Page 11 of His Atonement

"I don't know, Al. That's... it's just a lot and I wouldn't want to burden you with putting up with me until I found my own place." Not to mention, it seems like too much effort when I'll be in the plot next to Granny sooner than later.

"Francis Mae Masters, you hush your mouth! You would not, could never, be a burden to me or my family. You know the girls love you, you and Andrej hit it off better than most, and his brothers will adore you as much as he does. You are welcome with open arms."

"Allie, I love you for offering, but I can't do that to you. You have two under two, Casey has a baby now, and Andrej told me about how his oldest brother is expecting twins. That's already a lot going on, especially with the ridiculous amount of other people living in that house. I'd just be in the way."

"That's bullshit, Frankie, and you know it. When was the last time you did something just for you?"

I blink down at my phone for a second and try to think. "I… I'm not sure."

"Exactly. So here's what you're gonna do." I can picture Allie sitting up a little straighter, that firm and fierce look on her face. "You're going to put that house and ridiculous boat of a car up for sale, call all the donation centers you can find and tell them to send people to pick up Granny's shit. Then Andrej and I will fly out a couple days before the funeral, help you pack up your stuff and anything else that needs it, load everything into a moving truck and as soon as Granny is resting peacefully next to Gramps, we're driving back to Ashland with you in tow, got it?"

"Allie… "

"Don't youAllieme. You need to do this, Frank. You've dedicated the last five years to taking care of Granny, sacrificed everything just so you could be there for her the way she was for us. It's time you start living life for you." Then Allie giggles. "Cora would say you need to grab life by the balls and make it your bitch, and I totally agree."

I smile and pick at the chip some more. "Sounds like Cora fits right in with you and the girls."

"She does, Frankie, and you will love her. She's a little scary right now because she's super pregnant, but Cora is a badass just like the rest of us." She sighs. "Please, Frankie? Please come to Ashland, stay with me and my family, be close to me and the girls. Do this for us, but goddamnit, do it for you too. You deserve to have the life you want, to finally live for you without worrying about someone else. Who knows, maybe moving up here is exactly what you need?"

I shrug even though she can't see it. "It's not like I've totally wasted my life, Al."

"No, but you can't let it pass you by either."

Maybe she's right.

Maybe I should sell everything, get rid of it all and move to Oregon to be with the only family I have left.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Maybe it'll be the motivation I need to try to enjoy these last few months before my amazing cousin is left planning my funeral.

And what kind of legacy will I leave behind if I stay?

The poor spinster lady that lived in her grandma's house after she died?

The crazy woman that became a total recluse and finally kicked the bucket only to be found by Jehovah's Witnesses months later?

I don't want that.

I'm not going to have kids or a family like Allie does, but that doesn’t mean I can’t leavesomethingpositive and beautiful behind. I can move to be closer to my family and make better memories for them to hold onto when I'm gone. That’s the least I can do for my family.

I don't want them to remember me as anything other than strong, and resilient; someone who loved life to the fullest. I want Allie to be able to tell her daughters that their Auntie Kiki did grab life by the balls and make it her bitch.

And I know exactly how I'm going to do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

"Ok."

"Ok?" Allie questions skeptically.

I nod, totally resolved and not giving a damn she can't see me. "Ok. I'll list the house tomorrow, the Buick too, and I'll start going through Granny's shit. How soon can you and Andrej come back out?"

"Oh, Frank, we can be there yesterday if you need us to."