Page 24 of Is It Casual Now?

twenty-four

“I’m Jamie,” she heard herself saying. “And I’m no one’s friend, I’m no one’s favorite employee, I’m no one’s favorite, not even my parents.” Jamie swallowed the lump that lodged itself in her throat. “And I didn’t come to the interview because I was scared.” Her voice cracked. “And I thought you didn’t want me.”

Not want me there. She had been convinced that Siena hadn’t wanted her at all.

Siena’s lips parted in surprise, her face falling. “Jamie…” she whispered. “I can’t get you out of my head. I haven’t since that night I met you in the tapas bar, but even before then.”

“Before?” Jamie steadied herself, trying to get a grip on what was happening.

Nodding, Siena flipped her hand over and laced their fingers. “I’ve read every blog post you’ve written, every news article in the paper, every one-off that you’ve managed to publish. I know who you are when you write. I haven’t been able to get your words out of my brain since well before I saw you, since I met you. ”

“Siena…” Jamie trailed off, no idea what to say. She hadn’t expected this. “None of that’s true. Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.” Siena lifted Jamie’s hand, kissing her knuckles. “I never lie. Bend the truth, yes, when it’s useful for my job, but never lie.”

Jamie drew in a shuddering breath. She dropped her gaze to their joined hands, her heart racing. Why did this feel so right? Every time they’d had sex, it felt right, but everything in between had been a struggle. But something about tonight was different. It made her want to retreat and fall into herself so she could figure it out.

It scared the living shit right out of her.

And yet she stayed. She didn’t run. She didn’t try to hide. She held Siena’s hand in her own, and she dreamed of their lips pressing tighter and their bodies moving in ways that would bring them both to the pinnacle of pleasure.

“I’m not sure I can do this,” Jamie whispered, moving her hand from Siena’s. “I…I don’t think.”

“Breathe, Jamie.” Siena took her hand back, pulling Jamie’s attention away from the panic that was settling into her chest and straight to Siena. “We’re not doing anything except talking.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Words are your life,” Siena responded, a deep line forming in her brow. “How can you be scared to talk?”

Because it’s everything I don’t want. At least that’s what Jamie wanted to believe. But it was truthfully the opposite. She’d always wanted someone who would pay attention to her, who would love her for her and not because they were obligated to love her. And there had never been a single person in her life who had done that.

“Don’t lie to me, Siena. I can’t handle it.”

“I promise you I won’t.” Siena cupped Jamie’s cheek. “What’s going on? ”

Jamie shook her head. She hadn’t thought this night would turn this direction. She’d thought they’d argue and get mad and scream at each other like they always did. But this side of Siena unnerved her—not in a bad way but in a good way. This was maturity. This was relationship. This was everything Jamie knew she wasn’t.

“Kiss me,” Jamie rushed.

“What?” Siena seemed so taken aback.

“Kiss me,” Jamie repeated. If she could get them moving toward sex, then they could be on equal footing again. She would be able to find her ground and trudge forward through life again.

“Jamie…”

“Kiss me, Siena.” Jamie demanded it this time.

Siena shook her head, still cupping Jamie’s cheek. “You kiss me, when you’re ready.”

Jamie fell back into the side of the couch, staring at Siena with wide eyes. “What are you doing to me?”

“Learning who you are.”

Jamie bit her lip. “No one knows who I am.”

“Because you don’t want them to know. It’s a lonely life to live that way, you know. I did it for years. It’s not worth it.” Siena brushed her hair over her shoulder and relaxed. “Let’s get to know each other, then.”

“No,” Jamie answered. “I’d rather not.” Moving up on her knees, Jamie swiftly straddled Siena, pushing her knees into the couch cushions and staring down at her. Fuck, this woman was sexy as hell. Even in the vulnerable state that she was in, she held all of the power in the room, all of the control that Jamie longed for. She’d never be able to be like that.

“Kiss me,” Jamie demanded again. “I want to feel you against me.”

Siena moved her hands to Jamie’s hips, then her ass. Jamie needed her to take control but in a different way. She needed the physical right now, not the emotional. She needed to be shagged—hard and good. She couldn’t think about who they were to each other or why this felt so good and bad at the same time.

But Siena still didn’t move to kiss her.

Frustrated, Jamie bent down and pressed their mouths together. Fire lit up her body, and she sank her hips down on top of Siena’s lap. She wrapped her arms around Siena’s neck and pulled her in close, their lips moving against each other and their breaths happening in sync. Jamie’s eyes fluttered shut, and she focused on what she needed to.

Touch.

Siena’s hands against her ass, the backs of her thighs as Siena pulled her in closer, the press of their breasts together through the fabric of their clothes. Jamie slid her tongue along Siena’s, nipping at her lower lip, cupping the back of her head. She melted into the touch, she let Siena hold that control in her steady hands, and she let herself melt into the puddle that she’d become.

Without Siena, she never would have been able to do this. Without knowing that Siena would catch her when she fell, that Siena would cradle her when she cried, that Siena would fight tooth and nail for Jamie to have equal rights, she never would have been able to let go this much. It wasn’t a game anymore. It wasn’t a play of who had more power or who had more control. What they had, they had because it was together.

“Fuck me,” Jamie begged. “Just fuck me.”

“Where?” Siena asked.

“Bedroom.”

Siena pressed their mouths together again, her hands firm on Jamie’s ass before she shifted and pushed Jamie off her lap. It wasn’t long before Siena stood up and held out her hands, waiting for Jamie to take them. Jamie stared at them. This was her one chance to get up and leave, to make the decision to leave Siena alone and continue with the end that Siena had set before them weeks ago.

And while a really big part of her wanted to stand up and walk out that front door, there was another part of herself that really didn’t. She wanted to know if it was possible, if there was any hope that with the two of them, they could be together. Jamie bit her lip, and she slid her hands into Siena’s.

The walk up to Siena’s bedroom was slow, and Jamie’s heart rate ramped up, pounding with each step that she took. As soon as they were inside, she spun Siena around and pressed her against the door, covering her. Their mouths were pushed together, and she pulled at Siena’s clothes, trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible. She wanted skin to skin, she wanted body to body. She wanted to know if everything that Siena had just promised her was even remotely possible.

Siena pulled the ugly sweater over Jamie’s head and dropped it to the ground. “Fuck, that thing’s ugly,” Siena said with a laugh.

Jamie couldn’t stop her echoing grin. “It’s all for show.”

Wasn’t that the truth? Ninety percent of what Jamie did was for show. When Siena had her shirt and bra off, Jamie spun them around and backed Siena up toward the bed. She pushed Siena onto the edge of it and then plucked at the snap and zipper on her slacks.

“God, you’re sexy,” Jamie muttered. “Fucking perfect.”

“Hardly,” Siena answered as she helped pull her pants off and toed off her black heels.

She must have gone to the school straight from the office if she was still dressed like this. Jamie had seen her dressed down, and this wasn’t it. Before Siena could say anything else, Jamie bent down and pressed her face between Siena’s legs. Siena let out a cry and fell backward, her hands holding her up at an angle.

Jamie drew in a deep breath, Siena’s scent settling into the pit of her stomach. Fuck, this was what she had been missing. She hadn’t gotten a chance to taste the last time or the first time, but she wasn’t going to give up the opportunity now that they were doing this again. Jamie scraped her teeth ever so lightly across the soft skin inside Siena’s thigh, across the cellulite and stretch marks, across the dark freckles. Then she used her tongue. Siena gasped, her knees parting even more as she threaded her fingers into Jamie’s hair and tugged gently.

Jamie shifted, lifting Siena’s legs over her shoulders and pushing in even deeper. She kissed the top of Siena’s mound, the wiry and curly hair, and she savored Siena’s scent again. If only she could bottle that up and take it with her, she would die a happy woman. Siena was amazing. Siena lifted her hips up slightly, and Jamie took that as a sign. She didn’t lick or suck at first.

Instead, she thrust her tongue as far inside Siena as she could go. And she groaned as Siena’s flavor bloomed on her tongue. Siena cried out, her back arching on the bed. Jamie reached up and snagged Siena’s hands, folding their fingers together and pressing them down into the mattress. She held Siena there as she continued to tongue fuck her. She needed this—the sweet reminder that this was what brought them together and this was why they were here. Not because Jamie was someone who deserved Siena, and certainly not because Siena was interested in a deeper relationship.

They were here for the sex, and nothing more.

Weren’t they?

Jamie dropped one of Siena’s hands and switched her tongue for two fingers. She pressed the flat of her tongue against Siena’s clit and started to lick her while fingering her. Siena got louder and louder, her voice reverberating off the walls with each press of Jamie’s fingers against her.

“Fuck,” Siena muttered, her eyes clenched tightly.

Her breasts moved with her body as she tried to control her reactions, and a thrill of pleasure ran through Jamie at the fact that Siena wasn’t in control any longer. Jamie had successfully taken that from her—or had Siena given it up? Either way, Jamie was the one in charge, even if it was only for a few brief moments.

“Jamie…” Siena’s voice cracked. “Jamie, don’t stop.”

Jamie left her mouth and her fingers exactly where they were. She held on tightly, as Siena pushed her hands into Jamie’s shoulders and careened through her orgasm. Jamie continued to lick and taste. She was going to memorize this scent, this flavor. She was never going to forget it. Something about Siena was special, that was for sure, but Jamie wasn’t quite sure what it was. Not yet anyway. But she wanted to make sure that in twenty years, she’d remember this moment.

“Come up here,” Siena said, her words slightly slurred from pleasure. “It’s my turn.”

Jamie smiled, licking her lips and the last bit of Siena’s flavor from her mouth. She wasn’t sure that Siena could figure out what to do with her right now. It’d definitely take her a few minutes to get herself together if her closed eyes and soft smile were anything to go by. Jamie enjoyed the sight as she finished getting undressed. After stepping out of the last of her clothing, she looked back up and met Siena’s smoldering eyes.

“Right here,” Siena said, indicating that she wanted Jamie to straddle her again. Curious, Jamie crawled her way up. Siena ran her hands up and down Jamie’s legs and then tapped her thighs again. “All the way up, Jamie.”

“I…” Jamie wasn’t used to this position. It was so much more intimate than she was normally okay with. But Siena just waited for her to move. She didn’t push, she didn’t pressure, she didn’t do anything other than smile and say, “Okay.”

Jamie climbed up, straddling Siena’s head. Siena moved her arms under Jamie’s thighs and grabbed hold of her tightly. Fair was fair, right? And Jamie knew without a doubt that Siena could do wickedly amazing things with her mouth. Lowering her hips down, Jamie waited for the first brush of Siena’s tongue against her.

She wasn’t disappointed.

Siena sucked in a sharp breath and went full on. She curled her arms around Jamie’s thighs, moving her closer and closer. Jamie’s eyelids fluttered shut, and she leaned forward over Siena’s head and pressed her hands into the mattress to keep herself upright.

Jamie’s voice was loud to her own ears. “Fuck.” She groaned, clenching her jaw. She couldn’t help herself when she started rutting against Siena’s mouth, wanting and needing more. She would never get enough of how wickedly amazing Siena was at doing this. No oral that Jamie had received before Siena could compare to this.

Holding herself upright, Jamie stayed as planted on Siena’s face as she possibly could. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to get Siena off rhythm. Words floated through her brain, but she wasn’t sure any of them reached her lips.

Perfect.

Amazing.

Yes.

More.

Don’t stop.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Jamie would take this happening as often as she possibly could. She’d wanted Siena’s mouth each and every day since she’d experienced it the first time. There were so many more fun things they could do, but this was what she had lived for since that first night. This was what was going to make her weak in the knees.

“I’m coming!” Jamie cried out, digging her fingers into the pillow and lifting herself up lightly. The last thing she needed to do was suffocate that beautiful face between her legs.

Siena held her closely, even as she collapsed to the side and flung her leg up to avoid crushing Siena underneath her. Siena rolled with her, and then she brushed her fingers all over Jamie’s body in the most tender touches that Jamie had ever experienced. It was light, it was patterned, and it was sensual.

Jamie closed her eyes and caught her breath, slowing her heart rate into something manageable. Eventually she shifted around and lay next to Siena, facing her. Siena tangled their hands together, once again kissing Jamie’s knuckles with a smile on her lips.

“Stay the night with me,” Siena whispered.

Jamie’s voice caught in her throat. What harm would one night do? It wasn’t like she had the money for gas for her car or money to catch a ride back to her car or to her apartment. Besides, Siena was so warm and inviting, and they could fuck again and again until they were both so exhausted that they passed out next to each other.

“You swear you have coffee, right?” Jamie asked.

Laughing, Siena nodded. “Yes, I have coffee.”

“Then it’s a deal.” Jamie moved in quickly and kissed her hard. She hummed and closed her eyes again. “Do you know how fucking amazing you taste?”

“Just as good as you do,” Siena answered with a cocky quirk of her lips.