Page 66 of Lust & Lies

I told myself not to look back, not to check to see how close they were. But I couldn’t help it. I needed to know. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw... nothing... just trees and shadows. But the footsteps were still there, closing in.

Which direction were they coming from? Facing forward, I kept limping, faster now despite the pain. I could make it. I could. I had to. My hands tightened around the strap of my AR-15. Come on, Noe. Push yourself.

Damn it. It hurt. I could see lights in the distance. That had to be the orchard. But it was still so far away. Fuck! Then something slammed into me from the side. Hard. The impact sent me sprawling to the ground.

The side of my head smacked into a rock. White hot pain burst behind my eyes. The world spun, the forest becoming blurry. A boot landed in my gut. Nausea surged in my stomach, hot and sour, making me want to throw up right there on the forest floor.

“That’s for running from us,” someone spat.

Two sets of hands grabbed me, lifting me, making my world spin faster. I blinked, trying to focus, trying to clear my head. Everything hurt now. I couldn’t name one part of me that wasn’t in pain.

“Toss her gun,” one of the guys ordered. “Hurry.”

The other one snatched my weapon off me, nearly taking my neck off as he tugged on the strap. I groaned as pain lanced through my side when the strap brushed my wound. I could feel the blood dripping down my side.

I was now weaponless and in the clutches of the Watchdogs. Were they going to return me to Grandpa Park, or were they there to kill me? With the way they were treating me, they had to be there to kill me.

They dragged me through the forest, back toward the vehicle that had run me off the road. I wanted to fight back. Mist would fight back. But Noe was too busy fighting to stay conscious.

I must’ve lost that battle and passed out because the memories hit, replacing the blurry forest with a clear view of my past. A view that was just as painful as the wound on my side.

I remembered playing in the yard with Ethan, Tristan, and Aiden when we were kids. My hair had been cropped short, my clothes baggy and boyish. They’d called me Noah back then. Grandpa Park’s decision.

He thought it was safer for me to blend in that way. I hated it. But I had no choice. I remembered visiting Aiden’s aunt’s house and sneaking into Noelle’s closet one day and trying on one of her dresses.

I hadn’t planned to steal it or anything. I just wanted to know what it felt like to look like a girl. I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to be a princess too. After putting it on, I realized I looked nothing like my sister did when she wore dresses.

I’d stared into her mirror, taking in my appearance. My hair was too short, too much like a boy’s cut. And even though Noelle and I were identical twins, I looked rough while she always looked delicate.

My skin wasn’t soft like hers. I didn’t look girly or pretty at all. Noelle caught me before I could take the dress off. She laughed and ran to tell Grandpa Park and Ji-an. He’d taken me back to his estate, not even giving me time to take the dress off.

I’d felt so embarrassed being forced to walk past Tristan, Ethan, and Aiden while looking like that. I’d held back the tears, not wanting them to see me cry. But I hadn’t missed the look of pity in their eyes.

Aiden had yelled at his grandfather to leave me alone.

Because of that, he’d gotten in trouble.

As for me, Grandpa Park made me kneel in his office for over an hour as punishment.

Noelle came to visit and stood in the doorway, snickering behind her hand, telling me I looked like a fool in her dress with my short hair and boyish face.

Ethan had gone outside and found a bug, then came back and used it to scare her away. After that, Grandpa Park closed the door to his office, leaving me in there alone. That’s when the tears came. I let them fall for over ten minutes, only calming down when a light knock sounded at the door.

“It’s me, Aiden,” Aiden had whispered.

“Go away before you get in trouble.”

“I don’t care about getting in trouble. I’m not leaving you alone. I’ll kneel out here while you kneel in there,” he told me.

“Your knees will start to hurt,” I said.

“Yours will too. We’ll hurt together.”

I stared at the closed door, knowing Aiden was out there, kneeling with me. Suddenly, I no longer felt like crying. I no longer felt so alone. And it was then that I realized, I didn’t like Aiden the same way I liked Tristan and Ethan. Aiden was different. Special.

“You looked pretty in the dress,” Aiden told me from his side of the door.

“Stop lying,” I said, feeling embarrassed.

“I’m not lying. You looked pretty. You always look pretty to me, Noelani.”

He’d called me Noelani. Not Noah. Not Noe. I smiled as I stared at the closed door. I looked pretty to Aiden.

“Did I look like a girl?” I asked, nervous.

“You always look like a girl,” he told me.

He was lying. But it made me happy. Aiden Park always found a way to make me happy. One day, when I was free to be who I wanted to be, I would tell him that I liked him. More than liked him. Would he say it back?

Did Aiden Park like me, too?