Page 28

Gwen

T enzin twirled me around as we danced to the live music at the bar he’d first taken me to. The past two weeks have been fun. We’d fallen back into our normal routine with a few slight changes.

In the mornings, we’d take the subway together to the rink, or walk if it was a nice day. If we walked, we usually picked up coffee and muffins. We’d practice together on the ice, then eat breakfast upstairs. Then I’d go to work, and he’d practice more, before doing whatever he needed to do that day. He met up with AJ for lunch a few times as well and played golf with him once.

After work, if it wasn’t a practice day for NYIT, we’d go upstairs to do conditioning, strength training, or land drills, often with Carlos and Dimitri. Sometimes we’d go to Tito’s after, or to Dimitri’s. A couple of times we’d all gone to Carlos’ mom’s.

If I had practice for NYIT, I’d often end up either going to Tenzin’s and we’d cook together, or we’d meet and wander the outdoor market, trying new things, or maybe check a new restaurant off the list. Sometimes we worked on my social media, or he’d help me in my agent search. Over the weekend, we’d gone to yoga in the park, more museums, and visited Marty.

Tenzin and I also made more videos of me figure skating with hockey sticks.

The music changed, but the two of us continued to dance in the crowded bar. I’d met with a campus therapist today to try to handle my shit regarding Austin. This was our second meeting and so far she was fine, and not pushy, which was good, since I didn’t want to talk about my family–something they always wanted to do.

Why wasn’t “ I don’t talk to my dads, because they’re assholes”, enough?

That was partially why I’d asked to go dancing, a fun reward. I was also horny as fuck. Again. I’d have to start putting music on when I took baths, since in three days Clark would come back. Couldn’t have him hearing me taking care of business.

We danced until the band stopped for the evening, sweat running down our backs. I took his hand, and we walked to the subway. He looked at our hands, but said nothing, just gave it a squeeze.

What was I doing? But, I enjoyed holding his hand. I liked dancing with him. It was nice sitting close enough to touch him while we were on the couch.

Yes, I wanted to be touched. But I wanted to be touched by Tenzin.

Okay, I wanted to be touched by Clark, too. But Clark wasn’t here. Yet.

I wanted them both. Though I still wasn’t ready for that. Which meant I shouldn’t be holding Tenzin’s hand. Or leaning my head on his shoulder when I danced.

But I liked it. It felt right, and Tenzin hadn’t complained.

Again, what was I doing?

We went back to the building and walked to our doors. It was fun living across from him.

“Come over in twenty? Though I’m out of beer,” he offered.

“I’ve got some. I did a grocery order today,” I told him. Clark let me use his grocery delivery membership, and it was quite convenient. I had to admit, walking through markets with Tenzin, picking out fresh produce, and trying new things, was awfully fun, though.

I slipped into the apartment and took a shower, washed off the bar, and changed into some sweats and a T-shirt. My phone buzzed with a video call.

“Hi Clark. I haven’t burned down your place yet.” I plopped down on my bed, a pillow falling off onto the floor.

“Good. Question, do you want a kitten? They’re weaned now, have gotten shots, and are so adorable.” Clark held up a little white kitten.

“Oooh. I do. How much trouble will we get in for having an illegal kitten?” There were more on his lap. They were all either white or white and black. Clark being covered in kittens was the cutest thing ever. I took a screenshot and immediately made it my lock screen.

“If we get in trouble, we’ll move somewhere pet friendly? We could call this one, Snowball.” He rubbed his cheek against the snow-white kitten in his hands.

“Clark, you do not need to bring Gwen a pet. How many times do I need to tell you?” a female voice yelled from off screen.

“But we want one, Ma,” he yelled back.

I laughed, as I hung partway off the bed, trying to get the pillow. “My nonna had cats. At home we had a dog.”

The dog actually belonged to the youngest of my three brothers. Though out of all my siblings, I’d been closest to my oldest brother.

I’d been missing those two, and one of my sisters. But I had to be strong. There was no guarantee that my dads would stay out of my life if I started talking to my family again.

It was better this way.

Besides, I’m sure they were too busy with their important, grown-up lives.

“I feel like with our schedules, a cat would be better,” Clark replied. “Also, easier to hide since we don’t have to walk them. One day. We’ll get a big dog?”

“Like malamute big.” I put the pillow back. “Until then, yes, a little fluff ball will do. Hi, Snowball.”

We talked for a few more moments, then he hung up. I couldn’t wait for him to come back.

I grabbed two beers and slid on my flip-flops. Tenzin thought me walking across the hall barefoot was weird.

He let me in, I left my shoes by the door, and we settled on the couch with our beers. Tonight he had more chips for me to try. We watched the evening news, since I enjoyed knowing what was happening in the world.

Beers and snacks finished, Tenzin made us some tea, and we turned on the show. It was this Chinese drama, about an omega prince, who had an arranged marriage to a lady alpha general, even though the prince already had three beta wives.

I liked the relationship between the beta wives and the general, because the general was kind to them and protected them. It had subtitles, but I didn’t mind.

We watched an episode while we drank our tea though I wasn’t quite curled up in him the way I did with Clark.

The episode ended and Tenzin paused it. “Another?”

I looked at my phone. “We’ve been going to bed so late.”

“Mmm hmmm, given you usually didn’t hit the ice after you got off work?” Tenzin gave me a measured look. “You have a point. See you in the morning?”

“Are you still up for morning yoga in the park and a trip to see Marty before I hit the drop-in workout at my university?” I offered. I needed to see the NYIT physio after the workout, as the Knights’ physio had been off.

“Then we’ll go to music in the park? I’ll bring the picnic if you bring the blanket?” he offered.

“Perfect. Good night, Big Guy.”

“ Why are you crying? I’m here now. We’re finally together.” He looked genuinely perplexed as I sobbed in the four-poster bed he’d tied me to.

“Let me go, I'm not your mate.” I sniffed, fighting against the bonds.

He’d found me. He’d fucking found me after all this time. How? I had a new name, a new look, and it had been years.

“But I am.” He sat down next to me and ran his fingers through my hair. I flinched at his touch. “Hey, none of that. I know you don’t feel it yet. You will. We’ll make a magnificent home together, you’ll see. You’re my match.”

“Please don’t.” My belly clenched, because I knew what he meant by that.

I wasn’t his true mate. I was just a beta. Even if I wasn’t, we weren’t soul mates–scent matches. I was merely the focus of his obsession.

Dumbass spoiled, entitled, rich, alpha brat.

“Don’t be afraid. Don’t you want to be with me forever?”

My dream twisted as his old-money, good looks faded into Austin’s.

Austin sneered at me, eyes full of malice. There was a skate blade in his hand. “No? You’re just a no good beta bitch, aren’t you?”

The blade came down, biting into my neck as I screamed.

I sat up with a start, sweat running down my back, heart pounding. This was the third time this week I’d had some variation of this nightmare. Now they were back with Austin, who hadn’t even been there. Even the fairy lights from Home Things couldn’t keep them away.

My room felt suffocating, so I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, the tile cool under my feet, the darkness now familiar.

“He can’t get you,” I muttered as I leaned against the counter, drinking my water, my hands still shaking, sloshing liquid on my tank-top. “It was years ago. He’s gone. You’re safe.”

The feeling of being smothered, the terror, didn’t stop. It was like he lurked in the shadows, even though that was impossible.

Before I could stop myself, I grabbed my phone, shoved my feet into my flip-flops, darted across the hall, and knocked on Tenzin’s door, shaking, my mouth dry.

The door flew open and a shirtless Tenzin stood there. “What’s wrong?”

I’d never heard such fierceness in his voice before. My arms wrapped around that bare, muscular chest, and I cried for everything I lost because of that spoiled, selfish man.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” His arms wrapped around me as he brought me inside and closed the door.

I slipped off my shoes and kicked them toward the rack by the door.

“What happened?” His voice was softer, but still reverberated with alpha authority.

“I had a nightmare.” I winced. It sounded so childish when I said it out loud.

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Tenzin’s hand smoothed my hair.

“Absolutely not. If I don’t talk about it, it never happened.” I sniffed. Dealing with that time in my life hurt too much. So I ignored it.

“That’s not healthy, but I won't make you talk about it tonight. What do you need?”

What do you need? Those four words catapulted me back to being a teenager, lying in bed with my mom, when she was too sick to move, and I had a broken hip, as we watched movies. One of my dads would come in and check on her. Mom was their omega, the love of their life. While they could be giant alphaholes, they’d do anything for her.

Her death had broken them.

I cried harder. My relationship with that time in my life was complicated, too.

Tenzin picked me up, and we sat on the couch in the dark living room. He pulled the blanket off the back and covered us with it. I nestled into his warm, hard body, letting his earthy, citrusy scent comfort me.

“You’re safe. No one can hurt you here,” Tenzin whispered as he stroked my hair.

It was so kind, so tender. It would be so easy to fall in love with him. Part of me really wanted to. Not just because being with someone filled the gaping wound in my soul that would never fully close.

As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered if he and Clark would still care about me if they knew I’d killed a man.