Page 40 of Lust & Lies

NOELLE

CHEATING? CHEATING! Oh, hell no. Even in my dream, the outrage I felt was real. The more Dream-Me talked, the angrier I got.

“I thought my love would be enough. I thought once we got rid of all the external noise, all the roadblocks in our lives, we would be happy. I was wrong. My love wasn’t enough.

” Another laugh escaped me, this one uglier and crazier sounding than the last. “Turns out, I’m not even enough to make him come home at night. ”

The other person in the room sighed. Dream-Me glared over at the person.

“You think this is funny, don’t you? Probably think this is what I deserve.

All I wanted was to be happy. Was it so wrong for me to fight for my happiness?

How was I supposed to know it would turn out like this?

I deserve to be happy just like everyone else.

But he refuses to do anything to make me happy.

He doesn’t talk to me. Doesn’t smile at me.

He doesn’t touch me. Hell, I don’t even think he sees me at all. ”

I plopped down on the edge of the bed with my hands folded in my lap, feet tapping against the floor.

“You were right,” I said. “I never should’ve gotten involved with Aiden Park. I regret it,” I cried. “I regret it so much. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to love Aiden Park anymore. I’m tired. I’m so damn tired.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I sobbed. But no one consoled me. No one told me it was going to be okay. There was no one there for me. Not even Aiden, the man who’d promised to always be there.

Was this the truth my husband was trying to hide from me behind his hugs and fake smiles? Was he trying to make up for the hurt he’d caused me in the past? Or was he trying to make me fall for him just so he could break me all over again?

I was pulled from the lucid dream by the feel of someone touching me. My eyes popped open, heart racing. The room was dim now, the soft sounds of a movie playing in the background, but I couldn’t make out a word the characters were saying.

What the hell awakened me? I turned over on the couch, and that’s when I came face-to-face with him. My husband. Mr. Park. Anger flared within me as I stared at the face of the man who was responsible for my nightmare.

No. For a nightmarish memory. He was crouched beside me, one hand on my shoulder, the other brushing hair from my forehead like I was a child waking from a bad dream. But I wasn’t a child. I was a grown woman who was slowly realizing that nothing was as it seemed when it came to Aiden Park.

“You were whimpering in your sleep, love,” he murmured. “Were you having a nightmare?”

Yes. And you were the cause.

He rubbed my arm, trying to soothe me. I pulled away from his touch, not wanting his hands on me. That worried crease returned to his brow. The one that made him look caring and loving.

The one that made me feel guilty for recoiling from his touch. The one that had fooled me too many times. I now saw it for what it was. An act. A facade. A way to make me believe in the illusion he’d created for me.

But as that worried look deepened, so did my doubt. Was it real or rehearsed? I couldn’t tell. Whatever it was, this man was good at it. And until I had all the pieces of my puzzle in place, I’d have to be good at it also. I’d have to be just as fake as he was.

“You okay?” he asked, voice gentle. Too gentle.

I nodded. “Yeah. It was just a dream.”

A dream that had felt more like a warning. Proof that I’d once played the fool for this man. If I wasn’t careful, history would end up repeating itself. Not happening. I wasn’t even sure how I’d allowed it to happen the first time.

There wasn’t that much love in the world to make me put up with the shit Dream-Me had put up with. I’d rather kill him than let him take me through some mess like that. A dark feeling settled over me at that thought.

I didn’t push it away. I let it wrap me in its chilling embrace, proof that my heart was turning cold against Aiden Park. He studied me, waiting for me to say more, probably tell him about my dream.

I remained silent. I had nothing to give this man. I mean, I literally had nothing to give. Not emotionally. Not physically. Not even spiritually. I was drained. Beyond exhausted.

“I’m sorry I was gone so long,” he told me. “The call ran longer than I expected. We were....” He paused. “We were finalizing...”

“Mmmm,” I hummed before he could even finish the sentence.

I was no longer trying to hear his bullshit. His mouth tugged into a frown. My eyes drifted past him to the window. The last rays of the sun had vanished. I hadn’t expected to nap that long.

“I should’ve been here sooner. I’m sorry, love. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. “The nightmare?”

I looked at him fully for the first time since waking. I mean, really looked at him. This man did not look like a cheater. But looks could be deceiving. Still, how could the man who’d been taking care of me since I woke up in the hospital be the same man from my dreams?

It made no sense. Yet, this was him. He was the Aiden from my dreams. He had the same dark eyes. Same genuine-seeming concern etched into his expression. He had the same handsome features that often made me wonder if he was real or a figment of my imagination.

Same rideable lips that made me want to kiss him. The same strong arms that wrapped around me, making me feel safe. Everything about him was the same. Yet, nothing was the same. Not anymore. Not after that dream.

“Baby, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong. What did you dream about? Was it the movie that made you have a nightmare?”

“No,” I whispered.

It was you.

Clearing my throat, I told him, “I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

I moved into a sitting position, leaning away from him when he tried to help me. My gaze awkwardly moved around the room. I wanted to look anywhere but at him right now. Yet, he couldn’t take his eyes off me.

I could feel them on me, almost like a physical caress. I could sense them pleading with me to look his way. I blinked, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. I would not cry for this man again. I was all out of tears.

Finally, Aiden stood. I thought he was going to walk away and leave me alone in the garden room. Even though I wanted him away from me, the thought of him actually leaving almost made me panic.

But he didn’t leave. Instead, he reached down to brush his fingers lightly against my cheek. How could I crave a touch desperately but hate it so fucking much all at the same time?

“It’s late, beautiful. I ran your bath,” he said softly. “You ready to go upstairs?”

I blinked, caught off guard. He’d run my bath water for me. Had he already come in here, seen me asleep, and decided to run the bath for me so I could bathe before bed? See, this was what made me confused.

This was what brought doubt to my mind and weakened my resolve. How could this man that I loved deeply also be the man who’d hurt me in the past? Damn it, I needed my memory back. I was so tired of these bits and pieces that didn’t tell the whole story.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I whispered, feeling lost.

“It’s my honor to take care of you,” he told me.

Those words would’ve brought a smile to my face just yesterday. Today, they confused and angered me. He opened his arms to me.

“Wrap your arms around me, beautiful. I’ll take you upstairs and get you ready for your bath.”

My body didn’t move, but my mind sprinted in circles, questioning everything. Was this love? Was this kindness? Or was it the bait in the trap he’d set for me? The dream still clung to me, refusing to allow me to ignore the things Past-Me had said.

However, no matter how I felt right now, I was still pretty much at the mercy of this man. Therefore, I couldn’t reveal that I’d remembered some of our darker moments. Not yet. Slowly, hesitantly, I lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck.

He slipped one arm beneath my knees, the other around my back, and lifted me, something he’d done so many times before. Though I didn’t resist, I couldn’t get my body to relax in his embrace. My mind and heart were too unsettled for that.

However, I did stare up at him while he carried me through the house, eyes scanning his chiseled jawline, the relaxed curve of his mouth, the peaceful look in his gaze. He was just a man carrying the love of his life to the bathroom.

That’s what this looked like. That’s the story he wanted to portray. And it was a beautiful story. One I’d fallen in love with. But what if it wasn’t real? Or what if it didn’t have a happy ending?

This could be just another performance in a long line of practiced gestures by Aiden Park. I’m sure he’d done this before. It was probably how he’d made me fall in love with him in the past. He’d made me think I was safe, only to later rip the rug out from beneath me.

God. What kind of man was I married to?

“Since our bathroom doesn’t have a tub,” he started. “I’ll have you bathe in the guest room. Okay?”

I nodded. We reached the bedroom, and he didn’t stop walking. He carried me straight through it, into the bathroom, and set me down in front of the tub. I saw the loofah and the body wash already on the edge of it.

A lavender-scented candle was burning on the corner of the tub, its scent filling the room. I looked away from it, refusing to be swayed by this princess treatment. His fingers moved to the hem of my shirt, eyes meeting mine like he was asking for permission to undress me.

I didn’t give it.

But I didn’t stop him either.

And maybe that was permission enough. He peeled the fabric over my head slowly, carefully, then worked on the waistband of my bottoms. As he slid those down, his knuckles brushed my hips.

My body responded automatically, goosebumps rising along my arms and legs. I hated that reaction. Hated that he still had this effect on me. Hated that I didn’t have the strength to tell him to stop.

“Step out of those flip-flops for me,” he whispered.