Page 105 of His Atonement

Ueltorrhzan.

My mate.

My husband.

My everything.

He is what makes it worth it, one hundred percent.

Foolish

Five days later. October 7th.

My eyes drift from Mortal Kombat to the floor where my mate sits with Lily in her lap, Daisy animatedly acting out some scene from the book they're currently reading. Allie is on the floor with them giggling like mad over her young's dramatics, watching her every move with so much glee.

I stare for a few moments as Frankie gives the toddler her undivided attention while still maintaining the utmost care for the infant in her arms, rocking gently to soothe her, holding her tiny hand while she drifts to sleep.

My darling mate would have made an excellent mother.

She would have been the best mother any young could have asked for; nurtured them, cared for them better than one ever could have.

Frankie would have taught them to be strong, fierce, and so fucking brave. Encouraged open minds and vast intelligence, sharpened their senses and instilled only the most important values and morals in them all while making sure they knew they were loved without limits, knew the importance of having fun and being carefree while still being responsible and independent.

Yes, I do believe my beautiful wife would have been an outstanding mother had she been given the chance, and she would have made me want to actually sire my own young, become a father despite how completely foreign and terrifying the concept is.

I would have done it for her, though.

Would have sired those young, dozens of them if that's what she wanted, learned to be a father our children would have been proud to call their own.

If only we had the chance.

There is so much I wish we had the chance to do, to try, to experience together, but fate is a most cruel and heartless bitch, a heartless bitch with a twisted sense of humor that has left me incredibly bitter, moreso as these last few days wore on.

There will be no young, not even talks of the possibility.

There will be no weekend getaways, not even a honeymoon that is customary after marriage.

There will be nodate nights, no romantic moments, no more intimate time spent just the two of us relishing in our bond and our love.

No holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries, all of which were meaningless and uncelebrated by me before and will only be painful reminders and despised moments moving forward.

We won't have any more firsts; first time traveling together, first time purchasing something big like a vehicle or a house for the two of us, no first anything that other mated couples get to share. We won't even get to experience the birth of my sister’s young together, experience the anxiety and joy that comes with it, the excitement over our ever growing family.

They will never know my mate, not in the flesh, and I fear they will only know her through stories their parents share with them because I cannot even begin to fathom attempting to tell them of how amazing and wonderful my darling girl is once she is gone from me.

I am too selfish to share one single memory, too devastated to relive those moments anywhere outside of my mind, so I will keep them close, keep them just for me without regard for the way in which it will affect anyone else.

These past five days I have become quite the bitter asshole, angry and more selfish than before, jealous to the point of fury as I watch the members of our clan carry on with their mates as if forever is something we all share.

I've tried to continue with life normally, tried to pretend for Frankie's sake that I am not completely heartbroken and filled with rage.

We move about our days as usual, follow our routine as always so no one is the wiser.

It's been incredibly difficult, extremely difficult to pretend as though my mate and I are living our best life, pretend we are just as happy and hopeful as the rest of the clan, ecstatic in our mated bliss and the endless possibilities it creates.

And while Frankie does make me happy, makes me fall more in love with her as each moment passes, I know those moments are fleeting, merely a countdown to the final moments before there are none left.

Which is why I've been edgy and tense, a bastard to everyone but her, and today everything has come to a head, because I know what the next few hours hold.