Page 17 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)
T he rustling of the sheets had her eyes popping open. Langford’s body flinched several times, and she knew it could be caused by the laudanum, or perhaps he was in terrible pain. Either way, he was sleeping fitfully when what he needed was a nice, calm rest. When the twitching in his body finally abated, she closed her eyes and sank into the back of the soft chair.
“You don’t have to watch over me.”
Her eyes flew open again. She knew he was addressing her since she’d sent Mrs. Lewis and Mullens to get something to eat and she was the only other occupant of the room. “I know I don’t. But I want to. I thought perhaps you were bored and might want me to read to you.”
“Maybe later. With the throbbing in my head, I’d prefer silence.”
“Oh.” She sighed. “I’ll take my leave then.” She started to rise.
“Please stay. I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t mind you talking to me, just not reading a book I have to pay attention to.”
Lilly smiled.
“That’s not what I mean either. Forgive me. Did you or Emmeline have any callers today?”
“Viscount Redford called upon me and invited me to join him for a ride in the park tomorrow.”
His heavy-lidded eyes met hers. “What was your reply?”
“I said I would like that very much.” His eyes widened, then drooped again. He was still sleepy... or something else. Lilly gave up trying to decipher his moods, injury or no injury.
“Since he was the only name on my list you said interested you, I am not surprised you accepted his invitation.” He paused and closed his eyes, his face scrunching up in what she recognized as pain.
“Let me give you laudanum.”
“No. I’ve had enough of it. It makes my mind fuzzy, and I have trouble knowing what’s real and what’s not. It makes me do nothing but sleep and the dreams it causes are dark and troubled to say the least.”
Lilly tucked the vials into the drawer of the side table just in case the pain turned unbearable and he changed his mind later.
“So, tell me what you think of Redford,” he said, his voice soft and tired sounding.
What did she think? “He’s handsome and appears affable. I only spent a small amount of time in his company at the garden party at the Devens’s. Do you know much about him?”
“Not much. Just what I heard at my club when he inherited the title.”
She was shocked he didn’t know more about him since his name was on that list of potential suitors. “Why did you include his name on the list if you couldn’t vouch for him personally?”
“He appeared taken with you.”
And that was reason enough? She didn’t want to talk about Redford or about herself any longer. “Tell me about Annabelle.”
He shut his eyes, and a sound resembling a groan came from him. It wasn’t just the sound that took her by surprise. It was the sadness that took over his features, which had her heart aching for him and his loss of the lady he once loved—and, to be honest, a bit jealous as well.
“We met during her first Season. I was eighteen and she was seventeen. When I think back now, I was clearly too young and green to be contemplating marriage. I had barely sowed my oats. Yet I wanted her, loved her, and knew the only way I could have her was to marry her.
“I was drawn to her immediately and called upon her daily. Unfortunately, I was too immature to see the signs and warnings that she didn’t have feelings for me—at least not the ones I had for her. I asked for her hand. She refused. It was as simple as that. The following day, she ran away with her father’s young valet.” His eyes met Lilly’s, and she shivered at the longing she saw in his deep-brown eyes. “Tell me about last night.”
Lilly understood what he was asking. “Emmeline introduced me to the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair run by the Duchess of Greenville. We provide goods and services to the poor families living mostly in St. Giles, but we will help anyone less fortunate. Last night, the duchess asked us to assist her physician in delivering a baby. He needed help keeping her other children occupied.” She paused, wiping tears from her eyes as she relived the memories. “I had been present during several births in the country when my papa was vicar. I thought I knew what to expect. It wasn’t until after we arrived that we were informed the baby was breech and couldn’t be delivered. The babe had already died and the mother was following. The doctor tried everything.” Lilly was shocked to find her hands covering her ears. If she closed her eyes, she could hear Annabelle’s screams loud and clear even now. “I’m sorry. This must be hard for you to hear.”
“Please continue.” His voice was barely a whisper. It sounded as though his throat was clogged with unshed tears.
“Annabelle had lost too much blood, and the doctor gave her a large dose of laudanum to make her comfortable. It wasn’t long before she succumbed. Before she died, though, she told me who her father was and that her husband had died a fortnight before in a tavern brawl.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you still love her?” As soon as the words left her lips, she wanted to take them back. Between Annabelle’s rejection, death, and his accident, hadn’t he been through enough? He didn’t need her adding to it by making him say painful words out loud.
“I loved the person she was before she refused my proposal. I don’t know the person Annabelle became, although my heart hurts because of how she ended and for her children.”
“The duchess sent Emmeline a note—her father has her children. He’s going to raise them.”
“That is good. Whenever I was in London, I looked for her. Not for myself. For the baron. He’d gone into a deep, dark place after she left. I felt I owed him. I felt partially responsible for her running away. In my mind, if I hadn’t asked for her hand, she would have stayed home and continued to love her father’s valet in secret.”
“You know that isn’t true. It would not have been secret for long. And if you hadn’t asked for her hand, someone else would have, and the chain of events would have played out the same.”
“I understand, but still . . .”
“Is there anything I can do to make you comfortable?”
“Could you tell Mullens that I would like to clean up?” He rubbed his hand on his jaw with his good arm. “And a shave. When will I be able to go home?”
“The doctor doesn’t want you moved for several weeks. It’s not even been two days. I’m afraid you’re here for the time being.” Lilly exited the room, went down the stairs and asked the butler to pass on the message to Langford’s valet.
*
Lilly dressed for her ride in the park the following afternoon in a lovely cream-and-green day dress with a matching pelisse and a cream bonnet trimmed with pretty green ribbon. The sun hid behind white clouds and there was a chill in the air, but overall the day was pleasant enough for a ride. She waited patiently in the drawing room as the hour to see and be seen in the park arrived. Viscount Redford was prompt. He helped her into his mid-rise phaeton pulled by two horses. When they were both settled, he gave the reins a snap, and they entered the road in the direction of Hyde Park.
“It is a lovely day for a ride. Cloudy but not raining,” Redford said as he handled the horses perfectly.
“Yes,” Lilly replied as they passed several carriages, curricles and other phaetons, the occupants nodding in greeting.
There was a queue to enter the park, and Lilly wasn’t surprised. As long as it wasn’t stormy, people flocked to the park on dry days in open carriages. The ladies and gentlemen could proudly display their fancy wardrobes and hats out in the open for all to see. Lilly always thought it silly to parade in the park in front of one’s peers, each hoping to outshine the next person. Though of course, on reflection, that was also what they did in the evenings when attending one event or another. And tonight they had an intimate dinner affair at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Hadley. They were close acquaintances of Aunt Vivian and no doubt she’d had a hand in the guest list.
“Do you have plans for this evening?” Lilly knew it was forward to ask, but she did anyway. She would rather be prepared if she would be spending time in his company tonight.
“Why yes. I’m attending a dinner party hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Hadley.”
“What a coincidence. So am I, and the Dowager Baroness Connolly and Mrs. Fitzpatrick also.”
He turned his head and smiled without showing his teeth, his silvery blue eyes taking her in. “What a pleasant surprise to know you will be in attendance. I shall hope we are seated next to one another. Perhaps I will have a word with Mrs. Hadley.”
They finally entered the park, and the line of riders, carriages, and open-air vehicles traveled at a snail’s pace. But at least it was preferable to stopping and starting as the jarring caused the back of Lilly’s neck to ache and her stomach to dip.
“I was hoping to have a word with Langford about getting his permission to court you exclusively.”
Was Lilly ready for exclusivity? “You don’t need his permission, but should you prefer it, the best way to communicate with him would be by note. He is not up to visitors as of yet.”
He looked at her and frowned. “I realize he is recovering from serious injuries at Mrs. Fitzpatrick’s home—his accident is all anyone is talking about around town—but is it proper for a single gentleman to reside in a home with three widows? Two of which are young and of marriable age?”
His words and the way he said them annoyed her. “Why ever not? He is confined to bed and a relative—at least by marriage—to all who live there. Besides, the doctor said he cannot be moved for several weeks. When that time comes, he will go and finish his convalescence in his own residence. I will not allow him to be moved and risk him being an invalid for life because his healing leg is damaged beyond repair during an unnecessary move.”
“Forgive me for interfering in family matters.” He sounded sincere, but she could tell he did not like the situation.
“You are forgiven,” she said as they exited the park. Several minutes later, they were pulling up to Emmeline’s townhome. They had ridden the last portion of the journey in uncomfortable silence.
He assisted her down from the carriage, he raised his top hat, bowed, and said, “I look forward to seeing you tonight.”
“I do as well.” Lilly curtsied, picked up her skirts and entered the house when the door opened. The butler was always on duty. “Thank you, Harrison.”
That evening, dressed in a cream evening dress with matching cloak, Lilly gripped her cream reticule so tight she had to force her fingers to relax as they were cramping.
“You seem tense, my dear,” Aunt Vivian remarked with a disquieted look on her face.
“I do? I am, but I don’t know why.”
“Did your ride go well with Redford?” Emmeline asked, her face also looking troubled.
“The weather was dry, the park was crowded, and the company was fine, I suppose. But that isn’t what’s troubling me.”
“Then what it is?” Aunt Vivian asked as she leaned forward and patted her gloved hands.
Her insides vibrated with awareness and worry she could not explain. “I just have a strange feeling. My heart and mind are unsettled, but I cannot say about what.”
“Perhaps the dinner will take your mind off whatever troubles you, and you can relax and enjoy the night,” Vivian said as she leaned back against the navy, tufted squabs.
Once inside the Hadleys’ lovely townhome, Lilly found herself relaxing. She conversed with the other occupants of the small dinner affair in the large drawing room as they awaited the announcement for dinner. Redford sought her out and bowed. “Lady Langford, you look positively radiant this evening. I trust you enjoyed our ride in the park this afternoon?”
“Thank you. I enjoyed the ride, the company, and the fresh air very much.” Redford, the handsome gentleman that he was, looked splendid in shades of blue and cream. It was a bit much, but she’d learned from the short time of their acquaintance that he was a slave to current gentlemen’s fashion. He was the epitome of a dandy.
“May I inquire on Langford’s recovery?”
“He is the same as earlier today. But his spirits are high, which is very important in aiding his recuperation.”
“Having never been injured, I will take your word for it.”
“Since my papa was a vicar, I helped many of the village occupants during times of need and sickness. I sat at many bedsides, and I can tell you that those who kept a positive outlook healed faster than those who wallowed in self-pity or just couldn’t muster enough energy to fight for their lives.”
He dipped his head and looked contrite. “Forgive me. I hadn’t realized you had experience with the sick and healing. Tell me, what was it like being a vicar’s daughter?”
Her eyes studied his, looking for any sign of judgment, but she found none. “There were days I was kept busy helping Papa with his duties and aiding the villagers in one way or another. Other days were quiet, and I enjoyed the fresh country air.”
“Do you miss it?”
Surprised by his question and his interest, she answered truthfully, “Yes. I miss my papa and the people from the village that I grew up with. Even when I married I still lived nearby. And I miss my husband and the person I was then.” Melancholy gripped her chest, and she breathed deep to ease the ache. Lilly was shocked that the emotions buried beneath the surface had chosen this moment to emerge. And that a conversation with Redford, of all people, had caused it to happen.
“I’m sorry about your losses. It must be difficult for someone of your tender age to deal with.”
“Yes, well, thankfully, I have Mrs. Fitzpatrick, Dowager Baroness Connolly, and Langford. They are now my family, even if only by marriage. Speaking of which, I meant to express my own condolences during our ride today on the death of your cousin and inquire about his wife and children’s well-being.”
“Thank you regarding my cousin. Although, to be truthful I’d only met him a few times when I was a young lad. His wife and children are safely ensconced in my country house. They do not care for London.” A touch of sadness briefly took over his unusual silvery-blue eyes and then it was gone with the blink of his eyes. “Ah, the dinner gong.” Redford appeared relieved at the interruption to their conversation. “May I escort you into the dining room?”
As it was an informal affair, people were flowing into the dining room in no particular order. “Yes. That would be nice.” Lilly placed her hand on his arm as they strolled into the large room with a long, elaborately decorated rectangular table set for twenty. Lilly noticed she was sitting beside Redford. Was it coincidence, or had he spoken to Mrs. Hadley as he’d said he would? It didn’t matter, she supposed. Directly opposite her was Emmeline with Blackstone beside her. She was thrilled for her cousin. Perhaps this extra time together would knock some sense into the duke.
The table was set with elaborate cream, burgundy, and gold-edged china. The silverware was polished to a shine so bright and clear that Lilly knew if she picked up a spoon, she would see her reflection.
The first course was served, starting with a creamy turtle soup. It was delicious. Lilly had grown up in the country with simple food, and Henry had also enjoyed a simple diet. Since arriving in London, she had been acclimating her palate to the rich and creamy foods served at meals, but she preferred the heavy cream sauces to be served separately, which was how it was done at Emmeline’s home.
As the meal progressed, dishes and courses came and went, and she found it difficult to follow the numerous conversations going on around the table. Finally, Redford stopped conversing with Blackstone across the table, which was a faux pas during formal affairs but perfectly acceptable during small gatherings such as this, and turned to her.
“Are you unwell? You have hardly touched your food.”
Shocked that he’d noticed she replied, “I’m afraid I’m not very hungry this evening.” She glanced around the table, her face flushed, hoping nobody else had noticed. But most everyone else was either eating or talking, and not another person around the table paid any mind to her. Even Emmeline and Blackstone appeared to have become quickly engrossed in an intimate discussion. And Aunt Vivian had the attention of an older gentleman Lilly hadn’t the pleasure of being introduced to. By the pink of Aunt Vivian’s cheeks, the twinkle in her eyes, and the rapt attention she gave the man, she seemed quite taken with him. And why not? Falling in love was not just for the young. Aunt Vivian was still a strikingly attractive woman at fifty-five. And Lilly knew firsthand, since having married a man in his sixties, that age didn’t define a person. How wonderful would it be if Aunt Vivian found another husband or companion to spend the rest of her years with?
While her attention had been elsewhere, the third course of delicious-looking desserts—creamy custards, jellies, confections, and fruits—was served. Lilly nibbled on fruit and a confection filled with sweet blueberry jam.
Afterward, the ladies retired to the drawing room while the gentlemen remained to have port and cigars.
Emmeline wrapped her arm through Lilly’s and whispered, “Redford appears quite taken with you.”
“Indeed. He is kind and considerate.”
“That doesn’t sound promising for the viscount.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“That is what someone might say about an acquaintance, not about a suitor. Do you feel anything for him?”
Lilly looked around and exhaled with relief that nobody was paying them any attention. “I’ve never been truly in love, even though I loved Henry. How do I know what to expect? How does one feel?”
Emmeline sighed. “I imagine it feels different for everyone. But for me, being in love is all-consuming. The one you love is all you think about day and night. When you least expect it, something they did makes you smile, or blush, or both. You daydream when you are meant to be doing something else. Your feet barely touch the ground. And at other times, they annoy and aggravate you so much you want to scream.” She shook her head and laughed softly. “You will know. That is all I can say. Even if you fight the feelings, eventually you won’t be able to.”
“Yes, well, I feel nothing resembling any of that for Redford, yet.” But one maddening gentleman’s face did flash in her mind—Langford. But it seemed he only wanted to marry her off to someone else, anyone else. She needed to transfer her feelings for Langford to Redford. Or anyone, really. Simple. Easy.
Tell that to her heart.
“Redford is handsome, though,” Emmeline whispered. “And he is not interested in anyone else but you as far as I can tell. He is a catch, and you could do so much worse.”
“He is a catch and I’m trying to give him the chance to win me over. I just need some time to get to know him better. If it doesn’t work out I still have time.”
“I suppose, in that respect, you are fortunate to be so young.” She paused and frowned. “Me, I’m running out of time if I want to have a family. If Blackstone won’t come up to snuff, I will become a lonely, childless old widow.” She blinked several times fast. “If I cry, I will hate myself.”
“Blackstone loves you. Anyone with vision can see it. Would you like me to nudge him along? I could pretend you have some handsome, rich new suitor to make him jealous, so he’ll stop shuffling his feet.”
Emmeline laughed, her hand going to her mouth to stifle it. “That might work.” She paused and her face fell. “Unless he bows out of the picture all together like he did with Aiden.”
“Never. It was different with Aiden—they were best friends. It would only work again if Langford or Caldwell loved you. Not if it was essentially a made-up suitor.”
“True. Do not look, but Blackstone and Redford are coming this way.”
“Ladies,” Blackstone said with a dip of his head.
“Blackstone,” Lilly said as she curtsied.
“Mrs. Fitzpatrick,” Blackstone said. “If I recall, you enjoy chess. Can I convince you to play a game?”
“Why, yes. I would like that.”
Lilly watched as Blackstone helped seat Emmeline at a table already set up for a chess match and then took the other seat opposite her. She squinted trying to see if she could recognize his love for Emmeline in his eyes. He was obviously guarding his emotions, because she couldn’t see the usual yearning.
“Would you like to take a stroll in the gardens, or at the very least step out onto the veranda for some fresh air?” Redford asked.
“Fresh air would be lovely.” She placed her hand on his forearm, and he led them out of the drawing room and down the hall.
“I have it on good authority that the library has doors opening onto a veranda and the gardens beyond.”
Her first inhale of crisp, fresh night air caused her body to quiver from the chill, and she was glad she’d had the foresight to grab her cloak from the butler. “The moon is beautiful tonight with the thin, wispy clouds moving by.”
“Yes. It is,” Redford agreed looking intently at her. He reached out, cupping her face with both his hands and turning her to him. “But you are more beautiful than the moon and the sky.” His eyes dropped to her lips, then back to her eyes. The gray of his eyes darkened to near black. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to do since the night we met.”
Her lungs refused to work as she swallowed. “There is?”
“May I kiss you?”
Words escaped her as her heart beat a fast staccato. Before she analyzed her emotions too closely, she breathed out. “Yes.” She leaned forward, meeting him halfway as his soft lips made contact with hers. His kiss seemed nice. It was not the all-encompassing experience she had shared with Langford, the one where his tongue tasted her, and he devoured all she had to give. The viscount’s lips tasted of port and his breath smelled faintly of smoke.
He stepped back and dropped his hands. “Thank you.”
She fluttered her eyes open and found him grinning at her. “You are welcome.” What did one say after being kissed? Especially one that had no effect on her at all. She wanted her head to tingle, her heart to stop, and her toes to curl. Perhaps next time if he used his tongue, which made her think. And before she could tell herself why thinking was a bad idea, she cupped his face with her hands, leaned into him and touched her lips to his. Then parted her lips and licked his with her tongue. Redford moaned, wrapped his arms around her back and thrust his tongue inside, sweeping it around and around. He didn’t hesitate in deepening it even more, and Lilly had trouble keeping up, especially when his hands began to roam down her back and got close to the curve of her behind.
Gasping, she pulled away, stepped to the railing, and leaned against it, breathing heavily.
He joined her at the railing. “Forgive me.”
The kiss had been nice. She was breathless, but was she breathless for the right reasons or just because she needed air? And why didn’t her body tingle? Would these feelings come to her in time? Could she make them come?
“Perhaps you could escort me back to the drawing room.”