Page 6 of Make You Wish You Were Dead

"Your dad hired me to watch over you."

Two

Jane

The atmospherein the car is quiet and full of something.

Tension?

Recognition?

Awkwardness?

I don't know.

Rowan is just driving while I look out the window, staring at the trees passing by.

I glance at him a couple of times and just to steal a couple of looks.

I can't seem to figure him out. He is closed off and from what I have seen he only shows me what I want to see. He barely said or gave away anything.

Rowan looks calm and still. His eyes are focused on the road and the road only. His hand is still as he holds onto the steering wheel. His jaw would tick every now and then when I would stare at him but other than that he is like a statue.

He would only crack when he wanted you to see him do so.

When we get to the house, I open the door and run out of the car before he makes a full stop. I run inside the house and go to the office.

I’m surprised that we are having dinner here instead of at the De Luca’s. Usually when my family is in Italy, we always have dinners at the De Luca’s.

When I am in front of the office, I open the door and walk inside.

My dad is sitting in his chair in front of his computer while my mom is standing behind him looking at the screen.

My dad turns his head to look at me. "Hello, Jane," he smiles.

"What the hell, dad?"I sign.

I learned how to sign a few months after my accident because I wanted to communicate with my parents rather than them talking and then me writing them notes constantly.

They were more than happy to take ASL classes with me. When I stopped talking, they were heartbroken and tried so many ways to make me talk to them or communicate in some sort of way, but I never did.

I was afraid and still am.

Every night I have nightmares about that same sentence over and over.

It's like a sinful reminder of how this one person has a hold of my voice. That ball in my throat from three years ago just got bigger and when I tried to talk, I couldn't.

I wanted to. I wanted to tell my parents I loved them and that I appreciated them. But I could never get those words out of my mouth. That ball in my throat stopped me.

"Rowan is a good guy. He is going to be taking care of you."

"So, a babysitter?"

"No!" my mom yells, cutting into the conversation. "We just want you to have someone to be friends with."

"And this person just so happens to be a guy who looks like a bodyguard?"

"Just give him a chance Jane. He is really nice," my mom says. "He was working for the De Luca's and that's how we know him. Ace said that he is a good man."