Page 34 of Incubus (The Incubus Saga #1)

There was no answer from Sasha's room when Nathan knocked on the door. The only other likely place inside the Gatehouse for him to be was the library at the end of the hall.

The Gatehouse library had always reminded Nathan of a set for Masterpiece Theater.

It was disorganized and often a mess, but had been built up over time with books taken right from the Veil, and some from the normal world that couldn’t be found anywhere else.

There was an honor system in place that books were not to leave the Gatehouse unless lent out by Alex herself.

Nathan found Sasha sitting on the floor amidst a small shelf that had toppled over, littering books on the carpet that Sasha was carefully retrieving, inspecting, and then placing back on the shelf.

“Good Samaritan too? No wonder Alex likes you,” Nathan said.

Sasha looked up with a smile. “People always leave this place a mess. And I figured we need to research anyway. Seals sometimes leave clues for each other in these books about big hunts. I can talk to some of the people downstairs eventually too.”

“I’ll trust your methods, I guess,” Nathan said. He sat beside Sasha on the floor and paged through a few of the books before replacing them on the shelf as well. “So I’m just checking if any pieces of paper fall out?”

“Usually,” Sasha said.

“How high-tech of you guys,” Nathan grumbled, to which Sasha chuckled lightly. “Sorry about Jim, by the way. Other than seals, I don’t really mind this place. But Jim and Alex have a bit of a history.”

“No kidding. Their feelings for each other were pretty palpable, even if I wasn’t an incubus. I always wondered who Alex was pining for. But why the unrequited love if Jim feels the same way?”

Nathan had been asking himself that for years, which usually led to similar arguments to the one he had just had.

“Jim has his reasons,” he said. “All stupid ones, but he sticks to 'em. Alex got hurt on account of him when we were kids, and he never quite got over it. I blame fae for him being a changeling. He blames himself. I try not to get on his case about not being with other girls, but I always kind of figured he’d get over it one day for Alex.”

Sasha nodded as he listened, but stopped midway to reshelving another book. “Wait, so Jim’s never been with another girl, and he’s been spooked about Alex since you were kids? So he’s a…” Bright blue eyes widened, scandalized.

Nathan nodded.

“That’s just…awful,” Sasha said. “And I’m not just saying that because of my own body chemistry here. People need relationships. Family, friends, and lovers. No wonder he loses his cool once in a while.”

The thought of many of their problems being solved simply by Jim getting laid had Nathan laughing.

“I don’t know how he stands it,” Nathan said.

“Not that I can boast as crazy a number of conquests as you, I’m guessing, but I totally get where you’re coming from.

Jim thinks he’s cursed, like he’ll hurt the girl he’s with or for sure have a changeling for a kid. Nothing in life is that certain.”

A small coffee-stained piece of paper fell from Nathan’s latest book, interrupting him. He handed it to Sasha.

“Perfect. Might be too late on this one judging by the date,” Sasha said as he read the note over, “but I’ll start a pile.” He tossed the paper toward the nearby coffee table, but it was so light, it floated just off the edge and landed on the carpet.

Nathan reached to pluck the paper back up, but so did Sasha. Their hands collided. Sasha apologized with a laugh as he took the paper and placed it more carefully on the coffee table, but Nathan was suddenly lost in thoughts of how ridiculously soft Sasha’s skin was for a seal. Or a man .

He shuddered, remembering the dream from last night, and all that pale, bare skin.

“Are you okay, Nate?”

Crooking his mouth up into what he hoped was a casual smirk, Nathan kept his eyes on the books. “Fine,” he said.

“Nathan. I mean really .”

Glancing up again, Nathan found Sasha staring at him intently. The sadness was back on Sasha’s face, that haunted expression that couldn’t quite be covered up by his smiles or charm. They were sitting close on the carpet. Nathan had put himself in that position when he sat next to Sasha.

Then Sasha’s brow furrowed, as if he was trying to read Nathan’s emotions, or maybe his thoughts, and wasn’t quite sure of his findings. That was fine with Nathan, because he wasn’t sure of anything either.

Sasha’s eyes were intensely trained on Nathan's face. There was an undercurrent of heat in the look. Of want . Nathan physically felt hotter under Sasha's stare.

“Find anything yet?”

Nathan’s heart raced at the sound of his brother’s voice, torn between relief and...disappointment. “Possible lead,” he said, using the opportunity to pull his eyes from Sasha’s face. “We just started looking.”

“I’ll help. I can’t find anything useful in that book.”

Jim came over and plopped down beside them, looking first at the note on the coffee table before beginning to flip through books.

“I suppose we could check for anything on dark sidhe breaking out of the Veil,” Jim said. “I just want to make sure we focus on Nathan.”

“Of course,” Sasha said, very focused on Nathan still, independent of his hands that reached for another book. “Nathan comes first.”

Sasha’s hands were so soft. Nathan hadn’t forgotten that.

He wondered if there was some kind of incubus healing factor against blistered and rough skin to make sure their touch was always pleasurable.

Nathan couldn't deny that Sasha's touch was pleasurable, not when hands were moving gently up his thighs and a kiss accompanied the caresses just beneath his navel.

Nathan was dreaming again, lying on the same bed he had curled up on when he fell asleep.

He assumed the room was the same too. It was too dark to know for sure, but he could feel .

He could feel Sasha’s hands sliding further up his sides, while the incubus’ lips climbed his chest. He knew he couldn't blame his dream on the pheromones this time.

When Sasha reached Nathan's mouth, full lips touched his in a tender press. Nathan allowed himself to kiss back, couldn’t help it really.

But he knew that in another moment the bliss he was feeling would be gone, distorted into something else.

Something terrible and dark, like all of his dreams of late had ended.

Nathan didn’t want to wait for the curtain this time. He pulled away.

“Nathan?” came Sasha’s voice, whispered and worried. “What is it?”

Nathan kept his eyes clenched shut. “I’m waiting for the scary part,” he said.

Although Nathan couldn’t see Sasha, he knew the incubus smiled. “It doesn’t have to be scary, Nathan," Sasha said. "You just keep making it that way.”

There was nothing menacing or threatening in Sasha’s voice, only the trust and comfort Nathan had come to know when he was awake. Cautiously, Nathan peeked an eye open, then the other, met by the brilliant blues and perfect smile of Sasha hovering over him.

Sasha really was beautiful.

Nathan turned his head to the side, knowing he would find Jim’s bed next to his, because that was where Jim’s bed was. His brother was sleeping soundly.

“What about him?” Nathan asked.

“Don’t worry about Jim. He’s asleep.”

“He could wake up.”

“He will,” Sasha said, starting to lean down toward Nathan again so that Nathan had to look up at him. “But it’s okay, Nathan. We have time.”

All Nathan wanted to do when Sasha started to go for his lips again was let it happen, let Sasha kiss him, but at the back of his mind he was too haunted by the truth waiting behind the waning weeks.

“No," Nathan turned away, "I don’t have any time. I gave up my time to bring him back.” He choked on the words as they left him. Nathan had no regrets—he had to save Jim—but he hated his fate anyway.

“I know you did,” Sasha said, smiling serenely above Nathan. Then he was nudging Nathan’s head to look at Jim’s sleeping form again. Sasha’s voice was the barest whisper as he said, “That’s why it's all your fault.”

Jim’s eyes sprang open, slit and so unfairly cruel as if he was someone else, some other Jim, and yet Nathan knew it was his brother.

And Jim's Awakening would be all because of him.

Nathan felt so nauseated when he awoke that he could barely move without the urge to retch and almost ran for the bathroom. He took slow breaths until he felt well enough to check on Jim, not surprised to find his brother sleeping peacefully.

For now Jim was still Jim.

Still somewhat asleep, Nathan forgot that he was not in some nameless hotel, and called out for Walter. When his Spirit Guide did not appear, Nathan remembered that, in the Gatehouse, he was alone.

Like so many times before, Nathan’s dream urged him to escape the room, if only for some brief reprieve. He padded into the hallway in the sweats and T-shirt he had been sleeping in and debated heading outside to speak with Walter there.

The day had been a success as far as pinpointing several dark fae leads.

None of the books they had gone through made any mention of how a dark sidhe might escape the Veil unsummoned, but they knew where they would be going in the morning.

They had a plan in motion, even if Nathan still felt sick with the weight of his mark and the worsening of his nightmares.

So it seemed rather unfair that none of it felt like victory.

Nathan stood in the hallway not sure where he wanted to go. He heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Alex carrying a pile of books to be reshelved in the library.

“Hey,” Nathan said. “Don’t you ever sleep?”

“Eventually,” Alex said. She reached him with her pile of books. Her hair was undone and wavy around her shoulders, and she had thrown a grey cardigan over her violet shirt, painting a picture almost like a librarian in the stacks. “Can’t sleep?”

“Dreams aren’t my strong suit lately,” Nathan admitted. “So by all means, feel free to take advantage of Jim. I left him all alone and defenseless in there.”

Alex giggled, keeping her voice light so as not to disturb any sleeping patrons. “As tempting as that is, I have work to do. And you never know when a late caller might come through. Do you need anything?”

“I’m…not really sure yet.”

“Well, feel free to raid the kitchen.” Alex smiled brightly. “I’m expecting to at least get you boys to stay for breakfast before you run off.” She shuffled on down the hallway toward the library that was admitting the only real light on the otherwise dark upstairs landing.

Nathan debated taking up her offer. A late night snack might actually hit the spot.

“ May the road always rise to meet you .”

The melody came softly, not loud enough that anyone in the other rooms would be able to hear but, because the hallway was quiet and it was later in the night, Nathan heard Sasha’s voice unmistakably. He lifted his head toward Sasha’s door to listen, amazed that the incubus was actually... singing .