Page 83 of His Atonement

Then she pointed out that since we've been having so much sex I've been smoking far less than I did when we met, which surprised me when I realized it was true.

So we made a bit of a pact. We both decided to deal with the things we view as bad habits—her cutting and my smoking—by having more of our world-altering sex and seek that relief, that high we obtain from them in each other.

I find I really love this whole mating thing.

Thankfully, my darling mate has had nothing but good days with periodic rough patches since Sunday and it is now Wednesday.

In fact, my mate felt so good this morning that she woke me up with an epic blowjob—complete with a little ball and back door action—then Frankie bounced on my cock until I had another never ending orgasm while she came so hard all over me.

Then my Frankie showered, made us breakfast, and went to meet Havok before heading to the main house to start on the last part of her project—which is photographing the core group of our clan.

As soon as she left though, that's when my morning took a nosedive.

He who shall not be namedshowed up to remind me of my deadline, which was three days away, but by some sort of divine intervention, when I asked for an extension he granted it and said that he was only doing so because he liked watching me squirm. And I agreed to give him the five oldest souls I possess.

I now have almost two weeks to decide whose soul I shall take in order to obtain my own and be set free. Which is honestly a great load lifted because Frankie has completely consumed my days and nights, my every waking thought and fanciful dream, and I would have it no other way.

Except maybe right now as I pace what we've begun referring to asourcabin, Frankie’s laptop open, and Google pulled up.

I have done so well with turning to my mate with questions or concerns, but there are a few things I have not asked, a few things that I cannot bring myself to ask her and after Sunday they weigh heavily on me.

What does Huntington's do to one's life expectancy?

Can it be cured?

Is it in fact fatal?

Yes, those are the things I cannot ask my darling mate and it is because I fear I already know the answers. I fear even our mating will not be enough to change them.

“Fuck." I grab a bar stool, slide it up to the counter, and begin typing in the search bar then stop. "No. No, I will not look for answers on the internet. I will wait and grow a pair so that I may ask Frankie herself my morbid questions, and that's that."

I fold my arms against my chest and nod, firm in my decision for all of two seconds before I find myself typingdoes Huntington's Disease have a cure?in the search bar before I hit enter and wait for Google to crush my very being.

An hour later I'm practically hysterical.

There is no cure.

Most treatments do little except make one more comfortable.

Death is inevitable because it is a neurodegenerative disease and it usually happens anywhere from ten to thirty years after it emerges, but in those diagnosed with JHD, it usually happens sooner.

Frankie was diagnosed almost twenty years ago.

Her symptoms have begun to progress, become more prominent day to day, and based on what I read, seem to be headed into territory where she will become totally reliant on someone for even the most basic of functions.

Oh dear gods in The After, I am going to lose my mate.

She will succumb to this disease and I will watch; watch it take her from me while I try desperately to care for her, to save her because I cannot live without her.

I simply cannot,will notlive another few thousand years without my darling mate.

I will have to devise a way to kill myself if that’s the case. I will have to find a way that I can hold her while she enters The After, then take my own life so that I may follow immediately because this life is not worth living if Frankie is not a part of it.

"Hi, baby." The front door swings open and the center of my universe comes strolling in with a smile on her face. "Cora and Vok want to grab dinner in town, something about trying that Thai place to get the twins moving before your sister removes them herself, and since you told Cora about us, she wants to double." She arches a brow and smirks as she sets her camera bag on the counter. "Thanks for that by the way. I mean, I don't care if the whole compound knows we're mates who are madly in love and have kinky sex all the time, but I know it's only a matter of time before she spills the beans to everyone because Cora keeps referring to me as hersister. And once that happens Allie is going to kick my ass." Frankie smiles again but when I only blink at her, it falls. "What's wrong?"

"How long do you have left?" I blurt like a jackass.

Her brow furrows in confusion. "I'm done for today… I did Milos and Casey this afternoon, then Henrich and Grace, but I'm doing the big group stuff last so I probably have another week of shooting…"