Page 10 of Losing Control

“Then what is?”

“What it cost you to handle it.”

The words landed heavier than Jade intended, or maybe exactly as heavy as they needed to. Maddox’s expression hardened, her defenses slamming back into place. She looked away toward the window, her jaw working like she was physically biting back a response.

“It didn’t cost me anything,” she said finally. “I did my job.”

“Okay.”

Maddox’s gaze snapped back to her. “Okay?”

“If that’s where you want to start, we’ll start there.” Jade picked up her black leather notebook and pen, more forsomething to hold than because she needed to take notes yet. “Tell me about the call. Walk me through it.”

“You read the report.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

Maddox stared at her for a long moment, visibly weighing whether to cooperate or shut down completely. Finally, she exhaled a short, controlled breath of someone forcing themselves to comply.

“Dispatch called it in just after two. A domestic disturbance with a possible weapon. I responded first.”

Her voice shifted into the same clinical tone from the report—factual, detached, emotionless. She described the scene, the barricaded subject, the coordination with backup. She talked about Zeus’s deployment and the successful apprehension of both the subject and weapon. Every detail was precise, every word measured.

Jade listened without interrupting and watched how Maddox’s hands stayed perfectly still on her thighs and her breathing remained even despite talking about a situation where she’d sent her K-9 partner toward an armed man and how she didn’t blink when she talked about Zeus’s takedown.

She exhibited perfect control. Too perfect.

When Maddox finished, Jade let another silence settle between them before speaking. “And how did you feel during it?”

Maddox looked at her blankly. “I didn’t. I did my job.”

“You didn’t feel anything?”

“Feelings get in the way.” Maddox’s tone was flat, almost challenging. “You think, you assess, you act. Emotions slow you down.”

Jade nodded slowly. It was a classic response, the same thing she’d told herself for years in the field. “You’re right. In the moment, emotions can interfere with tactical decisions.”

Maddox looked almost surprised that Jade agreed.

“But afterward?” Jade continued. “When the scene’s secured and the paperwork’s filed and you’re back in your vehicle? What happens to those emotions then?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing to deal with.”

“Okay.”

Maddox’s eyes narrowed again. “You don’t believe me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Jade held her gaze, steady but not confrontational. “I’m not here to argue with you about what you feel or don’t feel. That’s not my job.”

“Then what is?”

“To show up and offer space if you decide you need it.” Jade set her notebook aside, leaning back in her chair. “You’re in control here, Shaw. I’m not going to push you to talk about things you don’t want to discuss. But I’m also not going to pretend that doing this work doesn’t require something of you.”

Maddox’s expression didn’t change, but her fingers pressed harder against her legs. “Every job takes something out of you. That’s how jobs work.”