Page 8

On the train to New York, I can’t stop thinking about James. I almost kissed him. Almost . Since then we’ve been acting as if nothing happened. Texting normally. Well, I have been acting as if nothing happened. But he has his usual flirt on, nothing more, nothing less. I have to remind myself every time that I am just one of his conquests. And I am done with one night stands. Although I am scared of intimacy more than anyone, I would like to experience it at least once. I know…I still don’t do boyfriends. Maybe I have bipolar disorder. Or maybe I am just shaken to the core about everything when it comes to relationships.

I know I have a difficult time trusting someone emotionally. Perhaps that is one of the reasons that I am the way I am.

My phone buzzes and I am pulled back from my thoughts. It’s my sister- Maura. I pick her call and she sounds like a cheerful puppy. “Did you leave yet? I am so eager to see you!” she squeaks. This is what I can focus on– My sister.

“Yeah, I did about an hour ago. Will be there in about three hours or so. What do you have planned for the day?” A sister's weekend is all I need right now. To relax and just have heart to heart girl conversations and reminiscence in our childhood. After being with my cousins all the time in India, I found it very difficult to adjust to living with just one roommate. No offence- I love Juju a lot, but I don’t think she would ever tickle me until I cried or add salt to my tea just as a prank. I miss having fun with my cousins.

“Wait, where are you? Are you not driving here?” Eek.

“No. I didn’t want to drive in New York. It’s awful there. I did it once and never again.” she starts laughing.

“Ri…you drive in India. Nothing is worse than that.” She’s not lying. My mom always says that if one can master driving in India, they can drive anywhere in the world.

“Yeah, I know. But I wanted to rest up during the train ride. It’s my break. What are we doing when I get there?” I ask her again. She’s avoiding the question.

“Keith wanted to take us out for lunch.” I roll my eyes out my eye socket.

“Sure. okay. Well. I’ll call you la–”

“Also…” there’s a huge pause. “Nothing. Nevermind. I’ll tell you after you get here.” Something tells me that I am not going to get to experience the sister’s weekend that I had in mind.

“Is everything okay? Do I need to buy something to break someone’s bones?” I ask her cautiously, not mentioning anyone’s names. But obviously, she is smart enough to know who I was referring to.

“Yeah. All good. I’ll see you. You need me to come pick you up at the station then?”

Do I? “Yeah, that’d be great.” I would do anything to spend some time alone with her without always being on the edge around her boyfriend.

“Got it. Text me twenty minutes before you get here. Bye.”

◆◆◆

I’m here. I text my sister again after I get off the platform. I texted her fifteen minutes before reaching the station, but she didn’t reply. I wait for five minutes, then ten and then she finally responds.

So sorry, could you take a cab here instead? Got caught up with work. I don’t even bother replying anymore, instead I head out with my luggage in my homeless clothes and bed hair and hail a taxi to her place.

The traffic is crazy. I finally reached her place in Manhattan after half an hour. She rents a one bedroom apartment with Keith, because she’s saving up to start her own fashion house and my main goal of this trip is to boost her confidence and push her towards her dream. Be her biggest cheerleader.

She greets me with a huge hug when Keith takes all my stuff inside their apartment. “I missed you so much.” I squeeze her and sweep her off her feet. She’s light as a feather. And looks beautiful. So beautiful. Her brown dyed hair falls on her shoulder beautifully and her face lights up.

“I missed you too.” I finally put her down and walk into her apartment.

It looks clean, with a view of the concrete jungle. It looks particularly beautiful at night time. But all you can hear from here is the constant sound of sirens.

“How have you been?” Keith asks me and I tell myself to let bygones be bygones.

“Good.” I look back at my sister and hold her by her shoulders and stare into her eyes. “You better start your own fashion line. You have the potential and don’t let any motherfuckers tell you otherwise. You know this is your dream and you shouldn’t give up on your dream for anyone. Not a single fucker. You get that?” I finally feel so much better now.

“Ay ay Captain.” She salutes me. And we both start laughing and sit on the couch.

“No, but I am serious. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you the best, right? So, trust your little sister and take the leap.”

“There are a lot of things that go into starting a fashion line. You need to have a vision accordingly. It’s not like University, fantasies and fairy tales. This is real life, Riya. Not University.” Keith throws that invisible and undodgeable punch at me.

“I’m not a kid, Keith. I know that it is not going to be easy. But then again if it is easy, then your dream is just not big enough. And I know my sister better than anyone to know that she can do it.” I throw one back at him.

It hasn’t even been five minutes since I stepped inside the house. “It is not some nonsense romance novel that you read and fantasise about. Your sister has a stable job right now. If we get married tomorrow and decide to have kids, she will be able to take time off to take care of the kids. She won’t be able to do that as whatever it is she will be.” I look at my sister and her jolly expression has been long shipped to Antarctica. Something tells me that this has been going on for a while now.

I fly off the handle of the couch and stand on my feet. “A CEO. She will be a fucking CEO. And if she can’t take care of the kids, maybe you can. I’m sure she will make more than enough to take care of the house and everything if everything goes according to plan.” I give him a venomous smile telling him two can play the game . My sister is not alone anymore.

“Let’s grab lunch.” Maura interrupts our obvious rant. And I give Keith my special, it’s not over yet look. Signal him that I’m watching him.

We get to the fancy Italian restaurant down the lane and place our order for food. Keith and I keep bickering about what my sister should do in the future.

I look at my sister who has been playing with her plate of food for the past twenty minutes. I give her a nudge with my elbow and she jolts her eyes up at us. “I don’t think it matters what we think, Keith. What matters is what she thinks and wants.”

“What?” she was definitely not paying attention to us.

I repeat what I said to her and she just nods like a puppet. She's shaking her head, but I know that she’s still not paying attention to what I’m saying.

“It’s our future.” Keith reaches for her hand and I just want to stab his forearm with my fork and then give him a sweet serial killer smile.

Maura nods her head giving a half-hearted smile. Something is cooking in her head and I need to talk to her about it.

“I need to use the ladies room.” I get up and nudge her again. “Are you coming with me?” she nods and almost runs ahead of me as if she’s been wanting to do that the entire time.

We enter the ladies room and she takes a deep breath as if she can finally breathe. I turn to her and glare at her, I know how uncomfortable it makes her and she blurts out everything. This entire time, she hasn’t opposed Keith once or even supported what I’m saying.

“Nothing. You don’t want to use the–” I hold her shoulders and shake her.

“What’s going on here? You are acting really weird.” I ask her, Why are you with him? Is what I wanted to ask her. But I don’t.

“He mentioned marriage and kids and I don’t know…it sounds too scary right now, Riya. I mean I do love him and do want to marry him, but it’s too early right now. And kids…I never even thought about it. I don’t even know if I ever want to have kids.” she’s almost shaking, her voice cracking.

I hold my sweet not so little sister in my embrace and pat her back as she lets go of her mask that she has been wearing for a long time. “You don’t have to figure out everything right now, Maura. Just focus on what matters the most to you. And I know that it is this fashion line. It’s been your dream ever since I can remember. Whatever you choose, make sure that you won’t regret your decisions later.” She sniffles and hugs me tighter. This. This is what I wanted. Not in a public bathroom. But in the comfort of her home.

“Thank you for coming here. I really mean it.” She takes a deep breath and splashes some cold water on her face. Of course, she’s not wearing any make-up. She’s naturally beautiful. Not like me, who needs to hide under ten layers of makeup and shapewear to look at least presentable.

“Hey, you can also do some cost-cutting by modelling in your own clothes, Maura.” I say seriously and she chuckles as if I made the funniest joke. Maura is gifted. She is 5’8” which is decent for a model and her lean and curvy and effortless figure makes her the perfect model. And her beautiful and sharp features are just an added bonus!

We head outside and go shopping and empty all my earnings before heading back to her place.

“I’m so tired.” I fall on the couch with a thud. I hear Maura and Keith silently whisper something and pass looks at each other. But neither says anything.

“You don’t have to whisper. Unless you two are talking about something explicit, then I don’t want to hear it.” I love sleeping on couches, so I don’t really mind crashing on her couch if that’s what they are uncomfortable about.

“Um… Do you remember I said that I wanted to tell you–no, ask you something?” Maura sits besides me.

I sit up and she and Keith exchange careful glances between each other. “What is it?” Now I’m anxious.

“Could you sleep over in our house in Jersey? I got it cleaned and ready for you.” I don’t think I heard it right. She is kicking me out of her house and shipping me to Jersey? Why? Because I took her side? Did I overstep my boundaries here?

“What?” I can’t say anything else. I am just that shocked.

“Keith and I will be working on–”

“I was going to sleep on the couch anyway.” I feel so embarrassed. I was boasting the entire time how much I know my sister and now she does this?

“It’s just…” she doesn’t finish the sentence, because I am already up and packing my stuff. I hear a small silent snort from behind where Keith is standing and he has an evil smirk on his face. Telling me that he won .

“Riya…I hope you don’t misunderstand this or anything.” No I won’t because I am literally putting off doing my work and assignments to actually be with her just to be humiliated in the worst way possible.

“Did you see my phone?” I look around for it and finally find it. Great, it's at 5%. I can’t stay here anymore and ask her to lend me her charger and embarrass myself more.

“Keith and I can drop you off there, if you want.” I don’t even respond to that. I am calculating how the fuck am I going to make it to Jersey. I can’t take the subway, because I don’t know the way there and I need charging in my phone to know the route.

“I’ll manage. I’ll take a cab or something.” I’m sure my phone won’t survive until I book a cab either. But no way am I telling her that. I am just too hurt right now. And I can’t cry. I can’t cry. Not in front of them.

I pack my stuff and don’t even look back or hear what she says. I think she said goodnight or something. I don’t give a fuck right now. As soon as I am out of their sight I break down. I don’t know what to do. I can’t think straight anymore. And only one name comes to mind, so I open call logs and dial the number. He said he was going to be in Jersey today and it’s not that far, is it?

“Miss me?” he says in a smug voice.

I can’t hold back anymore and right now I am bawling. “ James… ”