Page 20 of Loving an Earl (Widows of Mayfair #1)

A fter they left, Lilly sat by Langford’s bed and pondered what his friends had said. She didn’t feel any responsibility for saving his life. Dr. Bailey’s medical care and Langford’s will to live had made the real difference in his recovery. As well as the help from Aunt Vivian, Mullens, Mrs. Lewis, and Mrs. Peterson. She had done very little besides sit at his bedside and pray. And pray she had, because it had all seemed out of anyone’s hands once the fever set in. Her insides eased with relief as she curled up into the chair and closed her eyes. Her body relaxed, her eyelids fluttered closed, and her breathing slowed as she drifted into a safe, warm, soothing place.

Her dreams were vivid. More vivid and real than her usual dreams. She watched the scenes unfold as an observer from high above, not from within her body.

She resided at Langford Manor in Kent. The air was warm and fresh, scented with lavender from the fields surrounding the large home. Her brows furrowed thoughtfully. When she had lived here previously, there were no lavender fields. Had Edmund planted them? Did he know how much she loved the color and scent of lavender?

The two of them together appeared happy and very much a couple. A married couple. Her eyes squinted, and she gasped when she noticed her belly heavy with child. And then she was in labor with Dr. Bailey standing by her feet, looking sad and worried. His lips were moving, but his words were garbled. He was shaking his head as pain tore through her body, ripping her in two. A scream resonated from deep in her throat and rose up, tearing through her lips and rattling the windowpanes.

“Lilly,” Langford’s worried voice pulled her from her dream.

“Yes. I’m here.” Her voice was still muzzy from sleep.

“You were dreaming.”

She blinked open her eyes and met his concerned ones as they studied her intently. “I was.”

“You had a smile on your face. It must have been a pleasant dream. But then something happened and you cried out.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Her heart pounded so loudly inside her chest that she could count the beats in her ears. She inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm her heart and settle her nerves. She didn’t remember the particulars of her dream anymore, although she could recall the warm loving feel at the beginning of it. In the end, all she remembered was pain lancing her body and then darkness. She shivered and hugged herself.

“Are you cold?”

“No. I was thinking about my dream.”

“Tell me about it?”

“I can’t. All I remember is that it began happily, but it changed and then it was sadness and pain and then nothing but darkness.”

“I dreamed strange dreams the past few nights,” Langford said. “I was lost in a torrential thunderstorm. The winds were howling, sending the rain sideways, and I didn’t recognize my surroundings. When the lightning flashed, it was so vivid it blinded me.” The dream still plagued him even now.

During the tumultuous storm, a woman called his name. Ignoring the rain and wind battering his body, he followed the sound of the voice. Several times he tripped on rocks and slipped in the mud covering the saturated ground. The closer he got to the voice, the more his heart pounded inside his chest. She sounded distraught and he knew, without a doubt, she was hurt or in terrible danger. As the woman cried out his name, he struggled to distinguish who it was, Annabella or Lilly. But Annabelle was dead, he knew it. He fought through the storm until he found the person he sought hovering in the middle of a cluster of small trees. Her arms were wrapped around her bent knees, with her head resting on them. Her drenched clothing clung to her body, and her soaking wet hair stuck to her face—a face he so desperately wanted to see.

“You were calling my name. Are you hurt?”

“Edmund,” she said with a sigh.

He gasped when he recognized the voice as Annabelle’s. Except he saw Lilly’s beautiful and frightened face, looking up at him through rain-soaked lashes.

“Edmund?” she said with worry. “You look like you are seeing a ghost.”

He shook his head to clear his mind. When he dared to look at Lilly again, his body relaxed as her face stared at him. “Lilly, what are you doing here?”

“I went for a walk and got lost,” Lilly replied, now in her own voice.

He held out his hand. “Let me take you home.”

“Langford, are you feeling ill?”

Hearing Lilly’s voice—her true voice—tumbled him out of his remembrance of his dream.

“I feel fine.” He needed to change the subject. “Now, please tell me more about you, Emmeline, and the Ladies’ Society of Mayfair.”

She blanched. Clearly, this was something she didn’t want to speak about, but he was determined. He owed her his life, but he didn’t want to ever have to repay the favor in kind. He needed to try to persuade her from traveling into the rookeries of London again. The danger was everywhere, and he shuddered to consider could happen if two well-bred young ladies were kidnapped. They could be sold to a bawdy house and never be seen again, most likely dying at the hands of a customer or from disease. The image his mind conjured up rocked him to his core.

“Are you positive you feel fine? Your complexion is pale and your body is trembling,” Lilly asked, her brows furrowed with worry.

“Yes. I’m fine. I was thinking about what could happen to you and Emmeline if you fell into the hands of the wrong person while in St. Giles. Please promise me you will not go there or any unsavory place again.”

She closed her eyes and took several breaths before her eyelids fluttered open. “I can’t promise you we will never travel into the rookeries. But I promise you we will be careful and never take unnecessary risks. I can tell the duchess that we can no longer travel at night.” She looked him right in the eye and batted her lashes. “Will that do?”

Truly? Did she think he would be appeased with that answer or be swayed by the fluttering of her long, thick lashes? She didn’t know him well if she thought that was all it would take for him to leave the matter alone. Perhaps for something trivial, but not when her safety was at stake.

“Langford,” she said. “These people rely on us. Perhaps you can accompany us and protect us when you recover.”

“Capital idea.” He huffed. “Except it will be some time before I’m ready for that duty.”

“Mayhap you could ask Blackstone or Caldwell to escort us. We don’t normally go but once a fortnight.”

“I will inquire as to whether they would be willing to escort you both.”

“Blackstone is taking Emmeline to the theater tonight.”

“Yes. He told me. It’s about bloody time, if you’ll pardon me for saying so.”

She laughed and it was the most beautiful sound. “You have it correct.”

“Is Redford accompanying you to the theater as well?” He refused to acknowledge the pit in his stomach as he awaited her answer. After all, this courtship with Redford was partly his idea. He’d rejected her after he’d found those papers and had felt betrayed. Though nearly dying had him thinking more clearly about their situation. He’d been an arse and needed to remedy it. When he made a full recovery things would change.

“No. He has traveled to his country estate.”

“I see.”

“Besides, you need me.”

His cock stirred for the first time since his injury. “That brings to mind who was looking after me while I was unconscious, fighting infection and fever. From what I understand, it was several long days.” He could not imagine the dowager baroness letting Lilly care for him in his state of undress, never mind when his body had to perform certain functions... Christ, he couldn’t even let his mind ponder it. It was too mortifying. But he knew the answer to his unspoken question by the look on her face and the blush reddening her cheeks.

“Aunt Vivian, Mrs. Lewis, Mullens, and I took turns.” She looked down at her hands on her lap, twisting her fingers together. “Don’t worry, we took good care of you. And if your bedding needed changing, Mullens and several footmen took care of it.”

He groaned. “If I get sick again, I don’t want you anywhere near my bedside.”

She looked at him with hurt in her eyes. He didn’t mean it the way it sounded. But the thought of her witnessing his body’s weaknesses, unable to do anything for himself any more than a newborn baby could, shamed him.

Before he could apologize, she hurried from the room, leaving him with his guilt for snapping at her.

*

Lilly didn’t know what to think of Langford’s hurtful words. Perhaps she’d overreacted by leaving so abruptly. After all, he wasn’t feeling well, and she knew people were peevish when not at their best. Still, he could have been grateful for her help. She knocked on Aunt Vivian’s door and when she heard her voice say, “Enter,” she opened the door and stepped inside. “I’m sorry to bother you, but Langford seems annoyed that I was part of overseeing his care when he was fevered. Do you mind checking on him today with Mullens and Mrs. Lewis?”

“Not at all, my dear.”

After that, the day crawled by for Lilly. She spent time in the library reading, but her mind refused to understand anything her eyes read. She strolled through the gardens, but all the usually lovely smells coming from the roses and flowers seemed wrong. They mixed together to form one potent scent that overwhelmed her, turning her stomach against her. Hurrying from the garden, she sought refuge in her room, lounging on the chaise longue and staring into the empty fireplace. No matter that she told herself Langford didn’t mean his hurtful words, they pained her heart. Did he not understand that he could have died? And if he had died and she wasn’t taking care of him, she would never have been able to forgive herself.

She cared for him. More than she should and more than she wanted to.

Two days after Langford’s fever broke, against Dr. Bailey’s advisement, Mrs. Lewis and Mullens took him home. He would spend the remainder of his convalescence in his townhouse with all his household taking care of him, and Emmeline’s house became suddenly too silent after he left. Lilly found herself wandering the halls with too much free time on her hands. Looking after Langford had given her purpose and something to do during the day. Yes, she’d admit she had been exhausted when he was there; however, taking care of him made her sleep-deprived state worth it.

Weeks went by with only brief notes daily from either Mullens or Mrs. Lewis. Langford’s recovery was going well. Moving had done him no lasting damage, there was no more sign of infection, and his leg was healing well. Lilly tried not to be disappointed he didn’t write her himself. She also never received a missive from Redford during that time, which made her think that both men had forgotten her. In the evenings, she and Emmeline resumed their regular attendance of social functions. Emmeline seemed to enjoy herself, but Lilly’s heart wasn’t in it.

*

Edmund had been home for a month and sat in the library with his injured leg resting on a footstool, where he spent much of his time anymore. The leg still pained him when he moved it or walked—with the aid of a cane—but it was healing and getting stronger every day.

Howard, his butler, entered the room, followed by a visitor. “The Duke of Blackstone, my lord.”

“Thank you, Howard. Before you leave, please pour brandy for His Grace and myself.” Edmund indicated the chair beside his and Andrew sat down.

“Do you realize I have been visiting daily since you returned home and Howard still feels he needs to announce me? And you still ask him to pour us brandy when I’m perfectly capable of pouring.”

Edmund studied Blackstone and frowned. “Why the sour mood?”

“I don’t know. I woke up this way.” He took the glass that Howard offered and downed the contents in one gulp. “Thank you, Howard. Another, please.”

Edmund sipped his brandy. He had to be careful not to get tipsy and slip and fall and reinjure his leg. Dr. Bailey had exclaimed just that morning that the bones were healing nicely, but one fall could set him back on his recovery or damage his leg more permanently than it already was.

Blackstone took the refilled glass and sipped this time. “When do you think you’ll be able to get out and about around town?”

“Dr. Bailey says soon, but I’m in no hurry.”

“All right.” Blackstone looked at him with narrowed eyes seeking answers. “Are you going to tell me what happened between Lilly and you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s personal and embarrassing. What about you and Emmeline? How is the courtship going?”

Blackstone snorted. “It is not a courtship. I fear we are mostly at odds with each other these days. But I’m hoping to remedy that in time. Are you ever going to forgive Lilly for the papers you found which Lilly didn’t create? Your uncle only did what he thought he needed to do to protect her. I’m glad he did and wish other husbands would be so forthright.”

“I hired a Bow Street Runner to look into Redford,” Edmund said, changing the subject.

Blackstone looked at him, one brow quirked. “And why is that?”

“Call it intuition.” He combed his fingers through his hair.

“There is something off about him. I’m glad you did,” Blackstone said.

He sighed. “I’ve only been in the man’s company a few times before my accident. But nothing he said or did rang true with me. I never should have suggested him to her. I need to know Lilly will be safe and happy if he proposes and she accepts.”

“Do you think he will propose?”

“I know he will. He wrote to me asking for my blessing.”

“And did you give it?”

“No. I told him I would think on it.” He paused and sighed. “I can’t give an answer until I see the runner’s report.”

Blackstone stood and placed his glass on a tray on the sideboard. “Is there anything you need before I leave?”

“No.”