Page 38 of Make You Wish You Were Dead

I can’t help but think about how Rowan will leave me in the future and that he is just with me right now because he is bored.

What if he wants kids and I can’t give that to him?

What if he doesn’t want kids and I do?

I’m young and shouldn’t be thinking like this.

It should be the last thing I should think about.

His eyes go to me every once and a while but I don't move my eyes off of him. He looks so relaxed and carefree with them. I already know he is probably going to be such a great dad.

I don't know much about Rowan’s life but I want to. I've been wanting to know more about Rowan and his personal life.

But I also know that he isn't the type of person who goes around telling people his business.

Nineteen

Rowan

All of thekids are gone except Ellie.

She is a fun kid.

Her personality shines and reflects on others, kind of like Jane when she is smiling or showing a side of her personality that people don't see.

I feel like I am the only one to see some sides of that personality.

My eyes leave Ellie who is watching something on the TV and they go to Jane who is sitting on the couch reading a book.

As I stare at her, my eyes travel everywhere. They travel along the lines of her small nose that has some soft freckles on her skin, her plump lips that look a natural reddish shade, and her long beautiful curly hair.

She is so beautiful.

Jane has always been beautiful to me. I can't ever grasp how beautiful she is.

Jane looks away from her book and her eyes catch mine. Her cheeks turn a shade dark and she covers her face with the book.

Everyone already left. Katlyn told Jane to lock up and Callan had a family emergency so he had to leave early. All of the kids left one by one and now we just have Ellie.

Once Ellie gets picked up then Jane and I can go home.

I realize why Jane loves this place so much. The kids distract her and she likes that she can talk to them without using her voice. She feels comfortable and safe here.

When Ellie finally gets picked up, Jane talks to Ellie's mom before they go out the door.

I am still sitting on the couch, watching Jane close the door behind Ellie and her mom.

Jane turns around and her eyes connect with mine. "What?" she asks when she notices how I am staring at her.

"Come here." Jane shakes her head 'no' and my hands form into a fist. "Jane, I'm not going to ask another time. Come here."

Jane slowly walks to where I'm sitting on the couch and she stands in front of me. I grab her hand and hold it with mine.

Her hand fits perfectly into my hand.

I love it.

I fucking love how we match each other.