Page 21 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)
R edford arrived back in town a month and a half after he’d left for his estate and called upon Lilly. She tried to be excited by his visit, but she couldn’t rally her emotions. He’d never sent word to her the entire time he was gone, and given the length of time he’d been away, she’d come to believe he wasn’t interested in her anymore. So when a large bouquet of flowers arrived early one morning with a card apologizing for his absence and begging her forgiveness, she honestly didn’t know how she felt. And she had to remind herself that she had planned to give Redford time to court her. Now that he was back, it was time for her to understand how she felt about him and his pursuit.
Aunt Vivian and Emmeline both begged off afternoon tea and Lilly found herself entertaining Redford alone. With the door open, of course. She was still not entirely comfortable with the man. After all the time that had gone by, they were back to being near strangers.
Redford joined her on the settee, and she tried not to fidget nervously. “Did you have a nice visit to your estate?” she asked.
“Yes. Thank you for asking. I must apologize for the length of time I’ve been away. The scope of things that needed my attention was larger than I initially thought. I did accomplish much of what I set out to do, which was good.” He paused. “Meanwhile, I was hoping to escort you to the Greenville ball at Vauxhall Gardens tomorrow evening. I traveled hard so I would get home in time. I am very much looking forward to it.”
“As am I.” Lilly was very excited to attend.
“May I escort you?”
“Yes.”
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but is Langford still recovering here?”
She had the feeling he had wanted to ask her this when he’d first entered the room but had exercised his patience and waited. She decided she would answer him, even though it was not really any business of his. “No. He left shortly after you traveled to the country.” She refused to acknowledge the pain in her chest at the admission. She’d not heard a single word from Langford since he’d left, though thanks to Mullens, she knew he had recently begun walking with a cane to get his strength back. She should be thankful he’d left because if he were still around, she wouldn’t be able to think about Redford, and she needed to.
He turned on the settee to face her and took her hands. His thumbs rubbed over the backs of her hands, and she tried to ignore her body tensing tighter than a violin’s strings. “I think it is time you called me Peter. May I call you Lilly?”
She formed the word yes, but nothing came out, so she nodded. Hoping to distract him, she pulled her hands away and picked up the teapot. “Care for tea?”
He chuckled. “No. Am I making you nervous?”
“No. Why would you think so?”
“Because your hands are shaking, rattling the cover to the pot.”
“Oh.” Lilly placed the teapot on the tray and thought it was best not to pour herself any because Redford... Peter was correct. Her hands were shaking, as was the rest of her body. He seemed different today; he was more attentive and forward with his touch than he had been during other morning calls. Though perhaps her recollection of their time together wasn’t as clear as it could have been. After all, it had been six weeks since she’d seen him last.
“I have something to ask you,” he said as he tugged her hands into his once again. His lips curved into a smile and his eyes stared at her intently. “I know this may seem sudden, but I knew the moment I met you that you were the one for me, and I have come to love you.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Lilly, will you marry me and make me the happiest gentleman alive?”
If she had been holding a teacup, it would have shattered on the floor. Instead, Peter held her hands, refusing to let them go. Finally, she tugged hard enough that he relented.
“Forgive me,” he mumbled.
One hand went to her mouth as she coughed, and the other rested on her heaving heart. Why she was so shocked at his proposal? She had always known that was his ultimate goal for courting her.
He went to hold her hands again, but she kept them away from him. For one second she saw something resembling anger flash in his eyes and then it was gone.
“You don’t need to answer me now. Tomorrow night at Vauxhall Gardens will suffice. That way we can celebrate in the privacy of one of the pleasure gardens.” He stood and bowed. “Until tomorrow, my dear Lilly.”
Instead of seeking advice from Emmeline or Aunt Vivian, Lilly retired to her room for the rest of the day and night having a dinner tray brought to her room. That night sleep eluded her and she spent much of the night pacing and wearing a line in the blue Aubusson rug covering the wood floorboards. When her legs tired, she climbed into bed and burrowed beneath the counterpane, willing her mind to stop creating all these scenarios for why she couldn’t marry Peter and instead come up with reasons why she should marry him.
Eventually, she slept and managed several hours of rest before Daisy woke her for her morning ritual and breakfast.
*
The thought of attending a private ball at Vauxhall Gardens hosted by the Duke and Duchess of Greenville with Redford, Emmeline, and Blackstone had her fidgeting as Daisy finished her magic with her hair that evening. She’d never been to Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens before and looked forward to it. Except that Peter expected an answer to his marriage proposal.
She had promised herself yesterday that she would give Peter a chance and consider marrying him, which she had done all night and day. She thought she could probably live with him being a bit boring—she had enough excitement with the Ladies Society of Mayfair. And hopefully, it wouldn’t take long to have children, and she would be otherwise occupied with them. Having a boring husband could be a blessing. He wouldn’t demand her time and attention be taken away from their offspring. But what of her determination only to marry someone she loved?
“You are almost finished, my lady,” Daisy said as she put the last pins into her perfectly coiffed hair and added feathers for adornment in the same color as her dress.
“Thank you. You may go now.”
Lilly stood up and paced the room, the worn line from last night still evident in the rug. If only Henry were alive to give her counsel. Of course, she wouldn’t be in this predicament if he were alive. She didn’t want to disappoint Henry and fail to find what he wished for her. But the more she looked, the more she realized what a rare commodity marrying for love was.
She met very few married couples of the ton who were in love. Many flirted outright in front of their spouse with little regard for their feelings, gentlemen and ladies alike. Had they no shame? Her insides screamed again. Would that be her future if she married Peter? She didn’t believe she could ever behave so, but would he?
Suddenly, the last thing she wanted to do was go out. Her only saving grace was that she would be with Emmeline and Blackstone.
A knock on her door startled her. “Enter.”
“Blackstone and Redford are downstairs. Are you ready?” Emmeline asked, looking splendid in a ballgown of robin’s-egg blue and silver.
Lilly picked up her reticule that matched her ballgown’s elegant shade of green. “I’m ready.”
“Are you feeling well? You seem out of sorts and pale.”
“Peter wants an answer to his marriage proposal tonight.” Lilly had confided to Emmeline and Aunt Vivian about Peter’s proposal at breakfast that morning.
“Please don’t let him force you into making a decision when you aren’t ready. Marriage is for life or until death takes one of you.” Emmeline reached out and squeezed her hand. “Make the decision on your time, not his.”
Lilly felt the knot in her stomach ease. “You are right. If he truly wants to marry me, he will have to wait. He told me he loves me, but I can’t say it back.”
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t, but I think perhaps I could in time. I like him well enough.”
“Tell me what you feel when he kisses you.”
“His kisses are nice.”
“Oh, Lilly, you know kisses with someone you love should not only be nice. They should be...” She paused and shook her head. “They should be more.”
“I know.” And she did know. She had kissed someone once who made her feel more than she wanted to. “We should go. We don’t want to keep the gentlemen waiting.”