Page 20

twenty

Penelope

I can’t believe I just said that.

Oh my God.

I told him I wanted to do him.

I mean, I do. I really do.

Especially after tonight.

He cares about me, truly cares. He showed up during the storm, took us in without questions. He bought me a freaking tree because he wants me to put down roots. He’s made me laugh, smile, and given me a safe place in all the chaos that is my life. When I don’t see him for a few days, I miss him. When I am around him, I don’t want to leave.

Each day he’s made me fall harder and harder and ... I like him. I trust him, and even if I can’t keep him, we can have each other for a little while.

No other man would ever end the dinner early, take it to go, eat in the car outside my house because I was worried. Then, on top of that, bring Kai on the rest of the date.

Tonight was ... the very last brick I had in defense of caving.

The wall was already crumbling, and I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to.

“Say it again,” Miles urges, his lips hovering over mine.

“I want you.”

Before I can draw breath, he kisses me, a low groan reverberating from his chest. Our lips meld together before the kiss deepens. His hands move to my back, holding me tight against his body, and I hold on to him.

My back is suddenly against the wall, and the contrast to the heat of his body and the coolness of the wall is so striking I can’t help but shiver. His tongue slides against mine, and I drink him in. He kisses me as though I’m giving him air, and it feels as though he’s robbing all of mine.

I want this so much.

I want him to make me feel again.

To show me another way where it’s not a game and I’m just a chess piece.

His hands drift lower, cupping my ass, but he breaks the kiss. “We don’t have to do anything more than this if you’re not ready,” he says, breathless.

One more brick falls.

I don’t say anything. I just take his hand in mine, leading him toward my bedroom.

Once we’re inside, I step toward the bed, feeling nerves hit me like a freight train.

He looks around a little, taking in the plain space that could be anyone’s. I’ve never found the need for decorations, since I always have to leave them behind.

Like I will have to do with him.

I immediately push away those thoughts, focusing on living in the moment. For once. To have this night with him and however many I can have.

“Miles?” I bring his attention to me.

“Yes?”

“Do you want this?” I ask hesitantly, because maybe I’m misreading the situation. Maybe he doesn’t want me and I’m imagining things.

He takes four long strides before he’s in front of me, his green eyes intensely locked on mine. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. I think about you all the time. I took up drinking coffee just because I needed to be around you. Do I want you and this? I want it all. Everything you’ll give me. So never question if I want you, Penelope. I do and always will.”

My heart is pounding, and I force myself to breathe. “Why do you say things like this? Why are you so intent on making me fall for you?”

Miles smiles and brushes the hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “I’m just telling you the truth, sweetheart. Don’t fly away from me tonight.”

I don’t think I can take any more of his truth.

Surprise fills me when I register what he said. “What do you mean?”

He smiles. “You like to sit and watch, but when someone gets too close or you feel threatened, you take flight.”

God, if he only knew how close to the truth he was. My vision becomes blurry as my eyes fill with tears. “I don’t want to fly away. I want to give you all I can.”

The slide of his thumb against my cheek is like a feather’s caress. I feel it, but it’s delicate and won’t harm me.

“Then stay here with me. Let me show you that I won’t hurt you. Trust me to give you everything you need, but you need to tell me what you want.” His voice is rough as he moves his hand down to my neck.

“I want you to touch me.”

“Where? You have to be specific, beautiful.”

His fingers move across my collarbone.

“I’ve never been in charge before, and I don’t know how to do this.” I’m not one of those women who can just ... say what they want.

My wants and needs were always irrelevant in the past. But with Miles, it’s never been the case.

“I’m at your mercy. You will always have control when you’re with me. I’ll always ask if you’re okay with something.” The truth in his eyes is so clear.

“And if I need to stop?”

“We stop. I may need a cold shower, but you say the word and it ends.”

I brush my thumb across his lips. “I feel ... embarrassed. ”

He gently nips the pad of my thumb. “Never be ashamed or embarrassed with me, sweetheart. All I want is to give you pleasure.”

I gather up the courage I have and channel the courage to say it. “I want you to touch my breasts.”

“Good choice.” His grin is sexy, and his eyes burn even hotter.

Those warm hands move down my arms, and then he lifts them over my head. Slowly the soft fabric of my top slides against my skin and is over my head. He tosses it to the side, and I shiver.

Miles looks at me, and there is so much desire in his eyes, I could melt. He moves his hands down my arms, placing them at my sides before he glides them from my stomach to my breasts.

My breath hitches as he just skims the outline of my bra.

His deep voice is rough and husky. “You have no idea how many times I’ve pictured this exact moment.”

I look up at him as he undoes my clasp. Then he hooks his finger on my bra strap. Ever so slowly, he slides it down, and then it falls between us.

His eyes are on mine for a heartbeat, as though he’s searching for permission, so I nod.

“My imagination wasn’t even close to the perfection that you are.”

“Touch me,” I plead. I need to feel him, to know that this isn’t a dream.

The last time a man touched me, it was to inflict pain, and I want that gone. I want him to replace everything in my past, by giving me this now.

He does. His hands cup my breasts, and he rubs his thumb across my nipple. “Do you like that?”

“Yes,” I manage to whisper.

“Where else do you want me to touch you?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I tell him the truth. “Everywhere.”

He squats down just a little, his hands hooking under my thighs, and then I’m being carried around to the side of the bed. Instinctively my legs wrap around his hips, and I hold on. I run my fingers through his thick, brown hair and then bring my lips to his.

He’s like a drug, and I want to be intoxicated all night long .

He lays me down on the bed and tears his shirt off.

Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t think he was going to be hot, because ... he already was.

What I wasn’t prepared for was this.

Thick muscles and a six-pack you could do laundry on. Over his chest and up his shoulder is a marine’s emblem tattoo that is covering raised skin. I know what that scar is. My brother has a similar one.

He was shot.

As much as I want to ask, I won’t. While I would gladly take his secrets, it’s not fair to not offer him mine.

True intimacy is exposing yourself for another. To give your heart, soul, and secrets because you know you’re able to be open with that person, but I can’t give my secrets away. No matter how much Miles makes me feel safe, we aren’t. I have to protect myself and my son.

He climbs onto the bed, hovering over me. His mouth finds mine, and I pour my emotions into it.

Everything I can’t say but want him to feel.

When he breaks away, his tongue traces the contour of my neck, then down the center of my breasts before he finds one nipple, licking around it and then taking it in his mouth.

I moan when his teeth just gently bite down on my nipple. “Oh God.”

I can feel his grin against my skin.

Then he moves lower, kissing all the way down as he goes.

He undoes the button of my jeans, then leans up, hooking his fingers and pulling them and my panties down. I lift my hips to help, and then I’m bare to him.

Completely naked and at his mercy.

“You’re so beautiful, Penelope.” I feel beautiful when he looks at me. “Now, you said you wanted me to touch you everywhere. Do you want that still, sweetheart?”

“Yes.”

He grins at my immediate reply. His fingers move to my clit, and he puts just a small amount of pressure there. “You’re so wet.” He slides up and down my seam before pushing a finger inside. “So tight.”

“It’s been a long time,” I confess. My heart pounds as I stretch, trying to open myself to him.

“Well, I better make sure you’re ready.” He continues to pump his finger in and out before adding another. There is a tight pressure, but it feels so good.

“Miles?” He looks up at me. “Take off your clothes, please.”

“That’s a request I’ll happily comply with.” He pulls out of my body and I feel the loss, the desire for more. To be full—with him.

He climbs off the bed and I sit up on my elbows—watching. I love that he doesn’t look away from me. We watch each other as he moves his hand to his pants, unbuttoning and then sliding his jeans off.

I wait for the next item to go, but he stays put.

“You’re forgetting something,” I say with a smirk.

Miles is at the end of the bed a second later, and his fingers wrap around my ankles, pulling me to the edge. I gasp in surprise, and then his hands are framing my face. “I want you to do it. I need to know this is happening and you want this.”

I’m pretty sure I’ve been clear about that, but I want to touch him too. “Okay.”

With shaking hands, I inhale and then pull his boxer briefs down. His erection springs free, and he pulls my chin up and his green eyes are like glass. I can see through him, see the desire and the hope that lies just beneath the surface.

“If you don’t like something or want to stop, just tell me,” he says carefully.

“I don’t want to stop.”

Then he drops to his knees. “Lie back and open for me.”

“You don’t have to.”

Miles grins. “Oh, I want to. I want it more than drawing my next breath. I want to taste you, and have you fall apart on my tongue. You’ll come for me, and then I’m going to do it again. Lie back, sweetheart. Let me make you feel good.”

It sounds like a freight train in my head as my pulse races faster, but I lie back as instructed. This wasn’t something my ex ever did, even though he demanded I do it to him.

I’m not sure how to be with someone who is this giving .

Miles pushes my legs farther apart and hovers there. His warm breath is against my core, and I’m shaking with both anticipation and fear.

“I want to see your eyes, Penny. I want you to watch me worship you.”

“I can’t,” I confess. It’s too much. I can’t watch him do it.

“You can. Push up on your elbows and keep your eyes on me.”

His voice is like sandpaper against wood. It’s rough and scratchy, but smooth at the end.

My stomach drops, but I do it. I lean up on my elbows and meet his gaze. “Good girl.”

Why does that cause my entire body to tighten?

Without averting his gaze from mine, Miles leans down and makes a long swipe against my core.

“Oh God,” I pant as the warmth from his tongue is felt throughout my entire body.

I watch him pleasure me. Licking, sucking, flicking his tongue, all while keeping our gazes locked. My climax is growing at lightning speed, and I’m running in the wind, everything spinning around me.

It’s so much. Too much and yet not enough.

My head falls back, unable to watch him any longer as it mounts, ready to push me over the edge, but he stops.

I gasp and meet his gaze.

“Watch,” he commands before I protest.

“Please don’t stop,” I beg.

His mouth is instantly back on me the moment my eyes meet his. His ministrations resume, his tongue swirling and adjusting the pressure. Then he starts to flick it and I’m moaning, gripping the sheets. “It’s too much. I can’t ... I need to ... please, please.”

My words aren’t even coherent, but I’m losing my sanity.

He doesn’t stop, and I use all my control to keep watching because, dear lord, if he stops now, I might just die.

Then he moans against me and I fall apart.

I bite down hard on my lip, knowing I have to control myself, but being so out of it at the same time. My fingernails will probably puncture the sheets with how hard I’m gripping them, but Miles keeps going, relentlessly, as wave after wave of pleasure washes over me.

When my muscles finally relax, he stops and climbs up on the bed beside me, and the tip of his finger slides against the valley between my breasts. “You falling apart like that was the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m a disheveled mess.”

He shakes his head. “You’re gorgeous, all flushed and perfect.”

I roll onto my side and bring my hand to his chest. “We’re not done yet.”

“No, sweetheart, we’re not. We’re just getting started.”

“I want to touch you.” I push at his chest, rolling him onto his back, and he goes willingly. I run my hands down his abs, watching how the muscles ripple at my touch. “You keep telling me that I’m perfect, and then I look at you.”

He really is a masterpiece. All muscle and power that lies underneath a heart of gold. How the hell this man is single, I’ll never understand. Miles is the kind of man women dream of. He’s smart, funny, caring, and he looks like this.

“I’m glad you like what you see.”

I grin. “I do, very much.” I slide my hand lower. “Show me how you like it.”

I wrap my hand around his dick, and his hand covers mine. “Just like this.”

We move our hands up and down slowly at first. Then he tightens my grip and goes faster.

His other hand snakes up, gripping the back of my neck and pulling me close to him so our foreheads are touching.

I keep going, and when his hand falls away, I stop.

He releases my neck so I can pull back and look at him. “Did I do something?”

“Yeah, you are too good at this. But I want to be inside of you when I come, and if we kept that up, it wasn’t going to happen.”

I reach over to the bedside drawer. Hazel was being funny by bringing me condoms, but I’m eternally grateful for that.

“You’re sure?” He takes it from me.

“Absolutely sure. ”

And I realize that I really am. I’m not convincing myself of anything or coming up with excuses. I trust him. He’s shown me over and over again that I can. He won’t hurt me.

I don’t even think he would be capable of it.

Miles slides the condom on, and then I straddle his hips. If I thought he wanted me before, this is a need.

“Penelope.” He says my name on a whisper, a plea, a ray of hope, and I drink it in.

“I’m going to need to go slow,” I warn him. I haven’t been with a man since Kai was born.

“I won’t move,” he promises.

He positions himself at my entrance, and I slowly sink down. I can take him in only small amounts, and his hands are on my hips, holding me steady.

“God, you feel so good,” he says through gritted teeth. “So fucking hot. So fucking mine.”

I slide up a little and take him deeper this time. He’s not small, and it takes me a few seconds each time to adjust to his size.

He makes a strange noise and I stop moving. “I’m sorry,” I say, staring down at him.

“Dear God, you have nothing to be sorry for. If all we had was this, I’d die a happy man.”

“I’m not hurting you?”

“No, the opposite. You feel so perfect wrapped around my cock.”

I push deeper this time, taking much more than before, and even though it’s a little painful, it’s worth it. One more rock and then I sink all the way down. Our bodies are fully connected, and I don’t move, allowing myself a moment.

He leans up so our faces are close.

“Miles” is all I can manage to say.

My heart and head are a mess. Everything about this feels so right and it hurts. Not physically, but in my soul. Something inside me has been broken for so long, and right now it doesn’t feel broken.

I feel whole.

Complete.

His .

And then he rolls me onto my back, staring down at me, and begins to move, making love to me without saying another word.