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Gwen

R estarting the music, I ran through the wedding dance routine one more time in the dance room. The Maimers used it to learn their dance battle numbers before they hit the ice. The Knights also used it for yoga class.

Tens and Clark had left this morning to go to some tropical island for their underwear calendar. Carlos had to go shoot for Monstruo Lane and Dimitri needed to do things. So I was working on the dance we were doing for Celine at JP’s wedding.

Yeah, this was going to be fun. Hard. But fun. I couldn’t wait.

I took a quick shower and changed into one of my cute, but not too fancy, outfits that Valya had gotten me, then fixed my makeup.

Grabbing my backpack, I walked past Constantine’s door, but it was closed. I could give Maddox crickets tomorrow.

I took the subway back toward my old neighborhood. So many complicated feelings washed over me as I stood in front of Chello’s. I hadn’t been here since the day I picked up takeout before Austin and I broke up.

I can do this.

Inside, I saw Lenny already sitting at a table. I let the hostess know and joined him.

“Buttons.” Lenny grinned. His nose was more crooked than mine, and there was a scar on his olive jaw, from when he went cliff diving. Long black hair was up in a ponytail, and he wore a suit that could have paid my rent in my old place for months.

I’d known him my whole life. When I was little I thought he was one of my brothers because he and my oldest brother were always together. When he wasn’t around I just figured he was at work or something.

“Hey, Lenny.” I put my backpack on the empty chair.

The alpha looked around. “Low-brow Italian hole-in-the-wall? I was expecting a pastrami sandwich.”

“If I freak out, we’ll go to the deli. I need to do this. This used to be my favorite place. Last time I ate it was when Austin and I broke up.” I took a deep breath.

He leaned across the table and swept my bangs away, which I’d gotten to help hide the scar.

His boney face clouded. “Who hurt you?”

“Austin.” I opened the menu and was catapulted to the last time Austin and I were here in person. He’d taken me here after NYIT had won the national championships for our division. I’d worn a cute dress, he’d worn a suit.

Even though we’d been over-dressed for this place, we acted like we were going to a top restaurant. The staff had been kind to us and gave us a free glass of wine.

I sniffed and put the menu down. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“You okay? Want me to take care of him?” His dark brown eyes met mine over the menu.

I shook my head, tears running down my face. “Ugh, I spent so many years on him. I don’t want to think it was a waste, but…”

“Oh, Buttons.” He pushed my napkin toward me. “You were young. Young, dumb, and in love. A lot has happened to you. For you, Austin was safe and I’m sure this has cut deep. We don’t have to eat here. However, I admire you trying to conquer this, instead of pretending it didn’t happen.”

I glared at him. He shrugged as the server took our drink orders. I ordered a glass of wine. Lenny ordered one too.

“Do I order what I always order, or something new?” I studied the menu. I could do this.

“You could always order for the both of us, then if one dish makes you cry, we’ll trade,” he told me. “I’m proud of you.”

“It’s been almost two months. He hurt me. Shouldn’t I be over it?” I sniffed. “Why am I like this?”

“Grief is a process. Yes, you can experience grief when a relationship ends–and you can mourn the relationship and not the person.” His expression softened. “Five years is a huge part of your life.”

That made sense. “The things I miss most aren’t really him. It’s the things he did. It’s cuddles. It’s having someone to talk to at the end of the day.”

“Get a roommate and a dog. That’s what I did.” His eyes went a little glassy. Lenny’s fiancée had left him years ago and I’m not sure he ever got over it.

I nodded. “I moved in with my friend and his cat.”

“Also, Buttons–and I say this because I care about you–you know why you’re like this, and you know how to fix it.” While his voice was gentle, eyes full of care, the words stung.

I flinched. “Fuck you.”

If I didn’t think about it, it never happened.

The server brought our wine and a basket of bread, eyes wide. “Should I come back?”

“Order before you get hangry,” Lenny told me, his alpha voice no-nonsense.

I sighed. “Fine. We’ll have the stuffed mushrooms to start. I’ll have the house salad, he’ll have the minestrone soup. I’ll have eggplant parmesan with spaghetti. He’ll have chicken fettuccine.”

There. I always wanted to order the eggplant, but never did since it was expensive. Usually, I ordered the fettuccine, with no chicken, because it was cheaper.

“Very good.” The server scurried off.

Lenny shook his head. “I worry about you.”

“Don’t.” I looked away. “Um, I’m seeing a therapist again.”

“Good. You do know that no one believes you, about you stopping because the insurance didn’t cover it.” His look grew smug.

I scratched my nose with my middle finger. “You’re not telling them you saw me, right?”

“Your dads? No. Matty, yes–but only that I saw you, and that you’re okay.”

The second part was most likely a partial lie, but I was a beta, so I couldn’t smell them. I was sort of okay with him telling my oldest brother about me. As long as no one came for me.

“Matty’s the only one who knows I see you sometimes. But if your dads ever ask me directly, I won’t be able to lie to them.” He took a piece of bread and dipped it in olive oil.

That I believed.

“Do you want to talk about Austin? Last time I saw you, you were hopeful about hockey finals and Austin getting signed.” He held up his half-eaten bread. “This is good.”

“I guess.” I gave him the short version as I ate too much bread and drank my wine.

“So he disappeared? He owes you money. He hurt you. I’ll find him and he’ll pay.” His look grew intense.

“Alphas like Austin get away with everything, you know that.” I pressed back memories of another entitled alpha that got away with too much, until it was too late.

“We don’t have to let law enforcement handle it.” He cracked his knuckles. “That only complicates things.”

I rolled my eyes at his alpha posturing. Part of me was honored he’d make such an offer. At the same time, fear struck me. Acting against people could have very unexpected repercussions.

“I don’t know who he actually is. While I hope his family runs a pig farm or a plumbing service, it could be someone we don’t want to mess with.” I shook my head.

Lenny looked unimpressed. “I don’t care who he is. If you want to know, I’ll find out. It doesn’t mean we have to act, but it’s an option. No one is going to hurt you. Never again.”

I scowled, not liking that he kept bringing that up. “No one can make promises like that.”

The server took away the empty appetizer platter and brought my salad and his soup.

He took a sip of soup. “Not your nonna’s, but not bad.”

“This place reminds me of her. The sauce is not as tasty as hers, but still good,” I admitted, taking a bite of salad. “Enough about me. What’s new with you?”

Lenny caught me up on his antics. Some of which might be true. Though I wasn’t sure about him being chased across Paris by super model spies in sports cars. But who knew? Besides restoring paintings, he was a procurer of things and information. Which was why I fenced shit through him.

Our dinner came, and I gazed at my eggplant parmesan, then at his chicken fettuccine.

“What do you think, Buttons?” he asked.

“I can do this.” I took a bite of the eggplant, the deliciousness of the sauce making me dance in my chair.

Lenny grinned. “Now that’s a good sign. Last year of university? I’m proud of you. Not to mention, unlike your brothers, you got into a top school all on your own.”

“I’d never thought about it that way.” My three alpha brothers were pretty smart and hardworking. As I tore through my dinner, he asked me about classes, hockey, and the like.

“Do you want news about any of your siblings?” he offered.

I shook my head. “I… I don’t think so.”

Lenny frowned. “Okay. Do you ever listen to true crime forensic accounting podcasts?”

“Are you talking about JoeCountant and Its Accrual World? That is Joe, right?” I’d know my brother’s voice anywhere. “That is so weird that he does those, but fascinating.”

They were great podcasts and my classmates loved them.

“I think he does it for you, hoping you’re out there listening. He pulled away a lot after you left. Not to mention he is an accountant.” He took a bite of his food.

“Oh.” My heart swelled. Joe was the youngest of my three older brothers. He did them for me? That was a very Joe thing. Like hanging up fairy lights in my bathroom, because I was afraid of the dark, but didn’t want to be teased for having a nightlight.

I wished I could have a relationship with my siblings without worrying about the dads.

Over dessert, I got out the jewelry from Austin and pushed it across the table. “All proceeds will buy mice that the zoo will name after Austin and feed to snakes.”

I couldn’t wait.

“That’s amazing. ” Lenny looked over the small pile. “This is shit. Glad you're okay with tuition, since this won’t buy much of anything.” He gave me a look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Ugh. I don’t need anyone’s money. Didn’t I make that clear? I’m fine. Tuition is covered. I have a place to live and a job. Now I can finish my last year myself. I like my life, thank you very much.” My jaw set.

If I gave in the slightest bit…

“Good for you. Personally, I’m proud of you for doing your own thing.” He took the jewelry and got out his phone. “It’s not much, but it should buy some mice.”

A notification showed that he’d overpaid me. It was going to the zoo, so whatever. “It’s a pleasure doing business with you.”

His look softened. “Always.”

We left and talked about nothing until his car came.

“Do you need a ride?” he asked.

“I’m good, thank you. Thanks for dinner.” I was working a late shift at the rink tonight.

Today made me feel a lot lighter. I’d made progress today. Between eating at Chello’s and selling the last link I had to him, I felt ready to put Austin behind me.

In the staff locker room, I put on my uniform. I clocked in, then took my place at the snack bar. Yeah, I was feeling much better.

After I got off work, I was going online and buying some mice with Austin’s name on them.