Page 112 of His Atonement

Gods, this hurts.

Hurts more than I could ever fathom.

I have no idea how Havok survived nearly three hundred years after his grandfather killed Cora the first time, no clue how Kai didn't immediately crumble when Posey died only to be reborn hours later or Karel, that grouchy fuck. I have no understanding of why he is still here after losing the female he was mated to for almost seven hundred years before she was mercilessly slaughtered during their civil war.

Hell, I understand none of them really—thevampyr, the dragons, the bear or lions—none of the others that have lost their mates and survive still without them.

It has only been about eight hours since my mate, my wife, my darling girl left me and I fear I may struggle greatly with completing her final requests because I have already envisioned at least thirty ways to take my own life so that I may join her.

Surely it wouldn't be too difficult.

I could simply piss off that twat Milos to the point of shifting, then allow his dragon to eat me. Even a demon cannot withstand being eaten by one of the mightiest dragons ever to live. I'm relatively sure of that, anyway.

Then again, Frankie asked that I not follow her yet, asked that I do what the fae ritual requires as I carry out her final wishes before I go completely mad with grief.

And because she is my mate, because I love her more than life itself, I shall do so, but once my directives are seen through, all bets are off.

I will welcome death with open arms and pray to everything I can that The Maker finds enough mercy to allow me to be with my mate once again.

More of those pipe dreams, I'm afraid.

Clearly the madness has already begun to set in.

I continue my somber march through the woods, further still through the garage of Havok's previous cabin and take the tunnel to the main house.

My darling girl is finally at peace and soon, soon she will be completely free.

Free of her disease.

Free of her pain, both physical and mental.

Free of the metaphorical demon that controlled her right up until the very end.

Once the ritual is complete, once the ceremony has been carried out and her requests fulfilled, my darling mate will be entirely free and at peace.

And I will rot until I succumb to whatever my bleak and meaningless future holds.

The main house is quiet as I carry my Frankie through the secret passageway, the closest members of our clan still sleeping peacefully during the early morning hours.

Not for long though.

No, not for long at all because as soon as I walk through the foyer and take the stairs, the scent of death mixed with the ceremonial oils will hit their noses, sleep be damned, and when they smell the unmistakable fragrance as well as my heartache, they will surely wake to find the source.

That's when all hell will break loose.

A fact I am one hundred percent right about when I am barely up the first flight of stairs and I hear Hank and Karel emerge from their chambers, barely through the door that leads to the dragon’s family altar before I hear all four brothers start after me.

And just before it closes, before I descend the hall to the holiest place on the grounds, my eyes connect with Allie's, the one person that will be almost as crushed as I am.

"Zan?" The confusion in her tone is apparent before what she sees finally registers, then it becomes a hysterical shriek. "Zan?! Frankie?! Zan?!"

They have all joined us now, all but the wolf, my sister, and her mate, but they will come soon.

It will merely be a few minutes before they have all joined in my death march, my morbid parade, and that's when I will have to force myself to do something other than stare straight ahead and hold my mate.

"Zan!" Allie screams, practically sobs. "What the fuck is going on? What's wrong with her? What did you do to her?!"

The massive wooden carvings of the Dragovihk Clan line come into view as I step into the cave, take the few final steps up to where the memorial to their fallen loved ones is laid out, where the skulls of their enemies sit as tribute.