Page 53 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

Hell couldn’t be worse than this. Than life . It just couldn’t.

Nathan knew he had to move. Gabriel had a gun in his face. But all Nathan could think about was the piece of metal sticking out of Sasha's chest.

Don’t think , Nathan thought frantically. Don’t think. Don’t think about how you failed. Don’t think about how you let him die. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.

“Nathan.”

Nathan looked to the side only because the voice was Walter’s and it grounded him somehow to hear something familiar.

The image of Walter standing there so close was almost more painful because it grounded him—the plain and simple clothing, dark blonde hair a bit of a mess, warm brown eyes looking on with grief and sympathy.

“I’m here,” Walter said, kneeling down and reaching out like he might succeed this time when he tried to touch Nathan. “You can’t give up, Nathan. You can’t.”

But Nathan already had.

"Nathan please," Walter pleaded.

"Nathan!"

The shock that spread over Gabriel's face when Nathan turned back was not because a new voice had joined them, but merely a brief warning before Gabriel went flying away into the shelves like he had been struck. The picture changed in front of Nathan, a blur, movement, and he heard the sound of Gabriel’s gun clatter to the floor.

Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.

“Nathan!” Jim called again.

No, no, no.

Gabriel was down and Nathan was saved, but that made it real. It meant Nathan had to turn and look down again. It meant he had to turn and see Sasha lying there.

“Oh, god. Oh, god, Nathan ,” Jim said. He must have seen Sasha, his limp body leaning up against Nathan’s legs.

Nathan wouldn’t turn to look, couldn’t let it be real, couldn’t believe it.

“Nathan, please…” Jim was beseeching now, on his knees in front of Nathan, trying to pull Nathan into his chest.

Nathan let it happen, let him get drawn away from the body lying beside him until he couldn’t feel Sasha at all anymore. Jim was hugging him tight, too tight, and before Nathan could stop himself, he was thinking about it, and trying to breathe, and god, oh god, it was real , it was real.

Something hitched in Nathan’s throat, caught, choked there. He did more than cling to Jim, he clawed, fingers digging bruises into Jim’s shoulder blades, while the side of his face pressed against Jim’s neck.

“ Jim …”

“Nathan…oh god, Nathan …”

That seemed to be all Jim could say. It was all Nathan could think.

Oh god, oh god, oh god.

But Nathan had never believed in a god. There was only this.

This world. This Hell. Nothing else mattered.

They had known Sasha for such a short time, but there were so few people in their lives they could count as friends, as important , and they had lost so much already.

Distantly, Nathan also knew that, without Sasha, there was no way to save him now.

“ Nathan .” Jim was desperate, begging for a response, any response more than Nathan pounding his back with angry fists and shaking in his arms.

Nathan obeyed, not because he chose to, not because he wanted to, but because, if he didn’t find words to form his thoughts into, he wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“The same thing,” Nathan growled into Jim’s shoulder.

“It was the same…god damn thing. I was…I was right…there. I was…right… there . But I…I couldn’t do anything.

God damn it, it…it was the same…the same damn thing… as losing you .”

Only it was worse because Sasha wasn’t just taken, and Nathan had been even closer; he had been the one to call out and make Sasha lose his focus.

“Nathan…Nathan, please, just…just…” Jim trailed. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t comfort Nathan when he was just as angry, just as fiercely sad.

They couldn’t take another loss, not again, not after Mom and Dad, not after Jim . Jim knew that too. Of course he knew.

“Nathan,” Walter said, close behind them.

“No.” Nathan didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to push Jim away now, wanted to stop clinging so tight, stop the tears that were starting to fall. He wouldn’t ever be able to stop if he kept on like this. He wouldn’t be able to stop .

“Nathan, please listen,” Walter pressed.

“Wait,” Jim echoed, “listen to me, Nathan. Are you...are you sure Sasha is dead?”

The question stung, to hear the words ‘Sasha’ and ‘dead’ said aloud, but also because it was so ridiculous, so unnecessary.

“ Nathan .”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nathan grit out, at once angry and yet suddenly filled with a tiny spark of hope. He tried to push Jim away but ended up keeping a grip on the shoulders of Jim’s shirt that was cold from being outside without a jacket.

Jim’s eyes were clear, almost completely free from the haze of alcohol, and they stared certainly and dry despite the tears staining Jim’s cheeks.

“Nathan, are you sure?” Jim said again, glancing around Nathan and looking at Sasha with pained eyes.

He turned back to Nathan just as certain.

“It looks bad, I know, but...Nathan…I think he’s breathing . ”

“What…?”

No amount of wanting to escape the truth could keep Nathan from turning back and looking down at Sasha’s still body.

He hated to see it, to see incubus Sasha in jeans, a torn T-shirt, and a ruined leather jacket from where the glamours could no longer protect it and wings pushed through the back.

Sasha’s shoes had torn open too, his taloned feet sticking out in places and looking squished.

But all those tell-tale signs—the metal sticking out of Sasha’s chest, the faded glamours, the closed eyes, the limp body—meant nothing as Nathan saw just as assuredly as Jim had the slow rise and fall as Sasha breathed.

He was breathing.

“He’s not dead…” Nathan said in something of a haze. He crawled closer to Sasha’s side, turning back to Jim who moved up next to him. Nathan’s tears were completely dry but his hands still shook as he reached out to touch Sasha’s forehead.

He was warm.

“Walter?” Nathan looked to his Spirit Guide. “If you know anything, please .”

Walter moved to be opposite Nathan on Sasha’s other side. He looked down at Sasha intensely as if trying to look through him. “Something is different, but I…I’m sorry, Nathan, I cannot tell what it is that is keeping him alive.”

“What about the antidote?” Jim asked.

“The antidote,” Nathan nodded, but then looked up at Jim with a sudden pained cry. “Your jacket! It’s still out in that other alley!”

Jim’s eyes widened and, for a moment, Nathan thought Jim was going to jump to his feet and take off running, and honestly, Nathan wouldn’t have tried to stop him.

But Jim’s panic faded and he started patting down his body until he got to his jeans.

Out of his pocket he pulled a green vial, a more pleasant sight than anything else Nathan could imagine right then.

“I shoved some extras in my pockets before we left. Just in case,” Jim said.

Nathan reached over and grabbed Jim behind the ears, planting a ridiculously firm kiss on his brother's forehead. “I love you, Jim. Even totally blitzed, you think better than I do.”

They acted quickly, ripping Sasha’s T-shirt away so that his chest lay bare before them.

Nathan positioned himself to pull the jagged metal free, but Jim shook his head and handed Nathan the vial.

If Jim was thinking clearer then his powers should be working better too.

Nathan had to assume as much since Gabriel had been blown away.

Gabriel .

Nathan jerked back to look behind them where he was certain he had seen Gabriel fly, but there was nothing, not even an unconscious body.

“Nate.”

Returning his focus to Sasha, Nathan nodded for his brother to act.

Jim's strength ensured a clean pull of the metal out of Sasha’s chest for Nathan to immediately pour on the antidote.

Nathan took a deep breath when the gaping wound left behind from the metal sizzled and closed up, but then he had to frown.

The wound left a scar, large and misshapen over Sasha’s heart.

None of the others had left scars. Nathan even glanced down to where the wound Jim had made used to be, and there was nothing there but smooth white skin.

“ Nate ,” Jim said with some impatience again.

Nathan nodded. He opened Sasha’s mouth, remembering that he had done this before, that it was going to be okay now, and tipped the remaining green liquid down Sasha’s throat.

Green light shot through Sasha’s body beneath the skin, but his eyes did not spring open and wake him with a gasp like Nathan expected. Sasha’s body remained heavy and still, with no change at all save perhaps a steadier rhythm to Sasha’s breathing.

“Why isn’t he waking up?” Nathan said, trying to hold his panic at bay.

“Maybe…it just takes a little longer for something this serious,” Jim said.

Nathan nodded, still staring down at Sasha and waiting for those eyes to open. When a minute passed and still nothing, it was more than he could handle, and he grabbed hold of Sasha’s shoulders in an angry lunge, shaking him. “Wake up!” he cried. “What’s wrong with you, just wake up!”

“ Nathan .” Jim’s hands reached down to pull Nathan away, gripping Nathan by the wrists and forcing his eyes up.

“This is different, okay? That was iron right to the heart. All the rules are different now. He should…he should be dead. Nathan...where did this metal come from? Where did Gabriel get it?”

“Uhh…” Nathan shook his head and tried to concentrate. It was right behind Jim, the box that Sasha had knocked over, spilling out all of those similarly horrible parts. Nathan pointed to it and Jim immediately went over to inspect the box himself.

Jim’s expression changed as he looked over the mostly empty box, and he held it up for Nathan to read the side. Nathan didn’t understand at first. There was a serial number, some name for what the parts were and what they did, and then what they were made of.

Nathan gasped when his eyes landed on those words. It said: ‘Iron Alloy’.

Iron Alloy .

“It’s not pure iron,” Nathan said. “But then why isn’t he waking up? It shouldn’t be that bad. It isn’t iron. He should be okay.”

“Maybe it’s not that simple.” Jim walked back to Nathan and crouched down again with sorrowful eyes cast on Sasha.

“Iron to the heart would have killed him. An alloy still has iron in it, just diluted. That might still be enough to…” Jim’s eyes flicked up, meeting Nathan’s steadily. “Enough to put him in a coma.”

“But...we used the antidote.”

“That might only be enough to keep him alive, Nathan," Walter said, still close beside them, "not enough to wake him. You need to get him out of this building, away from the iron in the air. Even with the antidote, I can sense that his condition is worsening.”

Nathan was listening, he was, he just didn’t like what he was hearing. If the antidote wasn’t enough to wake Sasha then he had no idea what would.

"There’s iron in the air, Jim," Nathan said. "It was hurting Sasha while he was awake. Walter says it's making him worse. We have to get him out of here.”

They started to lift Sasha, but it wasn’t easy, and Nathan knew he was managing to move mostly on adrenaline.

“What about Gabriel?” Nathan asked when they moved past the spot Gabriel’s body should have been.

"I don't know," Jim said. "I hit him with a blast of telekinesis again, but I wasn’t really thinking. When I saw Sasha..."

"It's okay. But keep an eye out. He could still be around."

Along the way to the door, Nathan noticed a few smears and drops of blood on the floor. He hoped that whatever injury Gabriel had sustained would keep him from regrouping before they could get away.

Actually getting out of the door was difficult.

Sasha’s body was heavy and awkward in incubus form, and they couldn’t quite figure out how to properly maneuver around his wings.

Finally, they made it outside and set Sasha down on the concrete.

He was still save his breathing, but blessedly limp and loose, not growing stiff as he would have if he were dead. Nathan took small comfort in that.

"Walter," Nathan said.

"I'm here, Nathan," Walter said from beside him.

"Can you check the area and make sure Gabriel isn’t still around?"

“Of course.”

“Nathan, we have to get this off,” Jim said, tugging at Sasha’s leather jacket. He pulled a switchblade from one of his jean pockets and started cutting the leather from Sasha’s arms and wings where it looked painfully tangled. “I just hope he’ll forgive me for ruining this thing.”

Nathan pulled out the small blade he kept attached to his ankle.

Following Jim’s example, he began sawing at the pieces keeping Sasha’s shoes together around his taloned feet.

“It was already ruined. We’ll buy him a new one.

” Nathan would buy a whole wardrobe for Sasha as long as the incubus woke up.

Eventually, they had cut away all but Sasha’s jeans, deciding that the denim was the one thing that still looked like it fit comfortably on Sasha’s body.

“The way looks clear, Nathan,” Walter appeared again. “I checked the rooftops as well, but please, still be careful.”

Nathan nodded as he and Jim prepared to lift Sasha again. “Wait,” he hesitated. “Now what? We carry him back to the car, get our stuff, and go…where?”

“We could go to the doorway, but I don't know where from there,” Jim said. “I know it's a long way driving, Nate, but...what about Schuester's?”

"That's more than long, Jim; it's a six hour trip.”

“Then we’ll drive all night.”

"Schu doesn’t know the truth about Sasha, and we just show up at his doorstep with a comatose incubus?”

“It’s Schu ,” Jim said assuredly. “He wouldn’t turn us away.”

Nathan didn’t think so either, despite his doubts, and the truth was they didn't really have any other option.