Page 57 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

Nathan woke up to sunlight streaming in through Schuester’s living room windows.

He was curled up in a sleeping bag below where Jim was lying on the sofa.

Nathan remembered vaguely that he had asked for the floor, not wanting to be restricted by couch ends the way Jim would be with his somewhat longer legs.

Despite the plush sleeping bag, Nathan felt even more exhausted now that his body had tasted rest.

Tasted . Nathan was so hungry. His stomach felt completely hollow. He hadn’t eaten anything since the night of Sasha’s birthday.

Sasha .

The coffee table had been pushed over to give Nathan more room on the floor.

As he rolled over to reach for his watch and check the time, he was understandably surprised when his hand came down on soft flesh instead of glass.

Nathan tried to focus his tired eyes on what was in front of him, but what he saw was still jarring since it came with sparkling blue eyes and a large, mischievous smile.

“Hey,” Sasha whispered, lying on the floor next to Nathan’s sleeping bag.

Deep down Nathan remembered— knew —Sasha was alive, that everything was okay now, but the last two days had become a blur.

It made all the difference just to see Sasha there and feel Sasha’s warm shoulder beneath his hand.

Nathan prayed to the god he didn’t believe in that he wasn’t dreaming. Not this time.

Nathan had gone over so many things he wanted to say to Sasha while Jim was driving them across the country toward Schuester’s.

I don’t think I can live without you, idiot, so don’t do that to me again, was definitely on the list. But as Nathan looked into those beautiful open blue eyes, he couldn’t remember a single one of his rehearsed lines.

“What are you doing?” Nathan said, his voice a whisper just like Sasha’s, even though that much sunlight pouring in had to mean that it was at least midday.

Sasha’s grin widened. He was so close, Nathan could have counted teeth. “Trying to give you a good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Sasha said. “You wrecked my wake-up kiss, by the way.”

That should have been cute. It should have been funny. But Nathan was only half listening. “You should be resting,” he said, grabbing onto both of Sasha’s shoulders. “Have you eaten anything? How are you feeling?”

Sasha kept on smiling, bringing one hand up to rest over Nathan’s on his shoulder and the other to touch Nathan’s face. “I’m fine,” Sasha said, and his voice and touch were so steady that Nathan had to believe him.

Nathan couldn’t stop from being worried though, even as he tried to forget two days’ worth of panic so he could breathe and maybe play along with Sasha’s easy, familiar flirting. “Trying to…give me a good morning, huh?” Nathan said, smiling a little crookedly.

“Yeah. How am I doing?”

Fucking incredible , Nathan thought. He moved his hands to the back of Sasha’s neck and pulled the incubus closer. “As far as recent memory serves…this morning definitely beats yesterday.”

There was a rustling noise and something like a cough from above and behind Nathan, and it made him pause before his lips could brush against Sasha’s.

Peeking back over his shoulder, Nathan remembered that his brother was sleeping on the couch seconds before seeing Jim’s amused blue eyes and growing blush.

Jim cleared his throat again and formed an embarrassed smile. “Err…just pretend I’m not here,” he said, and rolled over to face the inside of the couch, though his mussed longer hair still stuck out in funny places from out of the blankets.

Pushing up into a sitting position, Nathan huffed, remembering how tired he was and how that was probably why he wasn’t thinking as clearly as usual.

Of course Sasha was disappointed, and sat up next to Nathan, saying, “ I can pretend he’s not there,” with a smile clear in every word.

Nathan turned back to Sasha with a ready comeback.

At least he thought it was ready, but the words fell from his tongue after a first true look at Sasha’s body.

The incubus was shirtless and barefoot, which wouldn’t have been at all remarkable if not for the very large and loose sleep pants.

They looked comfortable and had a drawstring, but it was the pattern that made Nathan pause.

Tiger print. Actual tiger print with black and orange stripes that clashed horribly with Sasha’s red hair.

Nathan felt an uncontrollable chuckle rising. “ What are you wearing?”

Blue eyes glanced down to where Nathan was staring and Sasha flushed. “Uhh…”

“Are those zubaz ?”

“They’re Schuester’s!” Sasha defended. He whirled on Nathan, pointing an accusing finger. “You left all of our stuff in the car. And I wanted a shower when I woke up. My choices for something comfortable to wear were these or the same pair in purple, okay?”

Nathan was already halfway into a full out guffaw before Sasha finished his first sentence. “Dude, at least purple would match that hair better,” he said, and then brought a hand up to his own hair to scratch his head. Nathan immediately grimaced. “Did you say shower? ‘Cause that sounds awesome.”

Climbing out of his sleeping bag and onto his feet, Nathan arched his back in a great stretch.

He felt gross. And achy. And tired. At least the wound on his leg wasn’t throbbing anymore, but Nathan hated sleeping in dirty clothes.

A glance down reminded him that he was still wearing the same T-shirt he’d had on during Sasha’s birthday.

Laundry time didn’t come often or easy for them, but Nathan had a deep desire to strip and hose himself down.

Sasha stood up next to him, pulling Nathan’s eyes straight to the waistline of those pants. Sasha always wore his jeans a little low, but the zubaz were hanging down so far that they bordered on being indecent. There was a lot of visible tattoo.

A strangled cough left Nathan’s throat. “You better tighten the strings on those pants, man, or…I think you’re gonna lose ‘em,” he said, pulling his eyes with some difficulty back up to Sasha’s face.

“Oh?” Sasha said, stepping onto Nathan’s rumpled sleeping bag to bring their bodies closer together. “You say that, but the look on your face tells me you’re just wishing that’s what would happen.”

Nathan gulped as Sasha teased his fingers around the drawstring of the loose-fitting pants.

When a barely contained snort rose up from the couch, Nathan came back to his senses and remembered Jim again. It was almost entirely out of principle that Nathan reached down to pick up his pillow, smacked it hard on top of Jim’s head, and left it there.

But, before Nathan could walk away, Sasha was sidling up to him, getting in Nathan’s personal space and pulling Nathan closer by the hips. “Shower. Change. Whatever you need to do,” Sasha said, “but I’m taking that good morning kiss, Nathan. Because I’m still here to take it."

Nathan didn’t mind giving in, not today, but he still had to grin and say, “You know, I haven’t brushed my teeth in…” He trailed, honestly stopping to think about that and coming up blank. “I…really can’t remember. Ew.”

Sasha just laughed. “I think I can bear it.”

It was the last thing Nathan wanted to think about as they leaned in toward each other—the last time they kissed, their last kiss—but his mind couldn’t help going right back to that moment as their lips pressed together.

Somewhere in the back of Nathan’s throat a sob tried to break out, but like hell was he going to allow that.

He wasn’t weak. And he wasn’t afraid anymore. He didn’t have time to be afraid.

Slipping his hands onto Sasha’s hips the way Sasha’s were on his, Nathan found even more reason to be grateful for how low Sasha’s pants were riding. All he touched was skin, real, alive, warm skin, and it made everything better.

Nathan flicked his tongue along Sasha’s lips and pressed further forward. Maybe it wasn’t so hard, pretending Jim wasn’t there. It wasn't as if he didn't know about them.

“Nathan! Jim!”

Schuester on the other hand...

“You boys up ye—!” Schuester’s voice cut off abruptly, close and loud enough that Nathan knew he had to be standing at the mouth of the living room.

Instinct had Nathan harshly pushing Sasha away, and he didn’t miss the slightly hurt expression on Sasha’s face afterward, either.

“Oh…” Schuester was clearly thrown by what he had walked in on, eyes wide and mouth fumbling for words. “So…yer up then? Awake ! I mean. Right. Breakfast is gettin’ cold, so…best get a move on.” Then Schuester made a quick turn around and headed back out of the living room.

“Schu!” Nathan called. “Wait! Listen, we—!”

“I don’t need to know!” replied Schuester’s now disembodied voice.

Nathan wiped a hand over his face and peeked at Sasha, who at least looked more amused now than upset. Nathan hadn’t meant to react that way. But it was Schuester. It was almost as bad as having his dad walk in on them. Almost.

“I’m taking a shower,” Nathan said, slumping off toward the bathroom. Since there was highly inappropriate and loud giggling coming from beneath the pillow-covered head on the sofa, Nathan gave it a good bop as he passed. “Save me some food, okay?” he called back to Sasha.

The redhead was laughing by now too, but he nodded when Nathan glanced back, wearing a satisfied smile that made Nathan feel at least a little better again.

He almost didn’t want to leave the room, because it would take Sasha out of his sight, and that meant this was all the more likely to be a dream that would evaporate if Nathan looked away.

Nathan remembered he had felt that way for days when he first got his brother back.

Five minutes into his shower, with steam rising and water running down Nathan’s face, everything suddenly started to catch up to him.

He started thinking about things too hard, or maybe it was because he was trying so hard not to think at all, but the sobs he had been holding back since Chicago found an opening, and tears streamed down his face, mixing with the shower water down into the drain.

Nathan couldn’t even keep his sobs quiet. They were loud and harsh, barely drowned out by the sound of the water running. He had to lean against the tile for a minute, take a few breaths and try to stop shaking.

It didn’t count as crying if he was in the shower.

The tears didn’t leave any streaks. No one could prove they had ever been there.

But he didn't understand why he was crying. It didn’t matter if he had failed.

Sasha was fine. The scar had been so faint on Sasha’s chest, Nathan almost hadn’t noticed it.

Even though Gabriel had gotten away again, everything would be okay in time.

Nathan believed that, but he spent twenty minutes crying in the shower anyway.

The bathroom was filled with steam when Nathan finally had enough control over himself to step out. He had to wipe his hand over the mirror to see his face, but he looked fine. Refreshed. No sign of tears or puffy eyes.

His eyes…

For a moment, Nathan’s reflection was not his own. His mirror-image smirked at him, alive somehow as if it was someone else, and the green eyes in the glass flashed slit .

Nathan slammed the flat of his palm against the wall beside the mirror. The illusion vanished, but he felt the same tears rise up in him again and had to will them away. He remembered having slit eyes in one of his nightmares—a different version of himself pulling Sasha away into the darkness.

If Nathan’s dreams were starting to bleed into reality...then he was running out of time.

Tucking a towel tight around his waist, Nathan turned around, but jumped at the sight of Walter. He scrubbed at his eyes again, knowing they had to look damp. "Hey...I, uhh..."

"It's alright, Nathan, I know there is much on your mind," Walter said. "I won't push you to talk about anything you don't wish to. I just wanted you to know that I am here. Always. If there is anything you need."

A flash of Gabriel stuck in Nathan’s mind and he found himself frowning.

"You knew Gabriel was our uncle, didn’t you?

” he said, the words not coming out quite as accusing as he had envisioned.

“What else did you know? Did you always know Jim would be taken? Did you know we’d get swept up in all this mess about the Veil? ”

Walter retained his usual somber expression.

“I did,” he admitted. “I am sorry there are things I have to keep from you, Nathan, but you must understand that telling you certain things in advance would not save you from them. It might simply become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You must make your own choices. And every choice you make changes what I see and what I know. There was always the chance that Jim would not be taken, for example.”

“Semantics,” Nathan huffed, though he wasn’t really angry.

“This is all getting a little too big for me, Walt.

I'm not looking to save the world. I’m trying to save myself and my brother.

That's it. If you got onboard because you were expecting a hero out of me.

..you chose the wrong guy. My priority is taking care of Gabriel.

Then my bounty. Then...we'll see what happens. "

"I understand," Walter said. "Though you give yourself too little credit. I am glad Sasha is well."

Nathan looked up, steadier into Walter’s warm brown eyes. "So…my path doesn't contradict being with him?”

“Not at all, but as I have said, it won’t make things any easier."

"Tell me something I don’t know,” Nathan said, but somehow he managed to smile despite the weight resting heavy on his shoulders.