Page 20

20

DEX

“Goddamn,” I muttered as I lay sprawled on top of Asa’s naked back.

“I’ll see your goddamn and raise you a holy shit,” he mumbled into the sheets.

Snickering, I pressed a kiss against his neck, then turned to face my laptop. The chat was moving so quickly I could only pick up a few words here and there, but most of the text was green, which meant people were tipping.

“So that was fun,” I said to our audience, still feeling loopy from my orgasm. “Anyone else come as hard as we did?”

More text scrolled through the chat, and more tips came in.

“Thanks to everyone who tipped while we were distracted. We really appreciate it,” Asa said to the laptop and gripped my thigh, holding me in place over him.

I propped myself up on my forearms so he wasn’t taking my full weight.

urnewstepdaddy: u guys are so hot together

liftlyfe: I wanna fuck the little one

rev: are you really stepbrothers?

“We’re really stepbrothers,” I said.

hannahbanana: do you sell content? Do privates?

“We don’t do private shows.” I winced as my soft dick finally fell out of Asa. “And we don’t have any content for sale right now.”

KurtV: will you sell some?

unclebob: what about that video you filmed on cam a while ago?

trustno1: can you do customs pleeeeez

“We might sell some,” I hedged. “Unfortunately the video we shot a while ago didn’t turn out.”

More text filtered through the chat.

“Yeah, it sucks. The lighting was off, and it’s way too shaky,” I said. “Instead of getting you hot, it’ll probably make you seasick. We’ll use tripods or something next time.”

Asa turned his face to mine. I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “You okay if I get up?” I whispered when he let go of my thigh.

He nodded, but there was something off in his eyes.

I gave him another kiss, then peeled myself off his back and sat up.

Asa shivered and pushed up on his hands and knees. I pulled him toward me so I could settle him between my legs.

His skin was cold as I wrapped my arms around him. He leaned back against me and snuggled into my embrace.

9incher: you don’t act like stepbrothers

“We don’t?” Asa asked, his tone light. “How are stepbrothers supposed to act?”

9incher: not like that

“You don’t cuddle with your stepbrother after he fucks your brains out on the internet?” Asa asked innocently. “Sucks to be you.”

Snickering, I nuzzled my cheek against his.

sassypants: are you boyfriends?

“Just roommates with benefits,” Asa said.

chaosandspice: were you each other’s firsts?

“Yup. Alex was the first guy I ever did anything with.”

“Same. Jake was my first everything.”

More questions came into the chat, along with a few more tips. I half listened as Asa answered a few of the more common questions. I usually didn’t mind this part of the show, but I wasn’t really feeling it tonight and just wanted to log off.

“Thanks for tuning in,” I said when there was a lull in the chat. “We’ll be on again next week, same time, same place. Be sure to sign up for our email notifications so you don’t miss us.”

mrstripes: are you going to be online tomorrow?

“Actually, I have some news about that,” I said. I hadn’t planned on announcing anything tonight, but I might as well. “I won’t be online tomorrow, but I will on Wednesday, and that’s going to be my last solo show.”

Asa stiffened in my arms but didn’t otherwise react.

“So yeah, I’ll be online on Wednesday, then you can catch the two of us again on Friday. Thanks again for tuning in, and we’ll see you next week.”

Asa waved as people said goodbye to us. I let him go, and he shut down the cam and exited out of the site.

“You’re not going to do solo shows anymore?” he asked as soon as the laptop screen was dark.

I shook my head and climbed off the bed.

“Why not?” He wrapped his arms around himself.

“Cold?”

“Little bit.”

“Come on. Let’s take a shower and get you warm.”

He took my hand and let me lead him out of my room.

“Why aren’t you doing solo shows anymore?” he asked when we were in the hall.

“Just not feeling it anymore.” I pushed the door to the bathroom open. “I started camming to make money, and we make way more together than I do when I’m alone. It just doesn’t feel worth it anymore. And it’s boring being on cam alone.”

He waited while I started the water. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

“I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks now.” I stuck my hand under the spray to test the water. “It’s good. Hop in.”

He pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the tub. I followed him and stood facing him as he stepped under the water.

“As long as that’s all it is.” He took the body wash I handed him and squirted some on a washcloth.

“It is.” I tried not to stare as he ran the cloth over his body.

We’d started showering together after our shows a few weeks ago, and the only reason I was able to get through it without popping a giant boner every time he soaped himself up was the fact that I’d just come on cam.

“There was something wrong with the lighting in the videos we filmed?” he asked, not meeting my gaze. “I’ve watched the ones I recorded, and the lighting was fine.”

I winced. “Yeah, that was a lie. I just didn’t know what else to say.”

“Why don’t you want to post it?” He turned and faced the water so I couldn’t see his face. “Was it that bad?”

“The exact opposite, actually.”

He froze.

“Can you turn around so I can say this to you and not your back?”

Slowly, he did as I asked.

“I watched some of the footage when I took the night off from camming a few weeks ago.”

He swallowed, his throat working, but didn’t say anything.

“I have no idea how to say this without it sounding crazy, but I don’t want to sell it.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not for them.” I shook my head. “I told you it doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“Switch places with me,” he said softly.

We did, and the warm water flowing over my body immediately calmed some of my turmoil. I knew I’d have to explain why I wasn’t putting the video online, but even after weeks of trying, I still couldn’t find the words to describe what I saw.

“It wasn’t for them?” he asked, squirting some body wash into a clean washcloth.

“I wasn’t looking at the camera that night. I wasn’t thinking about making content or playing it up for whoever might end up watching us.”

He pressed the cloth against my chest and gently started cleaning me.

“I was only thinking about you. And it doesn’t make any sense because we were live on cam, but the videos feel private.”

He finished soaping up my chest and stomach. “I wasn’t thinking about anything other than you either.”

I stepped back and rinsed off.

“And I get what you’re trying to say. It felt private for me too.” He peeked at me through his lashes. He only did that when he was feeling extra vulnerable.

“I thought maybe you didn’t want to post it because there was something wrong with it.”

“There was nothing wrong with it.”

He chewed on his lip.

“Asa?”

He fixed his gaze on my chest. “I thought you didn’t want to post it because I wasn’t good in it.”

I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him against me. He let me and held my waist in a tight hug.

“I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t know how to explain why I didn’t want to share it.”

“We really need to get better at talking.” He pressed a kiss against my shoulder and let go of me. The casual move made my chest tighten.

“We should get out before the water goes cold.”

“Yeah.”

I turned off the water, and we stepped out of the tub.

“How much did we make?” Asa asked as we dried off. “I couldn’t do the math while my brain was soup from that O, and I have no idea what our final token count was.”

“Almost five thousand.” I handed him the pile of clothes he’d stashed in the room before the show.

“Seriously?”

“Pretty sure.” I told him the token total so he could do his own math while we started getting dressed.

“Jesus. Wow.” He blinked a few times. “I was not expecting that.”

“Me either. It would take me two months to make that much doing solo shows. That’s why they’re not worth doing anymore. I’d rather have the time off to do other things.”

“Yeah, that’s a big difference.” He finished pulling on his clothes. “You already work too much. It’s good you’ll have some more free time.”

“Hopefully I won’t be working at all when I start my program in the fall. Short-term pain for long-term gain, as they say.” I pulled my hoodie over my head.

“That doesn’t sound like something a future physical therapist should be saying,” he pointed out and opened the door to the bathroom.

“Probably not, but it’s not like I have another choice in this economy.”

He followed me into the living room. “Want to watch another episode?”

“Yeah.” I sat on the couch and handed him the remote.

He sat next to me, so close we were pressed together as he started the episode. I put my arm over the back of the couch. He leaned into me and rested his head against my arm.

A few minutes into the opening credits, Asa’s foot snaked around my ankle. We’d started sitting like this after that first awkward night of feeling each other out. I liked it way too much.

“These cliffhangers are killing me,” I said when the episode was over.

“Do you want me to ease your suffering?” he asked teasingly.

“No thanks. I actually like being surprised. You keep your spoilers to yourself.”

“They’re not spoilers, they’re projections.”

“They’re spoilers because your predictions are always right.”

He shrugged. “Not my fault things are so predictable.”

“Can I ask you something?” I blurted.

I’d spent the entire episode thinking about what Asa said on cam, and I needed to know the truth.

“Sure.” He shot me a curious look.

“Earlier you said I was your first everything.”

He swallowed, but didn’t otherwise react.

“Is that true?”

He nodded.

“Was I your first kiss?”

He nodded again. “You’re the only guy I’ve kissed.” He let out an embarrassed-sounding laugh. “Hell, if we’re being honest here, you’re the only guy I’ve actually hooked up with, if we’re going by the true definition of hooking up.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” I said slowly. His confession that I was the only person he’d kissed had thrown me for enough of a loop that I’d probably misheard the rest of what he’d said. He couldn’t mean that I was the only guy he’d slept with, right?

He lifted his gaze to mine. “What do you think I mean?”

“That you’ve never had sex with anyone other than me?” I braced, waiting for him to tell me how wrong I was.

His smile said more than any words ever could.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” I said helplessly.

“What’s there to say? It’s just a fact.” He shrugged and looked away.

“Would this be the wrong time to tell you that you’re the only guy I’ve kissed?”

“Really?” He shot me a quick look.

“Really. I never wanted that with anyone else.”

The corner of his mouth curled up, but I couldn’t tell if it was a smile or a smirk since I could only see his profile.

“Do you remember how I didn’t have any supplies on me that night at our parents, when I helped you babysit?” I asked. Might as well be completely honest since he’d opened up first.

He nodded.

We hadn’t talked about why I’d shown up while he was babysitting, or what happened in my dad’s office, or how I bailed on him right after. Now felt like the right time.

I raked a hand through my hair, pushing the curls back from my face. “That was on purpose.”

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but closed it a second later.

“I took them out of my wallet before I went over,” I finished.

“Why?”

“Because I thought it would help me keep my head out of dirty town and not jump you the second I could.” I chuckled at his bewildered expression. “What? You look like I just told you I can talk to chickens.”

“I mean, that would be a pretty cool superpower.” He grinned. “Birds are basically dinosaurs, and chickens are modern T. rexes. Imagine what they could tell us if we could understand them.”

“I’m sorry, but what? Birds are dinosaurs and chickens are T. rexes?”

“Pretty much. Them and ostriches. Have you ever seen or heard a shoebill? They’re more dinosaur than bird.” He shook his head. “But we can talk about avian evolution later. You took them out of your wallet because you were trying to not jump me?”

I nodded, still not completely over the whole birds are dinosaurs thing. “Yeah. Didn’t work, obviously. But I figured it was best to take that temptation away.”

“You’ve thought about it? Hooking up off cam?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“All the time.” I searched his expression, trying to see beneath his shock. “Did you think about it?”

“More than I’ll ever admit.” He paused and scrunched up his face in a way that was too adorable. “Although saying that is kind of an admission of just how much.” He shook his head like he was trying to shake himself back into the conversation. “I thought I was the only one who thought about it.”

“Not the only one.”

“And I didn’t bring any supplies that night because I never carry them.” He shot me a smile-smirk. “Although I probably would have if I’d known you were going to come over. I don’t have nearly as much self-control as you do.”

“Now I wish I had told you and didn’t just show up,” I joked.

“Why did you come over that night? Was it just to hang out with the kids?”

“Yes, but that’s not why. I wanted to spend time with you. Seeing the kids was just an excuse to make that happen.”

“I had no idea.” He spun his ring with his thumb. “I thought it was just the moment that made that happen. That was the first time we talked about real stuff, and I figured that was why things went there.”

“That wasn’t the reason.”

“You didn’t want to do it again?” he asked, and the vulnerability in them was staggering.

“All the time,” I said truthfully. “I just didn’t want to fuck things up by making a move. Did you want to do it again?”

“Yeah. But same thing. I didn’t want to fuck things up.” He shot me a helpless look. “I don’t know what to do about any of this.”

I sighed and leaned back against the couch. “Yeah. Same.”

The silence between us stretched.

“I have a confession.”

“What is it?” I asked when he didn’t elaborate.

“I haven’t really been looking all that hard for a place to live,” he mumbled, his eyes on his ring.

“That’s good because I low-key don’t want you to move out.”

He snapped his eyes up, his expression a mix of hopeful and confused.

“I like having you here,” I confessed. “I don’t like that you have to live in a den and not your own room, but I’m not all that keen for you to move out.”

He smiled. “I like being here. And the den isn’t a big deal. It would be nice to have a door, but this is a penthouse compared to most of the places I’ve lived.”

“Things would be so much easier if our parents weren’t together.” I let out a sigh.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “But do you think we ever would have gotten to this point if they weren’t?”

“No.” I didn’t even have to think about it. “We would be strangers who used to go to school together.”

“I don’t hate that we aren’t.” He toyed with his ring but didn’t look away. “I like where we are. That we’re friends.”

He added the last part quietly, like he was afraid it wasn’t true.

“You’re pretty much my best friend.” I let out a little laugh. “So yeah, I don’t hate that we ended up here either.”

“You’re kinda my best friend too.” His cheeks and neck flushed pink. “So what do we do?”

“I’m not sure. But we don’t have to figure everything out tonight.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” He smiled in relief. “I’m not sure I’m in the right headspace to be making any major life decisions right now.”

“Me either,” I agreed. “How serious are you about living here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to stay roommates long-term?”

“Yeah, if you do. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

His look told me he knew I wasn’t telling him the whole truth, but he didn’t call me on it.

“What time is it?” I asked, suddenly exhausted. “My phone is in my room.”