Page 18 of Love or Your Money Back

CHAPTER

I watch Indira’s long, lean back, not entirely sure what to say. The rails of clothes seem to be holding their breath, sensing an imminent explosion.

‘Let’s start this again.’ Freddy offers placating hands. ‘Indira, we do need your help. Kat. Tell Indira how badly we need her help.’

I attempt to swallow pride, which is metaphorically cloying and unpleasant: ‘Ms Brown, I’d be very grateful –’

‘Is that woman

still here?’ Indira crosses her arms without turning around. ‘She doesn’t know how to dress. But surely, she knows where the door is?’

‘Fine.’ I turn to leave.

‘Wait!’ Freddy grabs my arm. ‘Indira, this is Kat. And I think you two will be great friends. Both strong, dynamic women. You’ll get along like a house on fire. Or you’ll cause a nuclear explosion and burn the place down. Either way, you’ll have fun.’

Indira turns then, raising a perfect eyebrow.

‘Indira, listen.’ Freddy’s voice is higher than usual. ‘Kat founded Little Voice. An award-winning publishing company. She’ll be growing into Europe and the US this year, and she’s in desperate need of a makeover –’

‘Obviously. Why is this my problem?’

‘Basic humanity. Kat is 34 years old and wants to get married and have children.’

Indira’s face breaks into a wide, perfect smile. ‘Well, why didn’t you say so? I love love

! Of course

I can help. I am a hopeless romantic. Everyone should find their perfect partner. Speaking of which …’ She draws her leather-gloved hand back and slaps Freddy hard around the face. ‘You slept with that poor model and didn’t call her. Her eyes were red for the photoshoot. Red!’

Freddy takes the slap in the way I would expect by barely flinching, then offering Indira a charming smile.

‘To be fair,’ I never promised –’

SLAP!

Indira slaps Freddy’s other cheek. ‘But I forgive you, because you’ve raised a lot of money for my charities and introduced me to Donatello Versace.

’ Indira comes to walk a full circle around me on her long limbs, looking down her stately nose and letting out a low whistle.

She has the kind of classic face that looks like it’s been etched out of rock. And right now, that rock is displeased.

‘Good god, we have a lot to do.’ Indira clicks her fingers. ‘Roberto. Get this woman a robe.’ She turns to me. ‘Into the dressing room. You will take everything off. Including whatever shabby underwear you have on. Let the burning commence.’

I open my mouth, then decide to close it again.

‘ROBERTO!’ Indira clicks her fingers at the frightened man, poised behind her like a ball boy.

‘Bring me the Dior rail. And the Chanel rail. Oh, just bring me all the rails. HURRY UP! Must I ask for everything three times? And order us some lunch. Duck and lettuce rolls from Lavoy’s and a fruit platter without grapes.

’ She glances at Freddy. ‘What are you still doing here? Get out. I’ll call you when she’s ready. ’