Page 44

Gwen

M y worst nightmare came true, as Matty brought up what happened in my second year in New York. What caused my nightmares. What I tried to forget.

“You don’t have to tell us anything,” Tenzin assured.

I should tell them. Especially before we got too serious, in case what I’d done was a deal breaker and they wanted to leave me. But at this moment, I wasn’t ready.

“Hey, whatever it is, we’ll still love you, Gweny. We love you so much,” Clark said. “We all have unhappy things in our past and it doesn’t define us.”

Shit, I needed to hear that.

Also, Clark loved me? I wasn’t ready to say it back, but it warmed me to my very core.

“That makes me so happy. You both mean so much to me.” I sobbed again as memories of that gunfight assaulted me. What happened with Officer Jones hurt me even more than being kidnapped by Lucius.

“It’s okay,” Clark soothed, tucking me back into his arms. “Do you want to go back to the room?”

“I didn’t want to upset you. I’m sorry. All I wanted was a chance to tell you some things–and the kids will want to see you,” Matty told me.

“I…” It was an ugly sob.

“I know. You’ve been through so much.” Matty held out his hand. “Let’s get some drinks and catch up? Lenny told me about your breakup. Also, if you haven’t figured it out, I’m the one he sells your shit to, so when you’re ready, you can have everything back.”

“You’re shitting my dick. That knotwaffle. I don’t need their money.” I flinched. The betrayal cut deep. Though part of me was happy that I could get my Maria Barilla rookie card back.

“Who’s Lenny?” Clark asked.

“Did your siblings ever have a friend that pretty much lived at your house? That’s Lenny, Matty’s bestie. He’s a procurer of things and I fence shit through him,” I replied.

“You make him sound nefarious,” Matty chuckled. “He authenticates art for a living and comes to New York a lot. I never asked him to find you or buy your things. I do make my own money–that’s the money you got. Working for the dads doesn’t make me a sock puppet.”

I made a face. “Yes, it does.”

He shook his head. “No. But I understand you wanting to be completely independent. I was only trying to help.”

“I know.” My brother tried to help me. Usually I shut him down and I’d get mad at him for doing so.

I’d be angrier if he stopped offering and I think he understood that.

“So…” Matty asked.

Clark turned us, so his back was to Matty. “What he says about trying to fix things with your dads, since they’re old, is valid. So is staying no-contact, because some hurts never heal. Getting an update on their health might help you gauge things though?”

“You’re right. That’s probably what he wanted to talk about.” I nodded. It’s not all about you, Gwen.

“Do you want us to stay, or go? I don’t mind either way,” Tenzin told me, getting close to us.

It felt selfish to ask them to stay. According to the wedding schedule, there was a fun animals and cocktails walk before the dinner tonight.

“I’ll catch up? I’m sure you’re both really confused and I promise I’ll fill you in eventually, just perhaps not tonight.” My belly twisted as I pulled them both in for a hug.

“Only if you want to,” Tenzin assured me. “Text us if you need us.”

I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears. “Matty, let’s go have that talk.”

It was time.

Matty took a bite of burger. “Mmmm. So good. With the dads having health problems, Flavie is after me to eat better.”

“Are the dads okay?” I asked, as we sat at a picnic table by the lake. I had fries and a beer. If I was being honest with myself, one thought I’d had when I’d seen the dads last was that they looked older.

I might think they’re assholes, but I’d be sad if something happened to them.

“Papa had a heart attack and had to make some lifestyle changes. It’s making him reconsider his life,” Matty replied. “He’s been thinking about you all summer, debating coming to one of your games when the season starts, then asking you to dinner.”

“Oh, is he okay? Papa? Not Babo?” I frowned. Papa was head alpha, and we clashed a lot over the years–mostly over things like hockey, academic performance, and activities. We’d had some good times, but he wasn’t the cuddly dad. Or that dad that relented on things.

“Fortunately, he’s okay. I told Lenny in case he talked to you. But I know you don’t always want to know.” He took another bite.

I usually didn’t. Guilt shot through me. Still, it wasn’t like I’d rush to the hospital to see him unless it was dire.

If it was, they’d get me. Wouldn’t they?

Huh. Maybe I should unblock someone other than Lenny.

“Papa has always had a massive soft spot for you. That’s why Uncle put you as a prize in his takeover plan, when he tried to overthrow the dads after Mom died.” Matty took a drink.

I gave him a look. That was one of the times I didn’t like to think about.

“They’re all in their seventies , Buttons. Babo has to watch his blood sugar, Dad has to be careful about his cholesterol, Popi is becoming forgetful–and I know Grandpa Gary’s dementia hit you hard, so I want you to know all these things. I’m not saying you need to move home–or even come home for a holiday–but dinner? It’s clear they miss you.” He took another bite.

“Maybe?” Shit. Popi was always there with a kiss for the boo-boos and a way to scare off the bed monsters. He was also the only one who didn’t brush off how awful I felt after killing Lucius. Babo was the most supportive of me playing hockey, too.

Still, them not fighting for me when Lucius was after me when I was sixteen, cut deep. Parents should protect you. Even from stalkers with powerful parents.

Matty nodded. “Absolutely. But if you want to come home for the holidays, you can.”

I gave him a skeptical look. “That sounds like a clusterfuck. Remember last time?”

After everything with Lucius and what happened at the lake house, I’d spent the holidays recuperating at the dads’. More than one sibling made it clear I wasn’t welcome.

Another reason to crawl out the window.

I didn’t fit in with my family anymore. If I ever really did.

“The dads have other houses. You have seven siblings, most of whom also have other houses. Pick a location. Pick a holiday. I’ll be there.” He leaned in. “Choose somewhere Maricella hates, so she won’t show up? Please?”

I started laughing. “Maybe.” Then it hit me. “If I go home, I could get pictures of Mom. My ex destroyed pretty much everything I owned. Including my one photo of her.”

“I can send you pictures right now. Will you unblock me? Or give me an email or something?” He picked up his phone.

“Promise not to abuse it?” I frowned at him. He wasn’t the one who overstepped. Still…

Really, I wanted some physical pictures. But I didn’t have any digital ones, either. I’d hidden the hard copy in the lining of my suitcase, when I’d been sent into hiding–the one Austin wrecked. Sure, I could have gone online, but I’d worried about leaving a footprint.

“Pinky swear.” He held out his pinky.

I linked it.

Matty grinned. “Oh, now you’ve done it. Constant stream of pictures of the kids for you.”

I laughed. “I’m okay with pictures of the kids. I just don’t want mean texts. Like Maricella telling me her kids wouldn’t get into a good school, because I’m a murderer.”

“What?” Matty took an angry bite of burger.

“Yeah, her and Dario,” one of her mates, “and Chiara,” one of the twins, “texted me all sorts of super nice things. And not only after everything at the lake house. They did it at the beginning too, when I was sent away to Rockland. Like even though I was supposed to be in hiding, I got so many nastygrams my host mom wanted to get the police involved.”

I had to change my number multiple times.

A horrified look crossed Matty’s face. “They were texting you mean things after you went into hiding ? They weren’t even supposed to know your number. You had someone at the law firm to contact in case of an emergency. Did you tell them?”

“I did. I was told to grow up, and that Maricella was right–it would have been better if I had died instead of the grandparents. Not what I’d expect for a law office.” I took a long drink of beer. That had hurt my na?ve little heart, that still expected adults to help and protect me.

I did tell my contact for the protection program, mostly to keep my host mom from going to the police. I’d changed my number again, and then the texts had stopped.

“I still have that response and all the nastygrams, both from when I was sixteen, and after… after the lake house.” It was hard to talk about my kidnapping.

Some of my siblings blamed it all on me. Sorry if me defending myself made your social life awkward.

“Um, yes, can you forward those to me, please? I’ll send you my email. Send me anything you have from the law office, too,” he told me.

“Sure.” I stuffed fries in my mouth. I’d do it later.

“It’s not okay for them to say things like that to you.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You have a lot to be sorry about.” My eyes teared. “It’s one thing to send me to Nonna’s instead of heading off the problem, given I wanted to go back after Mom died. We all know I was more at home there, more a part of their family than ours.”

He flinched, because he knew it. It was why he and his pack tried so hard to include me in things.

“It was shitty abandoning me when Lucius didn’t quit when I left Canada. Being ripped from my grandparents and sent to Rockland, changing names, not being able to talk to anyone in my old life, having to basically start over, was terrifying. I was sixteen. ” At the time, I’d obeyed and trusted the police.

Now that entire plan seemed completely batshit. It wasn’t even official federal protection either. It was the local police who knew and loved my grandparents and did everything they could to keep me safe for her until I graduated high school.

“The whole thing was entirely for your safety,” Matty told me. “You’re right. It was a shitty idea, and we didn’t like it. We also had no idea it would end like it did–even before the grandparents got the police involved. It was so delicate given who Lucius’ parents are. We couldn’t take care of things like we’d usually do.”

“I know. I’m not worth the trouble.” They would have done it for the others. The dads were powerful.

Just not as powerful as Lucius’ family.

Still, they should have tried. I was a child .

“You know that’s not true,” he shot back.

“Yeah? If one of the others got kidnapped, would they have spent weeks with their captors?” I challenged. That had stung, finding out they’d known where I was for days before they came.

Matty flinched again. “We came for you. Yes, it took a bit, since we had to be cautious. We could have gone to jail–or worse. Look, things got complicated, you don’t understand.”

It was my turn to flinch. I’d been told that all my life. At the same time, I knew it was for the best that I never fully understood.

“If you’d come when you’d found me, Officer Jones wouldn’t have died,” I fired back. His death would haunt me forever. Lucius killed him, because he’d come to rescue me.

“I’m sorry.” He dabbed his beard with a napkin. “Um, you tell people the dads are assholes?”

I shrugged. “Most university students have parents involved in their lives. I have to have a reason why no one ever comes to my games, or family weekend, or why I don’t go home even for summer. My dads are assholes is a pretty succinct explanation.”

“Fuck. I totally forgot that family involvement is still a thing in university.” His look grew pensive. “We can come to stuff. This is your last year. Do you have graduating player things for hockey coming up?”

“I do. You’d play my dad?” I grinned. They lived in Vancouver, and it was a distance. But they also had privilege, which always made travel faster, easier, and more comfortable.

“If you want me to.”

It was a kind offer, and it would be fun to show the kids around the campus. “Maybe? I’ll think about it.”

As we ate, we updated each other about our lives, and I got plenty of cute pictures of the kids. Giulia was twelve now. Davey was nine. After the kidnapping, while I was recovering at the dads’, those two spent a ton of time watching movies and hockey games with me. Matty also had twins–and a little baby that I hadn’t met.

“Isa misses you. She’s in New York a lot for work. Please talk to her?” Matty pleaded.

My sister Isabella worked for a fashion house in Paris and was mated to a movie director and two actors. None of which the dads had approved of, though eventually they relented.

“I…” I squeezed my eyes shut.

The thing was, someone had told Lucius my whereabouts. Not only my location, but about my life. He could have hired a detective, but according to his taunts, someone had talked to him about me.

It hadn’t been Lauren, the figure skater I’d run into in a club that knew my old name, either.

He sighed. “I need you to pick a therapist and handle your shit. I’ll send you names and pay for it. If you're serious about going pro, you need to get your house in order.”

“I’m seeing a therapist at the university clinic so I can handle my Austin issues.” I focused on eating the rest of my fries. “You have a point. I have a public social media account now, and I sort of freak out every time I post. Therapy is hard. It’s easier to pretend it all didn’t happen.”

While some of it had been helpful, I didn’t like the direction my old therapist had wanted to go in. I didn’t want to be anyone’s science project, even if it could help others.

“I know. It did happen and affected you. It’s great that you’re seeing one at your university, but I think you should try again with someone who specifically handles things like this. Soon.” He got out his phone and made himself a note.

I made a non-committal noise. It depended on which thing. I had several very separate issues to handle from my ordeal with Lucius at the lake house.

“Um, also, maybe love on Giulia a little? She tested as a beta and she’s feeling insecure about it, because we don’t have many beta family members for her to look up to. Well, Maricella said something, but that won’t happen anymore.”

My brother got that look on his face that reminded me that even my family members, who soothed my nightmares and made me milkshakes, were people to be reckoned with.

“That bitch. Ugh. Of course. I miss Giulia. Just don’t do to her what the dads did to me after I tested as a beta?” I pleaded.

“Um, let you continue ice skating and dance lessons and have private tutors, while looking the other way when you ditched things for hockey practice?” Matty’s brows furrowed.

I sucked in a breath. “They knew that?”

“Yes. Just like they knew you didn’t really want to move to New York with Nonna in order to focus on skating, you wanted to play hockey with Mia. Ultimately, like always, they let you,” he pointed out.

What?

“I… I don’t know how to feel about that. Still, I wanted to go to school and play hockey, not continue fucking omega lessons.” My eyes teared. “You alphas got to go to high school, why couldn’t I? All the ballet in the world wouldn’t activate that dormant gene.”

Some betas had that little extra that had the potential to wake up and push them over into omega status. Something that an illegal street drug used by traffickers could exploit.

“I know. They were trying to continue to treat you equally. However, I can understand why it felt like that, since they didn’t listen to what you wanted.” He took a sip of beer.

They never listened to what I wanted. Which was the problem. And part of why I worried they’d find me and make me come home.

All my life they didn’t listen. Why would they start now?

“Is it safe for me to have contact with people from before?” I asked, frowning as I toyed with my beer. “No one ever told me and there’s some people I’d like to talk to.”

I worried about danger. The grandparent’s death wore on me. If I hadn’t run to them, Lucius wouldn’t have had them killed.

Matty’s look softened. “Talk to whoever you want. Mia and her pack have been asking about you. I guess they saw your skating video?”

“Oh, they did? I miss them and keep hoping I’d run into them at a Knights game or something.” Though she’d been coaching hockey in Italy with one of her other packmates for years.

Matty’s phone lit up. He looked at it, then at me. “Incoming.”

“Zia G.” Giulia came running across the grass, sending a flock of birds flying.

“Giulia.” I gave her a hug. She looked like Flavie, with her light-brown hair and blue eyes. Most kids with an omega parent favored them, which was why all eight of us looked a lot alike, while not all having the same biological dad.

I didn’t even know who mine was.

“Zia G, are you courting the Yeti? I saw him hugging you.” Davey joined her, looking perplexed. “He’s so tall.”

“Courting, no. Are we something? Maybe? He’s very tall.” I giggled.

Courting was when an alpha wooed an omega to show them they could be a suitable mate. It was like dating, but shorter, more intense, and fueled by the intent to bond with them.

“You know Double D is here. Grif Graf, too,” I added. A couple years ago, he’d liked the Knights.

Davey’s face lit up. “They are?”

“One of the goalies from the Knights is getting married. That’s why there’s all these hockey players here, why I’m here,” I told him. Though I knew the cousin of Flavie’s that was getting married. We’d been good friends when we were little. Maybe there were other people I knew here?

“Buttons.” Flavie gave me a big hug, the baby on her chest. She, like most female omegas, was shorter than me. She was perfect, tiny, and dainty, with light-brown hair and blue eyes. They’d met in Vancouver at a mixer between her omega academy and his university.

“Where’s everyone else?” I looked around.

“With the twins at the treetop walk, but you can see them if you’d like,” Flavie assured.

Matty and Flavie mated first, then found a pack, so I knew her best. Just like I was closest to Giulia and Davey because they were older.

“Hi, what position in hockey is your favorite,” I teased the sleeping baby, who was a big boy. “Defense?”

Flavie laughed. “Probably.”

I got a bunch of pictures of Clark on the animals and cocktail walk. It looked like they’d be at the arctic foxes soon.

“Do you want me to show you how I stole an arctic fox last time I was here?” I asked the kids.

“I’m going to tell the Yeti to check your suitcase.” Matty laughed.

Giulia looked at me, shocked. “You stole a fox? That’s against the rules.”

“I gave him back.” I threw my stuff in the trash. It was nice to see them. I’d missed this. Them. “Let’s go find my friends and I’ll tell you about the time I rescued a baby tiger.”