Page 49 of Losing Control

For tonight, at least, she could believe it.

8

Jade woke to the weight of warmth along her side and the sound of breathing that wasn’t her own. For a moment, she lay still in the gray pre-dawn light filtering through her bedroom window, letting her brain catch up with her body. The sheets were tangled around her legs. Her arm had fallen asleep beneath something solid.

Maddox.

The memory of last night came back in fragments: Maddox at her door, the kiss that broke everything open, and the slow unraveling of walls and clothing and fear. The way Maddox had looked at her, terrified and wanting, choosing vulnerability over everything else.

Jade shifted slightly, careful not to wake her. Maddox lay on her side facing Jade, one arm draped across Jade’s waist like an anchor. Her face was peaceful in sleep, the constant tension that lived in her jaw finally smoothed away, and her short-cropped dark hair stuck up at odd angles. Jade’s eyes traced the small crease on Maddox’s cheek from the pillowcase.

She looked younger like this, more unguarded.

Jade’s chest squeezed tightly. This was Maddox Shaw, the woman who’d spent two months building walls so high Jade had wondered if she’d ever find a way through. The same woman who’d opened up yesterday about losing Titan, who’d shown up at Jade’s door last night with her hands shaking and walls completely down.

The woman who’d stayed.

Jade allowed her gaze to linger on Maddox’s bare shoulder peeking out above the sheet, the curve of the lean muscle on her arm, and the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing. Evidence of the night before was written in small marks on her skin, places where Jade had gently nipped at her soft skin when desire consumed her, where her hands had clung tightly to keep her close, where her mouth left light red Os when she kissed up and down her neck.

She knew she should probably feel more conflicted about this, should be spiraling about ethics and professional boundaries and the fact that less than twenty-four hours ago, Maddox had been sitting in her therapy office.

She’d let herself spiral later. Right now, she just wanted to stay in this moment where nothing had gone wrong yet.

Maddox’s eyes fluttered open. The shift was subtle. One moment, she was asleep, the next awake and aware. Her gaze found Jade’s immediately, and for a handful of seconds, neither of them moved. Jade watched the emotions cross Maddox’s face: confusion, recognition, memory, then something that looked like barely contained panic.

“Hey,” Jade said quietly.

Maddox’s arm tightened fractionally around her waist. “Hey. How long have you been awake?”

“A while.”

Jade’s heart did that complicated flip again. Maddox had woken up, probably panicking, but fought every instinct to bolt.

“You okay?” Jade asked.

Maddox’s jaw worked like she was chewing on the answer. “I don’t know yet,” she said finally. “Ask me again in an hour.”

It startled a laugh out of Jade, small and surprised. Maddox’s mouth quirked at the corners, not quite a smile but close.

“For the record,” Jade said, “I don’t regret this.”

“Yeah?” Maddox’s voice sounded like it traveled over the sharp edges of glass in her throat. “You still might change your mind when you think about the consequences.”

“I’ve already thought about them.”

“And?”

“And I still don’t regret it.” Jade shifted onto her side so they were facing each other properly. Maddox’s arm still draped over her hip. “Do you? Regret it?”

Maddox was quiet, her eyes tracking across Jade’s face like she was searching for something. “No,” she said finally. “I’m terrified, but I don’t regret this.”

Their admission hung between them, honest and unvarnished. Through her pulse pounding in her ears, she could hear the birds tweeting and the distant sound of a car passing her building, reality creeping in around the edges.

Maddox must’ve felt it, too, because her expression shifted. “I need to get home. Zeus has been alone all night, and he needs to go for a walk.”

Jade pushed down the small sting of disappointment. “Okay.”

Maddox didn’t move. Instead, her hand flexed against Jade’s hip, her thumb brushing bare skin.