Page 23 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)

L illy awoke to birds chirping and the sound of rain. But there was another sound that puzzled her: snoring—deep rumbling snores. And then last night’s events assaulted her memory. She swung her legs off the bed, stood, and silently made her way to the chaise longue where Langford slept. Her heart stopped as she took him in. He was stretched out on his back, his legs dangling over the edge of the chaise longue, one hand behind his head and the other resting on his stomach. His features were soft, and he looked angelic and young. One lock of hair curled down the middle of his forehead and she wanted so badly to push it aside. Any excuse to touch him. She could pretend most days that her feelings for him were trivial, but the truth was that she was utterly and hopelessly in love with him.

“Do you always sneak up on your guests and watch them sleep?” He raised both his arms over his head and stretched, and she couldn’t take her eyes off his chest, his stomach, and the bulge in his breeches.

Embarrassed, she adverted her eyes. “Forgive me. I heard you snoring.”

He chuckled, “I have been accused of that from time to time.” She must have made a face because he quickly added, “From Blackstone and Caldwell as we sometimes share a cabin on one of our ships when we travel.”

“I see.” She had mistaken his meaning and felt contrite. “Did you sleep well?”

He sat up and patted the cushion next to him, clearly hoping she’d sit. She did, and the warmth from his body radiated into her side where they touched. “I didn’t think I would at all, and it took me a while to fall asleep, but yes, I slept well. Did you?”

“I’m shocked to say I fell asleep as soon as my head rested on my pillow. The events of the night with Redford must have taken a toll on my mind and body.” She turned her head and looked at him. “What will happen to him?”

He tilted his head and asked, “To Redford? He will be punished. What sort of punishment depends on the magistrate and what can be proven.”

She reached between them and gripped his hand. After last night, she felt much more comfortable touching him. “Thank you again for saving me.”

“I’ve been a fool.” He squeezed her hand gently. “I hope I have begun proving myself to you, shown you I’m not always an irrational, insensitive arse of a man. And I want you to know I would do anything for you. I’m going to tell you something and I hope you won’t be upset. The night I arrived at Langford Manor, I found a sealed letter on my pillow from Uncle Henry.”

Her eyes blinked in surprise.

“He asked me to look after you,” he continued. “And his greatest wish was for you to marry the second time for love.”

“Henry and I talked about it many times. I hadn’t realized all this time you knew about it.”

“I did, and I’m sorry I kept it from you. What I want you to understand is that, yes, I’m looking out for you as per Henry’s letter.” His hands cupped her face, his compassionate, warm brown eyes tinged with desire bore into the depths of her soul. “But my feelings for you have nothing to do with Henry and everything to do with how my heart aches for you. My hungry eyes seek you out whenever we are in the same room. My insides don’t relax until I know you are safe and well. My hands wish to touch your soft, silky skin at every opportunity, which in my opinion is never enough. Your full, luscious lips call to mine and drive me nearly insane with the need to taste them.” His lips brushed against hers, making her entire body quiver. “None of that has anything to do with an obligation to Henry and everything to do with you and me.”

Tears silently trailed down her cheeks and Edmund wiped them away. “I pray these are tears of joy?”

Words stuck in her throat, so she nodded her head.

“Thank Christ.” Their lips met, their tongues seeking each other’s essence. Nothing and no one would intrude on this moment. Without breaking the kiss, Edmund cradled her body to his, stood, and she found herself plopped down onto the chaise longue to the sound of his laughter. “I forgot about my leg. I’m sorry. I can’t carry you to the bed.”

Standing, Lilly giggled and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’ll help you.” They made their way to the bed and Edmund sat down, Lilly hurried to the door and locked it. She knew it was early for Daisy, but she didn’t want to risk someone coming in.

What little clothing they wore was tossed to the floor, and Lilly got her first close-up look at his leg and the jagged scar adorning it. Where the stitches had been was raised and purple.

“This healed nicely,” she said as she ran a gentle fingertip down the scar.

“It did.” Edmund’s amber-flecked eyes were intense as one large hand roamed up and down her body, instantly distracting her from his leg. Every touch, every caress, tore moans from her lips, and her hips rose off the bed, hoping his hand would touch her where she craved it most. When his hand cupped her womanhood, her legs opened wider and she almost cried with relief. His fingers sought her entrance, sliding in and out. His eyes locked with hers, and as much as she wanted to look away, she couldn’t. As her body tumbled over that elusive precipice, with Edmund watching her, she’d never felt so vulnerable, cherished, or loved.

Before her body had time to recover, he rolled on top of her, placed his hard member at her entrance and slid all the way in with one slow thrust. He took her mouth in a punishing kiss. His tongue mimicked the actions below, and before Lilly could take her next breath, her body exploded once again. At the same time, Edmund arched his back, and his body tensed as his warm seed spilled inside her. They collapsed into each other’s arms. Lilly didn’t think she could move for at least an hour.

*

He’d had his share of women in his bed, but he’d never had a true emotional and physical connection to anyone until Lilly. He still couldn’t comprehend the volcanic eruption he’d experienced with her. It was so intense he’d thought he was going to lose consciousness for a moment there when he released his seed.

“Are you awake?”

“Hmm. Yes,” she answered with a sleepy voice, stirring his body again. What he had to say next would douse the flames quickly.

“Tell me about Henry and how your marriage came to be.”

It took a while for her to speak, and at first he thought she might be ignoring him. “I had just turned seventeen and Papa thought we would have time to secure a husband and future for me. But then we found out Papa was sick and had very little time left. Suddenly my future and securing a husband for me was upon us. Unbeknownst to me, he approached Henry and asked him to marry me. I was shocked when I found out and shocked that he agreed.”

She paused, her body shook. Edmund wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and kissed the back of her neck. “If this is too hard for you, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I’m all right. When Papa told me Henry had agreed to marry me, I was both relieved and frightened. I didn’t know what he would expect of me. Would he want heirs? I knew Henry was an honorable and good man, but what kind of husband would he be? We married within days with a special license; hours after Papa performed the ceremony, he died. The next day he was buried, and I found myself in a carriage with my new husband, crying over my papa’s death.”

“I’m so sorry. That must have been a terribly trying day for you.”

“Thank you.” She sighed and he knew her fingers were wiping away tears. “Henry was so kind to me during the ride to Langford Manor. He said that we both needed time to mourn and that he would come and speak with me the following day. And when we spoke the next day in his study he told me he didn’t want to bed a child, nor did he want heirs. That our marriage would be in name only, he would take care of me and I would take care of him.”

Edmund’s heart stopped at what her words implied. “That was very kind and noble of him. But I’m not surprised. Uncle Henry was the epitome of a true gentleman.”

“Yes, he was.”

“Does that mean you were a virgin the first time we made love?” His breath suspended as he awaited her answer.

“Yes.”

“I understand why you didn’t tell me. But I wish I’d known.” Nothing about his behavior at the time would have given her reason to trust him with her secret. Had he been gentle enough with her? He hoped so. “Tell me more. What did you do to occupy your time for that year?” The floodgates of his curiosity opened, and suddenly, he wanted to know everything there was to know about Lilly and her life before they’d met.

“Every day, Henry and I went riding. He kept busy managing the estate, but I was a little bored. We traveled to London several times. I was happy. We talked together about my future and what he wanted and hoped for me. We talked about you.” She patted his arms which were circling her waist. “Although there wasn’t much to say since Henry hadn’t seen you in person for years.”

His body tightened. “I will forever regret not having come to see Uncle Henry more often before his death. As his heir, I should’ve made time for him. I owe him so much, and I can never express my gratitude to him.”

“Taking care of his estates and his tenants and being a genuinely kind and caring man would be thank you enough for Henry.”

“I promise I will.”

She inhaled and he knew she was getting to the emotional, hard part of her story. “The day Henry died, we were riding and we raced. He always let me win, but he could still ride like the wind. But he fell.” She wiped more tears away. “I’d just finished my year of mourning Papa, and now I was in mourning again, only this time for my husband. A man who had become my best friend, my confidant, my everything.”

Edmund moved his arms and began rubbing her back, hoping to soothe her heartache. “And then I came along and I behaved like an arse.”

“Humph. It took you just over two months to arrive. It seemed like a lifetime. And yes, you were a privileged, arrogant, vile man the first time we met. I couldn’t get away from you fast enough. Thank God I had Emmeline to save me.”

He chuckled, “Do you need saving now?”

She turned around, cupped his cheek, her eyes shining with unshed tears and she smiled. “Now more than ever.”

He brought his lips to hers just as someone knocked on the door.

“My lady, it’s Daisy.”

Lilly stifled her giggles by burying her head in his chest. “Daisy, I’m tired this morning. Come back in an hour.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“I should go since the servants are up. I don’t want any gossip surrounding you.”

“Emmeline has the best household. They do not gossip. Nor does my maid, Daisy. But I agree, you must go so I can start my day.”

He kissed her deeply. He didn’t want to leave her bed. “Does all this mean you will consent to marry me?” Bloody hell, the moment he uttered the words, he knew it was the wrong time and the worst way to propose to the woman he loved. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met. He felt every muscle in her body tense as she pulled away from him, both physically and emotionally. What a bloody arse he was... again.

*

His proposal should have made her heart sing. But for some reason a sadness penetrated into the very center of her being. Had he only asked because of what they shared in her bed, twice? She didn’t want to spend her life questioning his motives. He’d yet to profess his love, and that was what she needed. He knew that was what she needed.

“I would like you to leave now,” she said in a tired voice. “If it’s acceptable to you, I would like time to think over your proposal. I’ll send word when I’ve decided. Until then, please don’t call on me.”

He reached out with his hand to touch her but pulled it back. “Forgive me. I hadn’t meant to propose.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What I mean is, yes, I meant to propose, but I wasn’t prepared to do so at this time. Bloody hell,” he mumbled. “I’m messing this up. Please don’t shut me out.”

Every part of her body ached, and her mind screamed out, Yes! Say yes! Instead, she said, “After Redford, I need time. Please understand.”

“I will try,” he said as he gathered his things and left.

Lilly lay back in bed, tears sliding down her face as she tried to ignore the pain in her heart.