Page 29 of Love or Your Money Back

CHAPTER

Freddy always thought he’d hold up pretty well under torture.

He imagined himself offering James-Bond-style quips like, ‘That boiling oil isn’t nearly hot enough.

’ But reading Kat’s product review forms prove he will never make an international spy.

Because the data is torturous and he is very close to letting out an unmanly scream when he reads:

How long will I have to wait, do you think?

Freddy throws his expensive pen across the room. It bounces off the glass wall but, being a very expensive pen, refuses to do the satisfying thing of breaking.

Kat still doesn’t get it. She’s only been on one date with Ahmet and Marcus, yet she’s ready to run down the aisle with either one of them. She looks the part, but on the inside, she still doesn’t understand what she’s worth.

‘Is everything okay, Mr Salt?’ Tim appears in the doorway, wearing his usual corduroy jacket and ironed, dark blue jeans.

Tim has a scarred face, shaved head and is very heterosexual – a deliberate choice on Freddy’s part.

Single, female assistants have cost him a fortune in redundancy packages over the years.

‘Not really.’ Freddy rubs his forehead. ‘Me and Kat are getting along too well, Tim. That’s the trouble. I want the best for her, and it’s conflicting with what’s best for the business.’

‘In what way, sir?’

‘Kat and I have a deal. I’m helping her find a husband. She’s letting me make changes to Little Voice.’

‘So, what’s the problem?’ Tim asks. ‘According to your calendar notes, Ms Freidman went on dates with two desperate men at the weekend.’

‘Yeah.’ Freddy nods. ‘They’re desperate. She’s desperate. From a marketing point of view, it’s a perfect match.’

‘This doesn’t sound like a problem at all.’

‘She’s not valuing herself, Tim. I’m promoting her as an exclusive product, but it’s only true on paper.

Inside, she doesn’t feel exclusive. She’d get married tomorrow if she could, to someone she hardly knows.

It’s not right. Kat is an amazing person.

She founded a company when she was 19, her mum had just died and she was in the early stages of an MS diagnosis.

She should hold out for the very best. But she just wants to marry any guy who’ll have her. It’s all so … flat

.’

‘But if it’s what she wants –’

‘It shouldn’t be what she wants,’ says Freddy. ‘She should have the best.’

‘Are you talking about love, sir?’ Tim has a twinkle in his eye.

‘Love isn’t a real thing, Tim,’ Freddy snaps. ‘It’s just familiarity combined with the uplifting effects of caffeine.’

‘Love is

a real thing, sir.’ Tim’s eyes take on a soft, faraway quality that is quite at odds with the shrapnel scars on his face. ‘I’ve been in love with my wife for thirty years. Colleen is my fairy tale. I am a better man every day for her. I would die for her.’

‘You’d die for all sorts of people, Tim,’ says Freddy. ‘You were in the military. I just want Kat to value herself more. That’s all.’

Tim looks like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t. Freddy admires his restraint. He assumes that, as an ex-SAS soldier, Tim has shown restraint in tougher situations than this. But he admires it nonetheless.

‘I’d better get going.’ Freddy checks his Rolex. ‘Shit. It’s already gone 8 am. I want to be there when Kat sees her new offices. Everything’s all set up and ready to go, right?’

‘Yes, sir,’ says Tim. ‘There wasn’t much to move from East London. Just a lot of awards and books, the coffee machine you bought Ms Friedman, a catering-sized tub of Nescafe and some Dungeons and Dragons dice. We left the old computers.’

‘Throw out that tub of Nescafe,’ says Freddy. ‘Onwards and upwards, Tim. Right, I’m off. Don’t forget to order fresh flowers for Kat’s new office this morning, will you?’

‘Already done, sir.’