Page 19
19
DEX
I’d just turned on my computer when my phone pinged with a text. I pulled it out of my hoodie pocket and checked my notification bar. A smile spread across my lips when I saw Asa’s name.
Trying not to think too hard about why I was so happy to hear from him when I’d just seen him a few hours ago, I opened our text thread.
Asa : I just watched someone try to drink a flaming shot without blowing it out first
Dex : rookie mistake
Dex : are they okay?
Asa : yeah
Asa : their friend slapped their hand over it and was like ‘wtf jimmy, you can’t drink fire’
Dex : lol his buddy has a point
Dex : are you having fun?
Asa was out with his friends from work. It was Saturday, which was my usual cam night, but I’d decided to take the night off at the last minute. My solo shows weren’t nearly as fun as the ones we did together, and even though I still made decent money alone, it was nothing compared to what we made when it was the two of us.
I used to think clearing three hundred bucks a show was a roaring success, but after nearly a month of camming together on Friday nights, we were averaging almost four thousand a show. Even splitting it down the middle, I made more in one night with him than I did in a month of camming alone.
The other issue was that while my follower count had grown exponentially over the past month, only a fraction of them showed up for solo shows, and most only logged in when it was the two of us. That messed with the algorithm, which cut down my visibility, and I had to spend more time online just to make the same kind of numbers as before.
I hadn’t told Asa any of this, or that I was thinking of stopping my solo shows altogether. I didn’t want him to feel pressured to cam with me long term if that wasn’t his plan.
Things were good between us, and I didn’t want to do anything that might upset the delicate balance between friends and roommates who fucked on cam we’d managed to find.
Asa : I was until my mom started blowing up my phone
Asa : now I’m back in grumpy mode
Dex : what did she want?
Asa : there’s some event going on at Chloe and Tanners school that she has to chaperone and she’s pissed I won’t take the day off to do it for her
Dex : she does realize that she’s their mother right? How is it your responsibility to chaperone a school thing for your siblings?
Asa : because everything is my responsibility
Dex : that’s not right
Asa : nope, but it’s how it’s always been
Dex : is that hot bartender there? The one who looks like me?
Asa : I regret telling you about him
Dex : I was just wondering because you could always spend some time admiring him and maybe that will turn your night around
Asa : I definitely regret telling you about him
Dex : do you regret telling me you like looking at him, or that he looks like me?
Asa : both
Dex : I should go to the bar with you one night and see him for myself
Dex : do you think that will mess with the timeline? Me and my doppelg?nger being in the same place?
Asa : doubtful
Asa : unless you’re the chosen one and you’ve been on some secret mission to save the world without me knowing about it
Dex : you figured out my secret
Dex : now I have to have to wipe your memory so you don’t accidentally mess up my mission. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them
Asa : I legit loled
Asa : are you getting ready to get online? Do you need to go?
Dex : I’m taking the night off
Asa : you are? Did I know that?
Dex : it was a last minute thing
Asa : is everything okay?
Dex : yeah. Just need a break. It’s tough always being ‘on’ you know?
Asa : yeah, I get that
Asa : do you want some space? I can stick around here for a while if you need me to
Dex : no, it’s fine
Dex : come home whenever you want
Asa : I’ll probably head home after this round
Asa : Isaac and Jamie just left and I think Zander and Luka are gonna bail soon too
Asa : I’ll see you in a little bit
Dex : see you
I waited to see if he’d say more, then put my phone down on my desk when the screen went dark.
I tapped on one of the keys on my laptop to wake it up and navigated to the video editor app I’d downloaded.
It had been weeks since Asa and I filmed ourselves during the cam show, and I hadn’t even looked at the footage. Asa sent me his files, and I loaded all of them onto my computer, but that was as far as I’d gotten.
I wasn’t even sure why I was procrastinating. We got tons of questions about the footage from our viewers every week, and even more requests to make content together. Asa was fine with us selling it, and I was the one who thought of the idea in the first place.
Yet I was reluctant to do anything with the videos.
Whatever the reason, I needed to get over it and make the damn video. This was business, nothing more.
Steeling my resolve, I uploaded the files into the editing app. I’d played around with it a bit over the past few weeks to get a feel for it, and it seemed easy enough to work with. Hopefully I could get this done and over with fast.
Once the files were ready, I opened the one of Asa going down on me.
The footage was a bit shaky and the odd noise from something scraping over the microphone cut into the audio, but even with the imperfections, I couldn’t look away from it.
Seeing it on a bigger screen was so different than when I’d watched him through my phone, and now that I didn’t have the distraction of having his mouth on me, I was able to focus on him and not on what he was doing to me.
I’d obviously paid attention in the moment, but seeing everything on my computer screen was so much more intense. Like the way Asa’s eyes blazed with not just lust, but also something darker, more primal, as he worked me over. Or how his expression changed between sensual and teasing depending on what he was doing to me.
Even little things like that secret smile he’d give me before he started, or how he licked his lips when he was feeling playful, were amplified by the bigger screen.
Leaning back in my chair, I stared in rapt fascination as I watched the video, my unease growing with each passing minute.
Asa was gorgeous, and I’d always thought so. Even when I thought I hated him and wasn’t even sure I was bi, I was attracted to him. I didn’t understand it at the time, but looking back, it was obvious that I’d always had a bit of a thing for him.
But there was something about the way he looked at me in the video that made my chest tighten. He wasn’t looking at the camera and playing things up; he was looking at me , and he wasn’t holding anything back.
He was letting me see how much he enjoyed touching me. How much he wanted me to enjoy it. He never rushed things, never tried to speed them along or pushed for the next thing. He was always fully in the moment with me, and he didn’t hide anything.
I’d seen it every time we were together, but I hadn’t really seen it until this moment.
The version of Asa on the screen wasn’t the same guy our viewers saw, and I knew for a fact it wasn’t anything like what the people he hooked up with saw.
I was the only person who got to see him stripped down and bare like that, and it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with him trusting me enough to show me the real him.
That was why I’d been so reluctant to do anything with this video, and why I’d put off even looking at it for so long. I’d instinctively known there was no way in hell I was going to let anyone else see it.
It was fucked up, but it felt like we’d captured a private moment, something that was just for us. It didn’t matter that we’d been live on cam at the time; his teasing looks and secret smiles were for me, and I didn’t want to share them with anyone.
At least we still had three other videos. I’d just tell everyone there were some technical issues with this one and leave it out of the final cut.
I removed the video from the app and saved it in a hidden folder. Then I opened the video he’d taken of me going down on him.
Asa’s recording skills were better than mine, but I paused the video after less than a minute.
I might be a cammer, but I’d never watched up close footage of myself doing anything sexual before this moment, especially not with another person. I’d assumed I’d look a bit goofy, but it wouldn’t matter because everyone would be too focused on the blowjob to care if I made weird faces or whatever.
The same intensity I’d seen in Asa’s video was mirrored back to me in mine. I’d been so into things when we were filming that I barely noticed the camera. I wasn’t performing for our viewers or any potential customers. I was in the moment, and he was the only thing I was thinking about.
The look in my eyes wasn’t just lust and desire. There was also affection, hunger, and what I could only describe as possession. I wasn’t looking at him like a fuck buddy or even a cam partner. That was how you looked at someone who was yours. Someone you didn’t just want, but someone you needed.
This was bad.
I was already having a hard enough time flipping between roommates and cam partners and keeping things separate. The last thing I needed was to have video proof that what I felt for him went way beyond a casual hook-up.
I had no idea how we’d gotten to this point, but Asa wasn’t just my friend; he was the person who mattered the most. He was the person I turned to when I needed to talk to someone or even just needed company. Seeing him smile made me happy, and I enjoyed taking care of him. But what I liked even more was that he let me take care of him. How he allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of me, and how he never hesitated to turn to me when he needed support.
Still reeling from everything I’d just been slapped in the face with, I removed the videos from the app and transferred them into my hidden folder.
I remembered exactly what the one I filmed looked like, and I didn’t need to see it on a big screen to know it would be just as enlightening as the blowjob one.
Being able to see Asa’s face while I fucked him from behind was one of the hottest things I’d ever experienced. Knowing that he was watching my cock move inside him and getting off on not just how it felt, but also how it looked, was incredibly erotic. I’d spent most of the time staring at my screen and watching his expressions as I fucked him, and that was just as sexy as having him spread out and under me.
There was no way in hell I could share that video with anyone either. It was too personal, too intimate. I’d probably edit them all together later, but not to sell or post. That cut would be just for us.
When the files were transferred, I shut down my computer and headed into the living room. I needed a distraction. Maybe I could find something on one of my streaming services to watch.
I was just about to give up when the front door opened.
“Dex?”
“In the living room.”
Asa appeared in the doorway a moment later. “Enjoying your night off?”
“Not really.”
He came into the room and sat next to me. “Why not?”
“Just restless.”
That wasn’t a lie. I was restless; I just couldn’t tell him it was because I was still trying to process the fact that I had a crush on him.
It felt stupid to admit it now after all these weeks, or years if I was being completely honest with myself, but this was the first crush I’d ever had on anyone, ever.
I had no clue how to get over it, or even how to handle it, but that wasn’t his problem. And laying any of this on him was probably the best way to get him to shut down and run for the hills.
“Restless like you want to go out and do something, or restless like your brain is going at warp speed and you can’t make it shut the fuck up?”
“The second one.”
He smiled ruefully. “I know that feeling all too well.”
“What helps you when you get like this?”
“Not a lot. I’m usually too chaotic to focus on anything.”
“That’s me right now. Feeling very chaotic.” I paused.
“What?” he tilted his head. “I can see you have a question or something in there.”
“It’s nothing.” I shook my head.
“Nothing like you don’t want to tell me, or nothing like you think you shouldn’t tell me?” he asked knowingly.
“You’re way too observant for your own good.”
He smirked. “You’re not the first person who’s told me that.”
“And I’m sure I won’t be the last.”
“So is it option A or B?” he pressed.
“B.”
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want,” he said softly, his expression serious. “But you can. I know I’m not great at talking, but I’m pretty good at listening.”
“I’m not all that great at talking, either.” I chewed on my lip for a few beats. “I was going to ask you about your writing.”
“My writing?”
“Yeah. I was thinking about it the other day, and I realized that I have no idea what you write.”
He blinked a few times, obviously surprised by the shift in our conversation.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that.” He shot me an apologetic look. “I just wasn’t expecting that. Zander and Dev are the only people who ever ask about my writing.”
“So what do you write?” I prompted.
“Lots of stuff.” He huffed out an embarrassed laugh. “Books, mostly. Some short stories and novellas, but mostly books.”
“How many books have you finished?”
“Seventeen.”
I almost choked on nothing. “You’ve written seventeen books? Like whole-ass books?”
He chuckled. “Yup, whole-ass books.”
“Like novel-sized books?” I couldn’t help asking.
The thought of writing one novel was daunting. I couldn’t imagine writing seventeen of them.
“Yup.” He grinned. “I average about a hundred and twenty thousand words per manuscript.”
“I have no idea how long that is, but it sounds massive.”
“It’s on the long end of novels. But that’s just because of what I’m writing. I used to average around eighty thousand words a few years ago. Different genres, different lengths.”
“Eighty thousand words still sounds huge.”
“It’s mid-range. That would be around three hundred pages if it was a paperback.”
“So what do you write about? Do you write connected books, or are they all individual ideas?”
“Both. I like writing series because it’s fun to build an entire world and interconnect things, but sometimes I get an idea that doesn’t fit with anything else.”
“What are you working on right now?”
He leaned back against the couch, his posture relaxed. “I’ve been working on a fantasy series.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I’m about halfway done with book three.”
“What’s the series about?”
“You want to hear about it?” He looked surprised.
“Yeah.”
He smiled shyly. “It’s about a group of villains who are forced to become the good guys to save their world from the ‘good’ guys who are in power and have become the villains.”
“That’s an interesting concept. Like the reluctant hero trope.”
“Exactly. Only instead of having one hero and a bunch of backup characters, they’re all heroes and back each other up. If they can find a way to stay on the side of good and work together, then they save everyone. If not, everyone loses.”
“That’s really cool. I imagine it’s fun getting inside their heads.”
“So much fun. They’re heroes, but they don’t want to be, and their motivations for fighting aren’t benevolent or anything like that. They’re literally trying to save themselves and have to do the whole teamwork thing with their usual enemies to save everyone, even if they don’t particularly think everyone should be saved.”
“Are these human characters?”
“Sort of. It’s set in an alternate universe where some humans have magical powers, and some don’t. And my version of werewolves and vampires and some other mythological creatures are in it too. There’s a lot of political subtext to it with the way I structured the power dynamics in the AU and set up their society so there’s a caste system that’s a mix of medieval and modern.”
“That sounds really good. I’d watch six seasons and a movie based on just that.”
His cheeks flushed soft pink with a blush.
“What else have you written? What were you working on before this series?”
His cheeks went bright pink.
“Okay, now you have to tell me after that blush.”
He shot me a look. “Do you promise not to make fun of me if I tell you?”
“Of course. You don’t have to tell me, but I promise I’ll never make fun of you or judge you for anything you write.”
He studied me for a few beats. “It was a trilogy.”
I waited for him to tell me the part that made him blush.
“A paranormal romance trilogy.” He toyed with his tongue stud.
“A romance?” I asked, not expecting that answer.
He nodded. “I started reading a series a few years ago that had really good bones, but the romance aspect of it was messy as hell. The world-building and the AU were top-tier, but there was a love triangle in it and the author created a ton of unnecessary drama between the main characters that dragged the story down. I stopped reading halfway through the second book because I just couldn’t bring myself to give a shit about any of them or their mission.” He snuck a quick look at me, like he was checking to make sure I hadn’t zoned out and was still listening.
“A few months later, I was in a reading slump, and nothing was hitting. Even my comfort reads weren’t doing it for me, so I decided to read something completely new and picked up a why choose book.”
“Why choose? What’s that? Is it like those old choose your own adventure books?”
He laughed softly. “No. They used to be called reverse harem books. Like one main character has a bunch of love interests, and at the end they get to keep all of them instead of having to choose like in love triangle books.”
“Oh.” I nodded slowly. “I had no idea that was a thing, but I get why it’s appealing to people.”
“It was eye-opening.” He smirked. “But after I read it, I started thinking about that paranormal series and how much better it would have been if the author had gone the why choose route. That sparked an idea for my own AU, and what was supposed to be a standalone turned into a trilogy.”
“Does that one have magic and werewolves and stuff in it too?”
He shook his head. “It has a regular human who has to help a harem of fae save their realm from a hostile takeover that’s been threatening to destroy both the human and fae worlds for thousands of years.”
“Okay, I’d definitely read that. Is the human character male or female?”
“Female.” He fingered the lock on his chain necklace. “The fae are all male.”
“What aren’t you telling me.” I tapped my leg against his. “Is it spicy?”
His face went beet red. “Yeah, it’s pretty spicy. And it’s different from most why choose stories because I made the fae bi. The idea that these ancient immortal beings would be straight just doesn’t make sense to me, so I decided to mix things up.”
“Is it weird that I really want to read that?”
He shot me a surprised look.
“I’ve never read a romance or a why choose story, but I gotta say, as a bi man, it would be fun to read something that has bi men in it. I don’t know if it’s just me, but most of the stuff I’ve seen that has a bi storyline or characters is centered around bi women, and most of it feels like it’s for straight men and not for other queer people.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too, especially in anything that’s mainstream. It’s been like that with gay content for years. It’s like the only time they can tell gay stories is if the gay characters suffer, and even then, they don’t usually get a happy ending.” He paused and chewed on his bottom lip.
I knew that look. He was building up the courage to say something. I stayed quiet, giving him a chance to gather his thoughts.
“Did you mean it?” he asked, his voice catching and betraying his nerves. “About wanting to read my trilogy.”
“Yeah. I did.”
“You can, if you want.” He flicked his gaze around the room nervously. “It’s not edited or anything, so there’s a ton of errors in it. And there’s probably some plot issues?—”
“I’d love to read it.”
He blew out a breath and offered me a wobbly smile. “You’re the first person who’s ever wanted to read anything of mine.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“It might take me a while to finish it because I’m the world’s slowest reader, but I’d love to read it if you want to share it with me.”
“Do you have an e-reader?”
“No, but I have an app on my tablet that can open e-books. Will that work?”
“It should. I’ll email the files to you later, and you can let me know if you need them sent in a different format.” He bit back a grin.
“What’s that smile for?”
“Nothing.” He wiped his hand over his mouth, like he was trying to wipe his smile away. “It’s just kind of surreal that we’re here, you know? We couldn’t even be in the same room together six months ago, and now we’re friends, and we cam together, and you want to read my stuff.” He let out a bewildered laugh. “It’s just weird to think about how different things are.”
“Yeah, they definitely are different.”
We lapsed into silence. I pulled my phone out of my hoodie pocket to check the time. It wasn’t even ten yet.
“Do you want to watch something?” I asked impulsively. “Maybe find a movie or a show to distract us for a while?”
“Yeah.” He smiled in that shy way that was going to be the death of me. “That sounds good.”
I handed him the remote. “You pick. I’m done with making decisions tonight.”
“Are you in the mood for something light and funny, or are you wanting action? Or maybe something that makes you think?”
“Whatever you want. Just nothing with spiders.”
The corner of his mouth tilted up in a smirk. “No spiders?”
“Nope. I don’t mind the little harmless ones, but anything bigger than a quarter scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I have no clue why, but it’s been like that since I was a kid.”
“You know what scares the shit out of me?” he asked, his eyes on the TV as he scrolled through one of my streaming services. “Any kind of real underwater footage from the ocean or even lakes where you can’t see anything but water. I don’t know why, but I spend the entire time convinced a giant monster is going to appear and attack the camera, and the thought of being out in the ocean or a deep lake, even on a boat, and not knowing what’s under me is a hard no.”
“Isn’t that an actual phobia? The fear of the ocean or something like that?”
“Yeah. Thalassophobia is the fear of large bodies of water, and megalohydrothalassophobia is the fear of underwater objects or creatures. Lucky me has both.”
“I promise to never bring you near a lake or the ocean or show you underwater footage if you promise to take care of any spiders in the apartment and not show me any movies with killer spiders in them.”
He chuckled. “Deal. Have you seen this show?” He motioned to the TV with the remote.
I checked out the listing he’d stopped on. “Never heard of it.”
“It’s set at a private school in Sweden. There’s a really good gay storyline with the royal family. I’ve only watched the first season, but I really enjoyed it.”
“Is it dubbed, or does it have subtitles?”
“It’s dubbed.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
He set the show to play and put the remote on the coffee table in front of him.
I glanced at the space between us on the couch as the intro started. This was how we always sat together, each on our own cushion, but tonight, the distance felt wrong.
Trying to be as casual as possible, I shifted closer to him, scooting across the cushion until our thighs were almost touching.
He froze.
We sat there like a couple of middle schoolers pretending to pay attention to the TV while trying to figure out if we should make a move or not.
Fuck it. It had been a weird-as-hell night. Not taking my eyes off the TV, I put my hand on his thigh.
His breathing hitched, but he didn’t try to pull away.
We sat like that for a few more minutes, both of us as stiff as statues. Then Asa leaned closer to me, stopping when our arms brushed. I shifted my arm so it pressed against his.
Slowly, he lifted his hand and rested it on my thigh. I lifted my leg the slightest bit to push into his touch and hopefully let him know I liked it. He responded by giving my thigh a little squeeze.
We sat like that for a few minutes, and I could feel him relaxing beside me. That helped me relax, and I had to bite back my smile when he leaned against me.
I still had no idea what I was going to do about my crush on Asa, and spending the next few hours almost cuddled up to him while we watched the show together wasn’t going to help my situation, but whatever. I’d deal with the consequences later.