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twenty-three

Penelope

“ W hy am I so nervous?” I ask Miles as I pace the kitchen. “I mean, he’s going to be happy about this.”

He stands and holds my shoulders. “Are you happy about this?”

“I’ll be happy to stop having you sneak out of my bed each night. Not that I think having sleepovers right away is a good idea, but we don’t have to hide it.”

Miles moves his hands up and brushes my cheek with his thumb. “I want to be with you, Penelope. Not just sex, which is fantastic by the way, but I want to be with you. Dinners, movies, more golf, even though I suck. I want it all. However, I told you that I’ll wait until you’re ready. If you don’t want to tell Kai, we don’t have to.”

My fingers wrap around his wrist. “I do want to tell him. He loves you, it’s not that, it’s just ... it’ll be so official.”

“Yes, it will.”

And that is really freaking scary.

For the last three weeks, we’ve spent each night together. We lie together, talk about our day, make love, and then he leaves before the morning. It’s been ... incredible.

He’s tried in the last week to get me to go out publicly with him. To be more than just sneaking around. But before I can agree to anything more than what we’ve been doing, I want to talk to Kai.

“I’m ready to talk to Kai, and then we go slowly with this, okay? I’m still not sure this is a great idea. ”

His boyish grin makes my chest tighten. “It is definitely a good idea if I get to stop passing coffee cup notes and I can walk into the store and kiss you. It’s a good idea if I don’t have to pretend that each time I look at you, I don’t want you more than the air I breathe. It’s a good idea if I can take you and Kai to dinner, talk about everything we do when we’re hiding in your bed. Not that I want that part to stop.”

I laugh. “I bet you don’t.”

“Do you?”

“Not even a little.”

“See, good ideas everywhere.”

I let out a deep breath and nod. “You’re right. I know it’s time, especially because your free time is getting less and less.”

School started two weeks ago, and it’s been better than I could’ve hoped for regarding Kai. Meeting Ethan in the hockey clinic was the best thing that ever happened. Ethan really does know everyone, and Kai walked in on day one being welcomed into the group.

In his last school, he didn’t have anyone. He ate alone, and I cried all the time.

Not this time. He’s truly fitting in, and so am I.

However, with school starting, Miles has been really busy, and it’s getting only worse as more and more after-school functions and issues keep arising.

Miles grins. “All of this will be good. Now that you’re really only working during school hours, and Kai goes to my sister’s on the days you’re late, we will have the evenings, not just the nights.”

I nod. Hazel adjusted my schedule so I can take Kai and Ethan to school each morning, and I work a little past when school is out. Eloise has been amazing and keeps Kai until I’m home the three days a week I work. Which is only really an hour.

“We’ll talk to Kai, see how he feels, and then we can go from there. If he’s reluctant or struggles with it ...” I trail off, because he comes first, and I want to ease him into it.

“We’ll see how he takes it. I promise we’ll go as slow as he needs.”

I roll my eyes because the reality is, we know he’s going to be over the moon. He loves Miles and thinks he’s the coolest guy ever. They went ice-skating yesterday with Ethan because Miles said he missed having pucks hit at his balls.

“Kai is going to be elated, and I’m going to have to rein his eagerness in to have you here all the time,” I say with exasperation. “He thinks you’re sooooo amazing. He’s probably going to ask you to move in!”

Maybe that’s what I’m really worried about. That Kai’s attachment will be a heartbreak I’ve managed to keep him from until now. There hasn’t been anyone who has been a good male role model, other than my brother, in his life.

Miles is the first.

“I’d rather you guys move in with me,” he jokes. At least I hope he is.

Not wanting to risk saying something stupid, I turn and look out the window.

“Hey,” Miles says as he wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me against his chest. “What are you truly worried about?”

I sigh, looking up at him. “I don’t want anyone to be hurt, that’s all.”

He kisses my nose. “Then we make sure no one does. If this doesn’t work out, we’ll be civil and I’ll never treat Kai differently.”

“And that’s why, even as nervous as I am, I’m ready to tell him. Plus, I really worry he’s going to see your truck one morning and we’re going to have to explain then. At least this is on our terms.”

Sometimes he leaves when it’s still dark. Other times we fall asleep and are woken by the alarm, and then he’s sneaking out the window or hiding in my closet until we leave for the day. It’s really becoming difficult since I want him to stay. I’m the one who moans and grumbles when he gets out of bed.

Miles squeezes me tight. “I’ll follow your lead. If you want to tell him and it feels right, we will. If not, we wait.”

Going public is a big step, but telling Kai and our friends feels like it’s the right thing. Especially since it’s becoming sort of obvious. We have his tournament in a few hours, so it’ll be like ripping the Band-Aid off, that’s for sure.

Eloise’s car pulls up and Kai rushes out, waving to them as he heads toward the door .

Here we go.

“Mom!” Kai yells as he bursts inside.

“Hi, babe. How was school and hanging out at Ethan’s?”

“It was great. I got to help the teacher, and then at lunch, we played freeze tag.”

I smile. “That’s great.”

Miles comes around. “Hey, little man!”

“Coach Miles!” He rushes to him, and Miles gives him a hug.

“Glad you had fun today. Freeze tag was my favorite,” Miles tells him.

“Is Coach staying for dinner?”

I straighten myself, preparing to try to remember the speech I planned. “We’re going to have dinner and then go to Miles’s tournament today, but first, we’d like to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay,” he says hesitantly.

Miles breaks the tension by lifting him up and carrying him sideways. Kai laughs and then Miles tosses him on the couch.

“All right, we have questions, or your mother does.”

I exhale. “Would you be cool if Miles spent some more time with us?”

“Duh, Mom.”

Right. I knew that one would be easy. “Okay, well, what if Miles and I were to be a ... couple?”

“Like, what?”

I glance at Miles, who is grinning at me. “Like, we have dates and maybe Miles will have dinner a lot more and we’ll go to his house so he can cook too. We’ll be ... dating.”

I’m really freaking bad at this, but I’ve had zero practice, so this is the best I got.

“So you’ll be boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Yes,” I say quickly.

He shrugs. “That’s cool.” Then he turns to Miles. “I got new Legos from Uncle Quinn. Do you want to help?”

“I’d love to.” Miles gets up, winks at me, and when Kai is already in his room, he says, “Now you’re all out of reasons.”

I laugh. “Go build Legos and I’m going to get ready for our next hurdle. ”

Going to the tournament and admitting it to our friends.

“They’re all looking at us,” I say under my breath as we’re walking into his Ultimate Frisbee tournament, holding hands.

Miles grins. “Because you’re so beautiful.”

Or it could be the fact that we’re out, together, as a couple for the first time in Ember Falls. All our friends knew what was happening, so there was no reason to hide it once Kai was on board.

“I don’t think that’s why Everett has a shit-eating grin.”

“Probably not, but I’ll make sure to get retribution for you if you want,” he offers.

I think about how much shit Everett gives me on a daily basis coming into the coffee shop and nod once. “I wouldn’t mind it.”

Miles kisses my temple. “Consider it done.”

I glance down at Kai, who is smiling so big as he sees us share a sweet moment.

“Kai, Ethan and Briggs are waving at you.”

“Can I go play?”

I nod. “Just stay where I can see you, please.”

He’s running and yells back to me: “Okay, Mom!”

Miles places his hand on the small of my back and then pinches my ass. “Hey!”

“What?”

I grin. “You know what.”

“My hand slipped. Can’t help it.”

“Sure you can’t,” I chide.

We get close to the group and my anxiety spikes again. This isn’t nearly as important as the conversation we had with Kai, but a part of me wanted to keep this to ourselves. There was no pressure or worries about what people thought. We just enjoyed each other and had weeks of it just being ... us.

Ainsley is at the grill and turns to see us. “Hey, guys!”

“Ainsley, I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Miles says, and her eyes narrow. “This is my girlfriend, Penelope. You can call her Penny. She likes that name. She doesn’t like Pen, says it’s stupid. I don’t know, she’s got weird quirks. Anyway, she’s going to be around more, and I know you’re the nicest out of this group.”

Ainsley is smiling so big her cheeks look like they’re going to crack. “So it’s official?”

“It’s official,” I say, smacking Miles in the stomach.

She rushes forward, pulling me into a hug. “I’m so happy. He’s a great guy.”

“I know, I’m happy too.”

And terrified, but I keep that part to myself.