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I made her feel disgusted. I broke her…I broke us…It’s all my fault. I feel the cold breeze swift by, setting my face ablaze. The tears on my cheeks freeze. And I am alone. Once again.

I see her car disappear on the road. My feet stay still. Holding onto the hope that maybe she will come back. Give me one more chance. Give us one more chance.

As a quarterback, I have never used the concept of holding onto hope. In the game, you write your own destiny. The game moves according to the strategy you have. One wrong move and everything goes down the drain. Even then, I have never even thought of anything like ‘hope’. Because there is no point in holding onto hope if someone or me doesn't go ahead and snatch that ball.

Control. That is what I have had in games. Sometimes you choose to give it up. Strategy. But here, there is nothing I can do. Nothing. She couldn’t even look me in the eye anymore. That said more than enough for our relationship. I walk towards my car and get in. Just before I was about to pull out of her parking lot, I see the lights of her apartment flicker.

Why did she have a suitcase with her? And she looked like she’d cried right until I showed up. Her eyes were swollen red. Was she crying because of me?

Something wasn’t adding up. Even if she was crying because of me, why was she going out with her suitcase? She has an exam tomorrow, so clearly she’s not going on a last minute vacation. And even if she is, she would go with Justine. Every cell in my body is telling me to go upstairs and talk to Justine. But I am scared that she might throw boiling water at me for breaking her best friend’s heart.

I can text her. Ugh! I need to buy a fucking phone. I refuse to act on my instinct since that didn’t get me anywhere last time and drive to the closest Apple store.

◆◆◆

I drive back home and put my sim card inside the new phone and start it. Thankfully my paranoia had me back up all my contacts on my account. So as soon as I log in, I go to Justine’s contact and send her a message.

Hi.

At least the message is sent. So, she hasn’t blocked me yet!

Five minutes later- Nothing. No response from her. I go to my call logs and see missed calls from the most unexpected person. Harriet. I would rather die than call him back. But something was not adding up here. He’d called me right after I’d left to see Riya and then again before I’d reached her place. He was the last person on this planet who I’d call, let alone text. But I do anyway.

He picks up after the second ring, “Marcus…” his voice is more jolly than ever.

“This better be important Harriet. I’m not in the fucking mood right now.” I really am not. He clears his throat. Dragging the silence. Building my anticipation. “Now would be a better time to speak, Harriet. Or else I’m–”

“Riya is here.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” My blood boils. “If this is another one of your games, Harriet. I swear to god I will put you six feet under the ground myself.” I am too emotionally disturbed by everything right now. And him saying even her name, is making me vengeful. He needs to keep her out of our shit.

“This is not a game, Williams. She’d called me to ask if she could park her car in my parking lot. That’s all. And she…” he takes a long breath.

“Spit it.”

“She was crying when she called me. Look, I don't know what happened between you two, but I thought that I should let you know that I told her to come to my place.” I realised that I was probably not at my lowest before. Because this right here, twists the knife further, cutting off my air supply.

“She’d lost her wallet…” It clicks. She had told me and I’d joked that finally she would let me pay for dinner now. She was looking for a place to crash. That’s why she had called Sid. That explains the suitcase. But the question remains. Why?

“What?...She’s pulling up in my driveway. Look man, no rivalry here. She’s your girl…or was. Whatever the thing, I thought that I should let you know. And my job ends here as your friend. Now I am going to tend to her as her friend.” and with that the fucker hangs up on me.

What the hell was going on? What has happened between the time that Riya left from my place until the last I saw her? Because something has happened for sure. And I need to know.

I call Riya and as I expected she doesn’t pick up my call. She said that she’d felt disgusted. Was it really me who made her feel disgusted? Ugh! My brain is chewing me up. All these thoughts. They are drawing the worst conclusions possible. Thoughts I fear. What if something bad happened to her after she left my house?

What if she had gotten into an accident? But her car looked fine. What if she was mugged? But she had already lost her wallet. Maybe she got into a fight with Justine? But what happened that made her leave her house? What if she was…?

No! No. I don’t even want to think about it. No. I’m sure that she’d gotten into a fight with Justine. That’s all. Yes. That’s all.

If she doesn’t want to pick up my call, I will go and ask her in person. I just need to make sure that she’s okay. I grab my keys and am about to jump in my jeep before her words echoed in my mind.

Please just let me be. Just for today. Please.

I have never felt so conflicted in my life before. I am torn between wanting to respect her wishes and needing to make sure that she is okay. Her wants are more important than my needs. For me at least. So I lock my jeep and go back inside in agony.

Right now I wouldn’t mind selling my soul to the devil if that means that I get to know that she is safe. My Raven.