Page 26 of Is It Casual Now?
twenty-six
Why was the noise so damn loud?
Jamie kept furtively looking around the office like she would somehow find the answer. But it wasn’t just the voices that were bothering her. It was the slamming of drawers, the ringing of phones, the slide of Scott’s chair wheels against the plastic floor mat.
Her head was going to explode.
“Kettlehouse!”
Jamie jerked with a start as her name rang through the room, piercing her ears. Pulling herself to stand, she snagged her phone, saw a message from Siena on it, and shoved it into her pocket. She wasn’t sure what to respond to any of the messages that Siena had sent so far. And each time another one popped up on her notifications, Jamie’s stomach sank even more.
She dragged her feet toward the boss’s office, shooting Scott a sympathetic expression as she walked by his desk. She had no idea what she’d fucked up now, but she was damn sure that the boss’s tone meant business.
“Shut the door,” he said as she stepped inside .
“Sure.” Jamie cringed as she pushed the door closed behind her. She didn’t sit down. She stayed upright, feet shoulder-width apart, and waited for whatever reaming she was going to get next.
“Where’s the article with the interview about Bunny and Piper?”
Jamie’s stomach sank. She’d never thought that Siena would actually make that happen, so she’d avoided it and hadn’t gone. Meaning, she now had no article for her boss, and this was going to be her undoing.
But…
She had her notes from the fake engagement, and that would probably satisfy him enough in terms of the pop culture drama that she always told him she had, although he never believed her. Jamie licked her lips, and the muscles in her shoulders tensed sharply. “I’m working on writing it up now.”
Why the hell had she said that?
Money. Right. She needed to pay rent this month, and it was already going to be close whether or not she’d manage to do that. If she could even afford the gas to get to and from the office that week. Fuck, why was she in her early thirties and still unable to be an adult?
“You are?” His voice cut through Jamie’s inner monologue of fears.
“Uh…yeah, I am. I’ll have it ready to you by the end of the week.” Now she was just digging herself an even bigger hole. Jamie needed to get her shit together. She needed to stop lying, and she needed to figure out what it was that she wanted in life. Because this job definitely wasn’t it.
“Good.” He leaned back in his seat, his mustache moving slightly when he wiggled his lips and looked her over again. “Your last article about Siena Frazee was well-received. I’m sure you can deliver again. ”
“Right.” Jamie bit her lip this time. “Uh… I’m going to go work on that right now.”
He nodded at her and focused back on whatever was on his computer. Jamie slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her as the panic set into the top of her chest. What the hell was she doing?
Jamie typed at her computer, staring at the screen as the pounding headache continued to get stronger and stronger. It was so bad that the nausea forced her to run to the bathroom and lean over the toilet bowl. Standing upright, Jamie pressed her forearm into the wall of the stall and took slow breaths.
This didn’t mean anything.
Sex with Siena had never meant anything.
At least it wasn’t supposed to.
It was only ever casual between them—they were only ever there for the fun and the damn good sex. Their lives had gotten tangled up outside of that because of Jessie and Harley and all the random in-betweens that seemed to pull them together because fuck the six degrees of separation. Jamie hated it. This wasn’t what she wanted for her life. She’d never wanted anything like this.
Jessie was the one who was always trying to fall in love and find a partner. Jamie wasn’t. She was so focused on her career and her job that nothing else mattered. She wanted to dig deep into the drama of the world around her and forget that the world despised her.
“Jamie, you okay?” Scott’s voice rang through the bathroom.
Jamie groaned and closed her eyes. The last thing she needed was that poor kid coming to check on her. She steadied herself, put her hand on the stall, and opened the door. Scott stood at the main bathroom door, his head peeking around the corner. He looked so worried .
“I’m fine,” she answered. “At least for right now. Will you tell boss man I’m going home sick? It’s just a bad migraine.”
“Yeah, sure. You need me to drive you?”
Jamie shook her head. “No, I’m good, thanks.”
Though he wasn’t wrong. She really shouldn’t be driving. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, groaning again when she saw a second text from Siena. The problem was that Jamie had no one to call. Jessie was at work and today was the Christmas party, so Jamie couldn’t call her to come pick her up, and there was literally no one else that Jamie trusted to do that.
But what about Siena? Her stupid brain brought up that question, and Jamie cringed. What about Siena? They were keeping it professional, right? And this would definitely be crossing that line in a way that Jamie didn’t want to.
“I’m driving you.” When had Scott come into the bathroom? Jamie squinted at him as he put a hand on her back and started to guide her out of the bathroom.
“You don’t even know where I live.”
“Pretty sure I can figure that out,” he said. “I’ll take you home and then come back. Just an early lunch.”
“Boss won’t like it.”
“He can suck a dick.”
Jamie’s lips curled upward at that. “It’s just a migraine. I promise. My sister gave me some drugs for it because she gets them. I’ll take that when I get home.”
“Good idea.”
Jamie tried not to let the embarrassment take her over entirely as she allowed Scott to lead her out of the building and to his car. He had her home in record time, and Jamie flopped herself carefully onto her couch. Scott set her up with some water and a bowl in case she puked again. She could have laughed at his adorable care of her if she wasn’t feeling so miserable.
“I’ll call you tonight to check in, okay?” he said .
“Yeah, sure.” Though Jamie doubted he would actually do that. She closed her eyes as he stood in front of her, the light from the windows so bright she couldn’t stand to keep her eyes open. “Thanks, Scott.”
“Anytime.”
When the door was shut, Jamie groaned loudly. She hated this. She hated her life. She hated everything about who she was right now. This wasn’t who she wanted to be. It never had been, and yet she was trapped in this cycle where she was stuck at one job in order to do the other job that she really wanted to because the one she wanted didn’t fucking pay. Even Jessie’s very detailed plan hadn’t helped her to climb back out of this hole she’d stepped into willingly.
She sent an SOS text to Jessie and then curled into a ball to sleep. She had no doubt that Jessie would show up as soon as she could and baby her until she was better. That’s what big sisters were for, right?
“Jesus, Jamie.” Jessie sat down on the coffee table and eyed her over.
“It’s better than it was.” Jamie frowned and stared at all the things she had around her. She had only moved once while she waited for Jessie to show up, and that was to take a very cold and very dark shower because her head was still pounding. “Did you bring the good stuff?”
“Yeah.” Jessie pulled a pill container out of her purse and took one out, handing it over to Jamie.
“Oh magic, how I adore you.” Jamie snatched it and took it quickly with a swallow of ice-cold water that Jessie had already brought her. This stuff was better than the over-the-counter stuff that Jamie could get anywhere. She’d only needed it two other times, but hell, she definitely needed it now .
Lying back down, Jamie covered herself up with the throw blanket all the way up to her chin. She clenched her eyes shut and then just waited. She got lost in her thoughts, in the pain and the ignoring of the pain, so when Jessie sat back down again, Jamie was startled.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Better. I think.” Jamie pried her eyes open, finding Jessie still looking at her with concern. “What time is it?”
“Well, I just cleaned your entire apartment for two hours.”
“Two…?” Jamie pushed herself to sit up a little, a frown forming on her lips. “It wasn’t that gross.”
“Sure.” Jessie rolled her eyes. “You must be feeling better, you’re upright and you don’t look nearly as pale as you did before.”
Jamie ran her fingers through her still damp hair. She did feel better. “Those pills are magic.”
Jessie laughed lightly. “So, what happened?”
“What do you mean what happened ?” Jamie so wasn’t ready for any kind of conversation. At least not with this being the topic. She didn’t want to talk about it.
“You only get migraines when you’re stressed. So what happened?” Jessie crossed her arms and glared at Jamie. “Spill.”
“Ugh, I hate you sometimes.”
“Yet you beg me to come take care of you and clean your apartment.”
“Hey, I didn’t ask you to clean up.” Jamie pointed at her. She really must be feeling better if her brain was kicking up this much of a fuss. “I told my boss that I was writing an article for the interview that I never went to.”
Jessie wrinkled her brow. “So you’re going to make it up?”
“Nope. I hadn’t thought about doing that, though that’s a much better option.” Jamie curled her legs under her and sipped at the lukewarm water that Jessie had brought her before. “I really should have just made up a story.”
“What story were you thinking about writing?”
“One that Siena asked me not to publish anywhere.” Jamie frowned into the glass. It would be an ultimate betrayal, wouldn’t it? Jamie filled Jessie in on the fake engagement scheme, at least what she knew of it—it still didn’t make a whole lot of sense, especially since Siena had been involved, but whatever. Jamie wasn’t going to think about it too hard. She had information, and that was more valuable than anything.
“So let me get this straight, Siena trusted you—someone she never trusted or even liked before—to help her with something super sensitive and you want to backstab her by printing it in the paper so you can keep your job.”
“Well when you say it like that…” Jamie trailed off. “I’m a jerk, I know I am. I never claimed not to be.”
Jessie growled at her, full on growled. Jamie jerked back, her eyes wide in surprise.
“What the hell did I do now?”
“Look, you aren’t a jerk. You aren’t an asshole. You aren’t unlikeable.” Jessie stood up, fists clenched at her sides. Jamie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her be this mad about something. “I’m sick and tired of you believing that about yourself.”
“It’s true!” Jamie fired back. “No one likes me. I know that, and I fully accept it. The only reason you put up with me is because you have to.”
“That’s the only reason I’m sitting here right now.” Jessie rolled her eyes. “That and I love you.”
Jamie narrowed her gaze. “Don’t get all mushy now.”
“Oh my God. You’re impossible sometimes. Do you really want to do this to Siena? You like her, James. I know you do. I’ve seen it in your eyes. ”
“I said no mush.” Jamie narrowed her gaze and crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s gross.”
“You’re ridiculous. You like her. She likes you. Stop trying to ruin it all because you think that you’re the pariah of the planet, the scourge of the earth.”
“Now who’s using hyperbole.”
“Jamie!” Jessie screeched. “I’m going to give you another damn migraine if you don’t shut up.”
Jamie sighed again and deflated. “Fine. I’ll listen.”
“Siena trusted you with this. That’s huge for her, James. Don’t you realize that? And you just went in and told your boss about it and planned to write an article? If you ever want a chance of being with her again, you can’t do that. This isn’t just about the ethics of love, it’s about ethics of being a decent human being. You will hurt her so much if you do that.”
“I know,” Jamie whispered. It had been why she’d immediately regretted saying anything. “I’m so…tangled up in her that I can’t think straight anymore. And everything’s crumbling down around me. I don’t know what to do, but I do know that if I continue this with her, I will hurt her.”
“Not if you start being a decent human being again.”
Jamie snorted lightly. “What makes you think I ever was?”
“Because I’m your older sister, and I’ve been around your entire life. You are not an asshole. Most days.” Jessie’s lips curled upward into a sweet smile.
“But I need my job. I’m short on rent this month as it is.”
Jessie rolled her eyes hard. “I’ll loan you some money. But you can’t compromise your ethics for cold hard cash. That’s a very lonely life to lead.”
“She’s rich you know.” Jamie wrung her hands together. “Well, she said she’s not, but she has a house in Eastmoreland, and it’s fancy.”
“She works hard for her money, just like you do. She just has a job with a higher ceiling than writing the gossip column at the local paper and running blog websites that generate zero income but use all your time.”
“Time is valuable.” How much Jamie hated hearing that again, especially in this context. She hated that Siena was right. What Jamie was spending her time on wasn’t life-giving or money-giving. And she needed to do something different.
“It is.” Jessie gave her a soft smile. “So what are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to end it with Siena.”
“Not quite what I meant, but that can’t be the only thing that you’re doing.”
“I’ll figure that out tomorrow. My head still hurts.”
Jessie gave her a pitying look. “Fine, tomorrow. But I’m going to expect an answer to that question.”
“I’ll get to working on it.”