Page 35 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

“ May the road always rise to meet you. May the wind be ever at your back .”

Suddenly, Nathan remembered what Sasha had told him when he asked if the incubus played the guitar: “I don’t suck. Better at singing.”

Nathan perked his ears to hear more, moving past his and Jim’s door without much thought to stand outside Sasha’s.

“ May the rain fall softly upon you, and the sun shine warm upon your face .”

Nathan knew this song. He recognized it as a version of the Old Irish Prayer, but he knew the melody too. He didn’t know from where at first, but he knew he had heard it somewhere before. Hearing it on Sasha’s lips, in Sasha’s voice, made it seem like a dream he had not yet woken up from.

“ And true be the hearts that love you, may the hands of friends be ever near. And until we meet again… ”

Nathan pressed a hand to the door. He was home. He and Jim were four years old and it was their mother singing. Her voice was so beautiful, sweet and soft. She was holding Nathan, and Jim was snuggled up on their father’s lap, both of them listening.

“ May the path light up clear before you, and the clouds forsake the skies above .”

But Nathan was in the Gatehouse, and it was Sasha singing. Sasha was singing softly from inside his room, unaware that Nathan was listening in.

“ May life's joys be pure as they surround you, and the stars shine bright to guide you home. And true be the hearts that love you, may the hands of friends be ever near. And until we meet again… ”

Nathan felt tears welling up in his eyes and didn’t know how to stop them. He was home, but he was in the Gatehouse at the same time, a place that had been so much like home, so much more like home than any hotel could ever be.

Nathan knew the final line of the lullaby, but Sasha didn’t sing it.

Sasha had stopped, leaving an eerie silence behind, as if Nathan had tunnel vision only on the door and the memories replaying behind his eyes.

He could almost hear his mother picking up where Sasha had stopped to sing the end of the song.

“ May God hold you in the palm of his hand .”

The door opened, unbalancing Nathan since his hand had been pressed to the door as if he might push right into the past. He fell forward against Sasha and immediately jumped back, broken from whatever trance he had been under.

“Nathan?”

A hand came up to wipe at Nathan’s eyes before he could stop himself. He hated that he had done that as soon as it happened, because now Sasha knew how close he was to crying.

“Nathan, are you okay?” Sasha asked in a worried whisper. “I could feel your emotions from the other side of the door.”

The tears in Nathan's eyes were on the edge of falling, but he sniffed them back. “Hey…I was just…just…” He trailed, trying to wrap his mind around any words that wouldn’t admit too much. “I was just…having a bad dream.”

Sasha’s eyes were downturned and sympathetic. If he sensed that Nathan wasn’t saying the whole truth, he didn’t press for more. “I was trying to read a little more before bed, but I can’t sleep. I was thinking of maybe watching this old zombie movie I found on TV. Want to come in?”

The simplicity of the request made Nathan smile.

He didn’t want to deal with the feelings Sasha had stirred up in him, half tied to the missing members of his family and half because it was Sasha making him come undone all over again.

Nathan wished he understood why he felt so confused about everything, and decided with some finality that it had to be because of the ticking time bomb that was his life.

Sasha was standing in the doorway in only his jeans, the top of his tattoos peaking above the waistline, but although he looked tired and as if he had been ready for bed, the TV was flickering behind him on mute.

“Zombie movie?” Nathan said with a crooked smile, sniffing back the remains of his tears as he accepted Sasha’s invitation and walked inside. “You can’t honestly be telling me you watch those cheesy horror films.”

“You mean you don’t?” Sasha said. He moved to sit on the bed and motioned for Nathan to join him.

The light was off but the TV illuminated most of the room.

It was an older model with a tiny screen that could fit on top of the dresser, flashing images of slow moving corpses in black and white. “It’s like our lives on camera.”

“Zombies?" Nathan laughed. "You have to be without a doubt the only seal who would ever watch this stuff. It’s not even fae related. Besides, they get everything wrong. I watch slasher films for the hot chicks and shower scenes, sure, but zombies? People watch horror movies to get scared, right? Sorry, but movie zombies don’t scare me.”

Sasha looked skeptical but afforded Nathan a slow nod. “Okay, I see what you mean,” he said. “I think you’re wrong , but I get it. I’m not saying movie zombies scare me or anything. I mean, I am an incubus.”

Nathan snorted.

“But come on, Nate, what about watching them for fun?”

“Horror movies for fun?”

“Yeah, for fun . Trust me, you’re going to love this,” Sasha said, flipping the TV off mute.

Nathan had to laugh again. Sasha was sincerely preaching the merits of zombie movies to a man who had been defending himself against supposedly mythical creatures almost his entire life. But then they hadn’t had much opportunity to relax, and Nathan needed the distraction.

They were soon settled back on Sasha’s bed, sitting up against the headboard side by side, sharing laughter over the comedic horror of the aged film.

Nathan couldn’t remember the last time he and Jim had watched a movie together.

It was domestic and comforting, the small room with an old television that almost could have been a normal bedroom in a normal house.

Nathan felt a bit like a teenager, staying up late watching horror movies with a friend.

Near the end of the film, Nathan was somewhere between buzzed from the late hour and blissfully exhausted. He lolled his head to the side, watching Sasha.

“Nice vocals,” Nathan said. “You know. Before. You sing to yourself often?”

Sasha’s eyes pulled from the TV screen and he grinned. “I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time. But thanks. I got the impression you recognized the song.”

Nathan swallowed, but he didn’t feel quite as choked up anymore. “Childhood lullaby,” he said.

“Oh.”

There was that sadness again, mutual this time for their mutually lost parents.

Nathan was tired, his eyes heavy as the film came to an end and Sasha flicked the TV off, but he didn’t feel like going back to his room.

“I concede,” Nathan said, laying his head back on the headboard. “That didn’t completely suck.”

“Told you. You really have to learn to take my word for it, Mr. Grier.”

Nathan grinned. The quiet of the room, harsher now with the TV off, made it easier for him to realize just how close he and Sasha were on the bed.

Sasha’s single bed wasn’t very big, so with their legs stretched out on the mattress, they were practically touching.

The late hour and the proximity of their bodies had Nathan feeling almost intoxicated.

“Hey," Sasha said. "Did I ever tell you about my type? What my type is? As an incubus, I mean.”

“You mean you have one?” Nathan teased.

Sasha's smile widened. “It's nothing physical. You see, my aunt Shiarra, the one who raised me, she always told me that the way things are supposed to work for my kind is like those, you know…symbiotic relationships. We give something, we get something in return. I always liked that idea. So for me, I look for someone who…” He trailed and his eyes lowered to his hands. “Someone who needs me. You know, someone who maybe just came off a bad breakup, or their self-esteem is shot to hell, or maybe they just need a night to feel beautiful or like someone actually gives a damn about them. And it’s not to give them some one night stand they’ll regret in the morning, but something simple that they need and would never regret taking. At least, that’s what I try to do. ”

Suddenly, Sasha looked so sad again, his eyes shimmering but dim somehow, and his mouth smiling without the expression being wholly real.

Nathan wanted to do something, reach forward, say soothing words, something , but that sort of thing never came naturally to him.

Eventually, Sasha looked up again, and although the sadness still haunted his eyes, there was longing there too, a potent heat that Nathan was beginning to grow used to.

“But you know," Sasha said, "I’ve never, not once in my whole life, gone after someone I needed. I’ve never chosen someone just for me. I always figured I’d save that…

for someone I didn’t want to leave in the morning.

” Sasha’s voice fell to a whisper, and Nathan noticed again how close they were on the bed.

Nathan wasn’t thinking, which was good, he was just staring at Sasha, at Sasha’s lips that were slightly parted as they moved closer and closer to his.

Awareness struck when Sasha was only an inch or so away, and Nathan gasped, pulling himself just slightly back.

Sasha paused, staring hard and heated into Nathan’s eyes that Nathan imagined had to look terrified because that was how he felt.

But whatever Sasha found in Nathan’s eyes, it wasn’t enough to deter him.

He kept leaning forward, and this time Nathan didn’t pull back.

It almost could have been another dream. It could so easily be a dream for how peaceful and perfect it was to feel Sasha’s lips just there .

Nathan pressed forward, moving, needing , as he sought out Sasha’s lips. He physically felt his heart pick up speed, heard it up in his eardrums, and knew he was trembling even as his mouth continued to move. There weren't any pheromones this time, just him. And no excuses.

Don’t think , Nathan told himself. Don’t think. It would ruin everything.

But Nathan did think, not about how crazy it all was or how much he would be agonizing over this tomorrow, but about how much he loved the feel of Sasha’s tongue. Sasha kissed deep . So deep that Nathan didn’t think he could ever get enough.

Sasha’s hand found a hold on Nathan’s thigh, the other moving around his waist to the back of his shirt where it pushed up underneath the fabric and found skin, just like in one of his dreams when it was still so right. This was right. This had to be right.

Nathan was pretty sure he was grinning like an idiot when Sasha pulled back, because he couldn’t think of anything else to do or anything to say. Even the heat of Sasha’s eyes on him made the whole thing feel like it was about to unravel and Nathan just wanted to kiss again.

He reached up to grab the side of Sasha’s face and started to pull them back together.

“Nathan, are you in there!?”

Jim’s voice was oddly quiet despite his frantic tone, no doubt to avoid alerting anyone else. Several tentative knocks followed.

“Sasha, Nathan, open up!”

Nathan almost had to laugh. His lips were so close to Sasha’s, he could feel every exhale of breath.

“He really has remarkable timing, doesn’t he?” Sasha said with a grin.

Nathan grinned back, still holding Sasha’s face as he said, “You have no idea.”

They pulled apart and Nathan started scooting down the bed, having a much harder time not thinking now that the moment was over. He turned his head to the door to shout back but didn’t get even a word out before Jim burst through the door hard enough to almost knock it from its hinges.

“Jesus!” Nathan exclaimed. “Where’s the fire?”

Jim turned panicked eyes on Nathan as he shuffled inside, followed closely by Alex. “Downstairs,” Jim said by way of explanation.

“What are you talking about?”

Jim and Alex shared equally worried looks, but it was Alex who finally spoke.

“ Gabriel .”