Page 59 of Losing Control

"They're not. They're scared. There's a difference." She kept her voice steady despite the way her hands wanted to shake. "I'll walk down with you. Zeus will too. You're not alone."

Connor didn't answer immediately. Maddox watched him think, watched him weigh whether living was worth the pain of another day. She'd made that calculation herself, had come terrifyingly close to choosing differently.

"Okay," Connor said finally, uncertainty threading his voice. "Okay."

Maddox stood and offered her hand. He took it, and she pulled him up, feeling how light he was, how young. Zeus rose, too, positioning himself at Connor's side like he knew the kid needed an anchor.

"One more thing," Maddox said. "There are people who can help. Counselors, therapists—people who know how to deal with this. Will you let your parents find someone?"

Connor nodded, but stayed silent.

"Good. Let's go."

She opened the door and keyed her radio. "Situation has de-escalated. Subject coming down voluntarily. Crisis counselor needed for family intervention."

"Copy," dispatch responded. "Counselor already on scene."

Right. Jade.

Maddox led Connor down the stairs, Zeus between them. Each step felt heavier than it should. Her breathing stayed controlled, but her chest felt like it was caught in a vise.

The parents rushed forward when they saw Connor, but Maddox held up a hand. "Give him space. He's okay, but he needs room to breathe."

They stopped. The mother was crying harder now, and the father's relief was palpable.

"Connor's going to talk to a counselor," Maddox said and was grateful her voice came out steady. "Someone who can help him work through what he's feeling. Right now, he just needs you to listen, not try to fix anything.”

The father nodded. Maddox stepped back, turning Connor over to his parents, and moved toward the door. She saw officers dispersing outside. The immediate crisis was over.

She spotted Jade on the front lawn, talking to Captain Scott. Jade glanced over and caught her eye, giving her a small nod—I've got this—and turned her attention back to the captain.

Maddox led Zeus to her vehicle and let him jump into his compartment. She closed the door and stood there for a moment in the afternoon sun. Her hands weren't shaking, her breathing was even, but something under her ribs felt like it was splitting open.

I thought about it. But I didn't.

Everyone hates me, and I don't even know why.

I can't do this anymore.

She knew those thoughts intimately, had lived with them even. Sometimes she still did on the worst days. But she'dlearned to reach out for a lifeline instead of reaching for an ending. It took a lot of time, but she eventually learned that asking for help wasn't a weakness.

She’d learned it from Jade.

Maddox opened the driver's door and slid into the seat. She should clear the scene, resume patrol, and move on to the next call.

But her hands stayed on the steering wheel, gripping tight enough that her knuckles went white. She focused on breathing. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Behind her, Zeus whined softly.

"I'm okay," she said. The lie tasted metallic on her tongue.

Through the windshield, she could see Jade moving toward the house with the parents and Connor, doing her job and being exactly what that family needed.

Maddox closed her eyes. Connor's voice echoed in her head.I thought about it.How close had he come? How close had she come, once upon a time?

Too close. Way too fucking close.

Her radio crackled. "Unit 12, status?"

She should respond. Her hand moved to the radio, then stopped.