Page 88 of Losing Control

This was it, the moment everything ended.

Maddox forced the words out. "I mean this was a mistake. We moved too fast, got too involved. It's…it's not sustainable."

Jade was silent, just staring at her, then said, "You don't mean that."

"I do."

"Maddox, you're in crisis. You've had a traumatic conversation with your superior, you're catastrophizing, you're?—"

"I'm being realistic." The sharpness in Maddox's tone cut through the apartment.

"By ending it?" Jade's voice rose slightly. "By throwing away everything we've built?"

"We haven't built anything." The lie tasted bitter. "We've had a few good weeks, that's all."

"That's not all and you know it."

Maddox looked away, unable to meet Jade's eyes and maintain the lie. "It's physical. It's?—"

"Don't." Jade's voice cracked. "Don't you dare reduce this to just physical."

"What else is it?" Maddox forced herself to look at Jade now, forced cruelty into her tone. "We work together, we're both dealing with trauma, we found comfort in each other. That's not love, Jade. That's trauma bonding."

Maddox watched Jade flinch and the hurt bloom across her face. "You don't believe that."

"I do."

"No." Jade shook her head. "No. You're doing what you always do when you're scared. You're building walls and pushing me away. This is Leah all over again, isn't it?"

The name landed between them like a live grenade. "This has nothing to do with Leah."

"It has everything to do with her." Jade's voice was stronger now, cutting through Maddox's defenses. "You told me about her, and now you're doing the exact same thing to me."

"This is different."

"How? How is this different?"

Because I can’t lose Zeus, because if I don’t end this now, I’ll lose everything I am. But Maddox couldn't say any of that and let Jade see the real fear underneath.

"It just is," she said instead.

Jade laughed sharply. "God, you're unbelievable. You know that? You're standing here, lying to both of us, and you can't even admit what you're doing."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are." Jade stepped closer. "You're lying because you're terrified. You're lying because you think if you push me away hard enough, it'll hurt less. But it won't, Maddox. It's just going to destroy us both."

The apartment felt too small, the walls too close. Maddox needed to finish this and get out.

"I don't want to do this anymore," Maddox said.

"Say it then." Jade's voice was barely above a whisper. "Say you don't love me. Look me in the eye and say it."

Maddox opened her mouth, waiting for words that wouldn’t come. "I can't do this. I can't be what you need."

"You are what I need." Jade's voice broke completely. "You're exactly what I need, broken pieces and all. Don't you see that?"

"You deserve better."