Page 1 of Love or Your Money Back

A good brand can be summed up in three words.

Apple is unique, innovative and cool.

Coca-Cola is fun, refreshing and classic.

Freddy Stark is rich, charming and ruthless.

As a marketing expert, Freddy believes in brand consistency. Which is why he strides into the shabby offices of Little Voice Publishing totally on brand. There is a charming smile on his face, a limited-edition Rolex on his wrist and a list of staff redundancies in his pocket.

‘Good morning, Little Voice Publishing.’ Freddy slaps tanned hands on the round meeting table. He assumes the table is round for ‘inclusivity’ reasons. What a waste of time. Human beings are like monkeys. They need to know who their leader is, or they start throwing shit at each other.

Freddy analyses the tired-looking bunch of misfits before him, naming them as his eyes progress around the table.

Baldy fat computer nerd

Mad cat lady

The oldest gay in the village and …

He slides his hands into suit pockets.

Hello there.

Freddy’s gaze settles on the young woman at the end of the table.

She’s interesting, with her ‘If I be waspish, best beware my sting’ t-shirt and hair that looks like she’s rubbed it with balloons.

Something about her eyes – a sort of fiery intelligence.

She also looks like she wants to kill him, which is fun.

‘So, for those of you who don’t know.’ Freddy poses like a luxury watch model, one hand in his fitted-suit pocket, the other running a thumb over exactly one centimetre of brown stubble.

‘I am Freddy Stark, the new owner of T&C Media. I am a marketing guru and rebrand king. I take low-profit companies, evaluate, rebrand and market them to make them successful. I can market anything. And I am here to turn Little Voice into a much bigger voice.’

Freddy likes the words ‘guru’ and ‘king’.

They are listed on his Wikipedia entry, along with an extremely handsome photo of him looking like Tom Hardy.

So they must be true. He waits for a round of applause.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t get one. The interesting woman catches Freddy’s eye again – perhaps due to the sheer fury on her face.

‘Excuse me.’ The woman stands, pulling her black, woollen cardigan around herself. ‘I’m Kat Friedman, CEO of Little Voice. I don’t know why we haven’t been introduced yet, but you don’t need to change anything around here. We made half a million pounds last year.’

‘Turnover or profit?’

Kat looks cagey. ‘Turnover. But the point is, we’re in the black with ten-thousand pounds in the bank and doing just fine. We donate thousands of books to schools. And we might have enough for a new coffee machine this year –’

Freddy makes a sound. Somewhere between a snort and a cough. Ten thousand pounds barely covers the cut-flower bill at his New York office.

‘Listen.’ Freddy throws Kat a charming smile.

‘You’re doing great work here with your worthy little books that no one reads.

The nation salutes you for your services to literature and all of that.

Literature is great. It gives us access to a lot of legal loopholes and tax-reducing strategies.

But I’m here to make a profit. Profit means millions.

Don’t you want to make more money?’ His eyes drop to Kat’s dangerously trade-mark-infringing supermarket running shoes.

‘Think of all the pretty high heels you could buy.’

There’s a collective intake of breath.

‘Mr Stark.’ Kat crosses her arms. ‘Little Voice is a small, independent publisher. Our job isn’t to make money. It’s to win awards.’

‘Well, that changes right now.’ Freddy claps his hands, making a very satisfying, manly noise. ‘I have a few restructurings to make before we get onto the fun stuff. Anyone I let go will have a great remuneration package, a good reference –’

‘What are you talking about?’ Kat shouts. ‘You can’t lay off my staff.’

Despite himself, Freddy smiles. ‘I beg your pardon? Your staff?’

‘Yes, these are my staff.’ Kat gestures around the table. ‘My team. And don’t even think about raising your hand to cut me off.’

‘I wasn’t going to –’

‘Because the last person who did that ended up with oolong tea all over him.’

‘Kat.’ Freddy gives another charming smile, brown eyes twinkling. ‘Can I call you Kat?’

‘No.’

‘I just bought out T&C Media. Little Voice is part of the package –’

‘No, it isn’t,’ Kat interrupts. ‘T&C Media owns fifty percent of Little Voice. I own the other half.’

Freddy is a little wrong-footed, which is surprising considering how expensive his shoes are.

‘I think you’ve made a mistake there, Kat. As far as I’m aware, it was a total buyout.’ Freddy whips out his brand-new, not-even-available-to-the-public-yet, iPhone and checks the T&C takeover contract.

Little Voice, Little Voice…

Oh no. It’s right there in black and white: 50% share

.

A 50% share won’t work. Not for the changes Freddy needs to make. And T&C Media is nothing without the literature angle. It’s the key to unlocking so many big deals.

Freddy isn’t a partnership sort of person. He is a lone wolf. Lone wolves don’t compromise. They eat people.

‘Well look at that, Kat.’ Freddy quickly regains his composure. ‘We’re co-owners. Half each. I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you two million to sell me your half.’

‘No.’

This response surprises Freddy. He’s never met anyone who turned down a ridiculous sum of money before.

‘Maybe you didn’t hear me right.’ Freddy gives Kat a wink. ‘I said two million. Pounds. You can buy yourself an awful lot of new shoes. Or cardigans –’

‘Mr Stark,’ says Kat. ‘I am not motivated by money.’

Freddy stares at Kat, momentarily lost for words. This woman is crazy. But he should have known that by her outfit. Eventually, he asks: ‘So what are you motivated by?’

‘Looking after my team and creating books that give people a voice.’

Freddy feels no further need to ask questions. Kat Friedman has a screw loose. You can’t argue with crazy.

‘Okay then.’ Freddy glances at his redundancy list. ‘We’ll do things the hard way. As a co-owner, I can make changes –’

‘No, you can’t,’ says Kat. ‘Not without my permission. And I don’t give permission.’

‘But Kat, it’s in your interests to streamline staff,’ Freddy insists. ‘You’ll make more money, and your staff will find positions more suited to their skills. A real win-win.’ He’s about to wink at her again but thinks better of it. ‘Of course, your

job is safe –’

‘I don’t have a job,’ Kat snaps. ‘I’m co-owner. You can’t fire me or anyone else. Not without my permission. And I don’t give permission. I take care of my staff.’

Freddy returns to the comfort of his trademark charm. He throws Kat a fabulous smile. ‘How about we talk business over dinner? You can tell me how you got those marks on your hand. I bet there’s a story there.’

‘They’re not marks. They’re scars.’ Kat holds Freddy in a steady death glare. ‘And I have no interest in spending time with a man who wants to get rid of my loyal employees.’

‘In my defence, I haven’t gotten rid of anyone yet,’ says Freddy. ‘But let’s start sorting the wheat from the chaff. Is there someone called Alan here?’

The oldest gay in the village starts crying.

Kat’s face crumples. She puts an arm around Alan’s leather-clad shoulders, then gives Freddy a look that could strip paint.

Freddy pushes a box of tissues towards Alan but feels unrepentant. Alan will get an excellent remuneration package. Enough to buy himself many more leather, studded caps. And frankly, given his attendance record, he’s unlikely to know the difference between working and not working.

‘Alan, stop crying,’ says Kat. ‘Mr Stark isn’t getting rid of anyone. To make decisions about this company he has to go through me. And I say no. We’re a family.’ She turns to Freddy. ‘So, take your cheap smile and your expensive suit and throw your weight around somewhere else.’

Freddy is impressed. He almost wants to give Kat a round of applause. She is marvellous and very

pretty. But she is also in his way. She’ll have to go, just like the rest of her badly dressed, lack-lustre team.

Freddy wants Little Voice. It’s an untapped gold mine and also the key to some previously tightly locked tax advantages. And Freddy always gets what he wants. It’s just a matter of time.