Page 98 of Losing Control

Maybe talking wasn’t enough anymore.

“Okay,” Maddox said quietly. “Let’s try it.”

That evening, Maddox told Jade while they sat next to each other on her porch, Zeus sprawled at their feet.

“How do you feel about trying it?” Jade asked.

Maddox watched Zeus sleep, his chest rising and calling in a steady rhythm. “Nervous, but I’ve been carrying around Titan’s death for eight years and it’s not getting lighter on its own.”

“Then it sounds like you’re ready.” Jade’s voice was warm and supportive without being pushy.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, then Jade added, “I’m around Thursday afternoon if you need anything after. No pressure, but if you want company…”

“Thanks,” Maddox said, grateful that Jade respected that Maddox had to do this work on her own but without leaving her completely alone.

The next few days passed in strange suspension, and on Wednesday night, Jade stayed over. They went to bed early, neither sleeping much. They just lied together in the dark, Jade’s hand over Maddox’s heart.

“You’re going to be okay,” Jade whispered.

Maddox was silent for a beat, her thoughts getting loud again. “What if I’m not, though?”

“Then we’ll figure it out together.”

Thursday morning arrived too soon. Maddox moved through her routine on autopilot, taking a shower and putting on her uniform, despite having taken the afternoon off. Zeus watched her with unusual stillness, sensing something.

Jade was already in the kitchen when Maddox came down. She looked up, reading Maddox’s face. “Want me to drive you? I can drop you off then pick you up after. One less thing to handle.”

Maddox hesitated. She could drive herself. Should, probably. But her hands were shaking slightly when she picked up her keys, and the thought of sitting in traffic with her mind spinning?—

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “Thanks.”

Maddox grounded herself with a deep breath, then held it for five seconds. Accepting help wasn’t a weakness, just letting someone help with the parts that didn’t matter so she could save her energy for the part that did.

The drive was quiet. Jade kept one hand on the wheel, the other resting near the gearshift where Maddox could reach it if she wanted. She didn’t push conversation or fill the silence with reassurances. Maddox watched the streets pass, a familiar route that felt different today.

“You okay?” Jade asked when they stopped at a red light.

“No.” Maddox’s honesty surprised her. “But I’m going anyway.”

Jade squeezed her knee briefly. “That’s the brave part.”

When they pulled up to the building, Jade put the car in park but didn't immediately say anything, just waited.

"I'll text you when I'm done," Maddox said.

"I'll be here."

Maddox got out, closed the door, and walked toward the entrance, not letting herself look back. Some things she had to face alone, even if knowing Jade would be there after made it possible to walk through the door.

Carla’s waiting room smelled like lavender and old magazines. She sat in the chair by the window that she sat in last week and grabbed aNational Geographicmagazine fromthe side table, flipping through it absent-mindedly, grateful for something to do with her hands.

A couple minutes later, right on time, Carla opened her office door and stepped into the waiting room. “Maddox, ready?”

Maddox stood up, replaced the magazine on the side table, and walked toward the office. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Carla smiled warmly and led her into the office and gestured to the moss-colored loveseat. Maddox obliged, grabbing one of the soft taupe pillows to use as a shield. Her pulse was already elevated, her body anticipating something it didn’t quite understand yet.

Carla sat in her chair and picked up her reading glasses on the seafoam beaded chain, securing them in place. She looked up at Maddox and offered a small smile.