Page 3 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)

L illy could not believe her ears. What right did he have to speak to her in such a way? When she’d first turned around and faced Henry’s tall and handsome nephew, she’d smiled in welcome. And for a moment, he’d appeared genuinely happy to make her acquaintance. That was until his dark eyes narrowed, and he’d rudely looked her up and down from head to toe. Right before her eyes, his features changed from friend to foe, making her wonder what she’d done to cause such a drastic change in him. And then he’d said such horrible things to her.

Well, two could play at this. She shut down her feelings and faced the man, Edmund , with ice flowing in her veins. He’d insulted her and poor, deceased Henry. He’d insulted her, because he thought she’d married him only for his fortune, and Henry, because he thought he was so old and feeble that such a person could swindle him. He hadn’t known his uncle at all. And it was too bad this man would take over Henry’s titles and lands that he appreciated, honored, and loved so very much.

With her chin up, she mustered her haughtiest voice—she didn’t know if she even had one, but she would try. “How dare you come in here and speak to me so? I am the Countess of Langford and deserve your respect. Henry and I loved each other and had a wonderful marriage. I never took anything from him but the basic necessities. When you are ready to atone for your behavior, ask Mrs. Pemberton where you may find me.”

Quitting the room and out of that man’s view, she gathered up her skirts and ran down the hall. Behind her closed door, she slithered to the floor against the door and sobbed into her hands. If it were possible, her heart cracked right down the middle all over again, causing pain to radiate throughout her entire being.

“That... that... bloody arse,” she cursed, her voice vibrating with both heartache and seething anger, “cannot be the Earl of Langford!”

A knock on the door startled her. She stood, wiping tears from her eyes and cheeks, and opened the door to see Mrs. Pemberton looking concerned.

Lilly opened the door wider to let her enter and found herself engulfed in the housekeeper’s comforting arms.

“There, there, my lady, I’m sure the earl didn’t mean what he said.”

“How did you know?” Lilly gasped into Mrs. Pemberton’s ample bosom, which made a soft pillow.

“I was right outside the door with the tea tray ready to enter when I heard his lordship accuse you of those dreadful things.” She huffed. “Someone needs to teach him some manners or box his ears or both. Come, let me tuck you into bed. A nice nap will make you feel better.”

Exhausted all of a sudden, she believed a nap would be nice. Mrs. Pemberton helped her undress to her chemise, tucked her in, and closed the window curtains, leaving Lilly in darkness. Snuggling beneath the counterpane, Lilly sighed and put the events from earlier out of her head as she succumbed to a restless sleep.

Where was she? She was shivering in the cold, clutching a threadbare cloak to her chest, and her feet were numb in her tattered kid boots. Her toes nearly peeked through the top of the worn leather. Why was she not at Langford Manor? Confused, she stood outside the cottage where she had lived with her papa and found it empty. There was no sign that anyone resided there. She rested for a spell, then headed out into the elements.

Where was Henry? Walking the two miles to Langford Manor took everything she had inside her. She knew if she stopped and curled up to sleep, which she wanted so desperately to do, she would die. The cold would freeze her body, and wolves would eat her. How terribly sad Henry would be.

She shuffled up the steps on legs she could no longer feel and banged on the large wooden door. She almost fell to the ground in gratitude when Wilson opened the door. Her happiness didn’t last long when he glared at her. “What are you doing here? Your husband, the earl, is dead, and you are no longer welcome. His heir cast you out for your sins. Be gone and never come back.” Tears silently trickled down her cheeks as the door slammed in her face. Henry was dead. Why did she not remember him dying? And why had his nephew thrown her out? She was a countess. Making her way to the stables, she snuck inside so the stable boy wouldn’t see her and cast her out. Finding the stall with Rose Petal, her mare who welcomed her, Lilly lay down on what clean hay she could gather and fell into an exhausted and troubled sleep.

“No!” Lilly screamed as she sat up, shaking and sweating, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Hurrying from the bed, she threw open the curtains and ran around the room, checking to see if all her belongings were accounted for. Sinking into the chair at the dressing table, she sighed with relief. Her dream had seemed so real. Was it a premonition of what would come? Surely the earl, no matter what he desired, wouldn’t throw her out, leaving her destitute and homeless? Wasn’t that why Henry set up a trust in her name alone? To secure a comfortable future for her?

Mrs. Pemberton knocked on Lilly’s door and entered. “Forgive me, my lady, but the earl has requested you join him for dinner.” Her voice was soft, and her features apologetic. “Campbell will be right in.”

Lilly’s shoulders slumped forward, and she fought the tears pooling in her eyes. She wanted to refuse, to put off coming face to face with that despicable man. But she knew deep down that it was only putting off the inevitable. She would have to see him eventually, and it may as well be at dinner.

Just then her maid entered the room, her face as solemn as Mrs. Pemberton’s. Clearly, the whole household heard what transpired between the earl and her that afternoon.

“Daisy, please bring my plainest black dress. I’ll not have the earl think I’m trying to make an impression dressing up for him. Also, I’ll wear the small hat with the half veil.” That way, she could eat, but he couldn’t see her eyes. He would get no respect from her after the way he treated her.

“Yes, my lady.”

Lilly studied herself in the looking glass and cringed as tears stung her eyes. Where had she gone? Where was the young lady who had just begun to enjoy her life being married to Henry? More importantly, what was to become of her? She needed to keep her chin up and fight the melancholy and the uncertainty of her future.

She swept into the dining room to find Langford seated at the head of the table, sipping a glass of wine and following her movements over the goblet’s rim. A quick glance at the table sent Lilly’s stomach tumbling. The only other place setting lay directly to his right. With the help of a footman, Lilly took her seat and welcomed the wine that was being poured into her glass. Without acknowledging the earl, she picked up her wine glass and took a nice sip before dabbing her lips dry with her napkin—anything to postpone having to look at or speak to him.

“I must apologize for my rash actions this afternoon,” Langford said with a deep voice that Lilly didn’t believe sounded contrite at all. In fact he sounded like an arrogant, entitled arse. “I was shocked when I found out Uncle Henry married so late in life. And, well...” he paused and cleared his throat, “to find he married someone so young.”

She couldn’t bear to listen to him babble anymore. “Yes. I’m sure you were shocked. Many people were.”

“Why did he marry you?”

His question sounded more like a demand for information. Lilly took her time answering. She sipped her wine. Signaled the serving footman for a refill. Sipped again. And she refused to look his way. Wearing the half veil was her best idea ever. “Your uncle decided he wanted children. Unfortunately, we were not blessed in the short time we were wed.”

His snort had her fighting back a smile.

When the dessert ended, Lilly excused herself and left Langford staring after her with his mouth open. Hurrying down the hall, she entered the library, collapsed into a chair before the hearth, tossed her veiled hat to the side and sighed. “Well, that was trying,” she whispered into the empty room full of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Her body froze when footfalls traveled down the hall and paused inside the library.

“Forgive me. I’m not following you. I seek something to read.”

Lilly’s breath suspended inside her lungs as her eyes followed his every movement. He may be her enemy, but he cut a fine figure in his tan-and-brown print waistcoat, his white linen shirt, and nicely tied cravat. His brown trousers were tucked into even darker brown Hessians. Between the dining room and here, he’d discarded his jacket. His hair was short and dark as night. His eyes were the darkest brown. They almost appeared as dark as the devil’s.

Heat curled in her stomach. A strange sensation. One she’d never felt before, but she recognized it as desire, and she didn’t like it being associated with Langford at all. Her traitorous body had better behave. She attributed her reaction to being in close proximity to a gentleman close to her age for the first time ever.

“Can you recommend something?”

“No.” She could, but she had no interest in doing so.

“Well then, I hope you don’t mind sharing the room because I may be a while.”

“Take your time. I was just leaving. Good night.”

*

Edmund spun around, his eyes riveted on Lilly as she exited the room with the grace and ease of someone much older. What game was she playing? It had started during dinner and continued in the library, and he didn’t yet understand it.

He may have apologized for his accusations and hurtful words he’d spoken that afternoon, but he hadn’t meant them. Every single person in this house was hiding something from him. He’d spent the afternoon drilling the servants, trying to get a view on his uncle and Lilly’s marriage. The only thing anyone said was that it was a love match. “Bloody hell,” he mumbled. They lied to his face. His household lied to him so easily. It was so obvious they were keeping secrets. And damn it if they weren’t completely devoted and loyal to Lilly, as he supposed it should be.

But he was the new earl, and he also deserved their loyalty. Only a few members of the household knew him, but the others would learn soon enough he was loyal, too, hardworking, and devoted to the earldom. As for Lilly, she had his insides tied up in knots. There was no denying she was beautiful and alluring, even dressed in dreary black. If he’d met her under different circumstances... he moaned and raked his hands through his newly cut hair. Do not think about her in that way. She was his uncle’s widow and off-limits to him. The best thing for him to do to keep the peace between the two of them was to complete all his estate business as quickly as possible and go back to London. They would barely have to see each other. His hand rubbed his chest to ease the sudden tightness.

When he’d arrived today, he’d expected to be greeted by an elderly, kind widow who would be happy to retire to the dower house. And if Langford Manor didn’t have one, he’d build one for her and she’d live out her remaining years there. For some reason, he no longer saw that happening anytime soon. Nor should it. Lilly was too young to retire from life. He picked a tome off the shelf without even reading the title and strolled up to his rooms, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

On the pillow on his bed was a sealed letter that hadn’t been there before dinner. It was addressed to him and was sealed with the Langford seal. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as he knew, without a doubt, that this was a letter from Uncle Henry written to him before his death. He tore it open, his eyes widening as he read the letter in his uncle’s handwriting.

My Dearest Nephew,

When this letter reaches your hand, I will be dead and you will have taken my place as the Earl of Langford. I have faith in you that you will be a fair and honest landowner to your tenants and will do the names Weston and Langford great honor. I’m so very proud of what you have made of yourself and your business enterprise.

I have a great favor to ask, though. I married the lovely and young Lilliana. I ask you to look out for her, as we kept mostly to ourselves when in London, and I’m afraid London Society will eat her alive. She is kind, honest, and smart. But she is inexperienced with members of the ton. Please help her navigate Society. As she is so young, my greatest wish for her is to make another love match for herself, one that can produce children. Please take my request to help her and see her happily married to an honorable gentleman very seriously. I am relying on you, Edmund.

From the other side,

Henry

After reading the letter three times, he folded it and placed it on the bedside table. From the other side. Edmund shivered. Did Henry have to make it sound as though he were watching him from the grave, making him feel guilty for how he’d treated her today when they first met? Putting that thought aside, he had to come to terms with his uncle’s two requests. He had the feeling that after today, Lilly would not welcome his assistance in entering London Society or help with finding herself a suitable husband. He shuddered. A love match. Did they even exist? Yes, of course he knew they did. But they were rare.

*

Having tossed and turned around in her bed, the sheets tangling up with her limbs, and unable to sleep, Lilly was up and dressed before Daisy came to wake her. “I don’t need your assistance with anything this morning, Daisy. I’m going to take my breakfast in the morning room.”

Daisy bobbed her head. “Yes, my lady.”

The thought of having a tray brought up to her room and hiding from Langford tempted her, but if they were to coexist in the same house, she’d better get used to him. Although, he never said he would be staying at Langford Manor. He would seek a bride now that he was an earl and would, no doubt, return to London in the hope of finding one. Also, he may insist she move to the dower house. Lilly wrinkled her nose. The dower house was a lovely large cottage not far from the main manor house, but she had no intention of living there. The dower house was for older widows. Not someone of her young age. Besides, she hadn’t really lived a life outside of the country in Kent. As much as the idea of London’s polite Society still frightened her, a part of her was excited to experience it firsthand. What little she’d taken part in when Henry lived was nothing that she imagined a widow would experience.

When her year of mourning concluded, she wanted to experience new things and perhaps find a husband not three times her age. Henry’s cousin, Emmeline Fitzpatrick, had already invited her to stay with her and her mother. As soon as she felt ready, she would write her and take her up on her offer.

Lilly entered the morning room, found it empty, and sighed with relief. She relaxed her face, which hurt from the forced smile she had adopted to greet Langford with if necessary. After fixing a plate at the sideboard, a footman helped her sit and poured her a cup of hot chocolate. “Thank you, Stevens.”

Just as her first forkful of egg made its way into her mouth, Langford swept into the room with dark circles under his eyes. So, it appeared she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t slept.

“Good morning, Langford.”

“Good morning,” he mumbled as he fixed a plate.

Even though she’d lost her appetite with Langford’s arrival, she forced herself to eat, knowing she would be hungry later if she didn’t. It was the method she adopted for supper as well, and every meal she found herself sharing with the new earl.

Mrs. Pemberton reported to her, every day for a fortnight, that his lordship was still drilling the servants for any tidbits surrounding her marriage. He tore apart Henry’s study several times, seeking papers. Lilly’s heart dropped with the knowledge. It was a good thing Mr. Beauregard possessed the banking and legal documents for the trust Henry had set up for her. And as far as she knew, Henry didn’t have a copy in the house.

Langford continued to treat her with disdain and indifference. He didn’t come out and accuse her again of stealing, but he still implied it. They sat together each night for supper per his request. A request she chose not to ignore as it would only make things worse between them. Tension swelled thick in the air as they ate in silence, making her question why he would torture both of them. Eating separately would ease both their constitutions. She didn’t know about him, but she felt sick each night when she climbed in bed. What food she consumed felt like a rock in her stomach.

Each morning, she woke up exhausted, knowing it would be an exact repeat of the day before.

Edmund was an insufferable bore. And after two weeks she decided she’d had enough of living this way. Sitting at her small writing desk, she grabbed paper and dipped the quill into the inkwell and penned a letter to Henry’s cousin.

Dearest Emmeline,

I hope this missive finds you well. I would like to take you up on your offer to visit you in London. I will arrive in a few weeks, if it is agreeable to you.

Your Humble Cousin,

Lilly

Now that that was resolved, she rang the bell for Daisy to begin preparing for their eventual departure immediately. Lilly would not so much as leave a stocking behind as she never planned to step foot in this house again. “I’m sorry, Henry,” she whispered as she rubbed her chest while tears slid down her cheeks. “I can’t stay here. I have to make a new life for myself. I know it’s what you wanted for me, but it hurts to say goodbye.”

When she arrived in London, she would have about nine months left of mourning to prepare herself to enter Society. During these months, she knew she would need to learn to dance. One could hardly expect to attend social functions without knowing how to dance properly. She also needed to visit a modiste and add several ballgowns to her wardrobe.

After Daisy helped her dress for afternoon tea, she made her way to the family drawing room, hoping Langford wasn’t there. If he were, she would take tea in the public drawing room. She had reached her breaking point with his antics. One moment he seemed able to manage civility and respect for her station as Henry’s widow, but then the next minute he would be rude again. Fortunately for her, this time the room was empty, and she enjoyed the privacy and quiet of taking tea and biscuits in solitude without Edmund taking up space in the room. She supposed she should start thinking of him solely as Langford, but it stung. Henry was Langford, but not anymore.

Lilly wasn’t fool enough to think she could leave Langford Manor without the earl taking notice, but she wanted to put the confrontation off as long as possible. Once she had received a welcoming reply from Emmeline, Wilson quietly arranged for the earl’s carriage to take her to London a few days later. Days that couldn’t go by fast enough, her patience was so strained. Sometimes, dealing with the new earl had her feeling like a child. At other times, she felt ancient.

Sipping her tea, a pain sparked inside her chest at the thought of never returning to the only village she had lived in. Henry’s household had been most kind to her, and she would miss them. Suddenly an idea occurred to her, and she rang for Wilson. “Please have my horse saddled and a groomsman ready to accompany me. I shall visit Papa’s and Henry’s graves.”

The two miles to the cemetery where her papa was buried didn’t take long on this glorious day, weather-wise at least. With the groomsman’s help, she dismounted and made her way to the small headstone marking both of her parents’ graves.

“Mama, Papa,” she said as she knelt before the marker, “I’ve come to say goodbye.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and breathing proved difficult with the heaviness inside her chest. “I’m moving to London and don’t know if I will return. Henry died, and the new earl is a dreadful man. I cannot live under the same roof as him. I know when I am not wanted. Henry’s cousin, Emmeline, a lovely childless widow, invited me to stay with her. I don’t find London as frightening as I once did, and I look forward to immersing myself in its lifestyle.” She clasped her hands and bowed her head in silent prayer.

“Please forgive me for leaving, but I must do what is best. Henry’s biggest hope for me, when he no longer lived, was for me to marry a kind man for love. I also pray for this. And it will not come to fruition here.” She gasped for air, fighting back her sobs. “I will always love and miss you both.” As she stumbled away, her hand clutching her chest, she knew a large section of her heart stayed behind with her parents.

Her next stop was the Langford family burial ground. Kneeling at Henry’s grave, she kissed her finger and touched his headstone. “Hello, Henry. I miss you so. Life with you was simple and easy. You made me feel welcome and wanted, even though deep down you didn’t want to marry me.” She smiled sadly. “You honored a dying man’s request. Your breed of aristocracy is dying if your nephew’s behavior is any indication. I’m going to London to live with Emmeline as she has offered, and I think it is for the best. The new earl doesn’t need me underfoot as he acclimates to his new duties. And I won’t lie, I look forward to living in London. If I never return, know I loved you in my own way and I will always be grateful.” She wiped the tears from her eyes so she could see as she mounted her horse with the groom’s help.

“Time to go, Peters.”

“Yes, my lady.”