Page 45 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

Nathan didn't get a moment alone until late the next night, having had no sleep while they moved from doorway to doorway to find a safe place to rest. They settled in a small out of the way motel, renting only one room again to better watch each other's backs.

It wasn't only to watch Jim, Nathan told himself, but he knew even Sasha was beginning to worry for all his open-mindedness.

When Nathan finally escaped into the bathroom for a late shower before bed, still dusty from dried mud and fighting off the sniffles and sneezing he had earned during their night in the rain, he was prepared for Walter's appearance.

"He almost Awakened back there, didn't he?" Nathan said, not looking at Walter or pausing in his undressing to get in the shower.

"It is...difficult to say."

"Walter."

"He...is borderline. His powers are growing. His temper seems worse as well. Jim hurt you this time, Nathan, much as he didn't mean to."

"I know."

Nathan had tried very hard to hide his injury, but when he had almost passed out due to the mild concussion his meeting with a tree had caused, Jim had grown even more introverted.

Nathan felt fine now. He didn't blame his brother for what had happened.

Sasha was right, this was all much bigger than just them, maybe bigger than they could figure out in time to save either of them.

"I don't want to give up on him, Walter," Nathan said, standing there bare in his boxers and the dirt and grime of the past day and a half.

"I know you don't, Nathan," Walter said. "I only hope that if the worst does happen—"

"I don't want to think about the worst , Walt."

Walter hesitated before saying anything more. "Jim is stronger than most give him credit for. Like you. Maybe each other is all you need to beat the odds against you. And Sasha, of course."

Somehow that was more comforting than anything Walter had said to him in a long time, accompanied by the very rare expression of an honest smile.

Nathan glanced in the mirror at his dirtied form. The scar over his heart wasn't any larger or darker. It was just a scar, with roots that ran deeper than he could feel, but maybe not as deep as he feared.

A gentle knock on the door interrupted Nathan's thoughts. He turned back just as Sasha propped open the door and peeked hesitantly inside.

"Nathan? Are you okay?" he asked. He and Jim had already taken showers. Sasha's hair was wet and mussed in dark red strands around his face.

"Hey, what if I had been naked already?" Nathan asked.

"Bonus for me then," Sasha smirked. He entered the rest of the way and closed the door behind him.

Nathan's try for humor faltered and he stepped back. "Dude, Jim's—"

"Outside. He stepped out for some air. Are you okay?"

"I'm—"

" Really okay?"

The expression on Sasha's face wasn't predatory or even playful, it was simple concern and empathy moving across the space between them until Sasha was just there. He pulled Nathan in against his chest and held him.

Nathan shuddered; nobody had ever just held him.

"It's going to be okay," Sasha said, breathing the words into Nathan's neck. "Jim will be okay. And so will you."

Holding Sasha in return just seemed like the natural thing to do. Nathan's arms came up and held on, if only to keep from shaking.

Walter walked into view over Sasha's shoulder, just enough to smile and nod before fading away, as if he was passing the torch to Sasha to pick up the remainder of Nathan's shattered pieces.

"I meant what I said," Sasha went on. "We can figure this out together. Your friend told you I could help, right? I'm not about to make a liar out of a trained psychic."

Nathan sighed in Sasha's hold. "She said you could help me , not Jim."

Sasha was silent in reply, thoughtful. He pulled away from Nathan but his hands moved up to Nathan's shoulders.

The natural heat in the incubus' skin always surprised Nathan, especially in the touch of his hands.

Sasha held Nathan's neck and the curve of his face, and leaned in, claiming a kiss with his lips pressing to Nathan's gently.

The reality that he was standing there in just his boxers brought a small flutter to Nathan's stomach that lurched abruptly when Sasha moved in closer. Their bodies connected and Nathan instinctively pressed his hips forward.

While they kissed, Sasha’s hands trailed down Nathan's arms to the waistline of his boxers. With the tips of his fingers, he teased the skin just under the elastic, and his thumbs lightly traced the trail of Nathan's hipbones, moving slowly but deliberately lower .

Nathan gasped and arched into Sasha. Then his hands were between them, pushing Sasha back. “ Not slow,” he said. "I mean...not...not now. Jim will be back. I'm not...ready to..."

"It's okay," Sasha said, looking flushed with equal parts desire and shame. "I didn't mean to...do that. It just sort of comes naturally."

"I'll bet," Nathan smiled.

"We'll figure this out, Nate. All of it. How to save you and Jim."

Nathan wasn't sure if he believed that, but he felt more hopeful than he had all day.

Sasha left the bathroom, leaving Nathan to his thoughts. He wanted to believe that they could solve all of the mysteries surrounding them. He knew Sasha believed it and that Walter was trying to believe it too.

Now they just had to make it happen.

A week later found them back in the Midwest, staying in Chicago near the last working doorway before the wall of the No Man's Land dead zone.

Following up on dark fae leads carried a new risk for them now: that they might be walking into a trap.

That, and the continued threat of Gabriel, had all of them on edge.

The few times Sasha pulled Nathan aside into a corner or out of view from Jim to steal a kiss or quick embrace helped keep Nathan's sanity.

Sasha had suggested their newest tactic.

The doorway in Chicago was heavily trafficked.

They didn't need another sidhe, just a dark fae they could get a name out of.

If they could get a name, the True Name of the sidhe that held Nathan's bounty, they could summon and kill this 'them' themselves.

Staking out the doorway seemed liked the next best thing to tracking down dark fae that were already here.

Chicago was quite a bit colder than Georgia had been, especially in December. Nathan couldn’t help shivering within the confines of their newly acquired vehicle, still plagued by a persistent cold that seemed hell bent on torturing him even more than his nightmares.

They were a few blocks down from the doorway, but within viewing distance for those who knew what to look for.

Jim was asleep in the backseat. He had fallen sideways half an hour ago once the nearby bars had let out the last of their patrons.

Nathan had felt a wave of relief since he didn't think Jim had been sleeping much lately.

And he definitely hadn't been talking much, other than to express his approval for their stakeout idea.

Waiting for a dark fae to stumble upon them was less active than seeking dark fae out, and came with less opportunity for Jim's powers to erupt, or so Nathan assumed his brother was thinking.

"What if we don't find anything?" Nathan asked quietly from the driver's seat. Sasha was beside him. It was only too easy to look up and see Jim's sleeping form in the rearview mirror, somehow so distant even though he was just behind Nathan.

"Then we'll come back again tomorrow night," Sasha said.

"I mean...what if we don't find anything . What if there's nothing to find, or no dark fae we catch knows this sidhe's name? Even those dryads didn't know the name."

"If this doesn't work, we'll just think of something else," Sasha said confidently. "Maybe what you should be thinking about is what you're going to do after we find this sidhe. Once your bounty is taken care of, I mean."

Nathan reached for the steering wheel with his left hand, if only to have something to squeeze. "Figure out the rest of it, I guess. How the Veil is thinning. How...to keep Jim, Jim ."

"Okay. I can help with that, too," Sasha said. "Unless you were planning on getting rid of me once my part in this is over." He looked at Nathan a little sideways, hiding a subtle smirk.

"Like you'd be that easy to get rid of," Nathan said with a smile.

They sat a while longer in silence when, low and quiet at first, Sasha began to hum. He didn't seem aware of what he was doing, but Nathan recognized the lullaby, the same lullaby he had caught Sasha singing in the Gatehouse, being hummed lowly in Sasha's throat.

May the road always rise to meet you...

Nathan closed his eyes, letting the melody wash over him in Sasha's soft voice, and imagining he could hear the words instead of just a gentle hum. He wished Sasha had more opportunities to sing, and cursed whatever had caused Sasha's guitar to get smashed. He definitely needed a replacement.

Sasha stopped humming as abruptly as he had started, as if suddenly realizing what he had been doing. Nathan opened his eyes to look at Sasha.

"Sorry," Sasha whispered.

"What for?"

Surrounded by the sudden quiet again, with Jim's breathing coming lightly from the backseat and the dark of the night around them with not even a solitary passerby this late, Nathan found himself transfixed by Sasha's bright blue eyes.

They shone unnaturally but were still so inviting, the way they smiled when he smiled, but held on to that shadow of sadness that was always in Sasha, like a plague of self-doubt.

With Jim still safely asleep, Nathan leaned forward across the separation of their seats and kissed Sasha soundly. He felt the warmth of Sasha's mouth inviting him in, felt Sasha's hands on his arm and chest almost immediately, seeking whatever holds he could find.

Quickly out of breath, Nathan pulled back, feeling hot and stuffy in the car, but still content stealing one brief moment with Sasha. Sasha's eyes were shimmering brighter, so close to Nathan that they were the only thing he could see.

Nathan hadn't meant to allow anything more than that simple kiss, but Sasha’s fingers skimmed across his throat and ghosted up into his hair before grasping his neck and gently drawing Nathan closer again.

Their lips pressed together, Nathan's tongue flicking over Sasha's and then deepening the kiss further.

The console between them was starting to become a real burden.

There was something hurried about this kiss, almost like withdrawal despite the intimate moments they had stolen throughout the week. Sasha had called Nathan an addiction, and Nathan was starting to understand what that meant.

Within the kiss, Nathan grasped the edges of Sasha's jacket for an anchor. Sasha was stroking his thigh, moving farther and farther upward and getting dangerously close to where Nathan was pretty sure he was out of his comfort zone. Even so, Nathan felt an answering shudder move through him and he slipped back to a place where he just couldn’t care.

Both of Sasha’s hands slid up underneath Nathan’s T-shirt, stroking and massaging the broad expanse of his back. Nathan pulled away again to stare back at Sasha and, just when he thought those eyes couldn’t be any more brilliantly blue, they glowed .

Sasha was so beautiful, the way only someone with fae blood could be beautiful. Nathan’s breath stuttered as he looked at the small smile playing across Sasha’s face. He briefly thought that this should be harder, but wanting Sasha came so easily now.

"Am I under some sort of spell?" Nathan said, half-serious and, for a moment, almost terrified that he had succumbed to a trick. "Are you bewitching me?"

Sasha's smile fell. "Nathan, I couldn't if I wanted to. Not anymore than you allow me."

Bringing one hand out from under Nathan’s T-shirt, Sasha reached for the short hairs at the back of Nathan's neck and pulled him back into their kiss. But even the apparent safety of the car couldn’t keep the voices in Nathan’s head at bay indefinitely.

He was suddenly aware of how close he was to being out of control.

He was aware of the passage of time. Of Jim asleep in the backseat.

“Nathan…” Sasha breathed against his lips.

“Yeah?”

“You know the thing about moving slow, Nathan?”

Nathan blinked heavily back at Sasha. “Hmm?”

Sasha grinned. “The thing about moving slow is…you still have to move forward.”

"Sasha..."

"Trust me."

Looking at him with that beautiful smile, Sasha’s hand began to ghost its way down Nathan's ribs, making him tense at the slight tickle. But the hand didn’t stop. Strong fingers smoothed down across Nathan’s hips, his thigh, and up again, grazing more and more sensitive areas until—

“Hahaha…”

Nathan had started to close his eyes but now they widened, knowing that sound, that particular laugh. Across the seats, Sasha looked frightened too, something that bothered Nathan so much more than his own fear.

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” Sasha whispered, blue eyes swimming with fear and regret, “I thought we had more time.”

But they didn't.

Nathan's time was up.