Page 49 of Love or Your Money Back

CHAPTER

Freddy stares at Kat’s latest diary entry on his curved computer screen (with glare reduction and ambient light to improve mood).

Some idiot knocks on Freddy’s office just as his eyes come into focus.

‘FUCK OFF,’ Freddy bellows, without lifting his head. Whoever is on the other side of the door does, indeed, fuck off. Then Freddy turns and vomits into his gold-plated wastepaper bin (with one-touch emptying and recycle compartments).

After several violent heaves, Freddy croaks into the intercom, ‘Tim, I just regurgitated my breakfast. Call Taurito’s and ask them to bring me another one.’

One second later, Tim appears in the doorway wearing rubber gloves. ‘Where’s the vomit?’

‘You don’t have to clean the vomit,’ says Freddy. ‘Just get on with ordering the breakfast. I’ll take care of the bodily fluids.’

‘I’ve been in war zones, sir,’ Tim points out. ‘Vomit is nothing compared to the bloody messes left by landmines. I’ve seen people blown limb from limb; their intestines turned to bloody piles of –’

‘Alright, alright.’ Freddy holds up a hand, still feeling queasy. ‘The vomit is in the waste paper bin.’

‘Right you are, sir.’ Tim whisks the bin into Freddy’s ensuite office toilet, whistling as he runs the tap. ‘This smells like nervous vomit, sir. Have you received a shock of some kind? What were you doing just before you threw up?’

‘Reading Ms Friedman’s dating diary.’

‘Ah.’ Tim’s gnarled, scarred face pops out of the ensuite. ‘What’s going on there, then?’

‘She’s getting married.’

‘And how do you feel about that, sir?’

‘It doesn’t matter how I feel. It’s what Kat wants and I’m happy for her.’

‘So what made you vomit?’

‘It’s all wrong

. She’s settling. She should have a big, romantic fairy tale, like you and your wife. Tiffanies. DeBeers. And a man to carry her upstairs. The whole lot. Not someone who ticks a few good boxes.’

‘You’ll pardon me for pointing this out, sir, but didn’t you set Ms Friedman up with Ahmet?’

‘Yeah.’

‘And wasn’t the whole plan to marry her off and run her company more efficiently?’

‘When you put it like that, it sounds so heartless.’

‘It is a little heartless, sir,’ says Tim. ‘But you were looking for the win-win, as usual. Ms Friedman wants to get married. If she’s happy with Ahmet, what’s the problem?’

‘Kat shouldn’t have to be so practical about marriage. She deserves the best.’

‘It sounds like you care about Ms Friedman.’

‘Yes. I do. Can you keep a secret?’

‘I’ve done so whilst being tortured, sir.’

‘I think I’m in love with her.’

Tim’s face lights up. ‘Sir, that’s marvellous!’

‘No, it’s not. I can’t offer her what she wants, and she just got engaged.’ He grabs a bottle of Evian from his mini fridge. ‘Hey, listen. Can you make sure me and Ms Friedman aren’t near each other on the flight to Frankfurt? She doesn’t know how I feel and it’s all a little raw right now.’

‘Not possible, sir,’ says Tim. ‘The flight is full and you’re in adjacent seats. Maybe some challenges are best faced head-on. And on that note, the hotel –’

‘Thank you, Tim,’ says Freddy. ‘I pay you to be proactive. But I don’t pay you to have an opinion. Please order me some noise-cancelling headphones for the flight.’

Tim clears his throat. ‘You might want to tell Ms Friedman the good news before you ignore her completely.’

‘What good news?’ Freddy asks.

‘Penguin Random House agreed to the meeting.’

‘YES!’ Freddy makes a fist pump – his first in far too long. ‘Brilliant. Right. I’ll need to research –’

‘They only want to meet Ms Friedman,’ Tim interrupts. ‘So you’ll need to brief her about the meeting and the distribution deal and leave her to it.’

‘Can’t you brief her?’

‘You know I can’t, sir. You’re the master salesperson. She needs your fire and passion.’

‘Yeah, you’re right.’ Freddy rubs the back of his neck. ‘Fine. Let’s get it over with now, then.’

Freddy takes regular ice baths and knows that sometimes you just have to jump in quickly, without thinking too much. He snatches up the phone and calls Kat.

‘I need to see you,’ he says. Then, realising how weird that sounds, he rephrases it. ‘I mean, about business. And Frankfurt. Can you do lunch today?’

Kat sounds surprisingly upbeat. ‘Sure. I’d love to.’

Freddy smiles, despite himself. ‘Aren’t you going to tell me how busy you are and how much your company needs you? And then make me persuade you?’

‘No,’ says Kat. ‘I’m learning to delegate, Freddy. The more I step back from work, the better the team do. It’s good practise for me to leave them alone. They need to learn to survive without me.’

‘Excellent. I’ll pick you up from your new office at noon.’

Freddy hangs up and asks Tim to find a good Italian takeout menu.

He’ll bring Kat a proper Italian meal, not one she has to cook herself.

Then he’ll book the British Library Terrace for an al fresco picnic.

Kat loves the British Library. And there will be no giant pork pie, sawn to smithereens with the wrong knife.