Page 33

This is my hell. As soon as his name leaves her lips, I know that my worst fears came true. I can feel anger I’ve never felt before. I have never had the urge to kill someone so badly before. But I don’t want to just kill him. I want him to suffer. I want to break every single bone in his body. I want him to beg me for the mercy of death.

I knew what I was asking her to do when I asked her to tell me every single detail. But I needed to know. I needed to decide how to make him suffer. She tells me every tiny detail. Every word that had left his mouth. And after she finishes telling me everything, I immediately wrap my arms around her.

I myself am in tears. He did that to her because of me. All of this happened because of me. If only I had told everything about Caleb, maybe we wouldn’t have fought and she wouldn’t have left. Maybe if I had apologised a little early and stopped her. I let her walk away from me. If only…if only…if only… It is all my fault.

“I’m sorry Riya! I am so so sorry babe. I…” loud sobs escaped my throat. Guilt consumes my soul.

“James…” she wriggles out of my embrace and holds my face in her hands. “If it is anyone’s fault it is his. He is the only one who should have to apologise. Not you. Not anyone else. Only him. And I will never ever forgive him or Justine for this. I thought that at least she would understand”

“Did you ask her to–”

“She told me that she would testify against me.” She looks down at her hands in disappointment. With that, my heart withers away. She went through all of that in less than a span of 12 hours and yet she is still standing tall. I feel ashamed of myself as I feel my legs quiver. I can’t even fathom the fact that what is making my entire body tremble with fear just by listening to it, she had to live it.

“I’m sorry, Riya. I…” I start crying as I feel the dam of my tears overflow. “I am so sorry that you had to go through that and I am sorry for the role I played in it.” Guilt. Shame. Regret. I am feeling the worst of the worst things. But I know that she must be feeling even more grim. I don’t want to burden her with my emotions as well. I would rather help carry some of her baggage right now.

“I am not saying that what you did or said is justified. But I wasn’t entirely right or kind either. And I just don’t want to think about any of that. Ever. I just…” she sighs. Ever? Were we done forever? No! She asked for your help, James! Focus on that right now. Please don’t be selfish here.

“What do you need help with? I wouldn’t mind going to jail for murder.” I am not joking. What would be a joke would be me just sitting idly and doing nothing to Jake. Not breaking a single bone in his body.

“Marcus…I need your help with finding a good private detective.” My brain starts to churn up some ideas as to where she was going with this. And every single one screamed trouble. Trouble for her.

“I will not let you put yourself in harm's way. Let me handle this.” She stands up immediately and in anger.

“I didn’t ask you to take over or make decisions for me. I asked for your support. That’s all I meant by wanting your help.” I have been hearing words for the past half hour but I have barely registered anything.

She walks past me and towards the front door. I can’t let her walk away this time. I grab my jacket and run behind her and hold onto her hand. “Please, give me some time to register it.”

She looks at me with two sparkly tears. Her nose flushed red as she quickly swiped her hand across her face to wipe her tears. “I was the one who went through it. You think I had the time to ‘register it’?” She walks out of the door again. As I stand there I watch her take every step away from me.

She asked for my help and all I could think was how I didn’t have enough time to process information. I was selfish again. I underestimated her again.

“I’m sorry.” I stand in front of her, gasping for breath. The cold evening air fills up my lungs. She looks at me with her big and beautiful brown eyes which I get sucked into like a quicksand. Her gaze melts my heart. “I’ll find a good detective for you. But Rav– Riya let me help you. No, let me be there with you. Let me be something you can lean on. That’s all I want to do. I know you are capable of doing anything you put your mind to. I am not doubting your ability here. I am just asking you to let me be there with you if not for you.”

She sucks in a sharp breath. “Why do you think I meant by ‘Please help me?’” a faint smile appeared on her lips. It is the faintest smile, but I’d take it. I will take everything over her tears.

◆◆◆

I walk through my front door and immediately get a whiff of chilli. So much so that I start coughing. “Turn on the exhaust!” I cough towards the kitchen. I see George with a mask on, goggles, spatula and his camera. He has been very much into being a social media influencer since last week. He’d gained ten thousand followers in the past month itself. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew all those ten thousand people.

The smoke fills up the entire house and soon enough the fire alarm goes off.

“Shit.” George quickly puts away his phone.

I hear loud thuds through the smoke and soon enough more white smog is sprayed onto my face. The sprinklers go off and there is nothing but pure chaos around me and inside me. Sid comes to the rescue with a fire extinguisher. “I am never leaving you fuckers all free in the house ever again. I’m gonna start chaining you to your beds.”

George is quick to follow up on my insult. “Kinky. But sorry M, I’m not into you.”

Asshole.

“I’m going upstairs. You guys better clean this up before I come down.” I shoot one cold glare at George. “And I am not kidding this time.” He opens his mouth to say something but I shut him up. “Keep it to yourself. Not today, George.” I walk up the stairs. I can hear the fire extinguisher go up in the air, meaning Sid was probably concerned and knows that something serious has happened. And boy is he right!

I flop on my bed and just then, my phone rings. “I don’t really like hearing your voice so much.”

“The feeling is mutual, Williams. Unfortunately, I don’t want you to think that I am hitting on your girl or something. She asked me that herself.” He is obviously trying to play games here. A game I hate the most.

“Spit it out now, Hariett.” My blood boils.

“She asked me to meet her and had a huge favour to ask. I am standing outside the restaurant that she asked me to meet. I did ask her if you know that she’s contacting me, but she told me not to tell you anything.”

“Text me the address.”

“Okay. Bye.” And he cut the call. I almost have the urge to throw away my phone. But no! Last time my phone wasn’t working a lot of shit happened. I thought I was the only one who she trusted and asked for help. And out of all the people that she asked help for, why did it have to be Hariett? Why? I know that I did say a lot of things that I didn’t mean, which nonetheless hurt her. But it wasn’t just me who said hurtful stuff. Ugh!

Frustration. The inability of having zero control over anything frustrated me. I have often felt this way when playing. I remember when back in high school, we were playing against Teresa High School and their defence was so good that we were unable to do anything. Their middle linebacker- Torris Becker was scouted by the Blackhawks immediately after he graduated High School. I feel like I am back in that game. The game is Riya who I desperately want to win over and Hariett is Torris Becker.

The only problem here is that we lost that game. And I don’t want to lose my Raven. Under any circumstances. I am willing to do whatever it takes.

A few phone calls and I had already arranged a private meeting for her with the private investigator. He is one of the best. And trust me when I say that I had to crush and throw away my ego entirely to make this arrangement.

I dial another number and wait for the person to pick up the call.

“Riya…”