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ASA

“Thanks for this,” I said to Zander as he lowered a box of my books onto the floor of his living room.

“Of course. It’s no problem.” He shot me a scrutinizing look as he stood and pushed his long hair back from where it had fallen over his face.

I kept my expression neutral as he studied me.

Zander was one of my closest friends, and I trusted him more than almost anyone on the planet, but I hadn’t been completely honest when I asked if I could keep my books at his place for a while.

I said it was because my landlord was doing some repairs to my apartment, and I was worried something would happen to them. He was a reader like me, so I wasn’t surprised when he readily agreed.

The part I hadn’t told him was that those repairs were happening after I was evicted in four days, and my books weren’t the only things that needed a place to stay.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Luka, our coworker and Zander’s boyfriend, asked from where he leaned against the door frame.

“Yeah, peachy.” I shot him a lazy smile.

“You know you can tell us if something is going on,” Zander said quietly.

“I know,” I said around the lump that felt like it had made a permanent home in my throat this past week. “But everything is fine. I just want to make sure my books don’t get messed up.”

I hadn’t told anyone at work about my housing situation. Jesse lived alone and didn’t have a spare room. I knew he’d happily offer me his couch if he knew I was on the verge of being homeless, but I didn’t want to intrude on his life or make things weird for his boyfriend by always being around.

I had no doubt Isaac and Jamie would offer to put me up too, but they were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, and I wasn’t sure any of us would survive if I was constantly surrounded by their endless energy and love of pranks and bets. They were the epitome of what people meant when they said someone had golden retriever energy, while I was an introvert with a low tolerance for social situations and recluse tendencies.

Zander had his own house and a spare room, but he and Luka were together now, and after accidentally overhearing several rather graphic conversations they’d had about their sex life, it was better for everyone if only my books crashed with him.

I had nothing against their brand of sexy times. I just didn’t think accidentally getting an eyeful of my coworkers while they were getting it on was something any of us wanted.

Devon and Nate, our bosses and the brothers who owned the shop, also weren’t a possibility. Devon lived in a one-bedroom, and Nate had twin five-year-olds and an older daughter at home. I also didn’t like the idea of putting them on the spot by asking. They might be my friends, and they’d really stepped up and been there for me over the past three years, but that didn’t mean it was appropriate for me to stay with them and blur the lines of our friendships.

I had one ace up my sleeve, but I’d been holding out until the last possible second in hopes that I’d be able to find a room to sublet or even a bed to crash on in some shared accommodations until I found something more permanent.

With four days left on my deadline and no leads in sight, I was going to have to contact my dad later tonight and see if I could stay with him until I found a place.

That was a conversation I wasn’t looking forward to.

My dad and I weren’t close, and we hadn’t been for years. Things hadn’t been bad when I was a kid, but we drifted apart as I grew up. We were very different people, and instead of trying to find some common ground, he’d washed his hands of me shortly after he met and married my stepmother and decided to play dad to her four kids.

I hadn’t asked him for anything since I turned eighteen. Hopefully he remembered that when I talked to him later.

Luka and Zander exchanged a look. I didn’t like lying to them, especially not to Zander, but I couldn’t tell them the truth.

For one, it was embarrassing as hell to be in this position when I had a good job, but more than that, it made me feel like a failure.

I’d been on my own since I was eighteen, and I’d managed to keep my head above water until now. I hated that after everything I’d been through, all the sacrifices and stress of trying to make it in the world with zero help from my well-off parents, and it was all falling down around me now when things were supposed to be easier.

“Is the rest of your stuff going to be okay?” Luka asked, changing the subject. “While they’re renovating or whatever?”

“It should be,” I said evasively.

Most of what I owned was crap anyway. And my landlord was getting a surprise when he checked my apartment to find all of it minus my clothes, the few personal effects I had, and my books still in there.

If they were going to kick my ass out on the street, then they could deal with hauling away my shit and paying the dump fees.

“Feel free to read any of them,” I said, noticing that Zander was checking out the spines and titles.

He looked up, a sheepish smile on his handsome face. “You don’t mind?”

“Of course not, that’s what books are for.” I glanced at Luka. “Are you a reader?”

He smiled at Zander, who was reading the book spines again. “I wasn’t, but I’m starting to get more into it.”

“You’re welcome to read them too if you see anything you like.”

“Holy shit,” Zander exclaimed, pulling a leather-bound volume from the box. “Is this a first edition?” he asked, flipping it open to check the copyright page.

“It is. I found it at The Book Nook.”

“The used bookstore downtown?” he asked, scanning the page. “The one in that old Victorian-style house off Market Street?”

“Yup. I found most of those there.” I motioned to the boxes. “Have you read it?”

The book in question was an older Ursula LeGuin title that was one of my comfort reads. Not many people I knew had even heard of it, even though it was a cult classic.

“Years ago,” Zander said, absently flipping through the pages. “I loved it.”

“I think he’s found his next read.” Luka grinned.

“You don’t mind? This could be a collector’s item.” Zander asked me.

“Of course not. I don’t buy books to look at. They’re for reading.” I smiled, feeling more relaxed than I had in days. Talking about books had that effect on me, but outside of Zander, I didn’t really have any other book enthusiasts to geek out with. “Just don’t dog-ear the pages.”

“I’d never do that,” he promised. “Only sociopaths dog-ear pages.”

“Does that mean fold the page over to keep your place?” Luka asked, glancing between us. “Because I do that.”

Zander and I gaped at him.

“What? Why are you staring at me like I just confessed to sacrificing puppies?” Luka asked.

“Because they invented bookmarks for a reason,” I said.

“Who actually has bookmarks lying around?” Luka asked.

I raised my hand as Zander pointed to a metallic feather bookmark on one of the shelves of his bookcase.

“Okay, so I was today years old when I learned that folding the pages of books is bad.” He put up his hands in mock surrender. “I swear I’ll never do it again.”

“I’m holding you responsible for any folded pages,” I said to Zander. “You’d better keep your boy in line.”

Luka’s cheeks flushed pink, and Zander shot me a smirky grin. “I’ll make sure he behaves.”

The tension between the two men was so thick it was almost palpable. And something told me the blush on Luka’s cheeks wasn’t just from my comment.

Yup, that was my cue to leave.

“Thanks again,” I said to Zander.

“It’s not a problem.” He followed me to the front hallway. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need or if there’s something we can do to help.”

“I will,” I said, once again lying through my teeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya,” Luka said.

“Have a good night.” Zander’s expression told me he knew I wasn’t being completely honest about what was going on, but he thankfully didn’t push me on it.

Once I was back in my car, I cranked the engine and was about to pull away from the curb when my phone vibrated with a notification.

Throwing the car into park, I dug my phone out of my pocket and checked my texts. My dad had finally gotten back to me. I quickly unlocked it and opened our message thread so I could catch him before he put his phone down.

Asa : can I stop over to talk to you about something?

Dad : sure. How about Thursday around seven?

I pursed my lips. Thursday was eviction day. I needed answers before I found myself on the street.

Asa : it’s kind of time sensitive. Can we talk today?

Dad : we can talk now

Asa : I’d rather talk in person. It won’t take long

Dad : today doesn’t work. How about Wednesday?

Asa : It has to be today. It’s important.

Dad : you can call me

I blew out a frustrated breath. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have over the phone while I was parked in front of Zander’s house.

Asa : are you sure I can’t stop by?

My dad didn’t live too far from Zander’s. I could get there in twenty minutes if I hit the lights.

Dad : I’m on my way out soon. You can either call me, or we can talk on Wednesday.

Muttering a curse, I stabbed the call button and put the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” he answered, like he didn’t know it was me.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Asa.” He paused. “You wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I was wondering if I could stay with you for a bit?”

“Come again?” he asked. “You want to stay with me?”

“Not for long. Just for a few weeks. A month, tops.”

“Why?”

I forced myself to keep talking, even as my chest tightened to the point where it was hard to breathe. Admitting to my dad that I was in trouble and needed help wasn’t easy, and I hated that I had to reach out to him at all.

“The company that manages my building evicted me so they could do some renovations on the unit. They only gave me three weeks to find a new place to live.”

He didn’t say anything, and the silence hung between us, heavy and foreboding.

“I tried to find somewhere else to stay while I get a new place, but I’m kinda down to the wire. I have to be out on Thursday.”

More silence. I could hear him breathing, so I knew the call hadn’t disconnected.

“This Thursday, as in four days from now,” I added, just in case my urgency wasn’t clear.

“And you want to stay with me?” he asked slowly. “Why didn’t you ask your mother?”

Because I spent enough time living in her house after you stopped wanting to see me, and I hate it there .

“I already asked and she said no,” I lied. I hadn’t asked her, and I wouldn’t because that conversation would go one of two ways.

Either she’d flat-out refuse and tell me to talk to my dad, or she’d agree, and I’d end up spending however long I stayed acting like my sibling’s nanny and her housekeeper. I played that role for four years before I moved out. There was no way in hell I was backsliding into it again after finally getting some boundaries established.

I’d rather sleep under a bridge than go back to my old life.

“I’m really sorry, Asa, but I just don’t think it’ll work,” he said, only he didn’t sound sorry at all. He sounded distracted and a bit annoyed.

“What?” I croaked.

Even with how shitty my father had been for the last six years, I’d stupidly believed he’d help me if he found out how dire my situation was. That he’d give a shit and let me sleep on his couch for a few weeks to keep me off the streets.

“The kids have so much going on right now, and Clarisse is in the middle of a really important project at work. Having you around right now would be too disruptive for everyone.”

“But Dad?—”

“I’m really sorry, Asa. It’s just not a good time.”

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat and sat up straight in my seat. “Okay. It’s fine. I’ll figure something out.”

“I’m sure you will.” There was a slight pause. “I have to go. We’ll talk later.”

“Sure,” I said, not bothering to hide the bitterness in my voice. “Later.”

“Bye.”

The phone went dead as he disconnected the call. I pulled the phone from my ear and checked the counter.

That entire call hadn’t even lasted two minutes.

Blinking back the tears I refused to let fall, I shoved my phone into my pocket and slammed the car in gear.

Fuck it. I didn’t need him or his help. He’d made it clear that his new family was more important than I’d ever be. It was time I started believing him when he told me exactly who he was.

I could actually feel the last shred of hope I’d clung to for so long severing as I pulled away from Zander’s house. I was done deluding myself into believing that either of my parents would ever be there for me when I needed them. And I was never asking them for help ever again.

I’d figure things out myself, the same way I always did.

Fuck them. And fuck my fucking goddamn life.