Page 24

I wish I had balls, so I could kick myself in the balls to knock some sense into myself. How many times do I have to tell myself not to fall for him? I’ve recited the same line at least 150,000 times. So much so that I’ve annoyed Juju to not be in the same room as me.

I sit on the couch with Jake watching Ice hockey. I don’t understand shit about the game. But I know that if I am left alone, I will text him for the twentieth time. We just finished the Midterms and my birthday is next week and so is the trip to Cabo. Juju is coming with me and I asked James last two days ago if he wanted to tag along and he still hasn’t responded.

I can’t help but think if I came off too clingy? I hope not. Or was I taking it too fast? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him. But if he doesn’t want to come, he can just tell me that. I am a big girl, I can handle rejection. It's the silence that I hate.

“You’re doing it again.” Jake presses his hand on my thigh to stop me from shaking my leg again.

Justine walks into the room and sits next to him and he immediately takes his hand off my leg. “I have told her several times that if she doesn’t want to think about it so much, just drive to his place and ask him yours–”

“Babe…” Jake cuts off Justine. “That’s even worse. It's a rule that if a guy doesn’t reply within the first two hours, he’s probably banging someone else.” James would never do that. Right? He felt the same spark? I mean, after that date at Spit or Swallow, which by the way is an awful name…I thought we connected. And at the Holi party, we had fun, right.

Granted I screamed infront of everyone how I was going to fuck him hard and didn’t let go of him at all so he had to take me back to his place. And I passed out when we reached and he couldn’t bathe me, so he got tired and since he wasn’t exactly sober either, he took me to the bathroom and laid a bedsheet down and we slept there because I wanted the cold floor and wouldn’t stay on the bed. His bed, which I had completely ruined the colour that I had on from the Holi party. But he stayed with me. He slept with me on the floor because I wouldn’t let go of his hand.

I was…I am falling for him. Hell…I might even–

“Considering his history, it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Jake adds quickly.

“I think you should go and confront him. Face to face.” Justine finally speaks in my favour.

“He’s very busy on Thursdays. I know he is home on Friday nights. I’ll drop in then.” I get up and make my way to my room.

“You are making a mistake…” Jake shouts from the couch and I hear Justine mumble something to him.

“Wanna make a bet, Ri?” Jake asks me and I stop.

“What bet?” I am not a gambler, but I am just interested in knowing what he wanted to bet on.

Jake smirks at me. “Williams is banging someone else already.” I try to force a smile too. It obviously looks very fake.

“Haha.”

“I bet you two hundred bucks.” I look back at him.

“Two hundred?”

“Yep.”

“I’d love to win that money, but I lost my wallet the day before yesterday. I even had to block all my cards.”

“Why? Because you know you will have to pay me?” Jake laughs.

“Nope, because I’d much rather keep that transaction in cash and I just happened to carry my card purse in my cash purse and I lost them both. And I loved my cash purse a lot, so you will have to wait till it arrives to pay me.” I smile at him.

It was my favourite purse. It was a non-brand purse because it was custom made for me by a local designer in India. It was very beautiful and exactly what I wanted. But I don’t think I made the point I should’ve.

◆◆◆

I knock on James’ door and a semi-naked Daniel opens the door for me. Wet out of the shower, towel around the waist, wet hair and droplets of water streaming down his perfect abs.

“Marcus is not here.”

“Huh?” I force my eyes to face him! Come on, you cannot blame me for checking out a beautiful semi-naked man! “What? Yes. Wait– Why? Where is he?”

“He went back home a couple days ago and hasn’t come back since.”

“I texted him a bunch of ti–”

“Riya?” Someone called my name from behind. “What are you doing here?” I know I am here to get some answers from him, but how am I supposed to stay mad when his hair is all messed up and he’s looking that cute? No! Don’t be wavered by deep blue ocean eyes and those dark circles beneath his eyes. He looks tired. Not just physically, but he looked emotionally drained. The spark from his eyes before is gone somewhere.

“I–You–” Now is not the time to stammer Ri!

“Let’s talk in my room.” He walks past me and to his room. We make our way to his room and I sit on the bed. James takes off his shoes and flops down next to me with a huge sigh.

“I’m sorry, James…I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced. I’ll leave.”

“No. Please. Stay. Riya, I…” he holds his head in his hands and I’d never seen him this distraught before. He said my name. Something’s wrong. I feel a strange tug in my heart, it is as if someone fisted their hand in my chest and squeezed my heart from within.

“Is everything okay?” I put my hand on his shoulder and I swear to god I hear a soft gasp. Is he crying? Fuck! What should I do? I wish I could just google about what to do when people cry. I am not very good at consoling crying people. I hug him and pat his shoulder lightly and James cries. He isn’t wailing, but those tiny sobs of his tear my heart to shreds.

I love him.

At this moment, I want nothing more than taking away all his pain. Murder whoever even brought a tear in his eyes.

James just keeps his head in his hands while I hug him and continue to softly pat his back. No words are exchanged, but none are needed for me to console him. He was there when I broke down and I have never been more glad that I showed up at someone’s house unannounced.

“I want to sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?” he finally rubs his tears away and looks at me with such tired eyes that it shatters my heart further.

I kiss his forehead and lay next to him. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not going anywhere. You should get some sleep. Come here.” I open my arms for him and he nestles his head on my chest, hugging my waist tightly. I don’t even have to try to match his breathing because it is as if we are somehow in sync.

James after that nap is a different James. He doesn’t talk about the reason for his pain. His sorrow. His tears

He’s flirting with me as usual. I don’t want to push him, because clearly he needs time to process it himself. But I hope and pray that he will at some point at least consider telling me.

“So, are we all set to go to Game Boys?” The sports bar- Game Boys, is a little far from Bradwick. It is one of the most famous sports bars which I absolutely hate. Because they mostly air american football which I don’t understand whatsoever and the people there are sometimes…racist.

“Yep. Let’s go.” I step foot into the living room and find the boys ready as well. I didn’t know that they were coming too. I thought that it was a date, or something like that. Not that I don’t like hanging out with the boys. Trust me, they’ve grown on me more than I’d like. It’s alright. I can work with that. But I thought that maybe, just maybe I could finally spit those words out to him tonight.

They were sitting there right at the tip of my tongue, and I couldn’t wait to throw them around James. I can’t believe that I will be the first to say those words. Not that there is any shame in saying what you feel, but I have always been careful with relationships.

Love can be your greatest strength and your biggest weakness. I’m just afraid of it being the latter.

It’s all sunshine and rainbows when love is your strength, but the moment it becomes your biggest weakness…that’s when shit goes down. But with James, I doubt that will ever be the case. He gets me in a way no one ever has.

I believe it was the time I’d stay over at James’ place and we were both drowned in orgasm city. I’d cooked food for James and the boys and I’d needed some spices that I had at home. So I went home to grab them and Jake had made a comment about me eating too much and having a stomach that rolls when I sit down. I haven’t always been confident in my body. I know I don't have a thigh gap and a slim waist, but I had an hourglass body that I embraced. I was starting to love my curves. I’d come back to James’ place and make the food and serve it to everyone.

I barely ate two bites before I started playing with the food on my plate and made my way to his room. James followed me to his room with a plate of food in his hand and sat down on the bed next to me. “What happened? You barely ate. The last meal you ate was more than eight hours ago, Raven. You need to eat. And the food you made tastes so good. Seems like we should fire Sid and hire you as our own personal chef.” He chuckled and pulled me on his lap. I didn’t laugh and immediately got off his lap.

“Did I do something, Raven?”

“No, I didn’t want to break your legs. Lol. I’m not as light as the girl who you are used to sitting in your lap.” He pulled my hand and pulled me on his lap.

“Here.” He put his hands on my waist and buried his face in the nook of my neck. “Insult me one more time saying that I can’t handle you and you will have to bear the consequences, Raven.” His deep glare burned a hole through my chest and his words pierced my soul. “And you are perfect. Trust me when I say that I have never met a woman like you. You have a body that I worship before violating it later. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“But I have a stomach that rolls over when I sit. Do you still like me? I lifted my shirt enough to expose my FUPA. “This!” I held my lower belly in my hands. “I hate this.”

“Come here.” He walked me in front of the mirror. He put his hand on my lower hand and never in my life have I felt more embarrassed. “What is this?” he asked me in a dead serious note. I wish I could melt into water and vaporise. Or burn away like a vampire.

“My belly.”

“And why do you have this?” Another tug to my heart. If I thought that Jake’s words were harsh, James’ straight up destroyed me and my self esteem.

“I–I–”

He looks at me in the mirror. “I’m sure you know biology already. But let me refresh it for you again. You are a woman and have a uterus. You have a body which is blessed with making the miracle of forming and nurturing a life within. So, naturally, it will need protection and that is provided by the fat layer on top of it. So don’t ever apologise or let anyone judge you for being the beautiful woman that you are. And those stomach rolls…you have no fucking idea how much they turn me on. Maybe I haven’t shown enough love." He put his other hand on my lower belly as well. Slowly tracing the hem of my panties and slipping his hand inside.

He did show me- multiple times.

That's the James I love. The one who makes me feel comfortable no matter what. Who accepts me as I am. Hell, who helps me love myself. And I fucking love James to pieces. I love every inch of his soul.

I love James.