Page 21 of Here and Now (Ember Falls #2)

twenty-one

Miles

W e’re lying here, Penelope in my arms, without speaking.

Since she said my name, we haven’t said another word, and I don’t think either of us has been ready.

My hands roam up and down her back, and I kiss the top of her head. “Are you okay?”

Her head tilts and she looks up at me. “I’m ... beyond okay.”

Thank God. I worried that there would be regret after—not on my part, but hers.

I sift my fingers through her hair. “Are you sore?”

She mentioned it had been a long time, and I don’t want her to be in pain. Penelope shifts, lying on her stomach, hand on my chest. “A little.”

“Come on,” I say, pulling her up with me. I take her hand, leading her into the en suite bathroom. “Sit there.”

She sits on the edge of the tub, and I turn the water on. “What are you doing?” she asks with a little giggle.

“Taking care of you.” Once it’s warmed up enough, I put the plug in the drain. “Do you have bath oil or any of that stuff?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t, but I have Epsom salt under the cabinet.”

“Okay, well, that’ll do.” I open the door, grab the bag, and toss a handful in. “Here.” I take her hand .

I help her over the ledge, and she slowly sinks down and then scoots forward. “Aren’t you coming in with me?” Penelope asks.

I grin and climb in behind her. My arms wrap around her, pulling her to my chest.

I kick the faucet off with my foot, and then we lie here, the warm water soothing, but it’s her that really gives me peace.

Tonight didn’t go the way I planned, not a single thing, and yet it was the best damn night of my life. Dinner in the car was great, golfing with Kai was fun, and then ... well, the rest was fucking perfect.

She was perfect.

Her long sigh fills the silence of the room, and then her head lolls to the side as she relaxes further into me. I cup the water, dragging it over the two of us so we don’t get cold as she just rests.

“This feels good,” Penelope says softly. “I don’t want this night to end.”

I grin, even though she can’t see it. “It’s not over yet, sweetheart. Just let me take care of you tonight. Here, sit up.”

She does and I bring my hands up to her shoulders, gently rubbing them and then her neck, down her back, and up again.

“Your hands are magic.”

“Just my hands?” I joke and she laughs.

“I think you have several magical appendages.”

“Which is your favorite?”

Penelope shakes her head and then moans when I find a knot where her neck meets her shoulder. “Right now, your hands,” she admits as I continue to work to get it to release.

“I’ll be sure to work at getting another part to become your favorite.”

There’s this little massage-looking thing on the corner so I grab it. Strange it has points rather than circles, but . . . I don’t know, girls are strange. I grip it against my palm and start to rub her back.

“What is that?” she asks as she leans forward.

“I don’t know, it’s yours.”

I show her it over her shoulder and she bursts out laughing. “That’s a scalp massager.”

“A what?”

“It’s for your scalp. Here, give it to me. ”

I hand it to her and she holds it the way I was, but makes small circles, moving it around her head.

I can do that.

“Let me.”

Penelope gives it back and I start to do what she did. She lets out a low hum from her chest and I keep doing it. Seems girls like this. Okay then. Good to know.

I keep going and my other hand goes for the knot in her neck. Penelope is limp and compliant in my hands. I could keep her like this all day.

However, the water is cool and I’m pretty sure my ass is asleep so I put the massager down and help her out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel and rubbing her arms.

She lifts up on her toes and gives me a kiss, my heart swelling at her touch. When she drops back down, her blue eyes stare into mine, and the sincerity of her words takes my breath away. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

I bring my hand to her face, rubbing her soft cheek with my thumb. “Always.”

We’re in bed with her head in the crook of my shoulder, and her fingers move to the tattoo over my right shoulder. She rubs the puckered skin, reminding me of a time I’ve tried to forget.

She doesn’t ask, but I offer up the explanation, wanting to be close with her, to know my faults as well, share a true intimacy with her.

“It was during a deployment. Doug and I were part of a recon unit. Our job was simple, get in, get out, and don’t get caught.” My memories come back as though I’m watching it happen in real time.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she says quickly.

I want to give her parts of me so she might give me something of hers.

“I was lead of the team, and it was three of us who were going for a routine scout. I had a weird feeling, you know? Like something wasn’t right in the air. ”

I look at her and she nods. “Quinn calls it his Spidey senses. They go off and he knows something bad is coming.”

“A lot of us have it. Mine was flashing red lights, but I figured it was nerves or something because we were going to an area where something happened two days before. We had a source tell us the people we were looking for were at that location.”

Doug didn’t trust the source, but I did. It was my call, and I walked us into hell. I needed to believe it because we had a job to do and there were so many people’s lives in our hands. That information was vital.

Penelope’s crystal-blue eyes fill with unshed tears. “I have a feeling I know how this goes.”

“We were being followed and none of us caught it. I’m trained to catch it. To know when the hunter is being hunted. Being a part of the recon team meant having good instincts.”

She rubs her finger against the puckered skin. Then she leans in and presses her lips to it. “You survived and you’re here.”

“Barely.”

It was the worst few days of my life. No one would tell me what happened to everyone else. Doug and Billy carried me out, but I didn’t know if they were hit as well.

I was lying in that hospital bed, my skin crawling because I was so sure I was going to die there. Everyone dies in the hospital—I needed to leave, but they wouldn’t let me.

I recall the way it felt, the fire burning through my shoulder as though someone was holding a match and wouldn’t move it. The pain was unbearable, but it was nothing compared to the fear that my friends were killed.

“I remember the instant before,” I confess. “I was scanning the area again because that feeling just wouldn’t ebb, and I saw the muzzle. I acted on pure instinct. He was going to have a head shot on Doug. It was lined up perfectly. I threw him down, and I felt the bullet before the sound registered.”

“You saved his life.” The reverence in her voice is too much and undeserved.

“I walked him into it, Penelope. I made the choice and he could’ve died. That doesn’t make me a hero or noble. It means I was wrong and we were lucky.”

She purses her lips. “You sound so much like my brother when he talks about certain missions. He had a lot of trauma, and most of the time he pretends it didn’t happen. However, I can’t imagine that Doug or Billy ever blamed you.”

“They say they don’t.”

Her fingers go back to the hollow at the base of my throat. “And you don’t believe them?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know that I deserve their absolution.”

She scoots up so we’re face-to-face on the pillow. “Absolution isn’t yours to decide to grant. It’s theirs, and if they’ve given it to you, accept it. It’s as much a gift to the giver as the receiver. I think it’s part of healing. If they carry that anger, that fear and rage, then they weigh themselves down. I used to think that forgiveness was a weakness. That if I forgave someone who hurt me, then I was stupid, but I think it’s the opposite. It’s the unwillingness to have hate fill you. I also think there is a difference between forgiveness or absolution and acceptance.”

I kiss her forehead, breathing in her warm jasmine-and-rose scent and holding her so tight I’m not sure I want to ever let go.

I have never felt this much for anyone this fast. I’ve loved before, when I was in college, but as soon as I left for the military, we were done. It hurt, I was pissed, and then I got over it real fast.

This is completely different. I would’ve laughed at anyone who said you can fall in love with someone you know very little about other than surface level, that you’ve known for only a few months, but here I am, making a liar out of myself.

I stare down at her, hating the walls she’s erected and knowing someone or something caused her to put them up.

I brush her cheek with my thumb. “Who hurt you, Penelope? Who made you so afraid to let me in?”

She looks away, and it’s as though those blue eyes that were so open a minute ago have the shutters going down.

I lift her chin back up, waiting for her to open her eyes to me.

Slowly, her lashes flutter and her blue eyes are guarded. “There are things I can’t give you, Miles. My past is one of them. And it’s not because I don’t want to tell you or that I don’t trust you, but it’s to protect Kai. I have to protect him, and allowing anyone ... I just can’t. It’s better the less you know.”

My primal urge is to fight. Whoever did this to her made her afraid and secretive. I’d like to kill them. To destroy them for ever hurting her. All those emotions rage inside me, but I know that violence and my unchecked masculine pride aren’t what she needs.

I brush my finger against her cheek and keep my voice even. “Then I’ll wait.”

“Wait?” she asks.

I nod slowly and pull her closer, wanting to shelter her in my embrace. “I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me, but just know that if you ever need me, despite whatever happens between us, I’ll be here. I will never let anyone hurt you or Kai. Do you promise you’ll call me if you’re in trouble?”

“If it ever comes to that, I’ll call,” she promises.

I let that be enough for now and then shift onto my back, pulling her to my chest so I can hold her. “Sleep, Penelope, I’ll make sure nothing hurts you.”

The sun is just starting to rise, and Penny has slept soundly all night. On the other hand, I stared at the ceiling, thinking about everything that happened. Talking about that mission feels as though an old wound has been reopened.

Then I thought about what she said, and what could be haunting her. All my training kicked back in as I did a mental sweep of her house. Door locks, windows, entry points—I had to make sure there were ways out and a plan.

One niggling thing is her brother. He was a SEAL, and I would guarantee that he’s behind her living here and her protection. I need to find a way to reach him and give him my word that I will do anything she needs to protect her.

I rub her bare back, sliding up and down the vertebrae, and she snuggles deeper. I could do this every day, wake up like this, her in my arms after I make her come over and over again .

However, we’re not there, and I need to leave before Kai wakes up.

“Penny,” I say her name softly. She wakes with a jolt, sitting straight up. The fear in her eyes has me lifting my hands. “It’s just me.”

Her chest is heaving and she works to calm herself. “Sorry. I just ... waking up. I didn’t ...”

“It’s okay, but it’s almost morning and I have no idea what time Kai wakes up.”

Those blue eyes go wide and she looks at the clock. “Oh my God! I have to be at work in thirty minutes. Shit. Kai’s alarm will go off any second. You have to get dressed.”

The two of us throw the covers back and are out of the bed. I find my shirt on her side of the bed, and when I turn to find my other clothes, I see her standing there, biting the tip of her thumb, staring.

I grin. “As much as I’d love to let you ogle me—and I definitely like you naked standing there—you need to get dressed before?—”

“Mom!”

Her hand covers her mouth, and she runs to her door, turning the lock. “Give me a minute!”

He jiggles the handle and she stares at it, waiting to make sure it doesn’t open, then turns to me. “Get dressed,” she whispers aggressively.

“I’m trying,” I say back as quietly as I can.

“Mom, why is the door locked?” Kai asks from the hallway. “Can I come in now?”

“No, Kai, I’ll be out in a few minutes. Go get yourself some cereal before we have to leave for Prose & Perk.”

I’m pulling my pants on and she’s waving her hands at me like I need to hurry up. I’m doing the best I can without making noise. “Now what?” I ask.

She looks around the room like she didn’t think about anything past getting me dressed. “I don’t know. Can you hide and then we’ll leave right away?”

I raise one brow. “My truck is in the driveway, blocking you in.”

“Oh God! I hope he doesn’t see. ”

I let out a soft chuckle and then sigh. “I’ll go out the window once you’re in the kitchen.”

Thankfully, her bedroom faces the front of the house.

“You’re not going to fit.”

“I’ll fit. I’ve climbed through much smaller places.”

She walks to me, placing her hands on my chest. “Will you come back tonight?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Penelope nods and then lifts up on her toes, pressing her lips to mine. “I’ll see you tonight.”

She slips out of the room, careful to not open her door too much. I stand here for a second, until I hear her voice and Kai’s walking away.

Then I slip out the window and count down the hours until I can see her again.

I’m exhausted.

I came home, showered, and drank two energy drinks. Then I went over the résumés to get another batch of interviews set up. We’re down to the last set that can even be qualified.

I’m just . . . spent.

I sent off the names to Mrs. Hendrix so she can get everyone scheduled for this week and start to make contingencies if I don’t have a teacher.

After writing down some ways I can shuffle staff around, I check my phone because it keeps vibrating on the table.

Lachlan

So, how did the date go? (Ainsley made me send this.)

Everett

I forgot ... it was the big night.

Lachlan

We should’ve driven by his house this morning to see if his truck was there.

Everett

He didn’t get that lucky.

Oh, but I did.

Killian

Who did Miles go out with?

Lachlan

Penny.

Killian

Wow, didn’t see that one coming. She’s way too good looking for him.

Everett

Agreed. Miles looks like ass most days.

Lachlan

He really does.

Killian

Do you think he’s purposely ignoring us?

Lachlan

Or he’s still sleeping . . .

I’m awake. I’m working. I know some of you aren’t familiar with that concept.

Lachlan

Yeah, being the fire chief is so fucking easy.

Everett

I own a very successful veterinary clinic as well as care for my mother, thank you very much.

Killian

I won’t dignify that with a response. I will, however, follow up to the first question that was asked. How did the date go?

It was great.

It was really fucking great.

Lachlan

I’m glad to hear it, man. I know you really like her.

Everett

Penny is a great girl. Don’t fuck it up or Hazel will kill you. She’s incredibly protective of her.

Lachlan

Which means she told you that she was off-limits.

Everett

Yup. After I screwed around with her cousin a few months ago, she’s unwilling to let me around anyone she likes.

Gee, I wonder why. And the last thing I want to do is fuck it up, thank you very much.

Killian

I wish you luck, my friend.

Thanks for the concern, everyone, but I’ve got this.

At least I hope I do.