Page 10 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)

B loody hell, Blackstone was enjoying this. And damn Hollingsworth for showing up. Edmund needed to put an end to his charade. Hollingsworth could use some other unsuspecting woman to get out of marrying Lady Priscilla. Over his dead body would he use Lilly, marry her, and ruin her life. Henry had wanted her to have a love match in her second marriage, and Hollingsworth couldn’t give that to her. He’d heard from the man’s own lips last night that his heart was defective and he was not capable of love or any feelings of empathy or real joy. His life was an act, he’d said, and he should relinquish his title to his brother and join the stage.

He turned his back on Lilly and faced Blackstone in the doorway. “No. I’ll accompany you back to the drawing room to give Lilly a few moments to herself.” He was almost afraid to turn back around and look at her, afraid of what he might see. Even though she had kissed him back, would she be angry with him? Did she regret the moment they’d shared? He inhaled, held his breath, and pivoted around looking at the vision before him, and exhaled. Lilly’s cheeks were pink—from the kiss or from being embarrassed by Blackstone’s interruption, he couldn’t say. But her shy smile and the softness of her eyes told him everything he needed to know. The knot in his stomach eased as he smiled at her and nodded his head.

As he and Blackstone descended the staircase, his friend said in a quiet, amusing voice, “Quite the intimate party I interrupted.”

Edmund snorted. “Yes, well. I needed to wipe all thoughts of Hollingsworth out of her mind by kissing her senseless.” He cringed at the words coming out of his mouth. It was pure posturing, and by the look on his face, Blackstone no doubt knew it. The truth was his body hummed at the memory of her lips and the feel of his tongue sliding across the gap in her front teeth. Many more kisses from Lilly and he would be her servant for life. “I tried not to sound like an arse, but she needs to know the truth about him.”

Blackstone’s shocked eyes met his. “Did you tell her?”

Inhaling deeply, he replied, “No, just about his mother and how she wants him to marry Lady Priscilla. I will save the rest and use it only as a last resort if Hollingsworth doesn’t give up this ruse of wanting to court Lilly. I will not let her marry him and forever be miserable in a loveless marriage with no intimacy. I promised Henry.”

“You didn’t actually promise Henry. He was already dead when you received the letter, but I understand. You feel responsible for the lovely Lilly.” He snickered.

As they entered the drawing room, Blackstone was still chuckling at the humor he found in Edmund’s life. “The countess will be down momentarily,” Blackstone said.

Edmund sat down and pierced the marquess with a cold stare, though his words contradicted his look. “Thank you for the opera last evening. I apologize that I left abruptly. I had business matters to attend to.”

“Quite understandable,” Hollingsworth mumbled back.

*

When Lilly entered the room, after making herself presentable after being in Langford’s arms, she found five sets of eyes watching her intently. Her cheeks burned, and she averted her gaze to the tea tray. “Aunt Vivian”— Relax, Lilly , she scolded herself, your voice is vibrating —“would you be so kind as to pour me tea?”

“Of course, my dear.” She picked up the teapot, poured tea, and placed the china cup and saucer into Lilly’s hands. Pretending her tea was the most interesting thing in the room, she stared at it endlessly until Hollingsworth broke the spell.

“I brought my phaeton for our ride through the park since it’s a warm, sunny day. I hope you’re still interested in going?” Instead of looking at her, he glanced in Langford’s direction. Had he guessed at what had happened upstairs? Then he looked at her questioningly.

Did she want to go for a ride with him? After everything Langford told her about him, was she willing to put her safety in his hands? What would stop him from causing a scandal if he was as desperate as Langford said? All it would take would be for him to kiss her in public. Today, in an open phaeton, he had the perfect opportunity to push for a marriage. Her entire body trembled and her teacup clinked loudly against the saucer, once again having all eyes fall on her. “I’m very sorry, Hollingsworth, but I’m feeling a migraine coming on. Perhaps another day.”

Guilt caused the tea to sit heavy in her stomach. She truly hated lying to the marquess. He looked dejected, and it almost made her redact her statement. However, she followed Langford’s advice and her intuition and decided that she needed to stick to her excuse unless she wanted to find herself married to the marquess. The next thing she knew, all three gentlemen were taking their leave. She sighed, leaning back into the settee. “I’m mentally exhausted.” Oh dear, had she said that out loud?

Aunt Vivian and Emmeline looked at her, both with trepidation.

“What happened upstairs?” Emmeline queried in a soft voice, her eyes full of worry.

“I’ll let you two talk in private,” Aunt Vivian said as she stood.

Emmeline turned on the settee and looked at her, silently waiting with inquisitive eyes. “I can guess, but I’d rather hear it from you.”

“I think I’ll return to Langford Manor since he isn’t there anymore.” Lilly was as shocked as Emmeline looked when the words escaped her lips.

Emmeline grabbed her hands. “You don’t mean that? What would you do?”

Her chest ached. And it turned out she wasn’t lying about a migraine. It was fast becoming real. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m made for London and the drama and gossip.”

“What happened upstairs?” Emmeline asked again.

Closing her eyes, Lilly tried to get her thoughts together. “Langford told me things about Hollingsworth and his mother. How she wants him to marry Lady Priscilla Amesbury.” She looked at Emmeline. “Do you know her?”

Emmeline winced. “Yes. A beautiful icicle, self-centered and not very bright. He would hate being married to her.”

“So I gather, since he’s using me to get out of having to marry her. I don’t like being used. I’ve already been married. When or if I marry again, I want to marry for love. That was Henry’s wish for me—to find love and have a family. I won’t have that with Hollingsworth, not according to Langford. I had the feeling he wanted to say more about the marquess but held himself back. I cringe to think there is more to his story.”

“And you believe what Langford told you?”

“He was quite convincing right up until he kissed me.” She covered her mouth with her hands and laughed nervously. “He kissed me as you described last night. A real kiss with tongues.” More nervous laughter. She couldn’t stop. What was wrong with her?

“Interesting.” Emmeline sighed dreamily. “I wish Andrew would kiss me like that. In fact, we have never kissed unless you count his lips on my hand. Even when he professed his love for me ten years ago, he never kissed me.” She squeezed Lilly’s hands gently again. “Please don’t go back to the country. I can’t face the Season alone.”

“You have before.”

“Not really. I have done very little socializing since Aiden’s death. I preferred to spend my time with the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair.”

“I’ll stay.” She sighed inwardly as her heart dropped even further. What had she just agreed to? She wanted to support Emmeline and help her find happiness, but at what cost? She was being pulled in two directions by Hollingsworth and Langford. Perhaps it was time to put both gentlemen in their place and look elsewhere for the love and the family she desperately desired.

Langford... Edmund... the man could be so infuriating one moment and then charming the next. And he’d turned her mind to mushy pudding with his mouth. She shivered, thinking about the heat from his hands as they swept up and down her back. She missed his touch.

“We should probably rest,” Emmeline said, interrupting her wayward thoughts. “We have the Burlington musicale tonight. I pray their daughters have mastered their instruments during the past year because they were dreadful last season. Their eldest daughter, Lady Emily, has a lovely voice though, which made up for the terrible instrument playing.”

Lilly grinned. “Oh goody, my first musicale.”

*

“I can’t believe you’re dragging me to a musicale,” grumbled Edmund to Blackstone.

Blackstone, sitting opposite him in his ducal carriage, smirked at him. “Do you want to see Lady Langford or not? If you don’t keep a close eye on her, Hollingsworth will sweep in and do something to force the marriage. He’s a desperate man. Desperate men will do whatever it takes to get what they want, regardless of how it hurts others. He cares not for the countess or her feelings. And she isn’t experienced enough to see the man beneath all the finery, charm, and easy smile.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Edmund snapped as he raked his hands through his hair. His insides shook with frustration and anger. He’d call Hollingsworth out if he tainted Lilly’s reputation. She should be allowed certain liberties, but he knew the ton would be happy to wring her through the gossip rags because of her young age. The mothers of the debutantes were not happy to have a beautiful young widow come to London and give their daughters competition this Season. They would be watching her every move and do anything within their power to see her fall from grace.

Emmeline was another matter altogether. Nobody paid any attention to older widows. Except that wasn’t true, was it? A duke wanted her. That made her an enemy of every debutante and their title-hunting mama as well.

He should have stayed in the country.

He sighed and looked out the carriage window. If only he could go back to the first time he met Lilly. He would stuff a handkerchief in his mouth and keep himself from accusing her of stealing from his uncle and using him for his wealth and old age, knowing she’d be a young, rich widow. He would befriend her. If he’d done that back then, they could have lived under the same roof, getting to know one another. Perhaps he could have persuaded her to marry him by now, and to hell with any scandal it might cause.

What a dumb arse he’d been. He had nobody but himself to blame for the current situation. It all could have been avoided if he’d tamped down his anger and shock and treated her with the kindness and respect she was due. All he’d seen was a young, beautiful woman, and steam had come out of his ears. Jealousy had stabbed him in the gut, eviscerating him. The lovely creature before him had been married to his old uncle.

He shut his eyes to block out the vision from that time and replace it with her sultry face from today after he’d kissed her, inhaling and exhaling several times to get his body and mind under control. When it was accomplished, he opened his eyes and turned back to his friend.

“You are right. I have to be everywhere Lilly is. Even if she never chooses me, I don’t want her to marry Hollingsworth. Nor become the talk of the ton in a bad way. There are other gentlemen more worthy of her.”

“I’m glad to see your head is on straight. Now if I could only be so lucky with Emmeline. I pray our past and Aiden’s death don’t pull us even further apart than we already are. I’m not too proud to admit she haunts my every waking minute, not to mention what she does when I sleep.”

“You two will work things out eventually.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” he groaned. “We have arrived.” He stepped out first. “You aren’t going to like this, but Hollingsworth just arrived with his brother and sister.”

“Great.” Edmund stepped out of the carriage. “He brought reinforcements. No doubt telling his sister to befriend Lilly and gush about how wonderful her brother is. Hopefully, Lilly will remember what I told her about him. I’d hate to have to divulge his dark secret.”

“Me too, if I were Hollingsworth.”

“It’s a good thing you aren’t. Let’s go in and find seats. With any luck, there will be open seats near Lilly and Emmeline.”

*

Aunt Vivian had begged off tonight’s musicale, so Emmeline and Lilly came alone. They took seats halfway between the first and last rows. The row was unoccupied but for them. It only lasted for a moment. Lilly wasn’t at all surprised when Langford and Blackstone asked to join them. Blackstone sat on Emmeline’s right, and Lilly sat next to Emmeline with Langford on her left. To everyone there, they would resemble two couples. All part of their plan, no doubt. She wanted Emmeline to be with Blackstone—they loved each other. But did she want to sit next to Langford? Without thinking, she’d brought her gloved hand to her lips and relived their intense kiss. Of course, he would think she favored his company. After all, she had let him kiss her this afternoon. He would think she wanted him.

Oh dear, what a pickle. She did want him. But did she really want to want him? She was becoming indecisive where he was concerned.

The Burlington girls’ musical talents grated on Lilly’s nerves almost as much as Langford’s presence did, if only because she was annoyed with herself with regard to him and the feelings he provoked in her. He occasionally leaned toward her, whispering something or another. But she didn’t hear a word he said as her ears continued to be pummeled by the sounds of bad violin and pianoforte playing, along with the pounding of her heart because of his close proximity. Reliving their kiss from that afternoon had caused her entire body to warm. She didn’t want to think about it. But it was difficult with him sitting and breathing so close to her with his scent wafting her way. She’d believed it to be musk previously, but it was sandalwood, if she weren’t mistaken, and it was pulling her in. She wanted to lean close to him and inhale his potent essence. How mortifying.

She refused to glance his way, her eyes centered on the girls—young ladies, really. One had to be her age, and Lilly remembered seeing her at the Westport ball. Perhaps Langford would be interested in her? Hollingsworth sat across the aisle from her and tried several times to get her attention. Lilly politely ignored him, if one could ignore politely. If what Langford told her today was true, she didn’t want to get drawn into his life. She refused to be used as a pawn in the disagreement between him and his mother. Nor would she ever want a mother-in-law such as that. She would make her thoughts and feelings known to him at some point tonight and put an end to it.

When the musicale finally ended, the young ladies bowed to enthusiastic applause, most likely due to its conclusion and not the talent of the players. Most of the guests mingled through several rooms getting refreshments. Lilly and Emmeline were no different, only she was exasperated that Langford stuck to her like an unwanted piece of lint.

“Care for some punch?” Langford asked. “I can’t guarantee you it tastes good.” He dipped the ladle and poured two small cups. “It looks rather watery.”

“Thank you.” She took the cup he offered. “It looks fine.” Though taking a sip, she had to agree with him. It was watery and tasteless. “Perhaps the biscuits will be better,” she remarked. Langford handed one to Lilly. She took a small nibble and shook her head. “Stale already. Too bad, they are my favorite.” Feeling his eyes on her, she looked at him and frowned. “You don’t have to stay by my side. I’m perfectly capable of keeping myself safe around Hollingsworth. In fact, here he is.”

“Lady Langford.” Hollingsworth bowed, taking her hand in his and brushing her gloved hand with his lips. “It is lovely to see you this evening. Perhaps we could have a private word?” His head swung to Langford. “If your guard will allow it?”

Hollingsworth was forced to take a step back as Langford moved in front of Lilly as though he were her great protector. She placed her hand on his arm. “Langford,” she said in her sternest voice, one she’d never heard herself use before. “If you’ll excuse us, I’d like a word with Hollingswoth, and I believe Blackstone is trying to get your attention.”

Lilly moved around Langford, took Hollingsworth’s offered arm, and strolled with him back into the musicale room, where they were afforded some privacy with only several other guests milling about. She waited for him to speak. For the first time in her presence, he appeared uncomfortable and tense.

“What has Langford told you about me?”

His words surprised her. She didn’t expect him to come right out and ask. But he deserved the truth. “Something on the lines that your mother wants you to marry Lady Priscilla Amesbury.”

He visibly cringed. Did he dislike Lady Priscilla that much? “That is true. But the decision of whom I marry is mine and mine alone. My mother’s wishes don’t factor into it.”

“I’ve been told you need to marry posthaste. If you don’t, your mother is the type to force the situation by using subterfuge.”

He chuckled. The sound was deep and held not a speck of amusement. “You are correct. Langford has good spies. Nonetheless, you are your own woman and can make your own decisions.” He took both her hands into his and stared into her eyes. His were pleading with her, desperate in their intensity. She truly felt bad for him. But not enough to marry him. “I want to marry you. Please say yes.” His words were whispered and she shivered because of how they were said, as if his very life depended on her answer. And then he added. “I know we have only just met, but I ascertain we will suit perfectly. You will never want for anything and have the freedom to do as you choose. I would never try to control you.”

“Langford also said if I allowed you to keep pursuing me, he would divulge certain secrets of yours to me.” She pulled her hands from his and instantly his eyes darkened and became guarded. So he truly had secrets. “I’m terribly sorry, but I must refuse.”

He bowed, his expression one of rejection and something else. Possibly wariness. “I hope you find the man you are looking for.”

With his parting words, he left Lilly, her insides hollow and her eyes stinging with sadness for the marquess. Somehow she would force Langford to share his secret with her. Even though she was confident she’d made the right decision regarding Hollingsworth, she wanted to know what put that guarded and haunted look in his eyes.

That eventual conversation notwithstanding, she needed to stay away from Langford as much as possible. He was also not the gentleman for her even if she wanted him at times. She had several years before she would be considered past her prime. And she had no mother or father breathing down her back. However, her heart pained at the thought. She would give anything to have both her parents still alive.

In any case, it wasn’t imperative that she marry anytime soon. No need to settle on a gentleman until she knew she loved him and he loved her in return.

Seeing Emmeline standing with Blackstone in the refreshments room had her making her way to their side.

“I surmise you turned Hollingsworth’s offer down. He left rather abruptly, looking distraught,” Emmeline said softly for their ears only.

“Yes. I can’t marry a man I hardly know or love. Nor is there any hurry to marry. I’m still young.” She glimpsed the sadness in her friend’s eyes and knew she’d said the wrong thing about being young. Wisely, Blackstone kept his eyes averted and pretended not to hear.

As the guests started leaving, Blackstone said, “May I escort you lovely ladies to your carriage?”

Lilly had to swallow the words she wanted to ask Blackstone before they escaped her lips. She wanted to ask where Langford was. But it was none of her business, and the more he stayed far away from her the better.

Emmeline took his offered arm. “Thank you.” After stopping at the door and retrieving their cloaks and Blackstone’s cape and hat, they went down the stairs and to their waiting coach.

Once inside the carriage, Emmeline leaned back and sighed. “Thankfully, that is over. I believe my ears still hurt from the music.”

Lilly found herself laughing. “That was music? I never would’ve guessed.”

Emmeline joined in the laughter, then turned serious. “We need to go home and change. The Duchess of Greenville handed me a note requesting us to deliver medicine to a sick baby tonight. He is quite ill and she’s afraid if he doesn’t receive the medicine immediately, he will not make it through the night. She’s sending a carriage and driver. I hope you don’t mind going with me. I know nighttime trips can be frightening, but the duchess wouldn’t ask if it weren’t imperative. And the young mother will not answer her door to strangers in the middle of the night. Perhaps at some point they will trust Mitchel and Flynn, but for now it must be someone from the Ladies’ Society.”

“I don’t mind at all. I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight, anyway, after witnessing Hollingsworth’s expression of dejection,” Lilly said as her heart ached for the marquess. “I feel awful for him. He must be desperate to ask a near stranger to marry him.”

“I agree,” Emmeline said as their carriage came to a stop.