Page 10 of Lust & Lies

NOELLE

CROSSING MY LEGS, I stared down at my plate as I fought temptation. How could I be so damn attracted to a man I couldn’t even remember? Just yesterday, I was thinking of ways to file for a divorce without him knowing.

“You must not be hungry,” Aiden stated.

My gaze snapped to his. Did he just say what I thought he said?

“Excuse me?” I asked to be sure.

“I said, you must not be hungry. You’re not eating.”

OMG! I thought he said you must not be horny! Yeah, I was hungry.

For him.

“I’m horn... hungry,” I told him, gaze returning to my plate. “Real hungry.”

“Do you want something to drink?” Aiden asked.

I swallowed before saying, “Water would be nice.”

“Would you like to hear the other options?” he asked, rising and heading to the refrigerator.

He was being so polite. Nothing like the savage who pinned me to the wall and kissed me earlier.

“Noe, do you want to hear the other options?” he asked again.

“Oh. Yeah. Yes.”

I stared at his butt as he walked to the refrigerator and opened the door.

“We have milk, grape juice, cranberry juice, orange juice, Sprite, Coke, wine, and water.”

Wine sounded nice. But I couldn’t afford to be tipsy right now, not with the way my body was responding to this man.

“I’ll take a bottle of water.”

“Coming right up.”

He returned to the island with two bottles of water. I accepted the bottle from him and placed it on the counter next to my bowl.

“When we’re done eating, I’ll go to the car and get our bags,” he told me.

“Oh, right. I forgot about the bags. I can help.”

“That’s okay. I want you to relax as much as possible.”

With a nod, I took a bite of my food and sighed. It was divine, seasoned, and cooked perfectly. All conversation was forgotten about as I tore into my food. At the hospital, they’d had me on a special diet.

The food hadn’t been seasoned very well because they’d wanted me to eat less salt. Aiden’s food was seasoned to perfection. I was taking another bite when I looked up and found him staring at me. Damn. I probably looked like I hadn’t eaten in years.

After swallowing, I said, “Sorry. This tastes good.”

“No need to apologize. I’m glad you like it, and I’m glad you’re eating. Go ahead.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I wasn’t one of those women who had a problem eating in front of a guy they liked.

I continued eating, just a little slower now.

We talked a bit about the house as we ate, with him telling me that we had a nice gym and that he would have the physical therapist come here to work with me instead of me having to go to their facilities.

Hours ago, I would’ve seen that suggestion as a red flag. I would’ve viewed it as him trying to control me and keep me locked away. Now, I kind of appreciated it. Now that I was here, in our home, it felt good to be away from the hospital, the doctors, and all the nurses.

He’d let me talk to his brother, though he hadn’t wanted to. So, he wasn’t hiding me away. I think he was genuinely trying to keep me away from stress. If the roles were reversed, I’m pretty sure I’d do the same for him.

However, there was something I needed to know, and it would determine whether I could continue allowing myself to relax with him or not.

“Aiden?” I said, letting my chopsticks rest against my plate.

“Yeah, baby?” he replied, reaching for his bottle of water and unscrewing the cap.

“Thank you for letting me talk to your brother today. It felt good talking to someone who knew me before the accident.”

He swallowed his water and capped it before replying.

“I admit, I hadn’t wanted to do it. I had no choice. Once you fully remember Ethan, you’ll know that he really would’ve come here. And he wouldn’t have just come for a few minutes or hours. He would’ve crashed here for days.”

I chuckled, happy that he was opening up. Maybe now was the time to say what I really wanted to say.

“Since a member of your family has been revealed to me, it should be okay for you to tell me a little about my own family, right?”

He froze, chopsticks in hand. I was nervous as hell as I waited for him to say something. He lowered his utensil to his plate, grabbed his napkin, and dabbed at the corners of his mouth. I knew stalling when I saw it.

And this man was stalling. He wasn’t going to answer me in the way I hoped. Even so, I waited to see what he would say. Would he brush me off with a lame excuse, or would he be considerate of my feelings and reveal a little bit of my family details to me?

“Baby, I want to tell you about your family. But it’s...” he paused.

If he said it was complicated, I’d probably lose my mind.

“Give me a month of us tracking your progress, and then I’ll share some things with you. How about that?”

I kept my face void of emotion, not wanting to reveal just how upset I was. What did I expect? I mean, really? I’d jumped out there with this when I was supposed to be taking baby steps with him and letting him reveal things to me without realizing it.

“Okay?” I said, staring down at my plate again.

“You’re upset with me, aren’t you?”

“Nope,” I muttered.

“You are.”

“If you know I am, then why ask?”

Those words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I turned in my seat to face him, only to find him smiling.

“A month more of that and I’ll be ready to tell you,” he said.

Wait. What?

“As you return to your normal, take no shit, self,” Aiden started. “I’ll know you can handle more of your past.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Noelle...”

“I know, you can’t tell me yet.”

“I just want to be sure you’re ready for it when I do tell you.

There are things in my own past that I wish I could forget.

Some things just aren’t worth remembering.

Of course, you don’t think that because right now, you want to remember everything.

Right now, you feel lost. And I get that.

But trust me...” he paused. “Sorry. You don’t have to trust me until you’re ready.

Just know, not every memory is going to be pleasant.

And some will be hard to accept. Some will make you wish you could forget them again.

However, there will also be happy ones. I hope the happy ones return first so that you don’t get stuck with a bunch of bad memories in your head.

That’s what the therapist is for. And he’s not back in town yet.

I don’t want you to suffer through something you’ve already suffered through.

I don’t want you to relive something you’ve already fought to get away from. ”

His words made sense. I sighed, slouching in my seat as I stared up at the ceiling.

“That makes sense,” I whispered. “It wasn’t even an hour ago that I promised you and myself I’d be patient and take this one day at a time. Now look at me, rushing things again.”

“Noelle, you are taking it one day at a time. This is what one day at a time looks like.”

I looked over at him. “It's only day one out of the hospital, and I already feel like I’m spiraling.”

“You’re not spiraling. You’re healing.”

But this didn’t feel like healing. I tried to hold back my emotions. I really did. However, they spilled forth on their own.

“This doesn’t feel like healing,” I confessed, and that was all I could get out before a wave of anguish washed over me, and my words turned into a choked sob.

I covered my face, surprised and embarrassed by how I was behaving. It hit me so suddenly, I hadn’t been able to prepare myself. I heard Aiden’s stool scrape against the floor. I didn’t want him to see me like this.

Yet, there was nowhere for me to run, nowhere to hide. A second later, his arms were wrapped around me, and I was pressed against his chest.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”

His words only made me cry harder. I felt like the world was crashing down around me, and I was slowly being buried under the rubble. To make matters worse, I wasn’t pretty-crying. Loud sobs that made my shoulders quake tore from me.

My nose ran, and almost every ounce of dignity I had crawled into a hole to hide in shame. Even so, I couldn’t stop. The tears came fast and unexpectedly, almost as if they’d been waiting for the perfect moment to unleash themselves.

All I could do was let them have their way. Lowering my hands from my face, I gripped Aiden’s shirt, wrinkling it. My fingers dug into the fabric, and I hated that I was soaking it, but I couldn’t let go.

He didn’t say a word, his broad chest absorbing every jagged breath and hiccupping cry I gave him. One of his hands slid up and down my back in smooth strokes, while the other held me against him.

Though he was only trying to console me, my body was starting to respond to the feel of his hand on my back, rubbing me. My crybaby ass was sad and horny at the same time. It was the worst and most confusing feeling I'd ever experienced.

I cried even harder, shame threading through my veins. Why couldn’t I just experience one overwhelming emotion at a time? Why did they all have to hit me at once? And why couldn’t they wait until I was alone?

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered into my hair. “Just let it out. I’ve got you.”

Heaven help me, that only made me cry harder. I buried my face into his chest, fists clutching the fabric of his shirt like I was afraid he’d vanish if I let go or if he let go of me. He didn’t let go. Not when my shoulders shook.

Not when I let out a cry that sounded a little too close to a wail. Not when I tried to quiet myself and failed terribly. I swallowed, attempting to rein in my emotions again. It took a few more tries for my shoulders to cease shaking and the tears to slow down.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying this hard,” I rasped once I was able to speak clearly. “It’s like my feelings went rogue and I’m no longer in control of my emotions.”

“It’s okay, love.”

“It’s not. I don’t like crying like this. It’s embarrassing.”

“Everyone cries. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Wait until you see how wet your shirt is,” I told him.

“I can already feel how wet it is.”

“See!” I cried. “Embarrassing.”

“I’m not embarrassed. And you shouldn’t be either. Noelle, there’ll be more days like this. Days when it all feels like too much, when you feel lost, broken, or confused. And on those days, I’m going to be right here. Holding you through all of it.”

His words undid me. Again. I sobbed into his chest as he continued holding me, rubbing my back. I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Eventually, my cries softened, turning into shaky breaths that ultimately faded into my regular breathing.

Still, he held me as I pulled myself together. A couple of minutes later, he eased back a little, only enough to reach for a napkin from the counter behind me.

“Let me see you,” he said gently.

I shook my head.

“Come on, love. Look at me.”

“I look a mess,” I murmured.

“You can never look a mess to me. Come on, baby. Look at me.”

Ugh! I sniffed and tilted my face up.

“See,” I whispered. “I look horrible.”

“I think you said beautiful wrong,” he told me as he dabbed at my tears.

I didn’t flinch, just watched him, amazed at how gentle and patient he was with me. More tears welled in my eyes.

“You’re okay,” he whispered, gaze locked on mine. “You’re safe. You’re protected. You’re loved. It’s going to be okay. One day at a time, remember?”

I nodded, though my throat was tight as I held back more tears.

“I hate feeling like this,” I whispered. “I hate how all of a sudden, I needed to cry, and I couldn’t stop the tears. They came on their own, and there was nothing I could do about it. I don’t want to feel like this again.”

“You will,” he said honestly, not sugarcoating a thing. “And when you do, I’ll be right here. Holding you like this. Every time it gets heavy, every time it hits you out of nowhere, I’ll be here to hold you and let you know you’re not alone.”

“If you keep this up, eventually, you’ll get tired of me,” I whispered.

“Impossible. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not just my wife, you’re my life, Noelle.”

I heard the sincerity in his voice, saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch. He smiled, wiping the corner of my eye one last time before crumpling the napkin and tossing it onto the counter. His fingers returned, cupping my cheeks with a warmth that melted straight through my skin.

“We all have good days and bad days. In the future, there may be days when I start to feel overwhelmed, too. On those days,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “When I need a shoulder to cry on, will you let me cry on yours?”

That caught me off guard. Yet, it made me feel less embarrassed, less like a failure. It showed me that he wasn’t scared to be vulnerable in front of me. It made me feel like he needed me just as much as I needed him. Like we were truly in this together.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Whenever you need me, I’ll be here for you, Aiden.”

“Thank you, baby,” he murmured, his thumbs brushing along my jaw.

The tears had subsided. However, I wasn’t ready for him to move. I didn’t want to lose the warmth of his hands or the love in his gaze. I had a feeling he knew that because he didn’t step back.

He didn’t break the moment. He stood there holding my face, staring down at me like I was the most precious person in his world. Aiden’s thumb brushed across my cheek again, wiping away the remnants of my sadness, of my frustration.

Then, as if drawn by instinct, that same thumb swept lower, grazing the curve of my bottom lip. For a second, I forgot how to breathe. His gaze dipped there, lingering on my mouth before lifting to my eyes again.

“In the past, when you were sad,” he murmured. “You used to say that kissing me made you feel better.”

My brows drew together. “I did?”

He grinned. “No.”

A chuckle slipped out of me. I gave him a playful shove to the chest, still sniffling.

“You’re terrible,” I told him.

“Sometimes.” His smile deepened. “But maybe we can make that our new tradition. From now on, I’ll hold you when you cry, then kiss you until the sadness melts away. And you can do the same for me. How does that sound?”

God. This man.

I nodded, refusing to pretend as if I didn’t want him to do just that.

“I think I’ll like that tradition,” I admitted.

“You think so?” he whispered.

“Yes, Aiden,” I whispered back.

He didn’t waste time. He leaned in slowly, his eyes locked on mine like he was giving me a chance to pull away, an opportunity to change my mind. Not happening. I wanted this just as much as he did.

To prove it, I leaned in, meeting him halfway. Surprise flared in his dark gaze seconds before his lips met mine in a kiss that was so soft, so patient, it nearly made me swoon.