about. My mind had turned the whole time thinking of solutions. I wouldn’t lose Miller. I couldn’t.

* * *

We lost our next two home games. I didn’t want to point fingers, but something was off between Miller and me. The skeptical part of me wondered if my vulnerability was the cause. The instant I shared something real with him, we started to lose. It could be a coincidence, but my cynical soul didn’t believe in coincidences.

“Want to run some drills?” I asked.

“I have a better idea.” He smiled, and my heart matched that of a hummingbird’s wings.

We were in Utah for an away game, so I wasn’t sure what he had in mind, but being with Miller was always fun.

However, thirty minutes later, when we pulled into a school, I was no longer sure that held true.

“You brought me to school?”

Miller laughed but didn’t elaborate. The car wound around the campus before stopping at a huge building. I climbed out of the car and shielded my eyes as I took in the view of the mountains and snow.

“We could’ve run drills back at the arena,” I muttered as I followed him to a door on the side.

Miller spun and pinned me to the wall. “I told you, I have a better idea. Now, are you going to trust me, or should I leave you out here?”

His grip on me soothed the anxiety that had plagued me for days, and the weight of his body comforted me. I stared into his hazel eyes. They appeared more blue today with only a smidge of green and brown, and while that usually meant mischief was afoot, I did trust Miller.

I kissed him in response, loving the way his lips felt against mine. Soft and smooth with that bit of stubble.

“Okay. I trust you. Lead the way, Bambi.”

Miller rolled his eyes but took my hand and led me inside. The sound of skates and sticks hitting the ice filled my ears, and excitement skirted my spine. I didn’t have to be playing the game to get excited. Hockey was in my soul, and I enjoyed every aspect of it. Okay, I might not enjoy the grueling training until you puked aspect, but who did?

The lights in the stands were dimmed, masking our arrival. We leaned against the boards and watched the kids pass the puck. They were divided into groups of four and spread out around the ice, with an instructor going over a different skill.

We fell into a trance as we watched them. I had no idea what level they were, but they weren’t half bad. Much better than I was at their age.

“What is this place?” I asked.

“Lux Brumalis.”

“Wait. Isn’t that where Reese went?”

“Yep.” Miller smirked, but before I could question him over it, a loud whistle sounded, and everyone stopped.

“Take a fifteen-minute break. Be sure to recharge and come back ready to play. I got a surprise for you all!”

“Wait…”

Miller snorted next to me as the kids left the ice, and the whistle-blower skated right for us with a big smile.

“Miller! You made it!” Reese exclaimed as they hugged him over the board.

“Of course. And I brought a guest.”

Reese broke their hug to give me one. “That you have. Good to see you, Lathan.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Filling in for Henley. This pregnancy is kicking her ass. She’s been holding these mini-camps for kids every year since she left. They’re open to anyone in the area, giving kids who don’t attend Lux opportunities as well.”

“Wow. That’s a cool idea. I wonder if we could set something like that up in Austin?” I asked.

Miller smiled at me like I’d just given him the world, and my breath caught. “That’s one of the things I’m working on with Rainbow Lounge and why I reached out to Reese.”

“Oh. That’s, um, wow,” I stammered. Miller had been in Austin for less than six months and was already more involved with the community than I was. My involvement had always been forced upon me to the point it felt disingenuous. But Miller inspired me to do more. To get involved. It wasn’t a publicity stunt or something to make his image look good. He got involved because he cared.

I could support his version. I also had a lot of knowledge about community service that I could provide.

“So, are you both in?”

“In?” I asked, having tuned out while I stared at Miller.

“Pick-up game.”

“Won’t people recognize us? And we don’t have our gear,” I asked.

“I got it covered,” Reese said with a grin.

And that they did. In borrowed gear and a wig, Miller and I were unrecognizable by the time the kids returned. I noticed one of the other instructors was Braden, and he hugged me when he returned.

“Looking good with long hair, Silver,” he teased.

I chuckled. I hadn’t seen myself, but I only imagined how ridiculous I looked if Miller’s appearance was anything to go by. His wig was curly and fashioned into a mullet. Somehow, he was still the sexiest man I’d ever seen.

Reese introduced us as M and L and gave us both a team.

“All right, guys. Do you like the Austin Aces?” I asked. There were a few head nods and some shakes.

“Utah is my team,” one kid said.

“Fair. How about this… if we beat M’s team, I will get you tickets to tomorrow’s game?” Their eyes lit up, and I prayed it wasn’t a sold-out one.

“Deal.”

“All right, so here’s what I’m thinking…” I shared what I’d seen from them on the ice, listened to their strengths and weaknesses, and formed a game plan.

The next hour wasn’t all pretty, but it was fun—the most fun I’d had playing hockey in forever. The kids tried their best but didn’t get upset if it didn’t work out. They encouraged each other and cheered on from the sidelines. It reminded me of how hockey used to be.

In the last period, our teams were tied, and Miller and I faced off.

“Having fun?” he asked.

“With you, always.”

He blinked just as the puck was dropped. I hadn’t meant to distract him but took advantage of it. He wasn’t frozen for long before he snapped back into motion. I could feel him on my heels, so I passed to the left-winger. Miller’s body connected with me, and he held me against the boards.

“I should punish you for that,” he teased.

“Why? It wasn’t a lie.”

He growled and pressed his nose into my neck. “If a bunch of kids didn’t surround us, I’d kiss you until you couldn’t breathe.”

Before I could respond, the goal sounded, and the kids cheered. We pulled away from the boards, and I beamed as my team celebrated. “I won.”

“Oh, does that mean something?” he asked.

“Yep. It means I get to pick how I want to be fucked,” I said before skating away with a smile.

This had been more fun than running drills.