Page 23 of Is It Casual Now?

twenty-three

Siena clapped one last time as all of the students left the stage after their final number. Harley had been so excited when she’d finally spotted them in the crowd, and Siena had waved enthusiastically back at her.

“Did you want to go get her?” Tori asked.

“Yeah.” Siena waited for the majority of the crowd to leave through the door, though. She’d been at plenty of these types of events in her lifetime and in her career. She knew that it was far easier to move around once everyone was gone.

Rebel had fallen asleep on Miranda’s shoulder and was happily breathing in and out heavily as she continued to sleep during the final number. Harley would find that adorable. Siena was glad that Harley could at least have somewhat of a sibling relationship because she sure as hell wasn’t going to get a sibling from Siena. Maybe Tori…maybe. Though Siena had more doubts of that since she’d fallen in love with Miranda.

“What’s going on with you and Jamie?”

“W-what?” Siena stuttered over the word.

“What was that before the concert? I thought you were going to take her out back and ream her a new one. I haven’t seen you that upset in a very long time.” Tori pressed a hand to Siena’s arm. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened.” Why was that always her go-to answer lately? And why was everyone prying? She really needed to get herself under control. Siena clenched her fists at her sides. “Jamie was supposed to interview Bunny and Piper. She didn’t show up.”

“Really?” Tori frowned. “That doesn’t seem like her.”

“It’s not like her.” Siena looked over the dissipating crowd, making eye contact with Jamie as she started to clean up the decorations from the stage. Oh, the joys of being the stage help. That was one job that Siena had never enjoyed.

She couldn’t tear her gaze away as Jamie went to work.

“Siena.” Tori cleared her throat.

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to get Harley?”

“Oh, right.” Siena looked around to find the auditorium mostly empty. She immediately walked out and went down the hall toward Harley’s classroom. When she stepped inside, she was greeted with a very excited six-year-old. God, she loved this kid through and through.

“Hey baby! You were amazing!” Siena scooped Harley up in her arms and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the top of her head. “I loved it.”

“Were you surprised?”

“I was. You did such a good job keeping the songs a secret.” Siena kissed her again and then put her down onto the ground. “Mama and Miranda are waiting for you. They want to see you before they leave.”

“Okay!” Harley ran over to give Jessie a hug goodbye and then skipped back to Siena. Siena gave Jessie a sad little wave, but said nothing as she walked out of the classroom with Harley’s hand in hers .

They made it to the front doors of the school where Miranda and Tori and a now very awake Rebel were waiting. Harley ran straight up to them. Siena let them talk a while as she looked around. Jamie came toward them, her jacket on and her hands shoved in it. Instead of turning toward Jessie’s classroom, she scooted around Siena and Tori and started straight for the door, giving Siena a sideways glance as she went.

Oh, she was doing this intentionally. She was going to walk out without saying a damn word.

“Harley, we’ve got to get going. Say goodbye.” Siena didn’t drop her gaze to her daughter. Instead she kept her eyes on Jamie’s retreating back. She wasn’t going to let Jamie go without a conversation. Because she was afraid that if they didn’t talk now then they’d never talk again.

With Harley’s hand in hers, Siena walked outside, trying to catch sight of which direction Jamie had walked off in. It took her a second, but she finally saw her at the corner. “Come on, Harley.”

Siena walked swiftly with Harley in tow as they went. She was going to have this conversation. She wanted an answer. She needed to know why Jamie had just given up so easily. Was this some kind of game to her? She obviously hadn’t been dead in a ditch, but had she been in a ditch?

“Mommy, can we slow down?”

“In a minute.” Siena looked both ways before racing across the street and catching right up to Jamie. “Were you just going to leave without talking?”

Jamie spun around, her hair flying around before it settled back down against her shoulders. She looked absolutely confused before she glanced down at Harley. “You’re with your family.”

“I told you that we needed to talk.”

“We did talk,” Jamie answered, holding her ground .

Siena shook her head slowly. “No, we didn’t. You walked away from me.”

Jamie once again looked down at Harley. Siena kept Harley’s hand firmly in hers. “We can talk about this some other time.”

“No, we can’t. It has to be now.” Siena straightened her shoulders. “Why didn’t you show up for the interview?”

Jamie pursed her lips and then shook her head. “Like I said before, Siena, it doesn’t matter. It never mattered to you. My career, my job, what I do for my livelihood doesn’t matter to you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Mommy, that’s a bad word.”

“I know it is, Harley,” Siena hissed and then cringed. Her tone was way too harsh with Harley. She’d have to apologize for that later and explain that she wasn’t mad at Harley.

Jamie took a step away, half turning her body as if she was just going to up and leave again. “We can talk about this when Harley isn’t here. I don’t think you want?—”

“I want an answer.” Siena’s voice cracked through the empty street.

“Siena!” Tori’s familiar voice reached her ears, and it was the scolding that Siena needed and didn’t want. Of course she would show up now.

Closing her eyes, Siena’s shoulders drooped. “I know.” She kneeled down onto the sidewalk and held Harley by her arms, looking directly into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that. It is a bad word, and I’m sorry. Sometimes when I get angry and frustrated, I say things that I shouldn’t.”

Harley nodded slowly, biting her lip, but she didn’t say anything. Had Siena scared her that much?

“I also am not mad at you, baby. I promise.”

“Are you mad at Ms. Jamie?” Harley’s voice echoed.

Siena looked up into Jamie’s wide eyes and then at Tori. She had to answer truthfully. There was no way she could lie to Harley about this one. “Yes, I am.”

“But she didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, she didn’t,” Siena answered. “Being mad at someone isn’t because they always do something wrong. Sometimes we just…” Siena winced. “You know, I’m just really mad at myself, that’s what it is. And I need to figure that out, but I need to figure it out with Jamie.”

“Okay?” Harley squeaked out.

“I’m sorry, baby. I need to do better next time.” Siena moved in and hugged Harley. She was going to have to stand up and tell Jamie that they’d talk about this later, and then she really was going to have to find a time for them to talk. Siena faced Tori. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you want her to come home with me for the night? You do owe me a night, and that way you and Jamie can have some time to talk.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine,” Jamie interjected. “We don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Yeah, you do,” Harley interrupted. “Mommy needs to apologize to you too.”

Fuck Harley for being so astute. Siena cringed. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks. And sorry.”

Tori hummed, giving Siena a knowing look. “I expect my apology in the form of tequila. Not for you and me, but for Miranda and me.”

Siena laughed and her cheeks rushed with heat. “Noted.”

Tori held out her hand for Harley, and they walked away in the opposite direction that Jamie had been heading.

“Well, at least I know where Harley gets her backbone from,” Jamie muttered.

“She’s not like me at all.” Siena huffed as she watched mother and daughter walking away.

Jamie frowned. “She’s exactly like you. ”

“Nah, she’s all Tori.”

“If you say so, but I don’t see it that way. She’s smart, she’s outgoing, and she stands up for herself and the people she loves.” Jamie frowned. “So she’s you.”

Siena’s breath caught in her throat. This was never casual. Hadn’t she told herself that already? Hadn’t she tried to figure out what they were doing and who they were to each other? Or had she really tried to keep it casual when it was never that?

“Why didn’t you come to the interview?”

“I told you already. It never mattered to you.” Jamie jerked her chin up in defiance, and Siena could see the hurt that covered her face. She wasn’t going to get out of this one without an apology and that was okay. Harley had been right. Siena owed Jamie an apology, more than one.

Siena sighed, the cold air from the December night biting her cheeks and nipping at her nose. Only this time it didn’t come with the warm feelings of the Christmas season. It came with pain and struggle. And it came with shame.

“Come with me,” Siena said.

“What?” Jamie took a visible step back. “Where?”

“To my place.” Siena wasn’t sure when she’d made that decision, but she had. Jamie had already woven herself into her personal life so much that this last step wouldn’t be too far to make. “It’s cold out here, I’m freezing, and this conversation that we need to have is going to take longer than the next twenty minutes.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jamie shook her head and then looked around as if trying to find some type of exit.

“Then don’t come. It was just an idea. But we do need to talk, and I’d rather do that where I’m comfortable. What about you?”

“You think I’m going to be comfortable at your place?” Jamie looked skeptical .

“Maybe. But it’s at least warmer.”

Silence filtered between them. It was awkward at first, but Siena wasn’t going to push any more. Jamie needed to make this decision on her own, and if she decided they were going to have this conversation right here and now, then that’s what Siena was going to do. But they really did need to just talk.

“Fine.” Jamie pouted, her full lower lip pushing out. “But you’re driving. I don’t have enough gas to get anywhere but home.”

“Fair.” Siena shuffled her feet, trying to remember where she’d even parked. Luckily, they weren’t too far away. Jamie followed her, and Siena hopped behind the driver’s seat. As soon as the engine was running and both of them were buckled in, she breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t actually thought that Jamie was going to come with her.

“So what are we talking about?” Jamie asked.

“The interview.” Siena pulled away from the curb and started driving toward home. “Why didn’t you show up? It took a lot of convincing to get Bunny into that room for you. She’s not very happy with you in general.”

“You actually got them there?” Jamie seemed surprised by that.

Siena frowned and furrowed her brow. “I told you I would.”

The silence was deafening. Siena needed to hear Jamie’s voice, to hear something other than her breathing in and out. She needed to know what had happened between them that this had gotten so bad.

“I don’t know why we’re even talking about this,” Jamie muttered.

“Because you wanted an interview, and I set up the meeting for it. You worked hard to get there, and then you bailed. What happened? ”

“You! You happened!” Jamie’s voice burst through the car.

Siena was taken aback, but she didn’t give in just yet. There was still time for them to talk. Siena turned onto the highway and continued to drive. “How did I happen?”

“I don’t even know why we’re talking. We broke up, remember? You told me that we were done. You told me that this was nothing. You’re the one who told me that there was nothing between us.”

Siena didn’t remember that. She didn’t remember saying at least half of those words that Jamie claimed she did. She’d pushed Jamie away, yes. She’d told Jamie that it was the end, essentially, that they needed to keep everything professional. But that had been what she’d meant—professional. And then Jamie had ditched even on that.

“I thought this was a one-night stand, Jamie. Nothing more.”

“Two nights,” Jamie corrected.

“Fine, two nights.” Siena pulled into her driveway. “Answer my question, Jamie.”

Jamie shook her head slowly, her eyes wide as she stared out the front windshield at Siena’s house. “You’re fucking rich.”

“I’m not rich.” Siena laughed lightly. “But I do make decent money, and I invest well. Sometimes it’s nice to work for the stars.”

“And sometimes it’s nice to expose them when they’re asshats.”

Siena laughed louder. “I’ll give you that one.” Then she sighed heavily. “Why didn’t you come? You didn’t even answer my call.”

“I truly believed that you were yanking my chain, Siena. You held off for so long, for months, and I had no promises from you that you’d actually follow through with anything.”

“I always follow through on my word.” Siena looked her over, eyes wide open to how far she had pushed and how much damage she had done. “I’m so sorry you didn’t know that.”

“How would I?” Jamie asked. “It was just two nights, wasn’t it?”

No.

The word was on the tip of Siena’s tongue, but she couldn’t make herself say it out loud. It hadn’t just been two nights. It was never that. Jamie managed to get under Siena’s skin because she meant more than Siena wanted her to. Because Siena wanted more.

“It’s warmer inside.” Siena’s words came out rushed, stopping anything else escaping before she was ready.

They walked in silence to the front door where sensor lights flicked on, reminding Siena she had to find her keys and keep moving. She couldn’t lose herself in Jamie, not quite yet.

After they were inside and Jamie argued again about Siena indeed being rich, she led them into the small reading room. It had more records than books, but she had always called it the reading room, despite how it had ended up.

Sitting on the small love seat, Siena reached over to Jamie. She gently placed her hand on Jamie’s, but she didn’t squeeze, she didn’t brush her thumb, and she didn’t try to lace their fingers. When Jamie finally looked at her curiously, Siena knew she had her full attention.

“I think we started this wrong.”

“Started what wrong?” Jamie frowned.

“Hi. I’m Siena Frazee.” She smiled at Jamie. “And I’m a production manager for several local bands in the area. My most famous clients are Bunny and Piper.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Jamie laughed nervously. “This is ridiculous.”

Siena shook her head. “No, it’s not. I want to take a chance, and I might be making the same mistake twice, but who the hell knows? I’m willing to find out. Get to know me, Jamie. The real me. Not Van . Not Ms. Frazee. Me. Siena. Mom to Harley, completely neurotic when it comes to my calendar and work life, and overly protective of those I claim as mine.”

Jamie shook. Her gaze dropped from Siena’s face to their hands. Then she bit her lip. When Jamie looked back up, Siena knew the answer.

They were doing this.