Page 84 of Losing Control

Jade:“I know you're scared. I am too. But we can figure this out together. Please don't shut me out.”

Together,she thought.

Like it was that simple. Like Maddox wasn't a grenade with the pin already pulled.

Her thumbs moved across the screen before she could second-guess it.

Maddox:“I need some time to think. I'll call you later.”

Another lie. She wouldn't call. She'd already decided.

Jade:“Okay. I'm here when you're ready. I love you.”

The words stopped her cold.

I love you.

Not "I'm falling in love with you." Not the careful hedge they'd been using, the safety net that said they could still back out if needed.

I love you.

The present tense, definitive, real…and Maddox was about to destroy it.

Her vision blurred completely. She blinked hard, forcing the tears back, and set the phone down.

This was the right choice, the only choice. Jade would understand eventually. She would move on and find someone better, someone whole, someone who didn't carry ghosts and wake up choking on nightmares.

And Maddox would survive. She always survived. It’s what she did.

Zeus had gone quiet in the back, but she could feel his eyes on her, knowing.

"It's the right thing," she said out loud, trying to convince them both. She heard through the facade.

She started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. The sun was high now, early afternoon, and she had the rest of her shift to finish.

Act normal. Be normal. Pretend her entire world wasn't collapsing.

By the time she got back to the station at the end of her shift, her hands had stopped shaking and her breathing had evened out. The decision was locked in, solid as concrete.

She'd end it tonight. She’d tell Jade it was a mistake, that they’d moved too fast, that it was just trauma bonding that felt like more than what it really was.

Lie through her teeth until Jade believed it. Push her away before everything collapsed around her.

The same thing she'd done to Leah—when the walls closed in and vulnerability felt like dying, she'd burned it down herself rather than watch it fall apart.

She knew it was the same pattern. With a different person, but the same ending.

But Maddox would still have her job, she’d still have Zeus, and she’d keep the only identity she knew, the only thing she was good at.

She knew she’d survive this, even if surviving felt like a part of her was dying.

Zeus whined softly as she pulled into the station parking lot. She looked at him in the rearview mirror, and for a moment, she could swear he knew exactly what she was planning.

"I don't have a choice," she told him.

His ears went back flat against his head, his disagreement clear even without words. But it wouldn’t sway her decision. She couldn't lose her job. Couldn't lose Zeus. So she'd lose Jade instead.

Maddox checked Zeus into the K-9 area and went through his end-of-shift routine on autopilot, giving him food and water, then checking him for injuries despite it being a slow day. He ate without enthusiasm and kept an eye on her.