Page 67 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

“Nathan, will you at least look at me?” Jim said, moving to a chair beside the bed.

Sasha had made up an excuse to slip out and leave the brothers alone.

“I was scared, okay,” Jim went on. “And angry, and I know that’s no excuse for what I did, but—”

“You’re right, it’s no excuse,” Nathan said bitingly, his eyes snapping to Jim’s with a sharp edge.

“I swear, if you ever try forcing my hand with your damn mind powers again…” He couldn’t quite think of the right threat, so he let the sentence hang.

“I make my own choices, Jim, not you. I decide if there’s no other way, not you . ”

“Nathan, I’m sorry,” Jim said without losing a step, his eyes as wet as Sasha’s had been earlier. “Suddenly being trapped like that…in a dark fae trap, Nate.”

“I know.”

“How I killed Gabriel too…I keep thinking about it. How easy it was. How I didn’t even think, I just…

” Jim clenched his eyes shut like he could make it all go away if he just didn’t look.

“It’s all so easy. Too easy. Sometimes it scares me so much, I just want it all to stop, but I can’t. I keep needing my powers to save you."

“You idiot,” Nathan growled, leaning forward painfully and reaching over with his hand that was full of tubes to grab Jim’s arm and force those sad blue eyes to look at him.

“Sasha got in that trap with you, remember? It doesn’t hold evil; it holds things with enough dark fae blood in them to trigger the spell, that’s all. ”

“I know,” Jim said, even though he was shaking his head, “but it didn’t work on me before, only now. Why is it different now? The only explanation is the powers. Using them must…amplify my fae blood, just like Gabriel was saying.”

Hearing Jim say Gabriel's name forced Nathan to remember that the man who had chased them for so many years and who was now dead…was family. Their uncle.

He hoped Jim never found out.

Increasing the grip he had on Jim’s arm, Nathan squeezed tight enough to make his brother wince.

“Do you think you’re the Antichrist? Is that it?

Are you going to believe freaks like Gabriel just because you’re scared?

To hell with Sasha being in the trap, think about what he said.

You make the choice. If the opportunity comes and you choose evil willingly, if there really is no other way…

I’ll kill you,” Nathan said evenly, though he didn't really believe his own words. “But damn it, Jim, I know you never would. It isn’t in you. So dark fae blood is. So crazy powers are too. So what? You’re still Jim.

You’re still Jim ,” he said again, gentler, his grip loosening and becoming more like comfort.

At least Jim was nodding, his eyes still wet but not crying, and when he looked, really finally looked into Nathan’s eyes, all Nathan saw was his brother.

“I want to believe that. I do. And if you’re right, Nate, if you're right...then I promise I won’t choose anything but you.

I’m going to save you, Nathan. We're going to stop the fae holding that bounty over your head. Together. I’m sorry I was a selfish idiot, I am, but I promise you, no matter what happens, no matter what it takes, I swear. ..I’m going to save you."

"Jim," Nathan said, a little stunned at the raw emotion in his brother's voice, "I don’t think your powers have to be a bad thing, okay, but I want you to be careful. Don't overdo things on my account. Just because you’re two minutes older doesn’t mean you get to coddle me and make all these decisions on your own. Try and save me all you want, but you can’t stop me from saving you. You got me…Jesse James?”

The ghost of a smile caught the corners of Jim’s mouth. “Yeah, Nate, I got you," he said, and he crooked the pointer finger of his free hand into a playful BANG.

Nathan grinned, readily doing the same, and then mimed that being shot after being shot made his chest sore.

Jim laughed. Everything might have slipped into comfortable and easy too, but there was something heavy in the air, maybe because Walter hadn't yet vanished from his seat in the corner, looking on with concern.

“Hey, Jim,” Nathan said, “you don’t…remember anything from your time in the Veil yet, do you?”

“No, you know I don’t,” Jim said stiffly. “I’d tell you if I remembered anything.”

“Yeah, I know. Just checking.”

No matter what happens. No matter what it takes.

Nathan wasn't sure he wanted to know what that might mean.

By late afternoon, Jim and Sasha were slumped asleep in chairs around Nathan's bedside, and yet he was only barely drifting in and out, unsettled and unable to rest. He had enough drugs in his system to dull the pain in his chest. Gabriel was dead, the body taken care of.

Nathan should have been as at peace as he had been in a long time. But sleep wouldn't come.

He was drifting in and out of faint dreams, trying to find something like real rest, when he started fully awake and nearly sat up straight in bed, aggravating the tender wounds on his chest. Nathan hissed, blinking around the now dark room.

He rubbed his left hand unconsciously, the one with all the tubes, feeling the faint grooves of the scar he had created when he cut a divided circle into his palm and summoned a Messenger.

Nathan jumped as his gaze drifted to the window, surprised to see Jim awake too, peeking out through the blinds.

"Hey...you probably need as much sleep as I do, huh?

" Nathan said quietly, since Sasha was still curled up in his chair.

"Why don't you wake up the redhead and head back to Schuester's for a while?

I'm not going anywhere for a couple days and you guys need some real rest. Those chairs can't be comfy. "

Jim had his back to Nathan, his T-shirt looking rumpled like he had been sleeping in it for days, which was probably true. He lowered his hand from looking outside, but he didn't turn around.

"Hey," Nathan hissed a little louder. "You all in there, bro? Or half asleep?"

Still, Jim didn't turn.

" Jim ," Nathan tried again. "Are you okay?"

That was when Nathan realized that Walter was no longer in the corner.

Jim turned slowly, making Nathan clutch at the sheets when he saw his brother’s face. Slit eyes that almost seemed to glow in the dark stared back at him, Jim's expression eerily blank. Jim said nothing but began a slow progression forward.

"Jim?” Nathan croaked. “What's going on?"

Jim's head tilted to the side as he continued forward, almost as if he was curious, but he didn’t speak.

"Okay, now you're creeping me out," Nathan said, pushing back against the headboard. "This isn't funny, Jim. Jim ."

Jim reached the bed quickly with his long strides, his face completely devoid of emotion, eyes slit and not blue, Nathan realized, but amber, like the Messenger’s had been.

Nathan’s breath hitched when Jim leaned over him, regarding his entire figure like he didn't know him, like some inquisitive predator. "Jim, come on...snap out of it," Nathan said, pressed back so tightly into the headboard that it hurt.

Jim just leaned in closer.

“Jim, please,” Nathan tried again.

Closer.

"Jim…"

Closer .

“Jim!”

"Huh?" Sasha sputtered and coughed, stirring suddenly in his chair.

Nathan's eyes darted to the incubus and he almost cried out, but when he looked again at Jim, his brother was pulling back, blinking tired normal blue eyes like he had no idea how or why he was even standing there.

Walter appeared again in the corner as if he had never left, looking more worried than ever.

"Did you say something, Nathan?" Sasha said groggily. "Is everything okay?"

Nathan stared, looking from Walter back to Jim, who honestly looked so confused as he scrubbed a hand down his face that Nathan almost could have believed he dreamed the whole thing.

"This is bad, Nathan," Walter said, rising from his chair and moving across the room.

"I wanted to tell you right away, but I wasn’t sure how.

When Jim's eyes change and he uses his powers, I've always felt a certain pressure pushing me away.

In the warehouse when he killed Gabriel.

..I was banished. It happened again just now.

I know you don't want to hear this, Nathan, but.

..Jim's Awakening may be closer at hand than you want to believe. "

"Nate?" Sasha prompted again."I'm fine," Nathan said. "I think I was just...having a bad dream. Sorry if I woke you guys." He eyed Jim carefully, gauging his brother's reaction.

Jim blinked a few times more and then seemed to come back to himself. "Guess I heard you and got up to check even though I was still half asleep," he said, laughing lightly. "I suppose we could go to Schuester's and sleep in shifts so you're not alone."

"Someone say my name?"

Nathan's head jerked to the door, surprised to see the fae collector walking into the room when they usually only ever saw him at his home. Schuester was missing his shadow of a daughter but was carrying a card.

He flicked on the light as he entered and Nathan squinted into the brightness, glad to be rid of the dark. At least for a moment. Nathan's heart was beating so fast after what had just happened, he didn't know how he found a voice.

"Hey, Schu," Nathan said, "I didn't take you for the overly sentimental type." He indicated the card.

"I'm not, actually," Schuester said. "I was asked to bring this in by the nurse at the front desk. Apparently, it had been back there for a few days. She said she was certain it had to be a mistake, but the card seemed to have arrived before you did."

Schuester handed the card to Nathan, and he tore into it so it wouldn't look so obvious that his hands were shaking. There were so many eyes on him, but the weight of Walter’s gaze felt especially heavy.

A rush of anger and annoyance helped alleviate some of Nathan’s panic when he saw who the card was from.

"Minimal scarring so don't be a baby. Love, Wade ," Nathan read and then tossed the card aside. "I hate psychics."

Even Schuester chuckled at the comment.

Sasha got up to offer Schuester his chair, but the ginger-colored redhead waved the offer away.

"I have to get back,” Schuester said, “but I wanted to check in person how ya were doin’. I dropped Kitty off with my parents for a few days, but yer welcome to rest at the apartment once they release ya."

"Thanks," Jim said. "We really can't thank you enough for everything."

"Really," Sasha joined in.

Schuester smiled, though Nathan didn't miss the more scrutinizing glance he passed over Jim, the same look Walter was wearing, and that Nathan feared he might be wearing too.

Unconsciously, Nathan brought a hand up to touch his necklace. He looked down with wide eyes when he found that the chain and his father's ring were missing.

“Oh yeah,” Sasha said, and Nathan looked up to find the incubus fishing in his pockets.

“I took your necklace off in the car on the way here. I think I was still acting on delusions, but I was afraid the hospital might lose it or something. Here.” Sasha produced Nathan’s necklace from his jean pocket and leaned over the bed to place it back around Nathan’s neck.

Nathan took a deep breath while Sasha was close to him, reveling in the familiar scent. It had been dulled when they found Sasha in the warehouse. Nathan wasn’t sure if that was because of lack of a shower or the iron poisoning.

“Now you’re Nathan again,” Sasha teased as he pulled back. “You can relax. That dream must have really spooked you.” He frowned, no doubt feeling Nathan’s emotional turmoil as easily as ever.

“Yeah…guess it did,” Nathan said, purposefully avoiding looking at Walter. Or Jim. Or anything.

“Well, I better get back to my work,” Schuester said. “Let me know if you boys need anythin’."

After Schuester had left, Sasha reached out to brush his fingers through Nathan’s hair. It was kind of crazy how much Nathan enjoyed the feeling.

“After you're better, Nate, and we can hit the road again...what do we do now?" Jim asked.

The dangers that loomed ahead of them were too great for Nathan to dwell on, so instead he smirked.

"Same thing we do every night, Pinky . Try not to get our asses handed to us and track down the dark sidhe holding this bounty over my head.

Oh, and let's try extra hard to avoid seals from now on.

You know, the ones I'm not sleeping with. " He winked at Sasha.

Jim laughed, but with a clear expression of that having been too much information.

"It sort of feels like we're back where we started, doesn't it?" Sasha said.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Nathan eyed Walter back in his chair, who was trying so hard to look foreboding; at Jim, who was still Jim no matter what the future might hold; and then at Sasha, who was such a wonderfully impossible addition to Nathan's life that he couldn’t find it in himself to lose hope.

Not yet.

"Even with a shotgun wound and a price on my head,” Nathan said with a broad smile, “I think I’m ready for anything.”