Page 89 of Losing Control

"I deserve you." Tears were streaming down Jade's face now. "I deserve the person who holds me when I have nightmares about Marcus. I deserve the person who makes me laugh and challenges me and sees me. That's you, Maddox. That's who you are."

The words were killing her, each one twisting the knife between her ribs more.

"I have to go," Maddox whispered.

"Please." Jade reached for her, fingers brushing her arm. "Please don't do this.”

Maddox pulled away from Jade's touch and stepped toward the door. "I'm sorry.”

"Maddox, wait?—"

She opened the door.

"I love you."

The words stopped her cold, her hand on the doorknob.

"I know you didn't want to hear it like this," Jade continued, voice raw. "I know this is the worst possible time. But I loveyou. And I think you love me too. And I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life right now."

Maddox should say something, should say it back, should turn around and take it all back and let Jade fight for them.

But she couldn't.

The words lodged in her throat, impossible to vocalize, and then she walked out, the door clicking shut behind her.

Maddox made it down one flight of stairs before she couldn’t continue. She sat on the concrete steps, back against the wall, breathing hard. She'd just destroyed the best thing in her life.

Walked away when Jade said "I love you" and couldn't even say it back.

Eventually, she stood and made her way down the remaining stairs and to her truck. The drive home was automatic. Turn here, merge there, pull into the driveway.

Zeus was waiting by the door when she walked in. He took one look at her face and pressed against her legs.

Maddox sank down onto the floor, and Zeus climbed into her lap, all seventy pounds of him. Too big to be a lap dog, but doing it anyway.

"I fucked up," she told him. "I know I fucked up."

He didn’t move, just stayed there pressed against her chest, trying to hold her together.

But Maddox was already falling apart.

She'd kept Zeus, kept her job, kept her identity…but lost Jade. The tears came then, hot and painful and unstoppable.

Zeus whined softly and licked her face, but it didn't help. Nothing helped.

The night stretched ahead, endless and empty. Monday would come eventually, and she knew she'd have to give Chief Marten an answer. But the answer didn't matter anymore.

She'd already made her choice.

And it was killing her.

12

Jade underlined the wordnoin her notebook for the third time, pressing hard enough the pen nearly tore through the page.

No. Maddox wasn't her ex. Friday night's cruelty was fear dressed as truth, a pattern repeating because Maddox didn't know how to do anything else when the panic got loud.

Understanding that didn’t make it hurt less, though.