Page 24
24
DEX
“Dex?”
I looked up from where I was scrolling on my phone. “Josiah, hi,” I greeted when I saw my old teammate in line at the coffee shop I’d ducked into on my way home.
He held up one finger as the person in front of him finished ordering, giving me the universal sign for “just a second’.”
I put my phone in my pocket as he spoke to the barista.
I’d always liked Josiah but didn’t know him as well as most of the other guys on the team since he transferred to our school in tenth grade. He was also a year younger than me and had been in Asa’s class, so the only time we’d spent together at school was at team things.
He finished paying for his order and came to stand with me in the pickup area.
“It’s been a while.” He gave me a bright smile. “Almost two years?”
“About that.” I smiled back. “How have you been?”
“Good.”
“Still working with your dad?”
He nodded. “Yup. He’s planning on retiring as soon as my youngest brother graduates in a few years. Then it’ll be Washington Brothers Construction, not Washington and Sons Construction.” He grinned like a proud papa.
“That’s awesome.”
“I’m excited.” He paused as one of the baristas called out a name that wasn’t mine. “What about you? Anything new in your life?”
“Not really. I’m working at a gym while I wait for my program to start next year.”
“You still want to be a PT?”
I nodded. “I got accepted to Rutherford.”
“Are you going to commute?” he asked. “That’s a long ass drive. Almost an hour each way.”
“I don’t mind driving. And I can take some of my classes online. Plus, the practical will be easier to do here since there are more clinics and the hospital, so there’s no point moving there if I’m not going to be on campus every day.”
“Dex?” a barista called, putting my order on the counter.
Josiah eyed the cups.
“So, anyone special in your life?” he asked when I’d grabbed them, almost managing to sound casual.
I was about to say no but paused.
Josiah and I had never been all that close, but he was one of the more levelheaded and chill guys I knew. I was already planning on telling people I was bi. I might as well start with him.
“Yeah.”
He grinned and bumped his arm against mine. “I never thought I’d see the day someone would lock you down. She must be pretty special. Do I know her?”
“He’s definitely special.” I held my breath, bracing for his reaction.
Josiah froze, and I could practically see the wheels turning as he processed what I said.
“That’s awesome, man,” he said, recovering quickly. “I didn’t realize you’re…” He glanced around, then shot me a helpless look. “I have no idea what to say, and I don’t want you to think it’s because you’re… I just?—”
“I get it.” Relief replaced my earlier fear, and I bumped his arm with mine. “I did just drop that on you out of the blue.”
“I’ve never had anyone come out to me.” He shook his head ruefully. “I was so sure I’d know exactly what to say if someone did, but I fucked that up.”
“You didn’t fuck anything up,” I assured him. “I’m bi.”
“How long have you known?” he asked carefully.
“Are you asking if I knew back in school?”
He nodded.
“I figured it out in college, but I suspected for a while before that.”
“Are you out?” he asked, still keeping his voice down.
“Not yet. I’m starting to tell people, so don’t worry about keeping it a secret or anything.”
“Are you worried about what people might say when they find out?”
“Not anymore. I used to, but it’s who I am. If people can’t accept it, then that’s their problem, not mine.”
“Good for you. And I’m glad you have someone who makes you happy.”
“Josiah?” a barista called as they put a cup on the counter.
I waited while he got his order.
“We should catch up sometime,” he said as we left the shop together. “Maybe do a double date if your guy is up for it?”
“Yeah, for sure.” I smiled as more relief washed over me. “I’ll talk to him and text you later. Do you still have the same number?”
“Yup. And that sounds good.” He tossed me a wave. “See ya.”
“Bye.”
I headed toward where I’d parked, my head spinning from my impromptu coming out. I could only imagine Asa’s reaction when I told him about this.
I was just closing my car door behind me when my phone rang.
Surprised, I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the screen. Who the hell was calling me?
My heart sank when I saw it was my dad. I was tempted to ignore him and let it go to voicemail, but knowing him, he’d keep calling until I picked up.
Groaning internally, I swiped to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Dexter,” he greeted icily.
I winced. He only called me by my full name when he was pissed or about to lecture me.
“Hey, Dad, what’s up?”
“What’s up?” he spluttered. “That’s all you have to say?”
“What am I supposed to say?” I asked slowly.
“You could always explain the call I just got about you and your brother kissing in public.”
I almost dropped the phone. How the hell had he found out about Asa and me?
“He’s not my brother,” I said when I found my voice. “We’re not related.”
“So you don’t deny it?”
“Who called you?”
“Is it true?”
“Who called you?” I repeated.
“Not that it matters, but Jefferson did. Cecily saw you and Asa kissing in front of your gym.”
I sucked in a breath. Asa stopped by the gym after work yesterday to bring me dinner. We’d only spoken for a few minutes, and I’d kissed him goodbye. It wasn’t even a long kiss, just a quick peck like anyone would give their partner.
Of fucking course someone saw us and tattled to my dad.
“Is it true?” he repeated. “Were you and Asa kissing?”
“Yes.”
The silence that fell between us was deafening.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I said simply. “We’re not related, and we’re both adults. There’s nothing wrong with us being together.”
“You’re brothers.”
“No, we’re not. We’re stepbrothers by marriage, that’s it.”
“You’re not gay.”
I laughed, still in shock that we were having this conversation at all. “No, but I’m bi.”
“Since when?” he demanded.
“Since forever.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Believe whatever you want, but I think the fact that I’m with a man proves I’m not straight.”
“I won’t allow it. You need to end this now before Miranda finds out.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “No.”
“What?” He sounded shocked, and I didn’t blame him. This was the first time I’d ever stood up to him or talked back.
“No. I’m not going to break up with him because you said so. And I’m definitely not breaking up with him because of Miranda. He’s my boyfriend, I love him, end of story.”
“Love him?” he spluttered.
“Yes.”
“You can’t love him. You don’t even like him.”
“I think the fact that we’re dating makes it pretty clear we like each other now.”
“You hated each other when you were kids.”
“And we’re not kids anymore. Did you know we’re roommates?” I was overplaying my hand, but the only way to deal with my dad was to shut his arguments down with facts and not give him anything he could latch on to and try and sway things in his favor.
“What?” he barked. “How long has this been going on?”
“The living together thing for a few months. Dating is more recent.”
“Why did he move in with you?”
“Because I wanted him to,” I said simply.
I wasn’t about to tell him about Asa being evicted and almost ending up on the streets. And what I said was true. I might not have chosen to have him as a roommate back then, but I wouldn’t have said yes if I truly hadn’t wanted him there.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, but this ends now.”
“No.”
“Dexter—”
“No,” I repeated firmly. “You don’t get to dictate our lives, not now that we’re both adults. What I choose to do has nothing to do with you, and that includes who I date. We’re together, end of story.”
“How are we supposed to explain to people that you’re dating your brother?”
“Stop saying that. I only have one brother, and that’s Tanner. Asa and I aren’t related in any way, shape, or form just because you and his mom are married. That’s not how genetics works.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re not related,” he hissed. “Do you have any idea what people are going to say when they find out our kids are dating? It’s bad enough Jefferson knows about this.”
“No, and I don’t really care. Your friends and colleagues are not my concern.”
“What about your inheritance? Is that your concern?”
“Nope.”
“But…” he spluttered.
“What? Surprised I’m not going to let you use money to control me? That might have worked if you’d actually done anything to help either of us once we became adults, but you haven’t. Why would I expect things to be different in the future?”
“You’re willing to throw away everything, your relationship with your siblings and your family, for him?”
“Yes.”
The silence from the other end of the line made me smile. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually made my dad speechless, let alone doing it twice in one conversation.
“But are you willing to give up your babysitter and Miranda’s errand boy?” I asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t think I haven’t seen how you’ve treated Asa all these years? How much worse it’s gotten since we left home? You treat him like shit and always have.”
“We don’t?—”
“You do. What do you call all the free babysitting he does? Or how Miranda talks to him and lashes out at him when she’s pissed off about something else. How you take advantage of the fact that he’s so used to being treated like shit that you do the same thing so you can get what you want out of him. You both use him to make your lives easier because you know he won’t fight back. You don’t give a shit about either of us, so why should we give a shit about you?”
“You watch your mouth,” he said, his tone even and dark.
“What? Can’t handle the truth?”
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you?—”
“Maybe I’m sick of your bullshit.”
I was definitely playing with fire now, but I was beyond caring. If he wanted to cut me off because he couldn’t accept me being with Asa, then so be it.
Losing contact with my little siblings would suck, but I refused to let him manipulate me into giving up the only person I’d ever loved.
“Do you remember how everyone reacted when you and Miranda got together?” I tried a different tactic.
“What?”
“Do you remember how people reacted when you and Miranda got together?” I repeated. “How scandalized everyone was. How you lost half your friends and people talked and gossiped about you for years.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with this conversation.”
“You did it because you love her. Because you wanted to be with her.”
He didn’t say anything. Hopefully that meant he was listening.
“You didn’t care about the consequences because you knew it was what you wanted. Do you regret it? Do you ever wish you’d stayed with Mom?”
“Of course not.”
“That’s how I feel about Asa. I know people are going to have opinions about us being together, and I’ll probably lose friends and even family over it, but I don’t care. I love him, and I’m going to be with him, consequences be damned. He’s worth it, and I’m not going to let you or anyone else push us apart because you’re uncomfortable with our relationship.”
“You really feel that strongly about him?”
“Yes.”
Another silence fell over us.
“Fine. But you’d better find a way to tell Miranda before anyone else does. I refuse to be the one to break this to her.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked lightly. “You really want to risk her finding out that you lied to her and waited for us to say something?”
Another pause.
“Fine. I’ll tell her. But you tell Asa that he’s going to have to answer to her without you stepping in to play protector. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I will not allow you to disrespect her by talking to her the way you’ve talked to me.”
“Disrespect her by telling her to stop verbally and emotionally abusing her son?”
“Dex—”
“That’s exactly what it is, and you know it. And you’re just as guilty because you’ve let it happen. You’d never let her treat me or the kids the way she treats him, but you’ve never stood up for him or even tried to protect him. You keep talking about how we’re supposedly brothers, but you’ve never once acted like a father to him. I’m not going to fight his battles for him because he doesn’t need me to, but I will not allow anyone to treat him like he’s just a means to an end anymore.”
Another silence fell over the line.
“You told me once that it’s in our blood to protect the people we love. That family is the most important thing in the world, and nothing is off limits when it comes to protecting them. Do you remember that?”
“I remember,” he said softly.
“Asa is my family, and not because you and Miranda got married or because we share siblings. He’s my family because I love him. I didn’t choose to feel this way about him, but I do, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change that.”
Dad let out a loud sigh that I knew was a sign that I was finally getting through to him.
“I’m sorry you found out about me being bi like this,” I said honestly. “I wanted to come out to you properly. And I didn’t hide it from you specifically, I hid it from everyone. I haven’t even come out yet.”
There was a slight pause. “I appreciate that.”
“And this thing with Asa and me, it’s not like we’ve been secretly dating for months and purposely hid it. We both struggled with accepting our feelings for each other for a long-ass time because we’re stepbrothers. We didn’t go into this lightly, and we were going to tell you soon, but you just happened to find out by accident before we could do that.”
Another silence fell over the line.
“I think we both need to step back from this conversation,” he said slowly. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, and a lot to come to terms with.”
“Yeah, I think that’s best too.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
The line went dead.
I dropped my phone in my lap and leaned back against my seat as all my energy seemed to drain out of me at once.
I didn’t regret anything I’d said to my dad, but now that it was over, I was worried I’d gone about things the wrong way. He seemed to soften by the end of the conversation, but who knew if that was genuine or if it was just him wanting to end the conversation.
Wearily, I picked up my phone and opened my text log.
Dex : are you home?
I dug my keys out of my pocket and stuck them in the ignition while I waited to see if he’d answer.
Asa : just walked through the door
Dex : I’ll be home in 20
Asa : did something happen? That sounds ominous
Dex : yeah, but don’t freak out or worry
Asa : do you remember that saying that if you tell someone not to think about zebras, then the only thing they’ll be able to think about is zebras? Not freaking out is my zebras
Dex : yeah, that wasn’t the best way to phrase that
Dex : this just isn’t something we should talk about over text
Asa : okay. then get your ass home so you can tell me what’s going on
Dex : on my way
Unsurprisingly, Asa was waiting in the hallway when I walked through the door.
“What happened?” He looked me up and down like he was checking for injuries. “Are you okay?”
Kicking off my shoes, I put our drinks on the small table next to the door. “I’m fine.”
He shot me a dubious look.
When my hands were free, I unslung my bag from over my shoulder, then held my arms out. He walked into them without hesitating.
“Is this a hello hug, or an ‘I need to hug you because shit went down, hug?’” he asked, squeezing me tight.
“Both, but mostly a hello hug.”
“What’s going on?” he asked when I let go.
I gave him a quick kiss, then motioned for him to follow me into the living room. As much as I wanted to lie down and cuddle him, we needed to talk about this without the distractions that came with being in bed together.
“So, two things happened on my way home from work,” I said, sitting down on the couch.
He sat next to me, close enough that our knees pressed together. “What?”
“Do you remember Josiah Washington?”
“The kicker on your team? Yeah. I remember him.” He smiled ruefully. “He was one of the few people in my class who was actually nice to me.”
“He was?” That made me feel even better about our conversation earlier.
He nodded.
“I ran into him when I was grabbing us coffee, and I kinda came out to him.”
Asa’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“How did he react?”
“Great. He was chill as fuck about it.”
Asa smiled. “How do you feel now that you’ve told someone?”
“Good. I wasn’t planning on coming out today, but I’m not mad I did.”
“What was the other thing?” he asked. “Your expression tells me it wasn’t good.”
“My dad called me right after I talked to Josiah.”
“What did he want?”
“Do you know his friend Jefferson?”
“The lawyer at his firm?”
I nodded. “Apparently his daughter saw us at the gym yesterday, and he called my dad to ask why she saw us kissing.”
Asa’s jaw dropped, and he sucked in a sharp breath.
“Yeah, I didn’t see that coming either.”
“What happened during the call? You said to not freak out, so I’m assuming it’s not as bad as my brain is telling me it is?”
“It’s not,” I assured him. “He wasn’t happy, but I managed to talk him down and get him to actually listen to me.”
He blew out a breath. “Okay, that’s good.”
“I’m not positive, but I think he might be okay with things. It’ll take a while for the dust to settle and all that, but I think things will be fine.”
“That’s really good.” He chewed on his lip. “Does my mom know?”
“Not yet. He said he’d talk to her tonight.”
Asa pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m calling her.”
“You are?”
He nodded and tapped on the screen, opening his contacts. “If he tells her, she’ll call me in a rage, and she won’t listen to a word I say. If she’s going to disown me over this, then I’m going to be the one to tell her.” He looked up from his phone. “I never had a reason to stand up to her before. Now I do.”
I swallowed down the lump of emotion welling up in my throat. I was so damn proud of him.
“Can I put her on speaker?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll stay quiet so she won’t know I’m here.”
“Thanks.” He tapped on the screen. “Here goes nothing.”
I put my hand on his leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. He covered it with his and held on tight.
“Hey, Mom,” he greeted when she picked up.
“Asa?” She sounded irritated, which was never a good way to start a conversation with her. “Can this wait?”
“No, it can’t. This is important.”
She muttered something I couldn’t make out. “Fine. What is it?”
“There’s really no easy way to say this, but I’m dating someone.”
“Really?” she sounded unimpressed. “That’s the important news you needed to share right now?”
“No, the news is who I’m dating,” he said dryly.
“Fine, who are you dating?” she asked, her tone filled with irritation.
“Dex.”
The line went silent.
“ Who ?”
“Dex,” he repeated.
“Dex, like your brother?”
“Dex, like my step brother.”
“You can’t be…”
“I am.” He squeezed my hand so tight his knuckles cracked. “And I wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else.”
“You can’t be,” she repeated. “Dex would never… He isn’t gay.”
“No, isn’t gay. He’s bi.” He shot me a quick look, like he was making sure he was allowed to tell her that.
I squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile.
“Since when?” she demanded.
I almost rolled my eyes. Was it really so inconceivable that I’d always been bi and just stayed in the closet?
“Since he was born.” He glanced up at the ceiling, his exasperation clear.
“I don’t believe you. This is some kind of sick joke.”
“It’s not.” His voice hardened. “And you don’t have to believe me, but Dex told Steven about us today, so unless you want to call Dex a liar, it’s the truth.”
“He told Steven?”
“Yes, less than half an hour ago. That’s why I called. I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“I don’t understand,” she said slowly.
“What’s not to understand? Dex is bi, I’m gay, and we’re dating.”
“But…”
“But what?”
“Why would he date you?”
I bit my inner cheek so I didn’t snap at her. This was Asa’s conversation. I’d step in if he wanted me to, but it was hard to listen to her talk to him this way.
“Wooooow.” He dragged out the word and made it sound as condescending as possible. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“Don’t get smart with me,” she snapped. “You call me out of the blue and drop this huge thing on me and you expect me to not have questions?”
“Actually, yeah. I expected you to be my mother and tell me that you love and support me and not insinuate that I’m a liar or not good enough for Dex just because you don’t like me.”
“I never said I don’t like you?—”
“You do, constantly. You tell me what a disappointment I am, how incompetent or stupid I am. How you wish I was different or would change to be who you want me to be. You don’t think that’s the same as telling me you don’t like me? What about when you say you wish I’d never been born?”
My entire nervous system glitched out for a second. What the fuck?
“I didn’t mean it like that ,” she said defensively. “You’re taking my words out of context.”
“In what universe is there a context that makes telling your child you wish they’d never been born okay?” he asked incredulously.
“You’re deliberately twisting my words, the same as your father always did,” she accused.
“No, I’m not. I’m repeating them verbatim.” He sighed. “I don’t want to fight about this. I called to tell you that I’m dating someone, and I’m happy. I know it’s going to take some time for you to process that it’s Dex, but it is what it is.”
“You can’t date your stepbrother. It’s not right.”
“We’re not related, and we’re adults,” he repeated. “I understand it’s strange to think about, but we’re together. I hope you’ll be able to accept it, but I understand if you can’t.”
“But—”
“I’m going to hang up before either of us says something we can’t take back,” he cut in. “Hopefully I’ll talk to you later.”
He ended the call and put the phone on the couch beside him.
“Babe?” I asked when he didn’t look at me, just sat there staring at a spot on the floor.
He slid his gaze to mine. “You called me babe.”
I tried to hide my relief at his expression. He didn’t look crushed or like he was retreating into himself. He seemed relieved.
“Is that okay? It just slipped out.”
“Yeah.” He smiled, a flush coloring his cheeks. “I like it.”
“Are you okay?”
He nodded and sat up straight. “Fine.”
“Are you doing that thing where you pretend you’re fine, but you’re actually spiraling inside?”
“Not this time.” He leaned against my arm and put his head on my shoulder. “That wasn’t fun, but I feel better, if that makes sense.”
“It does.” I shifted so I could hold him and rested my cheek against his soft hair. “Do you want to talk about anything?”
“Not really, but we can if you have questions.”
“Has she really said that to you?”
“That she wishes I’d never been born? Yeah. And it wasn’t a one-off either.” He shifted so he could throw his leg over mine and get even closer.
“I had no idea.”
“Because I never told you.”
I had no idea what to say.
“Did you know I was an accident?” he asked.
“You were?”
“Yup. They weren’t even together when she found out she was pregnant with me. I don’t know if they were pressured by their families or if the baby hormones made her forget that she doesn’t actually like my dad all that much, but they got married because of me. That’s why they were never happy, and why neither of them gives a shit about me. I’m the living reminder of a time in their lives they’d rather forget. A mistake that reminds them of another mistake.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. It’s just a fact.” He nuzzled his cheek against my shoulder. “It is what it is.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“No, but I can’t change them anymore than they can change me. And it doesn’t help that I’m different. You know her. She’s all about appearances and fitting in. She hates that I don’t give a fuck what people think of me.”
“You’re incredibly strong, you know that, right?” I said.
“Not really.”
“You are. You’re amazing, Asa. I wish more people in your life had told you that because it’s the truth.” I kissed his hair. “And I’m going to keep telling you until you believe me.”
“That might take a while.”
“I’ve got nothing but time.”
“Thanks,” he said softly. “At least now we don’t have to stress about finding a time to talk to them.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Did you just look on the bright side? Who are you, and what have you done with Asa?”
He elbowed me in the side. “Shut up.”
“I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
“How about we dump those coffees I brought home and go out and get fresh ones.”
He lifted his head and gave me a confused look. “We can just microwave them if they’re cold.”
I grinned at his bewildered expression. “We could do that. But I was thinking it would be more fun to go out and spend some time together outside of the apartment.”
His eyes widened. “Like a date?”
I nodded. Our parents knew about us, and it was only a matter of time before the news spread through my friend group. There was no reason for us to hide anymore.
“I’ve never been on a date before.”
“Me either.” Lifting our joined hands, I pressed a kiss against his knuckles. “But I think a coffee date is a good, low-stress way to pop our date cherries. What do you think?”
“I think you’re amazing,” he said, his voice soft and his eyes full of affection. “And I would love to go on a coffee date with you.”
Grinning, he untangled himself from me and stood. I let him pull me up and followed him out of the living room so we could get ready for our first official date.
Things might still be up in the air when it came to our family and other people accepting us, but none of that mattered as long as I had Asa by my side. He was my person, the one I never thought I wanted but always knew I needed.
That night four years ago might have felt like a mistake at the time, but now I knew it was the start of the most real and incredible love I could have ever asked for. We might not have been ready then, but we sure as hell were ready now, and we had the rest of our lives to make up for the lost time.